7. Lennox
7
LENNOX
Once I’m given the all-clear, I dash out of the bathroom, making sure no one had seen me in there with Jensen. I don’t know what I was expecting when I led him in there, but making out with him was nowhere on my list. Bringing my fingers up to my quivering mouth, I smile when I remember how it felt to have his lips on mine. I’ve dreamed of kissing Jensen since I was a little kid and realized I was gay. He was probably my gay sexual awakening, if I’m honest. The way he and Nick would constantly hang out around the house shirtless. Typical teenage boys living out of a pair of basketball shorts.
But his kiss was nothing like I dreamed of. And now I’m confused as hell.
Walking through the party, I grab a beer from the kitchen, then head back to the living room to stand off in the corner. I don’t know what’s going on with Jensen, but after that make-out session, we definitely need to talk.
“Hey, where did you take off to?” Declan asks, siding up next to me on the wall.
“Oh, I took out the trash,” I lie, not wanting to tell him what happened with Jensen. At least not yet. Not until I can talk to him myself. For all I know, Jensen was drunk and wasn’t thinking clearly. I really hope that wasn’t the case, but until I know more, I’m keeping my lips sealed.
“Taking out the trash must have taken a long time. And since when is the dumpster down the hallway?”
Rolling my eyes, I bring the cup up to my lips, taking a sip. “So nosy.”
“Of course I’m nosy. Do you know who I am?” he sasses, a huge smile playing on his features.
“If there was anything to tell, you’d be the first to know.”
“Okay, okay,” he concedes, turning away from me. “Nick looks like he had a great birthday. He’s been running around the house with a permanent grin on his face.”
“I think that might be more about Amber than the actual party.”
“Touché. Let me know when you’re ready to head out and we can leave. Until then, I’m gonna grab another drink.”
Declan takes off into the crowd and I scan the rest of the people lingering about. Jensen comes into view and my palms sweat. I can’t remember when I was last kissed with so much passion. For the next thirty minutes, Jensen and I take turns secretly glancing at one another. I wish we could talk now, but it’s not the right time or place. Knowing I can’t hang out here anymore without wanting to storm over there and beg him to kiss me again, I decide to call it a night and head home.
The whole day has gone by at a snail’s pace. I was supposed to spend my entire day studying for my upcoming anatomy test, but I’ve been using all my time staring at the clock, willing time to move faster. Newsflash: time doesn’t move any more swiftly no matter how much you wish it would. My phone vibrates on my desk, and I grimace when I see Nick’s name flashing on the screen.
“Hello?” I say nervously. Nick is more of a texter than a talk-on-the-phone type person, so this is out of the ordinary for him.
“Hey, bro. I wanted to call and thank you for your help last night. I know getting older doesn’t mean much, but I’m appreciative that you helped me set up and do everything.”
“Of course. Sorry I left a little early. I had a lot of studying that I needed to get done today.”
“Have I told you lately how damn proud I am of you? Realizing you didn’t like what you were doing in life and deciding to go back to school? You knew it wouldn’t be easy, but here you are, kicking ass and taking names.”
“Thank you,” I tell him, closing my eyes, the guilt setting in.
“All right, I’m going to call Jensen and see if he wants to hang out. I’ll talk to you later.” He hangs up without saying a word, and I sigh loudly. Twirling around the phone in my hands, I look at the time, seeing it’s still thirty minutes till 4.
Well, what do I do now? I can’t show up on Jensen’s doorstep if Nick is there. But I’m also sure I will combust into a million little pieces if I can’t talk to him today. Decisions, decisions. My phone buzzes on the desk again and my heart does a somersault when I see Jensen’s name on the screen.
I probably should have remembered that I have his number in my phone.
“Hello,” I squeak out, wincing when I hear how squeaky my voice sounds.
“Hey, Lennox. Wanted to see if you’re still planning on coming by soon. Nick wanted to hang out, but I told him I had plans.”
“Plans with me,” I murmur.
“Yeah, or at least that’s what I was hoping for.” He chuckles and I squeeze the phone tightly in my hand.
“I’ll be right there.”
I don’t wait for him to respond. I hang up the phone and rush to get my wallet and keys. Before I know it, I’ve made it across town and I’m standing on his doorstep ready to knock.
“Hi,” he whispers when he swings the door open.
“Hi,” I reply, my feet stuck in place. Jensen is wearing dark blue jeans and a plain white tee stretched across his muscles. His hair is scattered haphazardly like he’s been running his hands through it, and a pair of glasses cover his ocean-blue eyes. “I didn’t know you wore glasses.”
“Oh.” He takes them off his face, smiling at me. “I usually wear them when I’m working. It helps with the strain from the screens.”
“They look great on you.” After dropping that small bomb, we both stare at one another, and I wait for him to make the next move. I still don’t know where his head is or what he’s expecting from this, so I need to wait. Because if I try to think about what this could mean, I’ll drive myself crazy with worry. “I’m surprised you didn’t come to the club to try talking to me.” Okay, apparently, I’m not going to wait for him to bring it up first.
“We should probably talk about that. Come on in.”
