Chapter 9
9
brADY
I 'm not exactly sure how to behave around Kira. Mindy and I agreed to tell her the truth only when the results come in, in case they unexpectedly prove that I'm not her father. That makes it hard for me because I feel like I have to keep some distance.
I don't know. I'm probably overthinking all this. Maybe I should just treat her like I treat Aoife and Róisín. Maybe I will eventually, but right now I don't know how to go from being a stranger to being that. That's why I flee after we've had lunch. Embarrassing. Not one of my finest moments, if I'm being honest. Haven't had many of those lately.
Instead, I drive to Orla's, where I can be certain I'm liked.
"Uncle Brady!" Aoife greets me with a loud squeal. Róisín is, as always, more reserved.
I hug them, kiss them on the head, while Aoife hangs on me like a little monkey.
"Everything good with you?" I ask her sister.
She nods, smiles shyly. She'll warm up. She always does. But every time she needs a moment, as if she needs to make sure you're still the same person you were the last time.
"Ah, Brady, I've already put fresh sheets on your bed," Orla greets me. She looks tired. Just like she did last night.
"I could have done that myself."
"Oh, it was quick." She takes my bag and brings it to the guest room.
I clap my hands. "Okay, girls, how about we give your mom a little peace and quiet and go to the zoo?"
Aoife screams so loudly in my ear that my eardrums might burst, while Róisín blushes and nods happily.
Orla gives me a grateful look as she hands me her car keys. "But only one ice cream each."
I give my little cousins a conspiratorial look, which they return before putting on their jackets and shoes and hugging their mom.
"Do something nice for yourself," I tell her.
"Sleep."
"That works too."
I grin at her before following the girls outside, who are already waiting by the car. "Ready for an adventure?"
Do I hear a yes from Róisín beneath Aoife's screaming? I'll take it.
On the way to the zoo, they show the typical behavior. One is loud, the other quiet. Aoife sometimes really pesters her sister, but Róisín is simply too enamored with her little sister to ever be truly upset with her. The burden of being the eldest. But maybe that only applies to girls, because I can't imagine that I had that much patience with Finn. When he annoyed me, I dealt with it pretty quickly. Eventually he caught up to me physically, and then it wasn't so easy anymore. That's when we decided to stop fighting each other. When no one can win, what's the point? Finn didn't stick to it because he desperately wanted to win just once.
The scar in my eyebrow is testament to his success. Though for years I claimed that I let him win. He didn't like that at all, even if he didn't believe me.
Well, and then we were adults, at least on paper. Somehow there was no reason for fights anymore, and then Finn was suddenly gone. It was only then that I realized how important the little jerk was to me.
"I want to see the giraffes!"
"What do you want to see, Róisín?" I ask her, looking at her in the rearview mirror.
"Hmm, I like..."
"The snow leopards, yeah yeah," Aoife interrupts. "But they're not as interesting as giraffes. Did you know that giraffes have to bend their front legs to drink?"
"Why do you like the snow leopards, Róisín?"
"Leopards are boring!" shrieks Aoife.
She's cute, but right now I'd really like an off switch.
"No they're not," I hear the quiet whisper.
I want to ask her again what she likes about them, but Aoife is now chattering about all the monkeys she wants to see, without pausing for breath.
Arriving at the zoo, I realize that unfortunately Aoife's wish will be fulfilled first, because the African savanna is right next to the entrance. She runs ahead while I hold out my hand to Róisín. She smiles as she takes it.
"So, tell me why you find snow leopards so amazing."
She brushes the hair from her face. "Because we know so little about them. They live so hidden that people didn't really know much about them for a long time. They're solitary and look inconspicuous, but I think that's what makes them especially beautiful."
"A bit like you?" I ask her gently.
She shrugs. "Could be."
"Do you sometimes feel overlooked?"
She shrugs again. "Sometimes."
"Because Aoife always draws all the attention to herself."
"She's my little sister," she answers, as if that's explanation enough.
"Wow, look at the zebras!" Aoife calls excitedly. A small herd starts running, coming to a stop at the stable.
