4. Dinner
Chapter four
Dinner
L uerna shifted through her sister’s closet. There were hundreds of outfits to choose from; thankfully, the staff organized them well. The dresses varied from club vibe to ballroom, and though she had picked out five outfits already, Kira decided that nothing she had currently in the closet was any good to wear to this ‘meet and greet’ dinner tonight.
With a last-ditch effort, Luerna grabbed the blackest dress and came out with it raised. Kira, wearing her ‘The Nightmare Before Christmas’ pajamas, fell back on the bed exasperated. “Levka won’t like that.”
Luerna knit her brows, glancing at it. “You have only talked to him twice. How do you know what he likes?” She sat down next to her. “And besides, this is you. Don’t you want to be you?”
Kira pressed her fingers into her eyes. “No. I don’t want to be me. The ‘me’ is a weirdo that no one likes, hence the reason I’m twenty-two, overweight, and still not married.”
Luerna pulled her arm away. “First, you aren’t overweight. You’re full-figured. And second, you just haven’t found anyone. You were the only one allowed to marry for love, and you wasted it.”
“You try falling in love with three brothers that won’t leave you alone.”
“Wish father would have been kind enough to let me choose.”
The comment went ignored, thankfully. Today wasn’t about her.
But what day ever was?
Oh god, even I can’t stand myself.
The postpartum was supposed to get better by now, wasn’t it? It’s been three months since she gave birth. The twins were finally sleeping more. And though she knew it was temporary, she basked in the last three days of perfect sleep. She felt rejuvenated, pieces of her shattered self gluing themselves back together again. And yet, the depression lingered like a fog, blocking the warmth from the rising sun.
Kira sat up. “Do you know what they say about him?”
“Who says?”
“The girls, the ‘working’ girls? The ones that walk around the parties like they’re family but are clearly not family.”
Luerna knew about the girls. Every wife did. Her husband was one of their main supporters. She never minded. If Rurik was getting his needs met by someone else, it meant he wasn’t coming to her.
“It doesn’t matter what they say.”
“They say he’s greedy.”
Luerna giggled, confused about what that could possibly mean. But she didn’t want to hear it. “He’s an eighteen-year-old boy; of course, he’s greedy.”
“He’s nineteen, and he’s a full-grown man. Have you seen his arms?”
Luerna suddenly felt very uncomfortable. She couldn’t think of a teenager’s muscles. It was wrong on every level. She got up and went back into the closet.
Levka was sticking into Luerna’s brain like a cancer. The way he stared at her, like there was nothing on earth he wanted to taste more than her lips. The way he stood over her, the broadness of his shoulders, his smell. All of it was playing havoc on her hormones, causing reactions she didn’t want to admit to. It was only because she hadn’t had sex in over a year. The moment she got pregnant, Rurik lost interest in her and picked up a beautiful Russian that he stayed with three nights out of the week. He paid for her living expenses and bought her a new car a few months ago. Luerna was free of his touch for at least six more months.
Unless of course, he wanted to try for more kids. Then he’ll be at her door whenever he gets drunk enough.
“But like,” Kira stood in the doorway, leaning against it. “I don’t know how to give a blow job.”
Luerna’s eyes bulged, and she flung her head around. “Where the hell did that come from?”
“The girls. They say he likes it the most.”
Luerna sneered, waving her hands. “No, no, this is not a conversation I want. You want to learn about that, go watch some porn or something. I’m sure there’s a tutorial somewhere.” Luerna kept searching for a dress, hoping the conversation would fall away. She didn’t want to ruin her image of Levka, and yet, at the same time, she needed it. The grass was always greener on the other side. Yeah, her husband wasn’t the best, but he wasn’t the worst either. She needed to be grateful for the man she had.
Kira mindlessly added. “I gave a hand job once.”
“What? To who? When?”
“And I got felt up at a party. But Adrik interrupted and beat the crap out of him. You know, I bet I wouldn’t be a virgin if Adrik wasn’t constantly cockblocking me. He drives me crazy. He’s so freaking protective.”
Luerna warmed. “I like his protectiveness. It’s sweet.”
“You’ve never had to deal with the three of them because you married by the time they turned into possessive dicks. They scare every man that’s ever approached me. Look at what they did to Levka at the birthday party a month ago? They’re ridiculous.” Kira sat at her vanity, staring at her reflection. “Some days, I wish I was normal. With a normal family.”
