Chapter Fourteen #2
“An accident? Are my parents okay?” Instantly, I’m on high alert. Not that I hear much from my parents, but it’s quite possible something could’ve happened to them, and I just not know it yet.
“Your parents are fine,” he reveals, “It’s not them I’m here about.”
Pippa.
It’s the only other option. My eyes cut to Eddie, and narrow into furious slits. “What did you do to my sister?”
The officer jumps in. “I’m not sure how to tell you this—”
“Is that all you know how to say?” I growl, my voice rising to an octave I’ve never hit before, then I look at the pathetic motherfucker cowering in his seat. “I know you have something to do with this, or you wouldn’t be here. What the fuck did you do?”
“First off, don’t take out your anger on the officer. He’s just doing his job. Second, what makes you think I have something to do with it?”
“Because you have no other reason to be here, Eddie. Amber fucking kicked your stupid ass to the curb, and my sister… well, you fucked up your chance with her too. So why the fuck are you sitting here ruining my day even further with your presence?”
For a moment, his backbone straightens, meeting my glare with one just as angry. Then his face softens for a fraction of a second, just long enough for the stone to crack.
“Because she’s dead, Poppy. Pippa is dead.”
My jaw unhinges, going slack. Eyes widening seconds before everything goes black.
I don’t remember flying at him or knocking him off the couch.
I don’t even remember the words that follow even though they leave my lips with ease.
“You lying son of a bitch!” My punch ricochets off his jaw, but I barely feel it.
He doesn’t budge, or move, or even stop me.
He takes the hit, allowing me to continue punching him, taking out all my frustration on his firm chest like it’s a speed bag.
Officer Johnston stops me before I can land another hit. “Ma’am, sit down!”
“Fuck you!” I scream at the top of my lungs, my heart racing, my anger only getting worse as I rip my arm out of his hold.
Then I force myself to look at Eddie again.
The bastard who dares to sit there and act like he gives a fuck when I know he doesn’t.
“You don’t get to stand here and tell me she’s gone. Not after what you did to her!”
My idle hand flies again, this time drawing blood as I connect with his lip.
“Hit him again, and I’m going to arrest you, Ms. Kiplinger.”
His threat only stops me for a second. “How’d she die? Tell me?”
Officer Johnston forces me to sit in a chair, and I do it unwillingly. “She fell from a very high height. I’m sorry.”
“My sister hated heights! You’re lying. You have to be. She wouldn’t have risked her life like that!”
Eddie meets my angry gaze, wiping the blood from his mouth, his chest heaving in angry puffs. “And yet she did.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Think about it, Poppy. She was fucking obsessed with me, so obsessed she waited until my wedding day to reveal what happened between us. She was fucked up in the head. When I told her I didn’t want to be with her, she lost it, begged me to change my mind, especially when I called off our friendship.
She couldn’t take that, so she fucking called me, told me she was standing on top of Rattlesnake Mountain and had nothing to live for… ”
My stomach twists, not wanting to believe or hear any of this. “Pippa would never kill herself.”
“I’m not lying to you, Poppy. That’s exactly where I found her, standing on the edge of the cliff, staring down at the city as if she was seeing it for the first and last time. When I got close, she backed up to the edge, telling me to not come any closer.”
“It’s your fault!” I holler out, the pain finally hitting me. That hollow feeling of loss I felt in my chest… it was her… my fucking twin. She’s gone. How the hell can she be gone?
“I know.”
“If you hadn’t messed with her head, she’d still be alive,” I cry out, the tears already falling in angry rivers.
“Maybe so, but it still doesn’t change the fact that she forced me up there, hoping I’d choose her instead of Amber, begging for forgiveness I couldn’t give.”
“So, you let her die?”
Officer Johnston cuts in before I can react.
“No, Ms. Kiplinger, he tried to save her life. It was an accident. I don’t think she truly wanted to kill herself, but she was too close to the edge, and the ground beneath her gave way.
Eddie caught her and tried to pull her up, but he just couldn’t hold on long enough. ”
“I fucking hate you!” My breathing increases, heart stuttering and racing all at the same time.