A zookeeper comes in to bring them hay.
We're all kind of the same. When there's food, we come running.
Róisín watches the zebras as they pounce on the hay, while Aoife is already running off to look at the giraffes.
"Are you coming?" I ask Róisín.
She nods, a bit resigned, and I realize this is how it always goes. She's the well-behaved one who's always asked to give up what she wants to do at the moment because she makes it easy for everyone. But that's not how it should be. I swear to myself in that moment that I won't do that anymore. Aoife can also take a step back sometimes.
So I make an effort all afternoon to tame the whirlwind, which isn't always easy and sometimes even impossible, resulting twice in tantrums with crying and screaming. Since I'm just the uncle, I bribe her with fries and ice cream.
And then I give Róisín as much time as she wants to admire the snow leopards.
"This is soooo boring," Aoife says after thirty seconds.
"Your sister gets to spend as much time with her favorite animal as she wants."
"But I..."
"No, sweetie, it's Róisín's turn now."
She crosses her arms over her chest. "And when is it my turn?"
"You've had your turn all day."
"I did not!"
"Did we look at the giraffes first?"
"Because they were on the way. It's never about me, always about Róisín!"
"We can move on," Róisín says quietly.
I look at her. "Are you done already?"
She shrugs. "It's okay."
"I want to see the koalas now and then go to the petting zoo!" Aoife crows.
But somehow this isn't okay at all, I think. I need to talk to Orla about this, that it can't be like this. That one child can't always step back just because the other one loudly demands what it wants.
"Róisín, take as much time as you need. Aoife got to look at her favorite animals, and you deserve to do the same."
Aoife looks at me indignantly. "But I want to go to the koalas now!"
"We'll go there next."
"I never get my turn! Everything always revolves around Róisín!"
Her eyes fill with tears. When that obviously doesn't have the desired effect, she shouts "I hate you!" and runs away. I quickly follow her, catch up to her, while keeping an eye on Róisín, who follows us. Damn. I haven't made this any easier for her either.
"Let me go! I hate you!"
I let my head sink to my chest. Maybe I'm kidding myself thinking I could be a father. I can't even get through one afternoon with the two of them without disaster striking.
Róisín takes Aoife's hand. "Let's go see the koalas."
Aoife gives me a triumphant look, dead serious.
Little monster.
MALLORY
Somehow I'm more excited about my Gran's date than I've been about my own. But she's just so sweet. She cooks a fantastic meal, of course, puts on a dress, arranges her hair in a different kind of bun, and asks me to apply a little makeup for her. Just very subtle.
She looks adorable.
"Why don't you wear your pearl necklace?" I ask as I sit on her bed, watching her fidget with her outfit.
She touches her neck. "Do you think so? Isn't it frowned upon to wear someone else's jewelry on a date?"
"First of all, Theo knows you have a past. He probably also knows that you'd still be with Gramps if he hadn't passed away. Right? And besides, it's simply a beautiful necklace."
"One that will belong to you someday."
"Don't say things like that!"
She turns to me, smiling. "Not anytime soon."
"I should hope not!"
I get up, go to her jewelry box, and take out the necklace. It's a simple string of beautiful pearls. Gramps had received it from his mother and then passed it on to his wife.
"Wear it. You always look happy when you have it on."
I stand behind her and place the necklace around her neck.
She strokes the pearls. "It's not just about your grandfather."
"Tell me the story."
Gran smiles dreamily. "My mother-in-law wasn't happy that her son fell in love with a poor girl. She had imagined someone better for him. For years she railed against me, injecting her venom. Then I lost my first child, which was just water for her mill. She ranted that I wasn't even capable of producing offspring. Really terrible. I didn't tell anyone about the second miscarriage."
My heart opens, flies to my Gran. I rest my head on her shoulder, and she pats my face.
"That was so long ago, darling. And then I had Louis. One look at her grandson's face and the dragon was in love. Things got easier from then on because now I had something she wanted."
"She sounds awful."
