5. Decide
Chapter five
Decide
L uerna didn’t like feeling nervous. She sat at the dinner table with Rurik to her left and Kira to her right. But directly across from her was Levka. He played with his food, his fork tapping against the plate as his father and Yakov spoke about business. The boys, Adrik, Alexei, and Gil, were all silent, adding to the awkwardness of this meeting.
It was here that Luerna regretted keeping the family home. If she had been smart like Anya and Nadia, taking off as soon as they married, she would have avoided these kinds of moments.
Rurik held his glass up and waited. Luerna leaned up to get his refill, but Silvia quickly came to the forefront and poured him a drink. She sat back, glancing around, meeting Levka’s gaze for half a second before dropping her sight to her lap.
Levka clenched his teeth but stayed silent. Was she a fucking servant in her own home? That wasn’t a typical movement. This family could afford maids to cater to their every move, so why was Rurik using Luerna, a woman who should be waited on every day of her life, as his slave?
With this assumption twirling around in his head, Levka took a big bite of food. “This is delicious.”
“We had the finest chefs brought in for you,” Luerna responded dutifully.
Knowing she hadn’t spent hours cooking for him was a relief. He sat back, took a large drink, and peaking at Luerna from over his glass. She kept her head down, but she must feel it. How did she expect him not to stare? She was a fairytale. Her long blond hair shined. Her dress was simple but amplified every curve. Her cleavage was a siren, pulling his gaze without him realizing it. Her big, weighed breasts filled the cups of the halter like flower pots. He imagined for a split second what it would be like to press his face between them.
Kira cleared her throat, and his eyes popped over her. He had forgotten entirely about his bride-to-be. “Levka, what do you do in your spare time?”
He shifted uncomfortably in his seat. This meet-and-greet was the most humiliating thing. “I work out.”
“I can tell.”
Adrik didn’t like that. “Don’t make us sick, Kira.”
She groaned. “Would you please be quiet?” With a deep breath, Kira began again. “Do you watch TV or read?”
“No.”
“Well, I love to read.” She paused, waiting for him to ask about her favorite books, but when he said nothing, she pushed ahead. “I really love fantasy. Vampires and Werewolves.” She smiled.
Yakov cut in. “She’s joking. My daughter wouldn’t waste such precious time reading such garbage.”
Kira’s smile didn’t falter. “He’s right. I was joking. I am currently reading Bleak House by Charles Dickens. It deals with corruption in the legal system.”
Yakov cackled, saluting his drink. “She’ll be a valuable asset one day.”
“I’ve no doubt,” Ivan responded. “She’s a force.”
They reverted back to silence as Rurik and Ivan spoke. Their grown-up talk was clearly more important than ‘kids’ trying to get to know each other, even though that’s what this dinner was about. Levka hated the feeling and listened to his father’s conversation if only to be included, but with Luerna so close, it was impossible to think. The darkness around her eyes and the stress on her shoulders were prominent. She tried to cover up all this, but he had practiced staring at her from afar, and he could recognize the signs of her misery nonetheless. He had hoped by now that she was healing from her depression. Why wasn’t she better?
Levka forced his eyes down. Yakov’s threat was a looming dark cloud. If he were wiser or older, Levka might be able to make the right decision, but as it were, the only thing that could stop him was Luerna herself. This was his last chance to pull out of the wedding before the plans began. He didn’t want to waste anyone’s time or money if he couldn’t go through with it. And the only reason he wouldn’t go through with it is if Luerna gave him a sign.
Any fucking sign.
Dinner continued for what felt like a horribly long time. He managed a few words that he wasn’t sure were intelligible, but he didn’t care to actually try.
Ivan, Rurik, and Yakov stood. “Let’s finalize the contract. Let the kids entertain themselves for a while.”
Levka watched his father disappear like he was the Grim Reaper going with God to end his life.
“This was fucking boring,” Gil announced.
Sitting at the table with the Morozov line, Gil stood out like a pumpkin in a lettuce patch. Adrik, Alexei, Kira, and Luerna had similar interconnected traits. Gil had none of their Karisma, class, or ridiculous confidence. But they didn’t seem to acknowledge those differences. He was a part of them regardless. Levka didn’t understand them. As a single child, their love for one another seemed more like an obsession.
Levka got up to flee to the bathroom. He held his face under the faucet, taking some in his mouth. He was beyond parched, and now that dinner was over, he was incredibly hungry. He hadn’t eaten during the day, his stomach in knots. But now, it was over. It was done. All that was left was the engagement party and then the wedding. Three months tops, and then what?
He’ll marry Kira.
Levka stared at his reflection. Three months to delete Luerna from all possible futures.
