Eight
Ben
The way she laughs, the way she teases, it excites me more than any high or fuck I’ve had. How can that even happen? Her small glances and little touches feel overwhelmingly natural. I like the way she distracts me from the things that hurt me most. My past. My pain. My struggles. Since she opened the door, I haven’t thought about anything but her.
“My mom’s name is Raydean, she was a nurse before her cancer, and my father is a cardiologist named Stanley.”
“They obviously like helping people too. I see where you get it.”
“What about you, Ben?”
I catch her meaning, but I play the fool. “What about me?”
“Who are you? Why music?”
Safe enough. That I can answer.
“I don’t know. I’ve always loved music; it’s been an escape for me for years. It’s my safe place.”
“Your religion—it’s your religion.” Profound. She is every bit as profound as I hoped she would be. Not only is she the most beautiful woman, but I’m completely stunned by her intelligence, her passion, her everything.
“You could say that.”
The pull happens immediately. There’s nothing I can do except stand and move toward her. Her body craves mine like mine does hers. We can sit here all night and try not to give in, but the air is thick with tension, and our bodies are calling out to one another.
She tenses under my gaze as I close in on her.
“B-Ben,” she stutters.
“What, Sadie?”
I cage her in, my hands sliding around her waist until I interlock them. Her skin is warm against mine; we are like magnets drawn by sensation.
“What are you doing?”
I lean close to her ear, my lips barely touching her. “I’m going to kiss you, Sadie.”
“Ben, that’s dangerous.” She quivers against me.
“What’s dangerous isn’t the kiss. What’s dangerous”—I stop for a second to bite her neck—“is that in less than a day you’ve made me feel something I’ve never felt in the twenty-two years of my life.”
“Ben,” she moans, turning quickly toward me.
She wraps her arms around my neck, and just like that my lips find hers. She tastes like something I have been craving but can’t quite place. Something that I can claim and not relinquish to anyone else. I grip her hips and place her on the counter, her face now level with mine.
“Sadie, what are you doing to me? I’m not going to be able to stop,” I moan, breaking contact. Her hands find my hair as I suck on her neck. This isn’t me, the whole talking thing—or even the getting-to-know-you part. I pick a woman and I fuck her without any intention of seeing her again, but Sadie makes me want to come back tomorrow, and the next day, and the next.
“Oh, Ben. I’m sorry.” I kiss her again, and she starts to move her hips in circles, looking for friction. “Sadie? What do you want?”
Licking the edge of her plump lips, I taste her, swallowing her down like a glass of water.
“I don’t know,” she cries as I swallow her words. I fucking know what she needs. Grabbing her wide hips, I slide her forward, and her core hits my growing cock. She yelps as I move her hips against me.
“What’s happening?” She throws her head back, and I look down at the raw and intimate act of her grinding against my jean-clad cock.
“What do you mean, angel?” Her head flies up, and her eyes lock on mine, her jaw lax and her crystal-blue orbs wide.
“What you’re doing. It feels . . . so good.” I stop. Wait a second, is she a complete virgin, as in she has zero experience?
“Sadie, has a man ever touched you, besides me?”
As she speeds up her hips, I feel my pre-come and her juices seeping through our clothes, and I groan, the smell of her arousal noticeable. Shit, it smells sweet.
“No. Ben, this is so bad. I have to stop, we need to . . . to . . . oh my!”
I match her rhythm, and she tries to drop her head back as she chases her orgasm, but I have other plans. With one hand, I catch her chin and tilt it up so her face is on me. “Look at me while I make you come, angel.”
She cries out, and her eyes flood, her orgasm taking over, her face flushed in the most stunning shade of pink. Sadie moans loudly. Wall-shakingly loud, and I almost come right there as if it were my first time.
“Ben, Ben, Ben!” Like a high E minor chord on a piano, she screams my name. I moan with her and watch her come down.
“Oh, beautiful. Feels good, doesn’t it?”
I moan as she shivers and spasms all over. I wait a second until we finally stop moving, and I kiss her face all over. Her lips, her cheek, up to her forehead, down to her ear.
“That was the most breathtaking thing I’ve ever seen,” I say.
I kiss down the column of her neck until her hoodie stops me. I would keep going, but the eerie silence brings my focus back to her. Sadie has tears rolling down her cheeks, and the guilt-ridden look she’s wearing makes my fucking stomach sink.
“What’s wrong?” I cradle her soft cheeks in my hands.
“I shouldn’t have done that with you. I don’t know what came over me.”
My chest tightens a bit. Does she regret it? Me? The harsh sting of that blow hits me.
“Talk to me, what do you mean?”
I cup her face so I can get us closer. I need us closer. My body needs her to feel that I want her.
“This isn’t like me, Ben. I don’t hook up with people I don’t know. I don’t hook up at all. I always thought I would save this until marriage, and I’m confused, very, very confused.”
She searches my face; her brows are drawn tight with worry. How do I make her see that while she is confused and going against what she believes, so am I? I’ve never wanted just one person, and now suddenly I do? Maybe that means this is something we should be chasing, a wrench in the works that will reset our direction.
“Me, too, Sadie. You make me want exclusively you. You make me crazy, and I just met you. This isn’t me either.”
“Then why are we doing this?” she pleads, her face contorted in torment.
“I don’t know.”
