Chapter 5
5
brADY
N ow I'm standing here halfway to San Francisco, all dressed up with nowhere to go. I could have planned this better.
I pull out my phone and write in our O'Brien chat:
Brady
I'm stranded. Can someone pick me up?
It doesn't take long before I get a response.
Orla
Serves you right.
Finn
You're a mechanic. Fix the car yourself.
Eoin
I'm out anyway. Send me the address.
Brady
Thanks, man. You're obviously the only nice one in our family!
Eoin
Take that back!
Brady
:D ;)
I send my youngest cousin my location, and he tells me he'll be here in ten minutes. Until then, I watch some random YouTube videos that appear in my recommendations. An older woman walking her dog gives me a strange look when I laugh. I give her an apologetic smile, which apparently doesn't reassure her at all, because she quickens her pace.
Shortly after, Eoin pulls up beside me.
"Thanks, man," I say as I get into the car next to him.
"No problem. Where to?"
"The pub."
"That's where I'm headed too."
"Thanks again."
"What happened anyway? Car shot to hell?"
"No, it's parked in front of the garage. It's a long story."
"Well, we've got about twenty minutes."
I sigh, leaning back. "You know Mindy got in touch again."
"Yeah, of course."
"Well, we're meeting tomorrow night."
"Oh, oh."
"You said it. Anyway, I met someone a few days ago. Mallory. She's really cute, sweet, but can stand up for herself and doesn't accept any nonsense. We were on our way to the pub, but then in a fit of madness I told her about Mindy, suggested I'd be spending the whole weekend in bed with her, and she—rightfully—pulled the plug. Said she wasn't going to be a consolation prize."
"Understandable."
"Absolutely. But I have no idea why I even told her about it."
"Honesty isn't wrong."
"But there's honest and there's stupid."
"The only stupid thing about all this is that you're so desperate to see Mindy again. Do you even remember what it was like? You were a wreck afterward. Why do you want a second helping?"
I shrug. "I don't know. Really don't. But it feels like there's no closure yet. And I need it, otherwise it'll drive me crazy."
"But do you actually want closure or a new beginning?"
And isn't that the million-dollar question?
MALLORY
I just can't believe it. He has to be messing with me! How can someone be such an ass? I just don't understand it.
He clearly tells me he wants to spend the whole weekend with his ex, and I'm supposed to be okay with that? What did he expect? Applause?
I'm well aware that nowadays it's completely normal to date several guys or women at once and only decide when things get serious. But that's not for me. I don't want to try out a thousand men. I've never done that before. While Carrie dates constantly, I've only had sex with the three men I've been in relationships with. Is that old-fashioned? Maybe, but I'm not comfortable with the idea of hopping from bed to bed. Anyone who wants to do that is welcome to. I don't judge anyone for the decisions they make about their own life, but my decision for myself is different. And that's okay too.
But then for him to accuse me of trying to chain him down... Wow, that was unexpected and not positive at all.
I realize it's way too early for this kind of conversation, but why did he tell me out of the blue that he's meeting his ex? Sure, he wanted to be honest, but at this point it would have been okay to just not say anything. Not lie either, but I didn't ask if he was seeing others. Then he would have had to tell me, but just volunteering it for no reason?
Or am I just weird?
I wouldn't even dispute that.
I'd probably also be angry if he hadn't said anything and I found out about it later. So he couldn't really win in this situation.
His loss.
I really liked him.
Damn.
But I just don't want to be a consolation prize. Is it too much to ask to be the jackpot for the man who's interested in me? Sure, everything's way too early. I'm aware of that too.
And still... I already liked him way too much.
I don't really know what to do with myself now. Should I go home? Do something else? Maybe I should go to the gym again, at least doing something productive with my time. But I might run into him there.
Oh God. I can never go to the gym again!
Hooray! Finally a new excuse!
But honestly: Maybe someday I won't care about seeing him, but I really can't imagine that happening for at least the next five to seven days.
I pull over, get out my phone and dial Carrie's number.
"Hey, Honey," she drawls into my ear with her Southern accent.
"Hey, what are you up to?"
"I have a date soon."
"Oh, I see. I was hoping you had time to hang out."
"Do you need me urgently or are you going to let me have sex?"
I grin. "I wish you all the sex in the world, but I have a problem only you can help with."
"Can we handle this on the phone?"
"How much time do you have?"
"I need to be there in half an hour, but I've already told him I'm not the most punctual person."
"Okay, so, I told you about Brady."
"The good kisser."
"Exactly. So, we had plans today and I asked what he's doing this weekend, and he said he's meeting his ex and therefore has no time."
"The whole weekend?"
