Chapter 16
16
MALLORY
T he weekend with my brother is great, but saying goodbye is that much harder. I wish he didn't live so far away. Sure, there are phones and the internet, but FaceTime isn't the same as seeing someone in person and being able to hug them. I wasn't lying when I said he's my best friend. He absolutely is. Maybe it's because we lost our mother so early, but it has always been the two of us against the rest of the world. And our grandparents, of course. They were our allies too.
After dropping him at the airport, I drive to the office. Juan has somehow gotten used to the new situation, even really likes living in the hotel suite because—quote—his every wish is catered to there and his wife could learn a thing or two from that.
I wisely keep my mouth shut, though I'd like to tell him that I think such misogynistic behavior is crap, but that ship sailed about five months ago. I should have stood up to him on my first day when he spouted sexist nonsense.
"Ah, Mallory, there you are at last. Rather late."
"I'm sorry," I reply. "Do you need me for anything?"
"Not right now, but you should always be ready just in case."
"Got it. Won't happen again."
He nods, and I take that as my cue to sit at my desk. Juan is just an asshole. I've never been late, and technically my work hours start at 8:30. Right now it's just 8:30. On top of that, I work much more than what's in my contract. Officially, I work forty-five hours, but in reality it's usually closer to sixty, not counting that I'm often available on weekends too. So it's absolutely outrageous for him to say something like that.
Normally, I would just sit down, swallow my pride, and do my job, but right now I'm really at my breaking point because this is just unfair.
It's a bad idea, but I march back into his office.
"What is it?" he snaps at me, not even bothering to look up, which makes my blood boil even more.
"You can't treat me like this!"
He looks up. "What?"
"My contract says forty-five hours, but I've been working almost sixty hours a week for five months, so I'm here almost twelve hours every day, which is far from an eight-hour workday. During that time, I haven't had a single day off, haven't been sick once, am still available for you on weekends when you need me, constantly reachable by phone. When you call, I jump immediately and drop everything. And now you're accusing me of being late, even though I was exactly on time, which you've probably forgotten because I'm usually here at 7:30, which is an hour before my official start time! I bust my ass for you, have to listen to your bad and sexist jokes, and then you act like I'm unreliable? You can't treat me like this."
I take a deep breath because I said all of that without breathing once.
"That's your job," he replies. "If you don't want to do it, I'll find a replacement."
"Wow. That's your answer?"
I hear someone clearing their throat behind me. Horrified, I turn around. Roberto is standing there with an apologetic expression.
Juan stands up and comes around his desk. "That's my answer as your boss. Do your job or leave."
I feel completely blindsided and don't know what to do, but there's really only one option.
"Then I'll leave."
With my head held high, I march out of the office, keeping my back straight because I know otherwise I'll start crying. I grab my purse—I don't have any other personal items—shut down my computer, and leave the building under the watchful eyes of my colleagues.
Before I can figure out what to do next, Roberto says behind me: "Come back inside."
"No, I can't."
"Come back inside, and be my assistant."
I look at him. "Really?"
"Really. I've needed a new one for ages, but I didn't feel like dealing with it, which is why I've let it slide. But I know you, and I know you're a very good assistant."
"What will Juan say about this?"
"I don't care. If he lets good people go, that's his loss."
I think for a moment. "I won't accept worse conditions."
"Of course not. Your contract stays the same, just with my signature on it."
"Okay."
He smiles at me. "So, is it a deal?" He holds out his hand.
I shake it. "It's a deal."
Under the watchful eyes of my colleagues, I go back into the building with Roberto. They look at me questioningly, but when I sit down at the desk in front of Roberto's office, they understand what just happened.
I don't quite understand it myself yet, but okay. This will work out.
After I've put away my things—meaning my purse—I knock on Roberto's door. "Is there anything I can do for you?"
"Yes, we definitely need to figure out how we're going to organize ourselves. I've been doing a lot on my own, which is why everything is piling up." He points to the stack of papers adorning his desk. "And my inbox... a disaster. No idea where you should start."
"Okay, well, do you even know what all those papers on your desk are?"
"No," he admits.
"Then I'll start there." I gather everything together before taking it to my desk. "Once I've gone through it, I'll present you with an action plan."
"Thank you, Mallory. You're my savior."