Levka stood straighter, determined to get through tonight with his pride intact. He yanked the door open and stiffened as Luerna leaned against the doorway. She was in his shadow, and the hallway was dark. It almost felt like a secret, greeting her here.
“Hi,” he managed.
She had her arms crossed and a curious brow. “You alright?”
Levka defensively questioned. “Why wouldn’t I be?”
She shrugged. “You seem off.”
With a release of breath, he leaned against the same wall, inches from her. “Don’t really want to be here.”
Luerna nodded, and her gaze drifted down the hall. She was lingering, and Levka was curious why she was still here when the conversation was over. He was searching for hope in the most meaningless moments. “Are you alright?”
Her head snapped to him. “Why wouldn’t I be?” He chuckled deep in his throat, and the sound wreaked havoc on her. She felt chills race along her arms. It took her a minute to realize what was humorous. She had repeated the same question, full of a defensive attitude. “I’m fine.”
“She bites,” Levka teased, a slight smirk rising on his lips. She was fun to rile, like poking a sleeping bear. It was inevitable, however, that his eyes would drift. She was close, too close, for him to not acknowledge the shadows that raced along her breasts, a cavern that got darker the deeper his eyes went. “Is there anything that you can wear that doesn’t make you look,” Levka paused to think of the right word. He doubted ‘delicious,’ ‘sexy,’ or ‘edible’ were the appropriate terms to use with someone above his station, but they clogged in his mouth like word vomit.
“Hideous?” she offered. “Fat? Poor?”
“Desirable?”
She snorted, a smile teasing, and for a brief moment, the comment warmed her, cracking a bit of her walls. But the tattoo on his clavicle caught her eye, reminding her not only was he about to marry her sister, but he was ten years younger than her. “You shouldn’t say things like that. My husband wouldn’t appreciate it. Neither would my brothers.”
“If I gave a rat’s ass what your husband would appreciate, I’d be my father.”
“You certainly seem to walk in his footsteps.”
“I feel that neither of us is what we seem.”
Luerna could feel how his eyes devoured her, and an ache developed in her belly she didn’t want to acknowledge. He bit his lip before his eyes popped to hers, and all his desires were exposed in the darkness. It was overwhelming, frightening, and totally intoxicating.
“I never thanked you,” she forced out in a mild attempt to change the subject. “For spilling your drink on me.”
“Any opportunity to get you wet.”
Luerna narrowed her eyes. “Have you always been this big of a flirt?”
“If I have, it’s news to me.”
“Probably don’t need to flirt. You just flash your big muscles and your sexy tattoo, and the girls come flying.”
Levka pulled at his collar carelessly while giving her a better look. “You like my tattoo?”
“I’ve seen better.”
Levka cackled and enjoyed the way a smile pulled at her lips. They created a little vortex where only they existed, and the stress and misery melted off her, leaving behind a version of who she once was. Did she know that pieces of her were still there? Buried underneath all the years of pain? He wanted to pull her in front of the mirror and expose it.
In this bubble, Levka could say anything. His heart pounded with the thrill of telling her, and he opened his mouth. “Luerna—”
“Levka!” Kira called from around the corner.
Before Levka could stop her, Luerna was down the hall. Levka stepped forward but stalled and clenched his hands at his side. He couldn’t run after her, not here, but she had to have felt something. It was distant and nearly out of reach but not impossible.
Hope was a terrible thing.
Kira stepped into the hallway. “There you are. Would you like to see our horses?”
No, was his immediate thought, but his mouth protected him. “Of course.”
It was cool outside, and he took a deep breath to clear the haze left over in his head. He should have asked Gil for some Oxy, and he searched for the man as they walked to the barn.
The horses whinnied when they entered.
“Do you ride?” she questioned.
Levka raised his hand to a beautiful white mare. “No. We don’t have a place for horses in the city.”
“My sister and I love to ride. This is hers. Valentina. Named after a baby she miscarried.”
Levka hid the physical ache that rocked him. He hadn’t known about that.
“This one is mine.” Kira stood in front of a charcoal-colored horse. “Ami.” She kissed the horse on the nose, and it nudged her. Kira looked back at him with a flirtatious smile. “It’s nice to finally be alone.”
The barn door opened, and Adrik, Alexei, and Gil came out. Levka was thankful for the interruption, but Kira snapped. “Excuse me. We are having a private conversation.”
“What do you need privacy for?” came Adrik’s cheeky response.
Levka couldn’t stand him. If he married into the family, what kind of bullshit would Adrik give him? He’d never move into this house, that was for damn sure.
