14. Merlin
14
MERLIN
Leila and I had words in the past. Like any normal couple, we had disagreements and fights, but I have never seen this side of her — seen her so pissed off that she shook. But that’s exactly what’s happening.
And with every word that comes out of her mouth, she cuts me open just a little more.
“You broke me when you left, Kyle. There were days I wanted to die — more days than I care to count. But, somehow, I managed to make it through. To piece myself back together. And now I have no intention of allowing you back into my life — to give you another opportunity to do it again. I am not your plaything to pick up and put down when you’re tired of playing house.”
Gripping the back of my neck, almost to the point of pain, all I can do is stare at Leila. Not once during my check-ins with Sheri did she ever so much as allude to Leila’s struggles. “Leila, I – Jesus.” I stand there for a moment, reeling with shock. “I had no idea.”
“No, you didn’t. Because you didn’t care enough to ask. You were more concerned about a dead man’s widow than the woman who would have done anything for you had you only asked.”
“Sweetness –”
As the word leaves my lips, I know it was the wrong thing to say. The air around her goes electric, and I brace for the explosion. But yet again, she does the unexpected.
Quietly, but with deadly accuracy, Leila goes in for the kill.
“You know what, Kyle? I’m done – done talking, done grieving a man still alive and one hundred percent done with your bullshit. Do me a favor and get the hell out of my house. And my life while you’re at it.”
I want to argue – plead my case – but change my mind. At this point, I doubt there’s anything I could say that would make things better. So instead of dropping to my knees and begging Leila’s forgiveness, I do as I’m told. I get the hell out of her house, closing the door quietly behind me.
My chest is tight and I, as childish as it sounds, want to Hulk-smash everything in my path. Fear, shame, frustration, worry — all the emotions — churn in my gut, and I don’t know how to deal with them. Seeing Leila lying on the floor, bleeding and unconscious, made me realize how much of an idiot I was.
I need to make it right, and I don’t know how. But more than making it right, I need to win her back. Life has been dull and colorless without her in it. Without a shadow of a doubt, having Leila back in my arms, my bed, my life — she’d bring back all the beautiful colors. I just don’t have a fucking clue how I’m going to get her to forgive me for being a stupid jackass.
My first instinct is to call Sheri. If anyone knows my girl, it’s her. But considering how touchy the subject of Leila is when it comes to Sheri, I’m hesitant to open that door. Let’s just say, she didn’t hesitate to tell me exactly how much of a jackass she thought I was five years ago.
I won’t lie, it hurt like hell visiting with Sheri after Mav died. Reeling from his loss, sick over my breakup with Leila, seeing Sheri struggle to assimilate how her own life had fallen apart — it’s was hard checking in on her. Because of it, it never once occurred to me how Leila would feel if she ever found out I was checking in on Sheri.
Fuck. How stupid can one man be?
Sighing, I rub my temple where I can feel a headache developing. I slept for shit, highly attuned to her every little sigh and murmur, as I held her all night. Tired, stressed, and worried about Leila alone at home, I drive aimlessly as I try to figure out a solution to the clusterfuck that is currently my life.
Digit.
If anyone that isn’t Sheri can help me out, it’s him.
I pull over to the side of the road and open the contacts list on my phone. Finding his number, I connect the call and listen as it rings, waiting for Treven Nicols, a.k.a. Digit, to answer. As not just a friend but a brother-in-arms, he’s just the man to help me out with my problem.
“Nicols.”
“Hey, man. How’s it going?”
“Hey. I’m good. How the hell are you?”
“Yeah, good, good. How’s Liora?”
Digit laughs. “Amazing.”
My heart clenches at his words, the happiness I hear in his voice. Jealousy rockets through me. He has what I want, dammit. Then again, that’s why I called him. He got the happy ever after I’m after.
“Still enjoying playing house then?”
He chuckles again. “Hell yeah, you know it. So, what’s up?”
“Got time for a chat?”
He’s quiet for a moment, and I brace, expecting him to ask me what the problem is, but all he finally says is, “I’ll do you one better. We’re in town, visiting the folks – I’ve gotta run a couple errands, but then I can meet you for a beer and we can talk. Say, an hour and a half? That work for you?”
