Chapter 32
Chapter Thirty-Two
T he taxi drops me off outside what appears to be a budget hotel-slash-hostel near Haymarket Station. It looks pretty grim, but I know it wouldn’t be wise to fritter away my winnings by checking into a nice one indefinitely – and especially not with Edinburgh hotel prices being what they are. It could take weeks to find a decent place to live.
On opening the door to my tiny, drab room, I survey the stained bedclothes and the ancient furniture, tired and dull from years of wear and tear. It’s clearly been some time since this place had a refurb. There’s also a musty smell of damp lingering in the air. I dump my stuff and sit on the bed in a daze, barely able to process what’s happened.
After a while, my phone buzzes with an incoming call and I can see that it’s Amber, but I ignore it. Seconds later, she tries again, and I briefly consider answering, but I can’t face the reality of this – nor her tough love – so I let it go to voicemail. However, if Amber is one thing, she’s persistent and she almost immediately calls again, causing me to throw my phone on the floor in frustration .
It buzzes once more with a message alert, and this time curiosity takes over. I lean down and pick it up.
Where are you? You’re an idiot. Cat hasn’t been sleeping with Dave. What the hell are you playing at??
Stunned by Amber’s words, I’m at a loss as to what to do. What does she know? I’m the one that saw them together. And Cat admitted it. I haven’t got this wrong.
I pace around my room for a bit, before coming to a decision: I need to see the truth for myself. I take a taxi back to Cat’s, pick up my car and drive to Simpson Loan, where I park in a free space near the main door to Dave’s plush apartment block. After quickly buying a ticket from the nearby machine, while keeping my face hidden as best I can, I settle back in the driver’s seat and wait.
As the minutes pass, it dawns on me that, without a plan or knowing what Dave’s doing today, I could be in for a long wait. Or he might not leave his apartment at all. But if Cat is seeing him, then it’s likely that she’ll have gone to him for comfort. I also consider going to get a coffee to keep me alert but then think better of it. Not only could I miss something while I’ve nipped away, the only thing worse than an inordinate wait, is an inordinate wait while desperate for the loo.
I sit for two hours and nothing happens. Then, as my motivation finally erodes into boredom, stiff legs and an aching bum, my patience is rewarded. The underground garage door slowly opens and out drives Dave in his obscenely expensive poser car (way more so than mine, I must add). I can’t see much from where I’m parked but I can tell there’s someone with him – and I’d put money on it that it’s a woman. Now I should find out for sure, either way .
Pulling out of the space, I tail them, keeping my distance so they don’t spot me. Dave has no idea I have a new car, but Cat does and I want to keep this particular mission firmly covert.
After following them through the city centre, Dave eventually parks near a stylish looking restaurant just off the bottom of Dundas Street, so I do the same a bit further away and wait. Moments later, Dave gets out of the car, and to my amazement, walks round and opens the door for his companion. Where the hell was that chivalrous behaviour when he was with me? I watch as he bends over and engages them in conversation. Then, a pair of long, slim, tanned legs emerge, followed by a killer body and blonde hair. I can only see the woman from behind, but one thing is immediately clear: it’s not Cat. Cat has dark hair and definitely doesn’t have legs like that. It must be Melissa after all. Just friends, my backside.
I blanch on realising the impact of this. Was Amber right? If so, what was Cat doing with Dave last night? Why was she acting so guiltily and what was she admitting to if it wasn’t her seeing Dave behind my back? Or… is Dave seeing Cat and this blonde woman at the same time – and Cat doesn’t know?
I wrench my focus back to the woman still standing with her back to me, and I don’t have to wait long for my answer. She turns her head and for the second time in twenty-four hours, I’m stunned beyond belief. Dave’s companion is Sara. And I definitely haven’t got the wrong end of the stick this time.