And it's the best feeling to have someone thank me for my work.
brADY
Over the weekend, I worked on arranging Kira's care situation. Finn, my personal hero, has agreed to look after her on two afternoons, Orla takes Wednesday because she has that day off, and Mom is also there for me. Never before have I been so grateful for this family as I am right now. Yes, they were sometimes too much for me, but now it's clear that they're worth their weight in gold.
And then the first real day of everyday life is here. I take Kira to school in the morning, give her money for lunch, though I plan to eventually give her a lunchbox, simply so she doesn't have to eat pizza every other day, poor thing. She'll probably hate me when I want to give her carrot sticks, but I'll just have to live with that.
When I arrive at the garage, I first thank Mario for giving me time off so easily the previous week.
"No problem, man. How's it going with your little one?"
"I'm not entirely sure yet. I'd need to leave early again today, is that okay? From tomorrow on, I can work normal hours again."
"All right. But don't worry about it. I have kids too. Things don't always go according to plan. That's just how it is. We'll work it out."
"Thanks for doing this for me."
"Of course. You're a damn good mechanic, and we don't want to lose you."
That's music to my ears, and I make a mental note to continue being as reliable as possible, while being thankful for receiving so much understanding.
* * *
At two o'clock, I say goodbye and drive to Kira's school to pick her up. Many children are practically running to freedom, but Kira is one of the last ones. And she's alone.
"Hey, mo leanbh . How was school?"
She shrugs. "They all know each other already."
"I know. I'm sorry about that. Did anyone talk to you?"
She shakes her head, then nods. "One boy."
"That's good. What's his name?"
"Dustin."
"Is he nice?" I hold the car door open for her.
"I don't know," she says as she gets in.
I walk around the car and get in too. When I look in the rearview mirror, I see tears in her eyes.
I turn around. "Hey, sweetie, what's wrong?"
"I don't know anyone and nobody played with me. And I want my Mom and..." She throws her arms up in frustration. "And nobody understands me."
My first reaction is to say that I understand her, but I hold back. For one thing, I really don't know what it's like to lose your parents at eight and then have to live with a stranger. For another, I want to take her feelings seriously and not downplay them.
"I'm very sorry things are so complicated for you right now. Is there anything I can do to make it easier for you?"
She shakes her head. "No. I just don't want to be so alone."
"You had to leave your friends behind too, right?"
"Yes." She wipes away her tears.
"Did you have many friends?"
"No, but two best friends."
"Maybe we could try to Skype with them sometime."
"Really?"
"Of course. If I have their numbers, I can call their parents and set something up. Would that help?"
"I think so."
"Then we'll do that."
"Okay. Do you have a tissue?"
I make a face. "I still have a lot to learn, like always having tissues on hand."
She smiles. "You're not doing so bad."
"Thank you. Will you buckle up?"
On Thursday, along with all the other things, we also bought a car seat for Kira. A booster seat with a backrest so she sits safely. I wouldn't even have known what to buy. I really have so much to learn.
* * *
That evening, I try to call Mindy. I tried over the weekend, but she never picked up. But I just need to know a few things. I need the phone numbers of Kira's friends, the name of her pediatrician. I need to know if she has allergies, if there's any food she can't tolerate. It was already crappy of Mindy to just leave her here like that, but the fact that she didn't even leave me the bare minimum of information is really lousy, especially since I could be putting Kira in danger. But this time too, only the voicemail picks up. Unlike my previous attempts, this time I leave a message.
"Mindy, can you call me back? I need to know a few things about Kira. Does she have allergies, illnesses? She'd also like to Skype with her friends, so I need the parents' phone numbers. It's just irresponsible that you left without giving me this basic information. I really can't understand it. So call me back or send me a text or whatever."
I lean back with a sigh. Man. None of this is easy.
As I scroll through my contacts, I come across the chat with Mallory. Oh fuck!
I open it. Fuck no, I haven't written to her since Thursday, and today is Monday.
She hates me. She definitely hates me. I would hate myself too.
Shit.
And tomorrow is our meeting. I didn't think of that either. I can't go out again in the evening if Kira has been at Finn's all afternoon. Damn it.
She was right. Mallory was right. I don't have time for two new women in my life. It's just not fair to her. She has to take a back seat and she doesn't deserve that.
