Ten
Ben
We make it to the lake before noon, and we are on the boat in less than thirty minutes. JJ, Jason, and Nick are waiting with a group of girls when we arrive. The weather is perfect: the sun is mostly out, only disappearing behind clouds for brief moments. The lake looks like a million crystals are dancing along it. Trees line the shoreline. I take a long breath in, enjoying the fresh scent. I love it here.
The women my bandmates brought eye Sadie up and down as if she’s in the way of getting to me. She is, and I make sure some part of me is always touching Sadie, ensuring it sends a message: I’m not interested.
Nick owns a decent size cruiser boat that comfortably sits twelve. The best part is the extra bit of space in the front. I plan to lay us under the sun and steal some alone time with Sadie in that very spot today.
“Sadie, this is JJ and Jason.” I introduce the guys, pointing to each one as I name them.
“Hello, gorgeous! You’re certifiably insane to be hanging out with this guy,” JJ says from his place across from her.
“You’re telling me. Nice to officially meet you, JJ. Sorry I ran out the other night,” she replies shyly, a blush suffusing the apples of her cheeks. Fuck, she’s cute.
“It’s all right, I would run away from him too,” Jason adds, taking a sip of his Corona.
“He should be on his hands and knees thanking you for hanging around,” Nick chimes in, and I shut them all up.
“Way to be good wingmen, guys.” I sit next to Sadie, putting my arm around her shoulders. She snuggles into me. It’s as if the spot was made for her.
“It’s our job to keep you humble.” Eric laughs, and I wave them off. I didn’t come here for them today. I came to be with Sadie.
Leaning into Sadie as the boat glides across the water, I bring my lips to her exposed neck. Leaving a light kiss there, I move my lips to her ear. “I love the way you smell.”
Turning to look up at me, she smirks. “It’s creepy that you are smelling me.” There is something refreshing about the way she isn’t afraid to be vulnerable one moment and sassy the next. She isn’t here to fuck me or climb some fame ladder. She’s here because something that goes against everything inside her is calling out to her. She’s curious—as am I. “Maybe I should be running.”
“I dare you,” I challenge her, placing a kiss in the crook of her neck.
“I can’t.”
“Good.” We stare at one another, my hand lightly caressing her shoulder. “I don’t know who I am anymore or where this will go, Sadie, but this is just the beginning. Hold on tight, angel.”
I see her physically take in what I’m saying. The boat is far enough out, and that’s my cue to end this conversation before it gets too real and she starts to think about it too much. Standing, I pull off her sunglasses and put them next to mine on the seat. Then I pick her up, and she squeals.
“Ben!” I walk us to the edge of the boat. “Don’t you dare—”
Whoosh . Into the water she goes. Everyone starts laughing, me included as I jump in right after her. Coming up for air seconds later, she splashes me with a cupped hand of water.
“You’re seriously such an ass! I didn’t even take my clothes off!” My hat floats next to me. Snatching it, I place it on my head and splash her back.
“You like it when I play? Come here, sexy.” I reach for her. She protests, shaking her head, and immediately I want to bite her pouty lip. “Oh come on, don’t be like that. You can’t stay mad at me, look at me. I’m fucking cute.” I wiggle my brows, and I see the slightest lift of her lips as she shakes her head in denial.
“Come on, gimme a kiss and let me make it up to you, sweet thing.” I wrap my arms around her waist, placing her round, thick ass in my hungry hands.
We may not be able to indulge in sex, but the way my hands need to feel her skin, that is something neither she nor I resists.
“No!” she yells. I squeeze her ass and bury my face in her slim neck, biting and dragging my scruff along her skin. “Ah! Okay!” She forfeits, wrapping her legs and arms around me.
“You got charmed the hell out of. Call it the Ben Cooper Effect,” I tell her, and she snorts.
Sadie looks back up to the boat for a split second, her face dripping, her blue eyes so damn large and innocent looking. I think about her getting off last night and how wet she was when she orgasmed for me. I swear I can still taste her on my lips and tongue.
“You really think so highly of yourself? I took a leap of faith today, Ben. I still don’t really understand what is happening. You have to show me that I can trust you to help walk me through this.”
We’re back to being serious, and I respect that. Usually, I would say we need to take this one day at a time, but what we have is so fragile, it’s more like taking it one minute at a time.
“What else do you like? Was there something about Mike that you liked enough to date him?” I can’t help but be overcome with jealousy. He had her, and I want to burn the hands of any man who ever put them on her.
“He was nice to me. I could trust him. Can I trust you?” She peers up at me.
I wait a moment before I answer. I don’t want to lie. I’m complex, and there isn’t always going to be an easy route with me.
“You can, but can I trust that you will be patient with me while I figure this all out?” Sadie and I are both new to this. But we can try. That is a start. Trying.
