Chapter 34
Chapter Thirty-Four
L osing Dave was awful. It was painful beyond belief. But once I’d worked through the initial shock and devastation (helped by him showing his true colours), I realised it was for the best. While my battered and bruised ego might still ache for him to see what a mistake he’s made, I’ve been able to reflect and finally see that things had been wrong for some time.
This is so much worse. My closest friendship, twenty-five plus years of laughter and sharing, all in tatters.
Cat did withhold a truth, but she did it for reasons that I understand. The whole thing has been a huge misunderstanding, and it’s not like I came to the conclusion I did without some pretty damning evidence (or so it seemed at the time), but no matter how I spin it, I can’t deny the reality of what I’ve done. I basically insinuated that my kind and selfless best friend was capable of lies, deceit and selfishness. Why didn’t I give her the benefit of the doubt, tell her what I saw – so fleetingly and out of context – and offer her the chance to explain before jumping to conclusions? Hindsight, of course, is a wonderful thing .
Hunched miserably in the doorway of my dingy hotel room, my eyes roam across its discoloured, shabby looking contents, moth-eaten curtains and grubby carpet. It matches my mood: how I feel I deserve to exist right now, so in a way I get a distorted, cold sense of comfort from it.
Here in my makeshift prison cell, I’m past the crying stage, feeling lost and numb. Every now and again, the rational part of my brain surfaces, telling me to get it together. I have enough money, my health, Lottie, a solid friend in Amber (I think) and parents who love me, despite being suffocatingly overprotective. Others have nothing at all. But in this moment, it’s no comfort. Knowing I have no best friend, no loving partner, nowhere I can call home…
Eventually, I can’t bear it anymore. I need to speak to Lottie. I’ve been putting off calling her out of shame, but I know that she won’t judge me. She never has. It’s not in her nature.
Grabbing my keys, I head to my car and drive to her cottage in Ratho, and as I ring the doorbell, I almost can’t bear to be alone for another moment. However, she doesn’t answer. I try the bell again. Nothing.
I walk round to the back garden, thinking she’s maybe gardening and hasn’t heard the door, but there’s no sign of her. Where is she? She hardly goes out, even having her shopping delivered. Distracted by these concerns, I jump with fright when someone appears around side of the house, striding towards me. It’s a man around my dad’s age.
‘Hello.’ He seems pre-occupied. ‘I saw you arrive. Are you looking for Charlotte?’
‘Yes, that’s right.’ An uneasy feeling creeps over me. ‘I’m her friend, Emma. Do you know where she is?’
‘Ah, you’re Emma. I’m Archie. I live a couple of houses along, on the other side. We were going to try to find a way to contact you when we knew more.’
‘Knew more about what? Has something happened? Where’s Lottie?’
‘Why don’t you come across the road for a cup of tea?’ he suggests gently. ‘And I can fill you in.’
‘Uh… that’s really kind of you, but please can you just tell me where Lottie is?’ I clasp my hands together as if in prayer.
‘Of course.’ Archie gives a solemn smile. ‘I’m sorry to have to give you this news, Emma. Lottie’s been rushed to hospital in an ambulance.’
‘ Wh … what? ’ My legs buckle and the man catches my arm to steady me. ‘What do you mean? Is she OK? What’s happened?’
‘Charlotte appears to have had a bad fall. My wife, Eva, popped by to give her a few bits and pieces she’d picked up for her at the farmer’s market in Edinburgh. When she didn’t get a reply, she became concerned, because Charlotte was expecting her. Eva looked through the letterbox and saw Charlotte lying unconscious on the floor at the bottom of the stairs. She called for an ambulance straight away and we were able to get access to the house through an open window.’
I slowly sit down on Lottie’s back step to digest this information.
‘How bad is it?’ I look up at Archie, terrified to hear the answer.
‘They don’t know yet. I drove Eva to the hospital – we only have one car, you see, and she wanted to be there for Charlotte – and then I came back here to make sure Charlotte’s house was locked up properly. Eva’s going to call as soon as she has any news. The paramedics were concerned about a possible head or spinal injury. I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, Emma.’
‘No… thanks, I’m glad you did.’ I shake my head, trying to clear the disorientated feeling suddenly consuming me. ‘I… can’t believe this has happened. After all the nice stuff we did together… and… oh no… oh no , this is all my fault.’
‘Emma, this is no one’s fault,’ Archie attempts to soothe me. ‘Accidents happen. You couldn’t have done anything to prevent this.’