Shit, that’s what Papa’s doing right now, isn’t it? His future was being decided for him, and he was standing in a smelly barn, annoyed he didn’t get a pill to numb him. How much longer would he pretend he didn’t have control? He did; he just didn’t like the options.
Levka faced his fiancée. “Kira, can I talk to you?”
Wide-eyed and surprised, she nodded her head and took his outstretched hand. But before she left the barn, she turned to her brothers. “Stay here. I mean it.”
Levka pulled her through the doorway just as Luerna was coming out. He paused when he saw her, two inches from her face. Her gaze dropped away, embarrassed, afraid. It was all the encouragement he needed. She felt something for him, was starting to, or was scared to admit it, but it was there, and he couldn’t destroy it by marrying Kira. Levka pulled Kira along, traveling back into the house, having no idea where he was going until he found a door and pushed it open. It was a small office but empty, and he shut the door behind him.
Kira stood in the middle of the room, holding her arms. “Are you okay?”
“I’m sorry. Long story short, I can’t marry you.”
Her brows knit. “What?”
“I’m sorry. I really am. But I can’t. I don’t want to marry you.”
She blinked, and for the first time in four years, the girl he used to know sprung up and shot back, “Well, I don’t want to marry you either. It’s not like we have a choice, so can’t you just suck it up?”
Levka choked on a laugh. He knew this wasn’t a laughing matter, but he was relieved she didn’t want to be with him. “No. I’ve tried.”
“I can’t disobey my father. I won’t.”
Levka was confused about how she could be so scared of someone who seemed to love her. “What would he do?”
“Make me.” The response was simple but full of insinuations.
Levka paced the room. He didn’t want her to be in trouble. This wasn’t her fault. But just walking out and declaring he wasn’t doing it wasn’t enough either. Something terrible had to happen for it to be entirely written off. And unfortunately, only one idea came to his clouded head. Before he could think of the repercussions, he acted.
Levka approached her. “Sorry about this.” He yanked on her dress, ripping the sleeve enough to nearly expose her breast. She was quick enough to cover herself while she gawked at him.
“What are you doing?”
“Pretending to rape you, I guess?”
“That’s your plan?”
“I don’t have another.”
“Why are you so desperate not to marry me? I’m not ugly. Yeah, a little overweight, but I can lose it. I’m funny. I make great baklava—”
“It’s not you,” he interrupted. “I’m in love with someone.”
A softness came over her eyes. “Oh.” Kira’s heart broke for him. She’s never been in love, but she could only imagine the pain he was in. “Can’t you marry them?”
His eyes burned, and he swallowed before he spoke. “No. Never.”
That’s the truth, wasn’t it? It would never happen. No matter how much hope I have, it doesn’t erase reality. I have to give up on it. I have to give up on her.
Her brows knit. “Who is it?”
Levka clenched his teeth. He didn’t want to say it because it’s been a secret he’s kept for years. He was afraid to put it out where anyone could hear. Terrified of what God would do if He knew. But maybe if he did, it would evaporate and no longer be a fire burning in him. “Luerna.”
Her hand went to her lips.
Levka bowed his head. He knew how stupid it was. He knew there would never be a future. But the brain had no control over what his heart wanted. No matter how much he punished himself for it, his heart never altered its course. Not even a fraction.
Kira rested a hand on his arm. “Levka, you know it won’t–”
“Ever happen. I’m aware. But still, I can’t.”
“My father’s going to hurt you if you go through with this. Is it really worth doing over something impossible?”
“Yes.” It was immediate. He didn’t have to think about it because he spent the last few weeks going over it, trying to make it work, forcing himself to come here tonight to be what his father wanted.
But now the decision was made.
Kira sighed as she took note of the determination in his gaze. Pity swirled inside her. “I’m so sorry.”
Levka shook his head. “No. I am.” And with that, he gripped her arms as hard as he could to leave bruises on her skin. She cried out when he bit at her neck.
“Get off! Adrik!”
Levka held her in that position for several seconds, waiting for the entourage to follow. And Adrik didn’t disappoint. He came barreling into the room like a bull and snatched Levka’s shoulders, yanking him and slamming his fist into his gut. Levka didn’t fight back as Adrik pounded on his ribs.
It wasn’t until he pulled a gun out that Kira jumped between them. But Adrik grabbed her wrist and pulled her to his side as he pointed the barrel down at him. “You try to rape my sister in her own fucking house? You want to die?”
Levka wasn’t paying attention to his threats. Luerna was in the doorway looking at him. Her brows knit in confusion, and she moved her gaze to Kira. The marks on her arm and the tear of her dress were all she needed before she abandoned the doorway. Levka rolled on his side, burying his face into the ground.