“One thing about me, Ben, is I always try to give the benefit of the doubt. I want to believe I am making the right choice, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy. Just because I trust you and you trust me, that isn’t grounds for us to mess up over and over again.”
“We both have a lot of work to do, then,” I admit. I’m new to relationships, and she is new to being with someone like me. How do we take this? Minute by fucking minute.
“Communication. That’s what I require. And don’t lie to me. Lying to me is the worst thing you could do,” she whispers, looking deep into my soul. I want to say I am not a liar, but I have never been in a place with a woman where I have had to lie.
“Okay. I can do that,” I promise her. Because I can. Even if that means I will have to unveil parts of me that only I have had to live with. I want her. And I don’t care what the cost is.
“Can I kiss you, baby?” I ask after a few moments. I needed a second in order to let that conversation sink in. Now I want to seal our fate with more of her.
“Yes.” She lets out a shaky breath. She’s as scared as me; it’s written all over her face.
“Sadie, I will have you as mine. I’ve never said yes to wanting someone, not a single person. But I want you. All of you. Exclusively. If you ever let anyone touch you like this . . .” I reach my hand under the water and between her legs, cupping her pussy. Gasping, she peers at the boat, making sure no one is paying attention. I don’t take my attention off her. I watch her lips gape a little, enough to lick the seam and taste the tip of her tongue.
“They can’t see us,” I assure her.
“G-good,” she stutters, looking back at me.
“We’re two days in, and I plan to make you more and more mine with each day that comes,” I declare, going in for her lips, stopping her from countering my remarks with a kiss to end all kisses. My tongue slides against hers, the taste of her flooding my system. I start rubbing her clit through the material of her bathing suit and shorts. Damn me for not letting her take them off before I threw her in.
Looking around, I make sure no one else has joined us. We are in the clear. We are hidden on the back side of the boat, just deep enough that the water clears her shoulders. I rub her clit faster as she begins to push down on me, her tongue messy against mine as the water from her hair falls between our lips.
“Ben. I want to come again, please,” she cries against my mouth, her breath hot. Sadie is eager for more, chasing something she has never experienced, and I am glad to oblige.
“You can’t make a sound. You fucking moan like you did last night and everyone will see you losing a piece of your innocence, and that’s not going to happen. That’s my innocence.” She nods, dropping her forehead against mine. We lock eyes, and I rub faster. She bites her lip, and I see a storm brewing in her eyes.
“What, baby?”
“Touch me there.”
“Where?” I want her to say it.
“You know.”
I shake my head, daring her to say what’s on the tip of her tongue. “Say it out loud.”
“Touch my—” She blushes, halting before she can get the word out.
“Pussy, you want me to touch your pussy, baby? You can say it; it’s not a bad thing.” She blushes even more and nods. Hesitating, she looks around; her face is flushed with arousal, and her eyes are dilated. I keep watching her, intrigued by the way she’s experiencing something so intimate in a setting where anyone could see us.
“Um . . . you can touch my . . . um, please touch my . . .” She’s flustered. Her cheeks turn a rosy shade, and her breathing hitches with trepidation.
“It’s okay, angel,” I reassure her, wanting her to be who she wants with me—a different breed of woman, unhinged and at the mercy of her own pleasure.
“Touch my pussy, please, Ben.” I snap and kiss her again, my hand leaving her. She cries out at the loss, and I kiss her harder, the water around us beginning to still. After I get enough of her taste for a few seconds, I pull away.
“Not here, not in a lake surrounded by people. Tonight, when I take you home, I will touch your beautiful body, and I will make it so damn good for you, angel.”
Maybe making her test her limits and delay her satisfaction isn’t the best idea. Revving her up just to pull my foot off the pedal at full speed before she has time to enjoy the ride may be the worst thing to do to an inexperienced driver. I try to explain it to her.
“I don’t respect everyone, but I respect you, and I won’t share you or any part of us with anyone. I want to get you home and make sure you are properly worshipped.”
“Okay.” She nods, her forehead rolling against mine, her body slowly becoming less tense.
“Okay. Now, let’s get out of our clothes. We’re going to lay out and enjoy my last day here.”
I’m leaving for two weeks tomorrow, and it’ll be the first time I’ll miss being away from home. It will give me something to look forward to for the first time in a long time.
* * *
We’re sunbathing on the deck of the boat. I have a beer in my hand, and I pull out the joint behind my ear and light it up. Sadie watches me curiously as I take a drag. The first hit of indica tastes thick and pungent, exactly how I like it.
“You do weed?” she questions, and I all but snort when she asks. Life hasn’t tainted her in the ways it has me.
“It’s not ‘do weed,’ it’s ‘smoke weed.’ I smoke weed.”
“Sorry.” She chuckles softly. “I’m not familiar with that kind of stuff. I sound like such an idiot.”