I’m a mixture of emotions… despair… fear…
anger… hatred. I feel them all like they’re a part of me, filling the blank, empty spaces my sister’s absence has left me with.
“You killed my sister! My twin! My fucking whole world!”
“I didn’t want her to die. I put that on everything that means something to me,” Eddie tries to reassure me, the pain in his eyes looking more like regret than actual sincerity.
“Like Amber? She meant something to you, and you threw her away like a fucking grenade!”
“Don’t bring Amber into this. This isn’t about her! Do you have any idea what it feels like to feel someone’s life slip out of your hands? I do! It fucking haunts me, Poppy. I can’t even blink without seeing her screaming for me to hold on, begging me not to let go.”
Eddie’s cheeks turn a pale shade of green, and he drops back onto my couch, holding his head. “I need to sit.”
“Don’t you dare make yourself the victim! Not now. Not after taking my sister’s life. You bastard! I won’t let you do this.” I lunge at him again, fists flying, my tears unruly and unable to fight.
“Stop, Poppy. Please, stop,” Eddie begs.
“I hate you!” My voice echoes like a haunted moan. I’m seconds away from crumbling.
“I know. Hate me all you want, but please—”
“He can’t breathe,” Officer Johnston shouts. “He’s having another anxiety attack.”
“Then let him die! He deserves it after what he did to my sister and best friend. This world would be better off without him in it.” Do I mean the words?
Maybe. But this reaction feels nothing like me.
I’m calm. I’m the one that usually keeps a good head.
But right now, it’s spinning and spinning and won’t fucking stop.
Dead? How can my sister be dead?
Pippa’s gone? I just lost Amber, now they’re saying my twin’s gone too.
Why did Amber have to leave now? I need her. I need her so much it fucking hurts.
“You need to calm down. I know you’re upset, but I will arrest you if you continue threatening him the way you are,” Officer Johnston warns.
“Threatening? You haven’t even seen threatening yet!” I shoot to my feet, unable to control my own body. I’m spiraling, everything closing in. The walls, the air around me. It all feels suffocating.
“Breathe, Eddie,” Officer Johnston instructs. “Take a long deep breath and let it out slowly.”
How can he be tending to Eddie right now when I’m the one who needs comforting?
I grab the first thing I see and throw it to the ground, realizing almost immediately that it was something Eddie gave Amber. The shattering of glass does something to me, and I grab something else, a picture of them in Cabo, throwing it to the ground too.
“Amber—” Eddie screams out, his voice wavering with pain.
“Don’t say her name!” I grab something off the table and launch it at him, only for it to be caught by the cop.
Asshole. “You fucking broke her! You shattered her so bad she’ll never trust anyone again.
She’s so fucked up that she left Reno because of you.
She’s not dead, but you killed her anyway!
You tore every piece of trust out of her.
You think she’ll ever be whole again after you?
S—She left me—left everyone.” My words come out in stutters.
“She won’t answer my calls, and I don’t know if she’ll ever come back because you broke her down so far there’s nothing left for her here.
She’ll never love again. Not when you left her hollow and without purpose! ”
“Love? How can you talk about love when you don’t even know what it is?” Eddie snaps.
“What on earth are you talking about?” I fire back, unable to control myself.
“You act like you’re so perfect, Poppy. But you’ve ruined people too. Take Wesley for example.”
My gut sours. I hate hearing his name. I hate being reminded of him.
Yet Eddie continues, making everything worse.
“The guy went to prison fighting for you! He laid a guy out because he fucking dared to touch you. Now he’s five years in because that’s his way of showing you how much he cares—how deep his love actually is for you.
And what did you do, Poppy? You called him trash and treated him like he wasn’t worth the dirt under your feet. ”
My lips begin to tremble, but I refuse to let him see me break. He won’t get that from me. “Don’t. Don’t you dare put that on me. Wesley did this to himself! He’s a fucking loose cannon and a criminal!”
“You don’t believe that.” Eddie steps toward me, his voice dropping to something more controlled.
“I see it in your face. You pretend to loathe him because you think he’s beneath you.
But he’s the only one who’s ever bled for you.