"She was just a product of a time that wasn't kind to women. It wasn't malice. I don't know what it was, but when I had your mom and Roger too, she gave the necklace to her son."
"You didn't inherit it?" I ask, surprised.
"No. That was her way of telling me I was a member of her family, that she had accepted me."
"That's why it has special value for you?"
"Yes, after that we became pretty good friends. She lived with us during her final years and was a big help to me, taking the children when I had to work, just helping out a lot. And I was a listening ear when she needed to complain because life still wasn't treating women much better."
"That's a nice reconciliation, but it still doesn't excuse her initially cruel behavior."
"She brought much more good than bad into my life. She tried hard to make amends. I don't hold anything against her. On the contrary. The day she passed affected me more than my own mother's death. I held her hand until the very end. Her last look was for me."
"Oh Gran."
"Death is just part of life."
"Let's not talk about that."
She smiles, patting my cheek. "Young people never want to talk about death."
I stand in front of her, looking at her. "You're beautiful, Gran. Theo is lucky to have caught a little treat like you."
She laughs. "Little treat. You're something else."
I kiss her on the cheek before going to my room to put on my own makeup. It's one thing to show myself unadorned to my family, but that's not happening in front of strangers.
* * *
Since I'm an absolute disaster in the kitchen, the best thing I can do to help Gran is to stay out of her way. And set the table. I do that, using the good dishes. The concept of good dishes is foreign to me, because I think it makes no sense to keep them in the cabinet all the time, only to take them out once a year. Every day should be celebrated with good dishes.
By the time Neil comes downstairs, I'm almost finished.
"Typical that you show up when everything's already done," I tease him.
He grins. "I've always been good at avoiding work."
"Indeed. Minimal effort, maximum result."
"Still my motto." He adjusts a glass so he can claim he helped. "Do you think, Gran is lonely without us?"
"She has Louis and Roger with their families."
"Yes, but we both lived with her, lived in this house. First I left, then you, then Gramps. That couldn't have been easy for her."
"I never thought about it that way," I admit. "I always thought she had her sons and their families here. But yes, the house must have suddenly felt very empty. Damn. Now I feel guilty."
"She wouldn't want that. She always wanted us to find our own way. But somehow I was thinking about that today."
"But now she has Theo."
Neil smiles. "Yes, I think that's wonderful. She deserves to experience love again."
"I'm so curious about what he's like."
"Me too. Are you as excited as if it were your own date?"
"Worse!"
He laughs and I join in.
"It's so lovely to hear your laughter. And together, too. We haven't been together like this for a long time," says Gran, appearing in the doorway.
"I'm so sorry. I'll visit more often," I say remorsefully.
This woman has done so much for us. She was already finished raising children, and then—according to Dad—she didn't hesitate for a moment when it came to creating a good home for us. Gran sacrificed so much for us. Every day. And me? I couldn't get away from here fast enough.
To be honest, in recent years I've often found it annoying to come here. And she might have been quite lonely. I haven't repaid her generosity and love at all. That needs to change.
"Oh sweetheart, you have your own life," she says, kind as always.
But I just want to shout: "What life is that?"
And that shocks me so much that I'm at a loss for words.
The doorbell rings and Gran goes to answer it, while I try to regain my composure. What kind of realization is this at absolutely the wrong time?
Neil and I don't go into the hallway, giving the lovebirds a chance to greet each other undisturbed. When they come into the dining room, I'm surprised.
Theo is the exact opposite of my grandfather and, in fact, the opposite of my Gran too. She's rather cozy, with curves that testify to her knowing how to enjoy life. She's small, like me, and radiates something sweet and nurturing.
I'd definitely believe Theo could climb Mount Everest. He's tall, lean and wiry, sun-tanned, with snow-white hair, and for seventy, he still looks quite young and fit.
In my mind, I applaud Gran for hooking such a good looking man. But most important to me is that he looks at her as if he never wants to look at anything else. Being looked at like that is definitely a life goal.
"Theo, these are my grandchildren Mallory and Neil. And this is Theo Miller."