Sick to my stomach, I watch them lock together in a passionate embrace. But instead of the panic, devastation and crushing hurt that washed over me when I saw Cat with Dave, I’m overcome by white-hot anger. Adrenaline pumps through my body so fiercely that I can feel my pulse between my ears. I have been betrayed, and by someone who’s not only supposed to be my friend, she could have any guy she wants. And there’s no way Dave’s seeing her and Cat.
I’m livid as the realisation of all this slams down on me like a ton of bricks. Whatever the story is with Cat and Dave, it must be more innocent than I thought – which means I may well have destroyed my friendship with Cat over nothing (or certainly nothing that constituted a red line being crossed). It’s actually my so-called friend Sara, who I took under my wing when she was new to the city, who’s been messing around with Dave behind my back.
Suddenly remembering the infidelity debate she and Amber were having over dinner the week before, I shake my head at my own naivety. In stark contrast to Amber, Sara had a pretty relaxed attitude to cheating. She’s relaxed about life full stop, so why would I expect her to have a strong moral compass when it comes to friendship?
With this turn of events and still reeling from my fight with Cat, there’s only one-way things can go now. I have to have it out with Dave and Sara – right here, right now.
I get out of the car and march towards them. They’re so wrapped up in each other that they’re completely oblivious to my approach, but the moment Dave sees me, he pulls away from Sara, knocking her off balance.
‘Hey, what’s up, tiger?’ She pulls at his collar, trying to coax him into kissing her.
With her back to me, Sara still hasn’t clocked my presence, but I note with some satisfaction that Dave’s face is ashen. At least he has the grace to look guilty. He backs further away from Sara and pretends to check something on his phone .
‘Don’t let me interrupt you,’ I say when I’m about six feet away, and on hearing my voice, Sara goes rigid.
‘Emma, sweetie. This is… a surprise.’ She turns, trying to sound bright and innocent, but the absence of her signature air kisses further betrays her guilt.
I stare at her in disbelief. ‘ Are you kidding me? ’
‘What, this…’ She waves a dismissive hand. ‘I just bumped into Dave now.’
She really hasn’t a clue. She obviously thinks I’ve walked out the door of the restaurant and seen none of what came before. Dave, on the other hand, stays silent, staring at his phone, probably praying for this to pass quickly and painlessly.
No chance.
‘Do you really think I’m that stupid, Sara?’ My eyes narrow in fury, and I detect an uncomfortable shift in her stance. ‘I followed you and lover boy here from his apartment, so you can drop the act.’
‘You followed me?’ Dave finally finds his voice. ‘What are you? Some kind of sick stalker?’
‘Oh, shut up and get over yourself, Dave,’ I spit. ‘You’re nothing but a self-obsessed prick who likes the sound of his own voice too much.’
I brace myself for the same nasty retaliation I experienced when I met him for a drink, but it doesn’t come. Holding my nerve, I fix my furious eyes on his and keep going.
‘You hide behind your money and your powerful job, but strip it all back and there’s nothing there. You’re just a sad little man with not a lot going on. And you don’t fool me anymore. You actually did me a favour by ending it, so, thank you.’
To my amazement, Dave’s still not fighting back, proving me right. I’ve shown him for what he is, and in doing so, I’ve confirmed that he’s nothing more than a bully – just like Karla. All mouth and power until you call them for what they really are.
Having won that one quicker than I expected, I return my focus to Sara, whose demeanour has shifted. Infuriatingly, she’s now inspecting her perfectly manicured nails with a bored expression. I also note that she’s not made any attempt to come to Dave’s rescue. I glare at her silently until she has no choice but to look at me, the awkwardness of her disinterest almost robbing me of my courage, but I stand firm. This is, or rather was , one of my best friends. Someone I looked out for, made part of my group, trusted with my deepest secrets.
‘ How could you? ’
She doesn’t even flinch.
‘How could you?’ I repeat in a lower tone, as she stands there looking like an insolent teenager getting a lecture from an annoying parent. I’m shaking inside, but it’s more from rage than nerves. ‘Amber thought it was your boss you were seeing. All those late nights—’
‘What, that old codger?’ She smirks. ‘I thought that was daft banter. What does she take me for?’
