16. Leila
16
LEILA
“Well?”
Every last nerve-ending in my body feels like it’s taken up residence on the outside of my skin as I wait for Kyle to say what’s on his mind and then leave. I just want this to be over so I can crawl back into bed and lick my wounds. To begin the healing process. Again.
But instead, he’s studying me with those perceptive eyes of his that miss nothing. Still, he doesn’t speak, just calmly stands there staring like I’m a bug under a microscope to be studied.
“Kyle, either say what you came to say or get out. I have things to do.”
At my words, he paces away to the window, transferring his gaze to the world beyond. Relief is instant at no longer being the object of his scrutiny. His head drops and his shoulders droop – a stance I’ve never seen him in. He’s always so confident, self-assured. Yet it’s the words that come out of his mouth that shock me. They’re the last ones I expect to hear.
“There’s no excuse for what I did to you. I was an idiot. I hurt you, and for that I’m sorry. Sorrier than I will ever be able to adequately express in words.”
Say what now?
He paces back to where I’m standing, and as I take a proper look at him, I realize he’s not nearly as calm as I thought. In fact, he’s looking as exhausted as I feel and a little haggard besides. I feel an unwanted pang of sympathy to see him so careworn.
“I – um, I don’t know what to say to that.”
“You don’t have to say anything. I just need you to know how soul deep I regret hurting you.”
“Thank you?” I don’t know what else to say, but now I really need him to leave. I’m staggered by his admission and have no idea what to do with it. I want to be alone to process his words. “Not to sound callous but now that you’ve told me, I need you to leave. Like I said, I have things to do.”
I watch as he drags a hand down his face. “Give me a minute. I have more I want to say, but it’s difficult for me, and you’re not making this any easier.”
I beg your pardon? Oh, no, sir. You do not get to come into my house and say that shit to me when this is all your doing. I quirk an eyebrow at him, trying my damnedest to not physically attack this man.
“I’m so terribly sorry I’m not making things easy for you, Kyle. Life isn’t easy.” I can’t help my sarcasm. The gall of this man. I’m not making it easy for him ? He can just fucking bite me.
He heaves a big sigh, his teeth clenched. “Leila, I don’t want to fight. Please, can we try and get through this without it turning into a knock-down, drag-out argument?”
The earnest expression on his face halts my sarcastic response. It’s my turn to sigh. Yes, I’m hurt and mad, but I also don’t have it in me to keep fighting. The pain meds I took earlier are wearing off, and I’m fatigued to my soul.
Not just because of the hijacking, but because I’m standing in my own living room staring at a man I never thought I’d see again. I don’t want to do this right now. I just don’t. But it seems he’s determined to get his absolution. So what choice do I have?
The sooner we get through this, the sooner he’ll be on his way. I nod but don’t say anything more.
Kyle goes to speak again but is interrupted by a knock. Good lord, my home has turned into Grand Central Station today. Peeping through the security hole, I see Sheri standing in the hallway. Panic mode engaged.
I don’t want her to find Kyle here – irrational maybe, but I don’t. Yet I can’t in any way avoid it since she’s now right outside my apartment and Kyle’s standing in my living room, all six-foot-four of him. And I sincerely doubt he’s going to play along if I ask him to hide in my bedroom until she’s gone.
Fuck my life.
I finally feel like I’ve kind of wrangled my life back under control and I’m doing fine on my own when this goat rodeo wrecks everything. I rest my head against the door and try to figure my way out of this mess. And almost come out of my skin when Sheri knocks again.
I have never yet worked out how a man as big as Kyle can move so quietly, but I clap a hand over my already pounding heart when I hear him ask from right next to me, “You planning on letting whoever that is in?”
“Not if I can help it,” I whisper, shaking my head.
“Leila, is everything all right in there?” I hear Sheri ask as she knocks for a third time.
Kyle’s body locks and he looks down at me with what the fuck do we do now eyes.
Squaring my shoulders, I unlock the door and open it for her. Not much else I can do at this point.
“Hey, Sheri.”
“Everything all r—” Her eyes about pop out of her head when Sheri gets an eyeful of Kyle standing a couple feet away from me. “I – what – well damn.”
Out of nowhere a giggle breaks free. The sheer ridiculousness of my life in that moment weirdly tickles my funny bone, and all of a sudden, I’m howling with laughter at the situation. Not to mention the expression on Sheri’s face.
Of course, once I start, I can’t stop. Tears of mirth are rolling down my face, and my two visitors are looking at me as if I’ve finally lost my mind. How to explain to them why I’m laughing without sounding like a total fruitcake is beyond me right this second, but what the hell.
I wave Sheri into the apartment and try to get a grip on myself. When I’m finally calm enough, I take a deep breath and hug her hello. I close my eyes and draw comfort from the tight squeeze she gives me in return. There’s the prick of those damn tears again. Yep, I’m a mess.
She lets me go and turns to give Kyle a hug too. “Heya, big guy. Wasn’t expecting to see you here. You good?”
He hugs her back, replying, “Yeah, good thanks. I popped in to check on Leila with everything that happened, you know?”
She nods, speculation bright in her eyes. “That’s sweet of you.” Turning to me, she continues, “Sorry to crash the party, sugar. I’m doing the same thing Kyle’s doing – checking in on you.”
“Thanks, Sher, I appreciate it. I’m okay. Other than this jumbo headache, I’m good. Nothing some pain pills and a nap won’t fix though.” I lie through my teeth. And I know that Sheri knows I’m lying. But God bless her, she doesn’t say one word about it.
“Oh, before I forget,” she says, “I brought you something.”
She hauls out a giant bar of my favorite chocolate. Man, I love this woman. She knows me so well.
“You sure do know how to show a girl a good time, babe.” She laughs and shakes her head at me. “Grab a seat. I’ll go put the coffee on.”
Since I know my girl, she’s not going anywhere anytime soon. As much as I want to hear what Kyle came here to tell me, I may as well make peace with the fact that she’ll leave when she’s damn well good and ready.
When we’ve chatted, had the coffee, and I’m about to go stir crazy with curiosity, half an hour later, Sheri finally scoots out of the armchair she’s sitting in and picks up her purse. “Well guys, it’s been fun, but I gotta run. I need to pick up the kids. Walk me out, Kyle?”
The man looks like he’d rather take a beating from a band of insurgents, but all he says is, “Sure.”
At the door, Sheri gives me another one of her fabulous hugs, and I watch them head across the parking lot as Kyle escorts her to her car.
I have no doubt my friend is going to unleash the Spanish Inquisition on him. And quite frankly I’d rather it be him than me, that’s for sure.
I watch from the window as the two of them talk and see Kyle’s body tense at something Sheri says to him. He runs a hand through his already mussed hair, an earnest look on his face as he answers her. And in that moment, I’d give almost anything to know what they’re talking about.
I know it’s insane, but for the briefest second, I’m jealous of Sheri and her easy relationship with Kyle. The love between the two of them is clear. My heart squeezes at the thought that I lost him, all of him, because her husband died. But she got to keep him. Not that he’s property, but still.
Just when I can’t bear it anymore, thankfully Sheri hops in her car and drives away. Kyle turns and hurries back toward my apartment. Eager as I am to hear what he has to say, my body tenses and my stomach clenches.
Yeah, eager as I am I’m not sure I’m ready for this. Not sure my heart will survive intact. But there’s no going back now. Ready or not, the man has something to say, and I do actually want to hear it. Even if I’m not sure I’ll ever be ready for it.