“You aren’t an idiot. I like that this lifestyle isn’t something you’re used to. I don’t want to see clean water poisoned.”
“Is that all you do?”
“I drink, and I dabble with some harder stuff.”
“Harder stuff?” She turns on her side, and her feet connect with mine, tangling together. Sadie may be curvy, but next to my tall, lean frame she looks incredibly delicate. Her hand finds my chest, and her wide blue eyes draw me in like the view of a setting sun.
“Sometimes, when the mood strikes.” I pause, not sure if she’s ready to know this part of me or if I’m ready to share it. What if it pushes her away? “I do coke.”
I watch her for any sign of rejection. Her lips stay in a firm, straight line. Her nose doesn’t tighten, but in her eyes, I notice it. Her brows draw in, and I see the familiar look of pity. She doesn’t know anything about me, yet she pities me. God, there is nothing I hate more than the idea of someone pitying me. I made my choices, and I do my best to not look back on them.
“I don’t know much, but cocaine is dangerous. I see many patients on that stuff, and they always come in from injuries they sustained while on it.”
“Nose candy will do that to you. That’s why I try not to do it too often.” I still haven’t told her about the fighting or my intermittent explosive disorder. I don’t want to jump the gun and push her away before I even get a fighting chance.
For a split second, I start to see my father and his descending fist coming down on my face—hell, I almost feel it. I hurry and take another long drag from my joint.
“Nose candy?” Sadie asks, bringing me back here.
Her short nails draw infinity symbols on my chest, and I look down at her. “That’s what they call cocaine.”
Determined not to let her press me for more information in case I tell her all about my dad, my anger disorder, and the side effects of my drinking, I take one last drag, exhale, and then holler up to Nick to come take the rest of it from me. I want to be coherent while I’m with my girl. I had enough to calm me down. Now I want my newest drug—her.
Nick takes it, walks away, and gives the rest of it to my bandmates. Taking the opportunity, I roll Sadie onto her back and dig my face into the crease of her neck. I bite her and growl, running my stubble over the sensitive skin. Squealing, she brings her hands up to my shoulder in an attempt to push me away.
“Ben! Stop, that tickles. Seriously!” I keep going, enjoying the way her laugh sounds like a melody, and in that small laugh, lyrics come to mind.
Bringing my lips an inch or two higher, I whisper singsong in her ear, “She’s the girl with eyes the purest blue and a laugh like a melody; she makes me want to get lost and never come back to my lonely reality.” Her laughter dies down, and her breath hitches, her hands gripping my shoulders harder with the sudden change of mood.
“Sing it again.” The breathy sound of her voice in my ear has me more than willing to oblige.
“She’s the girl with eyes the purest blue and a laugh like a melody; she makes me want to get lost and never come back to my lonely reality.”
“You’re changing something in me, Ben.”
“It’s only fair. You’re changing something in me too.”
Sadie turns her head and lays a soft kiss on my cheek. I have a feeling this is the beginning of something neither of us will ever understand. Our connection is something greater. I turn my head and find her lips. Instantly, they fuse with mine. Somewhere deep in my mind, I think this is my mother’s divine intervention. Just maybe she forgives me for not saving her that night and is giving me a chance to explore this with Sadie.
* * *
All day we lie out, play in the water when we get too warm, then laze away. The sun sets, and we’re filled with enough vitamin D to sleep like the dead. As the boat nears the dock, Sadie dozes on my shoulder, her curvy form snuggled into my side.
“Sadie, angel. Wake up, we’re back.” Her long lashes flutter open, and her tired, glassy eyes shine up at me. I kiss the side of her temple, letting my lips linger for a moment as I take in her scent.
Our intimate moment is interrupted when her phone rings. She reaches into her purse and pulls it free. Seeing her mom is FaceTiming her, she answers it quickly. My face isn’t in sight, and I try to keep it that way. I don’t think she wants to introduce me to the parents quite yet, and I would agree that maybe it’s too soon. No, it’s definitely too soon.
“Mama, hey!” Sadie’s the spitting image of her mother, beautiful and all smiles.
“Where are you? Are you at the lake?” her mother asks as a man enters the room behind her; I assume it’s Sadie’s father.
“Sure am, Kate and I came with my new friends. Mama, this is Ben.” I panic, and before I can move or tell her no, she turns the camera on me, putting me on the spot. Fuck me.
“Well, hi! I don’t think you’ve ever mentioned a Ben before, sweetie. Nice to meet you, Ben!” Her mom’s face lights up, as does her dad’s, throwing me off. I can see on the screen that my tattoos are showing, as is the cigarette behind my ear—where my joint was just hours ago. They can’t think anything good of this. Not to mention the fact my arm is comfortably draped around Sadie’s shoulder.