"I asked that too. Then he hesitated, tried to find a way around it, but yes, basically he's planning to have sex with her. He explained that she was his great love and that he might need some time to himself afterward, but when I said I'm not the type for casual dating, he accused me of being clingy and said I had no claim on him."
"You can be clingy," she points out.
"I know that, but even I understand that making out once doesn't mean we're getting married tomorrow. Of course I realize that we don't know yet if anything will develop from this, but I don't like that it feels so arbitrary."
"I understand. You're really not the type who has sex just for the sake of it. When you sleep with a man, it's because you think you'll get together. Or you're already together. But I can understand his side too. It's normal to date multiple people at the same time and then choose someone."
"But even if that's normal, can't I wish for something different?"
"Of course! You just need to do what you want to do and what you're comfortable with. If you don't want this casual dating thing, then don't do it. Did you tell him that?"
"Of course. He can understand me too, but he says he can't do anything else. And then I said I didn't want to be a consolation prize, and we ended it before it started. Now I'm unsure."
She sighs softly. "Okay, Honey, you know best what you can and cannot handle. If you can't handle it, then it's not right for you."
"But?"
"No but. Or maybe but ? If you like him, maybe he's worth giving a second chance."
"Maybe things will be great again between them."
"Maybe. And then that's how it is. But maybe it's also over and he just needs to see it with his own eyes."
"So I did everything wrong?"
"No, not at all. You're not the type for casual stuff. That's just how it is and that's perfectly right too."
I chew on my lower lip. "I really can't imagine dating multiple people at once myself."
She laughs. "I can't imagine that with you either."
"I don't mean to say..."
"It's okay. Everyone's different and has different needs. I get it."
"Good. I don't want you to think I'm judging you."
"Could you have seen more with him? Did you like him that much?"
"Yes."
"Then you shouldn't close the door completely, but leave it slightly ajar so he still has a chance."
"And if he doesn't knock?"
"Then other mothers have handsome sons too."
"That information doesn't help me. I need names and phone numbers."
Carrie laughs. "If I get any, I'll share them with you."
"Alright. Thank you. Thanks for taking time when you don't have any."
"Always for you. Girlfriends are more important than sexy guys who give you orgasms in the plural."
"Thanks, I don't need to know more."
Laughing, she says goodbye.
I sit in the car for a while, staring into the night and wondering what I should do if Brady actually knocks again. And what I should do if he doesn't. I'm not sure right now which scenario would be worse.
brADY
What you need to know about a large Irish-American family: All family members stick their noses into the affairs of other family members, especially when it's none of their business. There are no secrets, everyone talks to everyone, gossips about what you told them in confidence, and then adds their two cents. As soon as they smell blood, they all crawl out of their holes.
So I'm not at all surprised when Finn, Cameron, Roan, and Jenna are sitting at a table waiting for us.
Shaking my head, I approach the table. "Wow, only a threefold strength today? I'm not worth more to you?"
Cian pats me on the back. "I'm here too."
"And what about me?" asks Eoin. "Have you already forgotten your rescuer?"
I grin, kiss Jenna on the cheek before sitting down. "No, don't worry. You're my best friend today."
"And I don't count either?" Jenna asks and folds her arms across her chest, which causes Roan to stare at her breasts.
Men are fucking easy. It's not like I didn't spend ninety-nine percent of my time staring at Mallory's tits.
It hurts to think about her.
"You're a welcome sight," I reply.
"And your brother isn't, or what?" Finn asks, offended.
"Well..." I answer, laughing.
"That's why I didn't rescue you." He glares at me, but humor flashes in his eyes.
Cameron chimes in: "But what actually happened?"
Since Eoin will tell them anyway, I bite the bullet and tell them about Mallory and also about the situation with Mindy, even though I know they'll all think I'm crazy.
"Dude, you're crazy," Finn declares right away.
"Tell me something new," Roan mutters to himself.
I punch him in the shoulder. "Don't get sassy with me."
Roan rubs the spot. "Hey, not so hard! I have a fight on Saturday and need to be in shape."
Cam looks at him. "I thought you were quitting."
I look at Roan in surprise. "This is the first I'm hearing of this."
Roan rubs his chin before nodding toward Jenna. "She's worried about me." Then he rolls his eyes, which earns him an elbow in the ribs from his girlfriend. He grins at her before squeezing her so tightly in his arms that she begs for mercy.
People in relationships really aren't right in the head. People in love are even worse.
And that's definitely jealousy speaking.
Roan releases Jenna and kisses her on the temple. "So, she actually is worried about me, but I'm also kind of over it. Saturday is my last fight. I'll keep training, of course, but I won't compete anymore."
Jenna pats his stomach. "I'd really hate to give up this incredible body."