What should I do?
Sure, I have a good excuse because Kira is now staying with me, but if you want something, you find ways and means, right? Every evening I was completely exhausted, but a text message doesn't take long. You don't have to write novels, but a quick I'm thinking of you is always possible. She'll feel like I'm not interested.
And isn't that true?
Not fundamentally, because I like her. When we first met, I was totally excited. But if I'm honest, I already pushed her aside for Mindy because subconsciously I was hoping that would work out again. When Kira showed up, I put her on the back burner again. She really doesn't deserve that.
With enormous regret, I write her a message, deleting about twelve versions before I send the following words:
Brady
Hey Mallory, I'm so sorry I haven't been in touch at all. You had already feared that the whole situation would be too much for me. I hadn't expected it to happen, but unfortunately I have to tell you that it's true. Mindy just left me alone with Kira last week and since then I've been completely overwhelmed. Everything is so new and there was so much to organize, school etc. Plus, Kira is also struggling, missing her mom despite everything, as well as her friends. It's just a lot. I know this all sounds like an excuse, and in a way it is. Because I could certainly have sent a quick message in between. I'm so incredibly sorry because I really like you and would have loved to get to know you better. But I can't do right by you right now. I'm sorry that our timing is so absolutely terrible. I'm just so sorry about everything.
MALLORY
I'm sitting on the bike at the gym when I get Brady's message. Because I'm a masochist, I open it immediately, even though sweat is dripping onto my phone.
And then I don't know what to feel.
First I'm angry because he hasn't contacted me for so long.
Then I feel for him because Mindy just dumped Kira on him. How terrible must it be for the poor child?
And then I'm just sad because it's true. He can't do right by me at the moment. And it's not even his fault. Sure, he could have sent a quick message in between, but that wouldn't have been enough either. There's just not enough time for more right now.
But somehow... I don't know. I'm not ready to give up. Not ready to give him up, because I felt something I haven't felt for a long time. So I write:
Mallory
Hey Brady, I understand you completely. I'm so sorry this happened to you and Kira, especially for the little one. That must be terrible. I'm glad she has you and that you're taking responsibility for her. You're one of the good ones. I know this is a bit crazy right now. But I can't give up yet. Can't give you up. So I'm proposing the following: We meet once a month, if you can manage it. One evening we spend together, to maintain at least a little contact. And we'll keep doing this until one of us doesn't want to anymore or until we think it's time for more contact. What do you think?
No idea if this is a good idea. No idea if my heart can handle it. But I know that I don't want this to be over yet. Yes, the timing is really bad. And nobody's to blame for that. Not him either.
I was really sad, and only the fact that Neil was there made it easier for me because he can cheer me up like no one else. But it still bothered me that Brady hadn't contacted me. I was about to label him as an asshole, but his message was honest and sincere. At least it felt that way to me.
Maybe I can't handle this. Maybe it's not enough for me. But maybe special people deserve that you sometimes take unusual paths.
Brady
Are you serious?
Mallory
Yes.
Brady
Can you do that? Doesn't it hurt you too much?
Mallory
I don't know, but I want to try because I can't imagine what it would be like to cross you out of my life right now.
Brady
I promise you I'll make time for it. When will we meet for the first time?
Mallory
Friday in two weeks?
Brady
Just to be clear, you mean October second?
Mallory
Exactly. At six o'clock?
Brady
And where?
Mallory
Walk in the Baylands and then maybe dinner?
Brady
Alright. Shall we meet at the Visitor Center?
Mallory
Yes, I'd like that.
Brady
Thank you, Mallory. I'm really looking forward to it.
Mallory
Me too. :)
Brady
But I can write to you in between?
Mallory
Maybe later. But for now, let's not have any contact until then.
Brady
Okay. I'm sorry I hurt you.
Mallory
Just don't do it again.
Brady
Promise. See you at the Baylands, mo stóirín.
Mallory
I thought that meant sorry.
Brady
:D It also means good night.
Mallory
Hmm. Good night to you too then. See you soon. :)
Brady
See you soon. :)
This is probably the dumbest idea ever, but I'm smiling at my phone like I'm slightly brain-damaged. And thinking about it, I can't even deny it.