‘You don’t understand.’ I clamp my hands on the top of my head. ‘The other day, I saw that she wasn’t looking so good. She dismissed it, said she was fine, but she obviously wasn’t. All I wanted was for her to have some enjoyment, some nice memories for herself. She has so few of those. I pushed her too hard and it was too much for her.’
‘I’m sure that’s not the case. Why don’t you come across the road and have a cup of tea? I know this is a shock.’
‘No. Thank you for the kind offer, but I have to get to the hospital.’ I jump to my feet. ‘I need to be with her.’
‘Emma, I’m not sure you should be driving right now.’ Archie frowns, giving me a concerned look. ‘You’ll be no use to Charlotte if you have an accident yourself.’
‘I’ll be fine, honestly. I’ll drive carefully. Which hospital is Lottie at?’
‘The Royal Infirmary.’
Dashing to my car, I pull out of the driveway, giving a defeated-looking Archie a grateful wave as I go. I tear along the Edinburgh bypass to the hospital, where I park my car and rush into the Accident and Emergency reception area, all thoughts of my own situation now banished from my mind.
‘Can I help you?’ the receptionist asks as I approach her, panting slightly .
‘Yes, someone I know has been brought in. Her name is Charlotte Maybury.’
‘Are you a relative?’
‘Yes… well… no, not officially. But she’s pretty much family.’
‘I’m afraid I can’t give you any information if you’re not a relative or next of kin,’ she says.
‘Right, so how do I find out how she is?’
‘Excuse me?’ A voice comes from behind me. ‘Are you Emma?’
‘Yes, that’s right.’ I turn to face a woman who appears to be in her late fifties.
‘I’m Eva. I gather you met my husband, Archie, at Charlotte’s house. He called and asked me to look out for you.’
‘Oh, yes.’ I’m so relieved to see her. ‘How is Lottie? Do you have any news?’
‘Not yet, I’m afraid.’ She shakes her head. ‘And they won’t tell me much either. But they said if she comes round, they’ll tell her I’m here.’
‘ If she comes round… that doesn’t sound good.’ With the adrenaline having depleted, all I’m left with is a feeling of hopelessness. Tears well in my eyes.
‘I think they meant if she comes round while I’m still here. At least, that’s what I’m hoping. Come and have a seat.’ She puts a soothing arm around me. ‘There’s no sense in jumping to conclusions. Let’s have a cup of tea and wait it out together.’
Eva guides me across to the waiting area, where I take a seat while she buys two cups of tea from the vending machine. She hands me one, then sits down next to me.
‘It’s nice to meet you, Emma. Though, obviously, I’d rather it was under different circumstances. Charlotte talks about you very fondly. She’s a lucky lady having you in her life.’
‘Is she?’ I assume a pained expression. ‘If it weren’t for me, she probably wouldn’t even be here.’
Despite having just met me, she seeks out my hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze. ‘Archie mentioned that you’re feeling some responsibility over this. Emma, you must not blame yourself. You don’t know the facts, and I’m afraid this is just something that happens when people get older.’
‘I know, but I pushed her too hard this past week. She said she didn’t want to join me, and I didn’t listen.’
‘I’m sorry, I’m not sure what you mean. But from what I’ve heard, you’re quite the young woman, looking after Charlotte the way you do.’
On hearing these words, I start to sob. Nothing could be further from the truth right now. All I seem to have done is hurt those I love the most.
‘Hey… sshhh. ’ Eva puts her arm around me and pulls me close. ‘You have a good cry. I’m right here and not going anywhere.’
I allow her to stroke my hair and do exactly what she says. I cry and cry, until there’s nothing left, then, once I’ve composed myself enough to have a conversation, we chat a bit. She’s so easy to talk to and before long, I’ve told her way more that I would ever have planned to – about my break-up, my win and the events surrounding it and how things have gone so wrong.
‘Emma, you’re only human,’ Eva gives me a kind smile. ‘We all make mistakes and misjudge things. With the confusing time you’ve had recently, I’m not surprised you’ve lost your way a little. It will all blow over, I’m sure, and one thing is very clear to me – you are not responsible for Charlotte being here. What you did for her was very thoughtful.’
I appreciate her attempts to help me feel better, but I’m not at all convinced. And I’ll never forgive myself if Lottie doesn’t wake up.
‘Excuse me, ladies?’ A nurse approaches us. ‘I’ve been given permission to share an update on Charlotte.’