Truthfully, I am petrified. My head is pounding, and it feels like my heart is beating out of my chest. But I want this with her. I want to kiss her, touch her, claim her, and fucking keep her. But what does that mean?
“I want to tell you to fucking run, but I won’t. I have to have this. I have to keep tasting you. Touching you. Run. Do it.”
Giving her an out is the only option. I can’t be the one to turn away. Who am I kidding? I wouldn’t be able to if I tried. Her eyes search mine. The storms raging in them are beautiful but tragic, and for a moment, I think she might run. Perhaps she is much stronger than I am and will be able to resist whatever this is between us.
“I want to. I need to, but I can’t. I want to fear you, I want to push you away, but I can’t. I need you to run,” she chokes out.
“I won’t run. But I am telling you now there isn’t a world where I won’t fucking ruin you. Ruin you for every other person.”
“Ben,” she whimpers, this time leaning in and kissing me. I grab her neck and tighten my grip enough to control the kiss. It’s messy in the best way. She tastes good. So damn good. I want to bottle up her taste and keep it for myself. I moan against her mouth.
“I want to make you feel like that again. I want to drown in you, Sadie,” I say between our heavy breathing and lashing tongues.
“We can’t. I can’t. Shit. Mike.” I freeze, my back going stiff. Who the fuck is Mike?
“Mike?” I pull away, my hand still locked around her gorgeous neck.
“Yes, Mike, he’s my boyfriend. I think that’s what you would call it. Maybe he’s my boyfriend?”
I clench my jaw, my nose flares, and my eyes dilate to full black. Jealousy and rage. Those two feelings start to melt into one, and I want to snap. I tilt my head from side to side and crack my neck.
“You have a boyfriend?”
I’m not mad at her, but there’s no way another man is having something that I want. Something I need. I’m jealous that he has it and I don’t . . . yet.
“Yes. We don’t do things like what you and I did. We never even kissed properly. I don’t actually know what we are, but this is wrong. He’s going to think so little of me,” she whispers, and I shake my head, baffled. Moving my hands to her hips, I give them a squeeze.
“I don’t give a fuck about his feelings because I don’t care what he thinks about you after you leave him.” I tilt my head to the side. Sadie doesn’t react. “You are not going back to him, Sadie. You are crazy if you think I will let someone else have you.”
“Ben, we aren’t thinking straight. Can we pause? Take a beat?”
She tries to move, and my temperature rises. My anxiety is skyrocketing, and I don’t have anything on me to help calm me down. I left it back at my place. Stepping away from her, I pace back and forth, trying to self-soothe like my therapist says, but it’s not working. I knead at my neck and focus on my feet, trying to center myself. I need to calm down. I’m coming on strong, but I can’t help it. Sadie needs to know that this isn’t a fling, that she’s not a game I’m trying to win. She wants to push me away, and I don’t know how to tug her back in. That fucking pull that I have felt since I saw her. That invisible force that ties me to her.
“Please, don’t be upset. I shouldn’t have let it get this far. I am so sorry, Ben.”
Her voice breaks through it all. I abruptly stop pacing and turn my head to look at her. The tears streaming down her face and her shaking hands are all I need to see. We are a mess. Two forces that shouldn’t have clashed. I’m on her again, and I cradle her face.
“Taste me. Taste what’s yours. Give me you, Sadie. Fuck, give me you.”
She cries out and nods, leading with her body. Our mouths collide again, and we all but claw at one another to get closer. I couldn’t tear myself away from her taste if I tried. When I step back, she cries out, reaching for me, so I grab the waistband of her leggings. “Lift your hips for me, baby, just a little.” Gulping, she does, and I yank them down, thankful she has no panties on.
“Ben?” She calls my name, her eyes widening.
“Open your legs for me, angel.”
She hesitates for a moment, the war between the good girl and the one who wants to be pleasured. Her legs open, and my eyes look over her beautiful pussy. She has a light smattering of hair, and I can’t help but lean in and nip at her lips.
“Oh God!”
“Not God, baby, Ben. My name is fucking Ben.”
Her head lolls, and she leans back slightly. I take her feet and place them on my shoulders.
“Look at me while I eat you, angel. Watch your pleasure. Watch what we can do together,” I demand. She nods eagerly, and I move in slowly, making her wait desperately for my expert tongue and mouth to destroy her.
I kiss her clit, and she jolts forward. Fuck. She tastes better than I ever imagined. I lick from her center and up to her clit. Now resting on her elbows, she looks to where I am bent over her. Her eyes gloss over with lust, and she bites her lip. My focus never leaves her. As I kiss the top of her pubic bone then bite it, she moans through a giggle.
“Sadie, tonight you’re going to call that so-called, almost, whatever-the-fuck he is of yours and tell him that I fucking claimed you. I tasted your gorgeous pussy, and I made you come against my cock. You’re mine now, Sadie.” I drop my head on my last word and start to suck, lick, and nip at her. I can’t even believe I’m telling her the things I am.
“Ben . . .” She trails off, fighting hard to keep her eyes on me. With each stroke of my tongue, she shudders. Sadie is so fucking responsive. I have her ready and on the edge within minutes, and when she squirts against my tongue, my heart thunders painfully against my chest and a feeling of possession comes over me.
Tonight, I went against everything I thought I wanted. No commitment. Not one woman. And never to chase. I went against everything I stood for, and now—and now, I will not let her go. Mike lost her, and she is all fucking mine.