‘She was on the right track, though, wasn’t she? And as she said, the expensive jewellery had to come from somewhere. It was convenient for you to play up to her suspicions so you could cop off with him without raising any suspicion.’ I throw a disgusted look in Dave’s direction.
‘That’s not entirely true.’ Sara looks away. ‘I have been working late… a lot.’
I throw back my head with a sardonic laugh and a thought comes to me. ‘That’s why you said no to the holiday too, wasn’t it? You’d have nearly two weeks of freedom, knowing you’d never bump into us.’
‘It wasn’t that,’ she complains. ‘I knew it wouldn’t be right to let you spend so much money on me when I hadn’t told you yet. I was going to speak to you about it eventually.’
‘No, you weren’t. You’ve had plenty of opportunity to do that. So, how about you tell me now? Why, of all the men you could have had, you had to have mine?’
‘You really want to know why?’
‘Yes.’ I fold my arms expectantly. ‘Tell me why our friendship meant so little to you.’
‘ Oh, please .’ She raises her eyes to the sky, as if I’m being overly dramatic.
Adrenaline continues to course through me like molten lava. I’m so incensed by her nonchalant response that I want to lash out at her; to make her feel something that resembles how hurt and disrespected I feel right now. But I know I need to control myself to retain my dignity.
‘Go on then,’ I prompt her.
Sara lets out an exasperated sigh. ‘Look, it’s not rocket science, sweetie. Do you remember our chat the other night at the bar? About how you and I are different?’
‘ No shit .’
‘Look, do you want me to explain or not? I get that this has been a shock for you, Emma, but it needn’t be such a big deal.’ She stops and turns to Dave. ‘Perhaps it’s better if I talk to Emma alone. You head inside and I’ll join you shortly.’
Dave doesn’t need to be asked twice. He slopes off, avoiding eye contact with me while I wait as patiently as I can for Sara to continue. The idea that she’s about to try and justify her actions – as well as continue with her original dining arrangement with my ex-partner – almost sends me into orbit.
Sara returns her attention to me. ‘Where was I? Oh, yeah… To me, things like this aren’t such a big deal. Lots of people aren’t monogamous in their relationships. That’s a fact of life. There’s probably a higher chance you will be cheated on than you won’t, so—’
‘I don’t know where you get your stats from,’ I silence her. ‘But I’m afraid I don’t agree. Yes, cheating happens, but it’s not the default option. If you want to have an open relationship, that’s up to you. I have no issue with that. It’s who you decided to have it with.’
‘Emma…’ Sara addresses me as if I’m two years old. ‘You’re a romantic. I get that. You want the happy ever after, but life isn’t like it is in the movies. Relationships are… complicated.’
‘And you’re a pro, are you? You haven’t been in a proper relationship since I met you.’
‘I’m not saying I’m a pro, though I am realistic. I get that men are not physiologically programmed to have one life partner, so I don’t have false expectations. I make the most out of the situation. I use them as much as they use me.’
I let out an Amber-style snort, unable to comprehend the nonsense coming out of Sara’s mouth.
‘Wouldn’t you rather know that the man you’re with is sleeping with other people?’ she says. ‘And at least have the option to do the same yourself? I know I would. I don’t expect total commitment from any man, and I ask them not to expect the same from me. Dave and I have… an understanding.’
I’m floored by this statement. ‘Sara, you may not expect that from a man, but I do. And as I do, you should have respected that and stayed the hell away from Dave. How long has this been going on anyway? Is it you he’s been seeing for the last eighteen months?’
‘Actually… no.’ She furrows her brow, like this gets her off the hook somehow.
My mind races. There was more than one? Was I really such a crap girlfriend?
‘Well how long then?’ I demand. ‘And who has he been seeing the rest of the time? It was Melissa, wasn’t it? I knew he was making it up about her dad taking ill.’