I follow him into his house, and I take a second to look around his space. I’ve only been here a handful of times and it’s always been with Nick. Jensen wasn’t really my friend, so I had no reason to be here. His home suits him, done in mostly black and shades of gray, but the bright red blankets and pillows thrown on the couch surprise me. I didn’t expect to see as much color as I do. There’s a bunch of art pieces on the wall, every one of them full of color. A few drawings, some framed, are scattered around the room. A vanilla scent is in the air, plus something that smells of just Jensen.
“Your place has changed a lot since the last time I was here.”
“I think it’s been like a year since you’ve been here. Hell, it was probably around the time I moved in.” He guides me to the kitchen, pulling open the door to the fridge. “Do you want something to drink?”
“Sure. Water is fine.” I watch as he rummages around in the fridge before handing over a bottle of water. “Is this as awkward for you as it is for me?”
Jensen laughs a throaty laugh, facing me. “Yeah, it really is. Honestly, the past couple of weeks have been really damn confusing for me. It feels like my whole life has been turned on its head, and I don’t know what to think anymore,” Jensen admits, his eyes meeting mine.
“Was the kiss a mistake?” I ask him quietly, avoiding eye contact. I’m not sure I can handle him saying our passionate kiss was a mistake. Running away and evading him for the rest of my life seems like the best option.
“What? God, no.” He comes to stand beside him, grabbing hold of my hand. “Lennox, that kiss was the best kiss of my life. Can we talk about everything? From the start to finish?”
“Sure.”
He grabs hold of my hand, dragging me toward his couch. I plop down onto the cushion, sitting with my knees underneath me. Jensen takes the spot right next to me and turns to stare at me head-on.
“All right, so I went to Peaches for a party for my boss. It was his bachelor party, and I had to go. I headed there thinking I would show my face and then I would leave quickly. That plan went to smoke as soon as I saw you on stage. When I got home that night, I couldn’t get you out of my head. I told myself it was because you’re Nick’s younger brother and there’s no way he would let you work there. So, I went back the following evening, telling myself it was only because I was checking in on you.”
“It was more than that?” I ask, hopeful.
“It was definitely more than that. I still can’t explain it. For as long as I can remember, I thought I was straight. I mean, I could acknowledge when a man was good-looking, but it never went more than that. Until you.”
“Until me,” I repeat, leaning closer to him.
“Yeah, I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind. It’s like you’ve been on constant replay. And then last night, there you were standing in front of me, and I couldn’t help myself. I had to kiss you, and to be honest, it’s really hard not to kiss you right now, too.”
“Oh, my god.” My heart is beating rapidly and sweat forms on my temples. “I’m not sure what to say. ’Cause, like, I really want to keep kissing you, but is that all this is? Kissing?”
Jensen grabs one of my hands, rubbing his thumb against my wrist. “Would you be mad if I said I don’t know? That I’m still working this all out myself? But what I do know is that I want to spend more time with you. Get to know you better.”
“You want to see where this goes?”
“Exactly. I’m attracted to you, Lennox. There’s no doubt about that. It’s been a while since I’ve been in a relationship, so I’m not sure I’m ready for that. But I want to hang out more. Get to know you more.”
“What about Nick?”
Jensen blows out a breath, closing his eyes. “I think we both know how Nick is. When it comes to you, he is very overprotective. I want to tell him, of course. He’s my best friend. But I also want to wait until we’re both sure if this is something. Fuck, I didn’t even give you time to say if it was something you would want. I just assumed. Is this something you would want? To see what happens between us?”
“I’d love that. And I agree, I don’t want to say anything to Nick until if or when it becomes something more.”
“Fuck, I hate lying to him.” Jensen runs his hands through his hair, lightly pulling on the strands. “But I think this is better kept quiet for now. Can I ask you a question?”
“Go ahead.”
“Why do you work at Peaches?”
“I needed something that paid more. Going to nursing school full-time takes up a lot of my time, and I wanted somewhere I could work for less hours but still make money.” Deciding to go back to school was a huge decision, and I didn’t realize how hard it was going to be until I was already neck-deep in it. I knew most people in my life wouldn’t understand my choice to work as a dancer, which is why I kept it to myself.
“Do you enjoy it?”
“I really do. Being onstage makes me feel freer than anything else, and it’s boosted my confidence,” I admit, using my finger to trace a circle onto the pillow in front of me.
“You’ve always been confident, Lennox. Even when you were young with a face full of braces, you were certain in who you are.”
“Thanks, but I’m not so sure that’s true. Plus, it doesn’t help that I’ve dated disaster after disaster. After a while, you kinda start thinking maybe you’re the one who’s the problem and not them.”
My exes have repeatedly knocked down my confidence, despite my attempts to build it up through dancing. It’s hard not to think the problem is you when it keeps happening over and over.
“I don’t think you’re to blame, Lennox. We may not be the best of friends, but I do know you. And having met some of your exes, I can confidently say the problem was always them.”
“Thank you,” I murmur, gazing at Jensen. “Is it weird to say that I really want to kiss you again?”
“Come here, then.”