Luerna came up behind her with her hands on her shoulders. It was a place their mother should have been, but she was currently shopping in a foreign country. Fortunately for Kira, she wasn’t old enough to remember when their mother was actually a mother. So Kira only had Luerna.
Kira’s fingers twisted with hers. “Have you been okay? You feel a little lighter.”
Luerna smiled. Kira was big on ‘vibes.’ She could always feel certain things. “I’m okay.”
“What’s it going to be like when I’m not living here anymore?”
“It will be fine.”
“You won’t have anyone to help you with the babies. Rurik has been getting so angry lately. Sometimes, I think he might hit you.”
Luerna kissed her head, holding her close. Rurik had come close a few times, but she almost preferred it over the insults and the constant belittling.
“You don’t let him hurt you,” Kira told her harshly. “Our brothers would destroy him.”
Luerna pushed down her tears.
Would they? She wasn’t so sure.
A beep on their phone told them they were running out of time. Levka and his father would be here in less than an hour. The conversation ended, and Luerna got to work on her sister’s makeup and hair before doing her own. Typically, she would be downstairs cooking, but her father volunteered to hire someone to make dinner, and Luerna gladly accepted the offer. Rurik didn’t like it, but her father insisted.
Rurik came from an old family where the wife did everything while raising her ten children. His father beat his mother and siblings daily and drank the rest of the night. Rurik picked up these habits, but they were minimized, only increasing when he had too much to drink.
Luerna was working on him, and she felt every year, he got a little better and a little less verbally abusive as she got to know all his ticks and triggers. Eventually, he’ll be in the palm of her hand, and it will be a good marriage. Her mother always reminded her that no marriage was perfect and needed constant work.
Then, Tatianna would take off on a month’s sabbatical.
A question lingered in Luerna’s mind as she picked out a dress for herself. Why did Kira think Rurik was getting worse? Was Luerna just becoming immune to Rurik’s behavior that she couldn’t tell how bad he was getting?
Luerna took one of her sister’s simple black dresses that could be easily adjusted to fit. Her breasts were heavy and full. She’d have to pump before dinner so there was no embarrassing leak like last time. The memory brought up Levka. His reaction to pouring his drink on her still made her snicker. It wouldn’t have been her first reaction, but she thought it was cute, nonetheless.
Cute, like child cute, not man cute .
Luerna went back to her room and pumped. The monitor was at her hip, but the babies should sleep for three more hours before they were ready to feed again. Her five-year-old and eight-year-old were sent to bed early as per her father’s request. He liked children. But preferably, he liked it when he didn’t have to see or hear them.
Rurik came into the room, glancing at her and sneering. “Can you cover yourself up?”
Luerna stared at his back. They’ve had this argument forty times in the eight years since they started having children. He got grossed out by such a natural thing. What bothered her more was that he told her she was going to breastfeed. If he found it so disgusting, why require her to do it? “I’m in the privacy of my room.”
“All I ask for is courtesy, and you give me an attitude. Do what I tell you to do.”
Luerna reached for a burping blanket and spread it out over her chest. “There, happy?”
Rurik glanced over his shoulder before he faced her. “Is that what you’re wearing?”
“Aside from the burping cloth? Yes.”
“Enough with the sarcasm.” Rurik went into his closet to change, but his voice filtered out, “You get that dress from the flea market?”
“I didn’t think this was a ball-gown situation. As it is only dinner.”
“Fine. Look how you want.” He returned with a different-colored suit, laying it on the bed. “Did you take your medication?”
Luerna clenched her teeth. “I’m not taking those pills. They make me feel weird.”
“I suppose killing yourself is a better alternative.”
Luerna kept quiet, staring at the floor. He liked having something to rub in her face. As if her attempted suicide last week was something to use against her. “It was the lack of sleep. I’m fine now.”
Rurik finished buttoning up his shirt and reached for a tie. “Fine. But next time, don’t try to jump off the balcony. Take some pills. Less of a scene.”
“Very sweet of you, honey.”
He leaned over and kissed her cheek. “I would miss you.”
She forced a smile.
“But not your sarcasm,” he added before he left.