"And here I thought you were more interested in my inner values."
"I like those deep abdominal muscles too," she cheekily responds.
Jenna is the newest member of the O'Briens, and she fits in very well with us. She doesn't take any crap, can dish it out and take it, and she's funny. She reminds me of Mallory in some ways, though she's generally kinder in her overall demeanor.
Well, maybe she only reminds me of her because I already miss her. It probably wasn't the right decision after all.
But it's also true that I can't help meeting up with Mindy. I just need to know if there's still something there. I can understand why Mallory is disappointed, though. I would be too if the roles were reversed.
"Getting back to Brady's problem," Cameron says. "I understand that Mindy is kind of your unicorn. She disappeared in the middle of the night, and you never really had time to say goodbye or process anything. Basically, she ghosted you, and that hurts especially hard. But I think there's always a reason when something ends. And it has been a while now. Almost ten years."
Eoin interjects. "Did you think that about Sam too?"
Cam rubs his nose. "You're always much wiser about others than yourself." He grins sheepishly.
Cam had three amazing days with Samantha, was already on cloud nine before she ended it. He didn't get over it and didn't give up. Today they're happily together. It might be true that there's always a reason when something ends, but after a long time, things can change. She's not the same person she once was. And neither am I.
Maybe I'm just looking for a rational explanation to avoid admitting that I'm about to make a mistake.
"Aha," Eoin says with a grin. "At least you're self-aware about that."
"We shouldn't forget that none of us has an objective opinion here because we all can't stand her," says Finn. "So of course we'll advise him not to meet with her. I doubt that's really fair."
"Finn, the voice of reason," jokes Cam.
We O'Brien kids all stick together like glue, but there are certain pairs that are especially close. Orla and Cian. Roan and Eoin. And of course Cam and Finn, which is why Finn responds with just a grin.
I'm grateful for Cam, who is the most normal of us all, because thanks to him, Finn didn't completely go off the rails but always had a straight-laced counterbalance to keep him grounded. Especially after his time in prison, he needed that stability.
"Someone has to be," my little brother explains.
"But why you?" asks Eoin, grinning.
"Because you're all nuts. Except Jenna." Finn winks at her.
"Don't hit on my girlfriend," Roan states.
Jenna playfully raises her hands. "Hey, I think there are worse things than a good-looking Irishman hitting on me."
"I'm the only good-looking Irishman allowed to hit on you," Roan says.
"Alright." She looks apologetically at Finn. "Sorry. Next time when he's not paying attention."
Cam laughs. "She's got you by the balls, man."
Roan glares at him. "And I like her hand on my balls."
I smile to myself. When I was younger, this crazy family often got on my nerves. The fact that everyone was so all over each other, never giving you any personal space, really wore me down. As soon as I turned eighteen, I ran off to Los Angeles, learned at the garage there, modeled, met Mindy. When that ended, I came home with my tail between my legs.
After that, the closeness and concern did me good; they helped me get back on my feet. Now I've found a good balance. Palo Alto isn't endlessly far away, but it still gives me a certain distance so I can live my life without constant interference. But it's close enough that evenings like tonight are possible.
Thank God.
I've learned that I need my family to be happy, but also my freedom and peace. That's perfect for me.
Cian hands me a beer. "Here you go, Judas."
"When will you finally forgive me?" I ask, somewhat remorseful.
"In about a hundred years."
"Would it help if I apologized again?"
"No." He grins at me.
He has every reason to be mad at me. Before I got the job at the garage, I was unemployed for a while and asked Cian for a job. He said yes, of course, but when I was supposed to start, the offer from the garage came in. I was supposed to start immediately and was so happy that I forgot to cancel with Cian. Which is, of course, totally unacceptable and an absolute dick move. I don't know how many times I've apologized for it, but the guilt doesn't go away.
"What can I do?"
"Could you check out my car?"
"Sure! Sometime next week?"
"Will you pick it up?" He grins.
"Wow, you're shamelessly exploiting my guilty conscience."
"Of course."
"Okay, I'll do it. Tuesday?"
"All right."
It's not just because of my guilty conscience that I'm doing it; I'd do it for any O'Brien. Even though Cian is a Walsh by name, he's an O'Brien at heart. And O'Briens stick together. Always.
Cam asks: "So you're meeting Mindy tomorrow night?"
"Exactly."
"Where?" asks Finn.
"She's coming to Palo Alto and we're going for drinks."
"Keep a clear head," says Eoin.
"Definitely."
"What if it's not a good fit anymore?" asks Finn.
I shrug. "Then maybe it's the closure I need."
"And if it does fit?" asks Jenna.
I tilt my head. "Then I guess I'll have to decide if I'm ready to take the risk again."