‘It’s only been four or five months. And I have no idea who else he’s been seeing. Why would I? We don’t talk about that stuff. Maybe he exaggerated to make you feel worse.’
‘Well… did you talk about me? Did you even acknowledge that what you were doing was wrong?’
‘OK, I get it.’ She winds her hair around her finger, a characteristic I previously found endearing, but in this moment, is completely irritating. ‘I probably shouldn’t have gone there, not when you were still together, anyway. But your relationship was over. You just couldn’t see it. You know it was for the best, you two splitting up, so what does it matter?’
I throw my hands up in frustration. ‘It matters because I want honest friends who won’t deceive me, and a man I can trust. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.’
‘Sure, whatever.’ Sara’s attitude is now one of indifference. She’s clearly trying to disengage from the conversation, but there’s no way I’m letting her think that she’s a more evolved human being than I am.
‘Because of you I destroyed my friendship with Cat this morning. I thought it was her seeing Dave—’
Sara interrupts me with a scoff. ‘You thought Cat could do that? She’s way too timid. Quite like you actually… Though saying that, I can see you’re coming along nicely si nce your win.’ She seems to ponder this as if it’s an insightful piece of information to be analysed.
For me it’s the final straw. She will not ridicule Cat, or me, or the mess our friendship is in.
‘I don’t know what the hell went wrong when you were born,’ I explode. ‘But you’ve clearly not been brought up to be a decent person like the rest of us. I was a friend to you when you didn’t have anyone else. Cat and Amber welcomed you into our group. We all went out of our way to help you settle in and make a home here, and this is how you repay us? I got you so wrong. You care about nothing but yourself. Everything else is simply a possession to be played with, or discarded like rubbish, just like your shoes and handbags. Even men and friends. It’s all the same to you.’
I eyeball her, hoping my tirade has had the desired effect, but instead of looking small and ashamed, Sara’s regarding me with a piteous look.
‘Emma, you need to relax. You get so worked up over everything. You and Dave are finished, and you’ve got another man chasing after you already, so what’s the big deal?’
‘If it’s not a “big deal”, then why did you hide it?’
‘Because I knew you’d blow it out of proportion.’ She shrugs as if this is obvious. ‘And in my defence, it wasn’t planned. We were both on nights out and our paths crossed. Dave told me that night that he was going to end it with you, but he was such a bloody coward that he bottled it.’
On digesting this information, I decide I can’t stomach any more of this. Sara’s not the person I thought she was, and I’m certainly not going to get a grovelling apology from her. She clearly has a set of morals that are alien and unacceptable to me. I also realise that I actually know very little about her. It’s always been me sharing my life issues and dilemmas and seeking her opinion – and to give her her due, she’s had my back in that sense. But other than that, all our conversations have been fairly superficial – about material things like clothes, makeup, TV shows and celebrities. Or about work gossip. I can’t recollect a single time that she’s shared anything really personal.
I almost feel sorry for her. She’s probably never going to have the kind of friendships I’ve had all my life. But my overwhelming emotions are anger and betrayal. I’m so let down, yet I have no fight left in me. All I know is that I need to go out with my head held high, like I did with Karla.
‘You know what?’ I say with finality. ‘You’re right. Dave’s a coward, but so are you. You can try and justify it all you want, but it will never make what you’ve done OK. You’re both selfish and self-interested, which means you’re a perfect match.’ I turn and start walking away.
‘Emma, sweetie, there’s no need to be like that.’ Sara gives a little laugh. ‘OK, so it’s a bit awkward and I get that you’re upset, but I’ve said I’m sorry. This doesn’t need to end our friendship. When you’ve calmed down, you’ll realise that you’ve overreacted.’
I stop, tempted to launch something back at her to hammer the message home. But I’ve said all I need to say. Instead, I carry on walking, leaving Sara waiting for an answer that will never come.