11. Leila
11
LEILA
The urge to cry is strong as I look around my apartment. I hadn’t thought I’d ever get to see it again as the hijacker swung his weapon at me. I’d been convinced he’d kill me. But here I finally am, and all I can do is stand in the middle of my living room and soak it in.
“Where do you want this, little one?”
My heart jolts at the forgotten nickname. The tallest on the team at six-foot-four, Kansas towers over my five-foot-two and, if I didn’t know he was such a softie, I would be terrified of him. Turning, I find him looking ridiculous with the stuffed donkey they bought me completely dwarfed in his beefy embrace. Cougar standing just behind him with the giant-ass vase of flowers in his.
My apartment had always felt spacious and airy, two of the things that had drawn me to it when I’d been house hunting after Kyle and I split. The old place held too many memories of the two of us within its walls. I needed to get away from the ghost of Kyle that roamed the space.
But packed with seven hulking Navy SEALs, the living room feels like it’s bursting at the seams. Almost like old times. The memories slice through me, and I shake my head to dislodge them, instantly regretting the motion.
Gritting my teeth against the pain, I tell them, “The flowers can go over there, on the coffee table, and Donkey can go on the chair for now. I’ll take him through to my bedroom later.”
Before Kansas can place the toy on the chair I point to, Kyle takes it from him and, with the plastic bag of meager belongings, he strides off down the hall. Before I can say a word in protest, Ace sidles up to me and hauls me into his arms for a hug.
“You all right there, doll? You look like you’re ready to collapse.”
It might make me weak, but for just a moment, I allow myself to relax into his embrace. We were always close, and I’ve missed him, almost but not quite as much as Kyle. I rest my aching head against his chest and sigh. Still feeling emotional, I will the tears away.
“Yeah, I’m feeling a little shaky on my legs. I can’t believe a blow to the head can take a person down like this.”
“Concussion’s no joke. I don’t think there’s one of us that hasn’t been where you are right now. Nothing more humbling to feel so out of control of your own body. Rest’ll help though.”
“I could probably sleep for a month, so that’s not going to be a problem.” Ace chuckles at my response.
“Best thing for you right now, doll.” He pauses, and I brace, thinking I’m not going to like what he says next — Ace seldom weighs his words. And I’m right. “Let Merlin take care of you, yeah? Don’t be a hero trying to do everything yourself.”
When things ended, I didn’t only lose Kyle. I lost all these guys too. Well, except Jake, the one the team calls Phantom, who wasn’t yet with them. Their absence left a gaping hole in my life, and I’m determined not to let them go a second time. I just don’t know how I’ll achieve that since their “bro code” means everything to them.
I hear Kyle come back down the hall, and I attempt to step back, but Ace tightens his arms around me.
“Give me another minute here.” I hear something in his voice I can’t identify, but then he slays me with his next words. “I’ve missed you, girl. And I’ve got to tell you, that was a shitty moment when I saw you go down back there on that floating tub. Scared the crap out of me. I’m not sure I’d survive losing you again.”
Circling his waist, I hang on to him and valiantly battle back the tears yet again. Damn, just scoop my heart out with a spoon, why don’t you?
From behind me, someone clears their throat, and I swear I hear Kevin chuckle. But when he lets me go seconds later, there’s no hint of humor on his face.
“All right you bunch of reprobates, it’s time for us to rock ?n’ roll outta here. Miss Leila needs to rest, and somewhere out there’s a burger with my name on it,” Ace says.
The guys agree and, one by one, they come over to hug me, telling me how glad they are I’m okay and how much they’ve missed me. Jake is the only one I don’t know since I only met him for the first time on the ship. But even he bends to give me a hug.
“It’s been an honor and a pleasure to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you from the guys. Hopefully, I get to see you again. Take care, yeah?” He turns to leave, then turns back. Putting his lips next to my ear, he whispers, “You know, now that I have, I can see what they meant. You deserve to be treated like a queen — don’t settle for less.” And with that, he takes his leave.
I’m so surprised by his words, all I can do is stare after him. I couldn’t have said anything if someone paid me to. Then Kansas is back and hauls me in for another hug. He places a tender kiss on the top of my head.
“Missed you, care bear.” Another quick kiss on the head and he’s gone before I can utter a sound.
I’m reeling from the many heart shots of the last few minutes, and I’m struggling to withstand the pain.
But there’s no stopping the tears this time. Instead, the words “I missed you too” ricochet around my sore and tired brain. Emotions are like a tight band around my chest, and I can’t seem to draw a deep breath. Just like that, they’re gone, taking the oxygen in the room with them and leaving me an emotional wreck, swaying on my feet in the middle of my living room.
Desperately trying to stem the storm brewing in my heart, I bite my bottom lip and will the hurt away. When my door closes with a firm click, I can no longer hold back the flood. Wrapping my arms around my waist, a sob breaks loose. I startle violently when another pair of arms wrap around me, one behind my back, one under my knees, lifting me against a hard body. Through the tears, I look up into Kyle’s model-gorgeous face. I thought he’d left with the others.
I stiffen, and he holds me a little closer, taking a seat on my sofa, resting his chin on the top of my head. “Don’t, Leila. Please. Let me hold you for a minute.” I can hear the plea in his voice, feel it in my aching heart.
It’s the last thing I should do, but right now I’m not strong enough to turn away. So, instead of kicking and hollering for him to release me, I give in to the need for comfort. And, if I’m being brutally honest, the opportunity to experience Kyle’s embrace one last time.
As we sit there, I finally give in to the wave of emotion that takes me under, surrender to it knowing that, for this short moment in time, Kyle’s got me. Years of pain, loss, and grief come pouring out, and it’s not pretty. My head hurts, my nose is blocked but running, and my chest burns. Yet there’s no stopping the endless tears that keep coming.
Finally, utterly spent, I lay lethargically in his arms, an occasional hiccup wracking my body. God, I don’t think I’ve ever felt this exhausted. Not even back when sleep evaded me nightly and the memories haunted me. Kyle rises gracefully, as if I weigh nothing, and carries me down the hall to my bedroom.
He pulls the covers back, lowering me ever so gently to the mattress before making his way to the other side. I guess his intent and know I should ask him to leave. But I’m not ready for this to end. I’m under no illusions – it will end. Please just not yet. Just a little longer. A final chance to store memories.
Kyle climbs into the bed beside me and urges me over onto my side, facing away from him. He slips an arm under me and wraps the other around my waist, drawing me tight against him. The tiny kiss he places below my ear has my nipples tightening and my core aching.
“Sleep, sweetness. You’ll feel better for it.”
I want to yell at him to stop calling me that, to tell him it hurts too much to hear how easily the word falls from his lips as if he never took that away from me. But I’m too exhausted to, so I don’t. I simply close my eyes and absorb the scent and feel of him enveloping me. For the first time since the nightmare on the ship started, I feel safe. I always did with Kyle.
Later, when I’m stronger and better able to withstand the deep, clawing need for this man, I’ll send him packing. For now, I’ll take what I can get. Losing myself to the sensation of being back in his arms, secure in the knowledge I’m safe there for the moment, I drift into sleep. The devastating pain will come soon enough, but until then I’ll give myself this one last time with the man who owns me body, spirit, and soul.