“Hi, nice to meet you guys.” I try to put my best foot forward. What else am I going to do? Stumble over my words and make a complete ass out of myself?
“I’m Raydean, and this is my husband, Stanley. It’s nice to meet you, son.”
I nod my head. I’m usually great with people, it’s the most essential part of my job, but I’m meeting Sadie’s parents after less than a day. I’m willing to explore us, but I still have my reservations.
“We wanted a quick chat, but I see y’all are busy, baby. We’ll be home later this week!”
“Okay, Mama. I’ll call you later. I can’t wait to see you guys!”
“We love you, sweetie, and Ben, hopefully we can meet you in person soon, son.”
Her father isn’t as intimidating as I assumed he would be. Most dads, so I have heard, tend to be aggressive when they meet someone their daughter is seeing. Especially when he is covered in tattoos and has a cigarette tucked behind his ear. In my world, smoking and tattoos are not a sign of anything troubling, but in a world like Sadie’s, you can call them a red flag.
“Absolutely.”
Thank fuck I’m leaving town tomorrow. I’m not ready to meet the parents. I like Sadie a lot, more than any other girl I’ve known, but that’s exactly why meeting her parents isn’t something I’m ready for. If they care at all about their daughter, then when they get to know all of me, they’ll make sure she runs far away.
She ends the call, and I release a deep breath. I don’t have to look over to know her eyes are on me as the boat rolls into the dock.
“Ben, you don’t need to be afraid of my parents. They’re great people,” she assures me.
Am I that much of an open book? Has my guard completely fallen with her? There is no way I can let someone in so quickly. I have to be cautious. Not just for me but for her too.
“That’s the exact reason. You’re too good for me, and they’ll see it.”
“Don’t do that.” Her head drops, and I am the one watching her now.
“Do what?” I massage her shoulder, kneading the soft, warm skin kissed with the afterglow of sun.
“Don’t assume that I don’t know what’s good for me or decide that they’ll make me see you differently than I already see you.”
“And how do you see me?” I ask, intrigued to know her perception of the man I am.
“I see hope. I see a man lost but looking. You hide behind the rock star, but underneath that facade, when you think no one is looking, you’re real, you’re human.”
“We’re all human, Sadie,” I tease, pointing out the obvious in a poor attempt to steer this conversation somewhere else.
“We’re all human, yes, but, Ben, you’re a different kind. The kind of man who makes you want to be in his world. How many people truly have that gift?” How can she have so much faith in the kind of man she thinks I am?
After my mother passed, I lost all faith in myself—it dissipated with the rest of my heart—and yet Sadie is making the version of me she’s concocted sound tangible, like something I desire to have again.
“You should write fucking poetry or music, baby; you make words sound good.” I shift the conversation because it’s all I can do. Sadie has no idea what she has the power to set free if she digs her hands deep enough into my chest and around my heart. Shit is black as night, and her clean hands would take every fucking drop of it if I let her.
“I do love music. I really haven’t had much time to spend playing the piano or going to concerts. Your show was the first one I’ve seen in years.”
“Now you tell me you can sing and play piano. Anything else you want to throw at me, woman? Damn.” She giggles, brushing me off.
“Oh, stop. Mama and Papa say I can sing, but I don’t know.” Everyone starts to pile off the boat, even the women who spent all day giving Sadie the side-eye.
“I guess you’ll have to sing for me in the car.” I stand, grabbing her hand.
“No, no—no way.”
“Come on. If not in the car, then I’ll play that gorgeous grand piano I saw at your house and you can sing there,” I challenge. I’ll make sure I hear her voice tonight.
“Deal.”
“Good.”
Furrowing my brow, I wait a moment to watch her turn and saunter away, catching up to Kate. The entire time she walks ahead of me, I pay close attention to the way her hips sway; her sultry walk has a way about it. When they get to the end of the short pier, she peeks over her shoulder at me and gives me a flirtatious wink.
“Close your mouth or catch your drool, son,” Nick remarks, coming to stand next to me.
“What?” I glance at him, still in a haze.
“Listen, I see your lifestyle and the things roaming around your stage every night.” Where is he going with this? “Try not to let any of it take too much of you. Sadie seems like a nice girl, and you don’t break hearts, Benny boy, you fucking destroy them. Don’t do that to one of the few good ones left.”
I would deck any other man if he questioned my character, but Nick’s my family. He has a point, though. I destroy hearts, break them in half and scatter the pieces over the girls as they beg on their knees for mercy.
The difference between them and Sadie is Sadie. She wants to look past the persona I show everyone. I’m not a rock star with fame and money. I’m Ben. Someone she sees as good enough to let into her life. Maybe that is why I am drawn to her. She makes me want to be better, to not be so afraid of what is waiting on the other side of the invisible wall I have built to protect myself. Maybe I can still be me, but a version that is worthy of her. A version I can be proud of.