And you hate him for that too, because deep down, you feel something for him you’ll never admit. ”
Yeah, those words do everything they shouldn’t.
Before I can stop myself, my hand snaps across his face, whipping his head to the side so hard he seems dazed. “Shut the fuck up!”
That’s when Officer Johnston steps in. “Enough!”
“You pushed away Amber too. Always choosing Pippa before her, putting your own selfish needs before anyone else. Where’s those good grades and academic scholarships going to get you now, Poppy? Were they worth losing your twin sister and your best friend?”
He knows exactly how to unravel me. The tears come back full force, my heart shattering.
When I finally find my voice again, it comes out pure venom.
“I hope you rot in Hell for what you’ve done.
I hope every breath you take burns like acid, and you feel my sister’s death like she’s cursed your damning soul. ”
“Your wish is my command, Poppy, because I’m already feeling the repercussions for what happened up on that mountain.”
“That’s because you don’t just break people, Eddie, you hollow them out. You might as well have killed them both.”
Eddie starts to sway, a strange look of confusion taking over as his breathing increases into quick, little huffs. “Sit down, Eddie. You’re hyperventilating. Keep your eyes on me. In through your nose, out through your mouth.” He stands there like a statue. “Goddamn it, man! Fucking breathe!”
He crumples to the floor, tearing at his hair like he’s ready to rip them from the follicles. The crash out is loud and real, and even though the cop tries to talk him down, Eddie keep spiraling.
“You’re having a panic attack now. Focus on my voice. Right here. Don’t give her words power.”
But my words are too powerful for both of us. I somehow end up on the floor, crying against my knees as my sobs rip free of my body, every breath painful, my heart barely functioning.
“This is going nowhere. I’m going to remove you from the situation before it gets worse. Ms. Kiplinger, I’m sorry for your loss, but before this escalates into something more, I’m going to get Eddie out of here.”
I don’t acknowledge him. I can’t. Hell, the words barely reach me, muffled beneath the roaring weight pressing against my skull, submitting to the crushing gravity of a world that no longer makes sense.
The door closes with a harrowing click that slices through the room, a small sound that somehow feels final, like abandonment made audible.
Silence swallows everything. I’m not sure how long I sit there, minutes bleed into hours, my body hollow, my thoughts spiraling back to the same impossible sentence that my sister fell off the top of Rattle Snake Mountain.
Fell. As if she simply tripped out of existence.
My chest tightens until breathing feels like drowning, and desperation drives my trembling hands to my phone.
I call the only person I have left… Amber.
It rings once then twice, and I repeat the motion all over again when she doesn’t answer, desperate for someone to help me through this.
Each unanswered ring scrapes at something bitter inside me, feeding the brutal, ugly thought that she should’ve never left, and now I’m even more alone than I was when I walked her to the U-Haul.
When the emptiness becomes unbearable, I switch to my sister’s contact, thumb hovering, heart shattering all over again as her voicemail answers.
Her voice, warm and alive and completely unaware that it is now a relic, fills my ears, and I cling to it like a lifeline, calling back before it ends, repeating it again and again, chasing the sound of her hello while everything inside me collapses beyond repair.
They’re gone. Both of them.
I have no one left that cares.
No one who can comfort me.
Except… Wesley.
I shake the crazy thought from my head, refusing to give him power in this moment. There’s only one thing left that can help me, but do I even want to go there? Yes, it’s the only way to overcome this grief without ending it all.
Like a zombie, I rise to my feet, dragging my feet against the cold, unforgiving linoleum until I’m standing in front of my stash, knowing that with it, I can get through this.
My fingers shake as I pull open the secret compartment, and grab two tabs, slipping both onto my tongue.
I’ve never taken two at the same time before.
But I’ve also never cared if I live to see tomorrow.
I’m nothing more than an empty shell.
A void of bleak decay left on this pitiful earth, alone and too damn broken to keep going.
If Wesley were here, he’d try to stop me…
“He’s not here though,” I remind myself, the chaos in my brain taking over. “And you are not okay.” My reflection blinks back at me, crying out for help only I can give her.
It’s the last thing I think about before the numbness takes over… I don’t even remember hitting the floor.