"It's a pleasure to meet you, Mr. Miller," says Neil, the first to extend his hand.
"Oh please, no formalities. Theo is more than enough." He smiles before offering me his hand. "This family is full of beautiful women."
Embarrassed, I take his hand. "Thank you. It's nice to meet you, Theo."
"The pleasure is all mine. I was beginning to think Judy was ashamed of me and was hiding me from her family."
She playfully swats at him. "Oh, stop it."
He grins, giving him a mischievous expression. Gran has a thing for bad boys!
"Well, after what you told me about your sons..."
Neil smiles. "That's definitely the uncool part of the family."
"Neil!" Gran scolds him, who of course still loves her boys, as she always says, despite everything.
"It's true though," I say.
She shakes her head. "Go ahead and sit down. I'll get the food."
Neil follows her, the old suck-up, while I sit down with Theo. "Well, Theo, I think it's time for the talk."
He laughs. "Okay, go ahead and really scare me."
"Well, this is my favorite grandma, so unfortunately I can't make any concessions here."
"I completely understand."
"Good. Let's get to my conditions."
"Fire away." He looks at me, half intrigued, half amused.
"First: I expect her to always look as radiantly happy as she does now."
"That's desirable and also in my interest."
"Second: You must continue to look at her the way you do now."
"How do I look at her?" he asks with twinkling eyes.
"Like she's a cream cake."
He laughs. "Okay, I really do think that."
"Exactly."
I narrow my eyes a little to appear menacing.
"Good, good. I can live with that. Anything else?"
"Yes, third, and you need to listen carefully, because this is important."
He leans forward. "I'm all ears."
"Never, and I mean never, criticize her cooking."
Cheerfully he extends his hand. "Deal."
I take his hand. "I'm glad we understand each other."
"We do."
Laughing, I lean back. "What does your family think about you having a new love?"
"Oh, kids can be really strange. They rarely visit because they have their own lives, but when you start living your own life, they're not happy about that either. Plus, they think they're entitled to have an opinion about everything, as if you give up your decision-making power just because you brought a few children into the world over forty years ago." He grins. "Grandchildren are completely different. They were all thrilled. Well, by now my two children are also big fans, because Judy bribed them with cake." He laughs.
Gran and Neil come into the dining room, placing steaming bowls in front of us. If I invited a man over for dinner, I'd order pizza, but Gran is obviously different. She's serving beef stew with mashed potatoes and glazed carrots. She's such a show-off. Seriously.
"Wow, Gran, you've really gone all out. This smells fantastic." I smile at her.
She blushes a little. "Well, I have three of my favorite people here, that calls for a celebration."
Gran is old school. She likes to serve everyone, which always looks like she's trying to fatten us up. Neil and Theo could actually use it, but I always tell her: Not so much . Unfortunately, she's completely deaf to that. It's always been that way. Even today, my plate is almost overflowing with food.
Food is clearly Gran's love language.
"This looks excellent, Judy." Theo takes her hand and squeezes it.
I look at Neil and softly go "Aww." He rolls his eyes. There's definitely a romantic hiding inside him. When I roll my eyes in response, he throws a dinner roll at me.
"Don't play with your food!" Gran protests.
"Sorry, Gran," we both say, but I kick Neil in the shin under the table. He deserves credit for only slightly grimacing.
Once Gran has distributed enough food to feed an army garrison, she sits down. "Let’s start eating," she says. But before she begins herself, she watches us first to see if we like it. If you don't start enthusiastically enough, she immediately asks if you don't like her food. So Neil and I dig right in.
"Don't you like it, Theo?"
I grin when I hear her question.
"I do, it's excellent! I just need to savor every bite."
I secretly give him a thumbs up. Good man. He learns quickly.
And because we're not already about to burst after this excellent meal, Gran then shows up with peach cobbler for dessert. Groaning, we try to find room somehow, but I'm on strike. Neil doesn't finish his portion either, but Theo happily munches away. No wonder he's worked his way into Gran's heart. He's a good eater.