“Yeah, that works for me.”
“Cool. See you at The Tin Moose in ninety then.”
“Thanks, man. See you there.”
Time trickles by slower than fucking molasses as I wait for ninety minutes to pass. If I head down to the bar early to wait for Digit, there is little doubt in my mind I’ll be drunk before he even gets there. Jesus, I’ve really fucked it up. Again. Seems like I’m really fucking brilliant at doing that when it comes to Leila.
After driving about for a while longer, I head for the bar and strike it lucky when I find a parking spot right outside the bar. As I push through the door of The Tin Moose, I’m assailed with memories of the night I met Leila.
Maybe this wasn’t the best place to meet after all. But I’m here now, so I scan the interior for Digit but don’t see him anywhere. A passing waitress stops to ask if she can be of assistance and leads me to a table near the bar when I tell her I’m meeting someone.
I’ve barely put my ass in the chair before I spot the man making his way toward me. He pulls out a chair, tosses his keys on the table, and gives me a shit-eating grin. The waitress that seated me reappears to take our order, and once she’s gone, Digit turns back to me.
“So, are we going to talk smack for a bit before we get down to the point of your call, or you just want to cut to the chase and tell me what’s on your mind?” he asks.
“What makes you think there’s something on my mind?”
“Brother, I just have to look at you to know that not only do you have something on your mind, but whatever that shit is, it’s heavy.”
I hang my head, rubbing at the tightness in my neck, and sigh. He’s not wrong. Besides, it’s why I called him. If anyone can give me solid advice, it’s him. After all the shit he and his wife, Liora, have been through, he’d be the man to help me out of this predicament.
“No lies there.” I can’t help but sigh again. This isn’t easy, even if he is the one person I know who’ll understand. “It’s Leila.”
Digit had been about to take a sip of the beer the waitress placed in front of him moments ago, but at my words his arm stops in midair. “Sorry, say what now? I could swear I heard you say Leila.”
“Yeah, you heard right.”
“Okay, back it up and start from the beginning. How the hell did you and Leila hook back up?”
For the next fifteen minutes, he grills me as I spill my guts to him, starting with the mission to save the hijacked cruise ship. I finish with us nearly having sex and then Leila losing her shit in spectacular style and throwing me out of her apartment.
“And now here we are. Well damn, Chief.”
“Yeah, damn is right,” I reply. He looks at me, sympathy bright in his eyes. “I’m so fucked, man. I finally figure out I love her more than my next breath, more than life itself, and she tells me she never wants to see me again. If she’s ever in danger in the future, she’d rather die at the hands of the bad guys than have me save her.”
“Well damn,” Digit repeats.
“You’re the only person I know who can give me solid advice. How did you fix things with Liora after shit went wrong for you?”
Digit snorts out a laugh. “You mean after I caught a clue.”
It’s my turn to laugh. Shaking my head, I reply, “Yeah, but I didn’t want to be the one to say it.”
Cutting to the heart of my question, he replies simply, “I straight up begged her to give me another chance. I was open and honest about my demons – she was too –– and we took it from there.”
My stomach clenches at the thought of having that conversation. That’s, of course, if Leila would even be willing to listen to me. But if it’s the only thing that might give me a fighting chance, then I’m prepared to do it.
“I know it’s got to be scaring the hell out of you, but if you want your girl back, it’s likely the only thing that’ll do it,” he goes on. “Besides, she deserves the truth, don’t you think?”
Without hesitation, I answer, “Yeah, she does. But you’re right, it scares the fuck out of me. Just the thought of it makes me want to break out in hives.”
“My advice? Get it done sooner rather than later. The longer you leave it, the more her anger and hurt will fester all over again, and the less likely she is to give you the chance to explain.”
Blowing out a breath, I nod as I come to a decision. “Yeah, you’re right. And there’s no time like the present.” I push my chair back and throw some bills on the table. “Thanks, brother. I appreciate you taking the time. Give Liora a big hug from me.”
As I start to leave, he calls after me, “Good luck, dude. Let me know how it goes.”
I wave to show him I heard and keep walking.
I’m going to get my girl.