Chapter Twenty #2
Nate’s body halted suddenly, but he didn’t answer her, merely avoiding her eyes as he exhaled slowly and proceeded to walk out on her.
Again. You’d think she was used to it, but no matter how many times she’d seen the back of him, Lottie never could let herself believe it would be the last time she ever did.
This felt far more final than any other of those occurrences though, and her heart sank at the thought that it would actually be the last she ever saw of him.
The heavy door closed with a soft click, sounding more like a cacophony in the stark space surrounding her.
The entryway felt as empty as her heart, hollow and begging to be filled.
Another wave of tears fell as Lottie dazedly walked over to her couch and sat, finally giving herself permission to fully feel all the terrible emotions that had barely been kept at bay the entire time he left.
She was angry, at herself for keeping a secret for so long and at Nate for reacting the way he did.
Logically, she knew he was probably using this as an excuse to push her away again like he probably always would have, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.
If he’d just been waiting for a reason to leave, had he ever truly intended on staying with her forever to begin with?
Saddened by the loss of his presence and the knowledge that it could be permanent, Lottie felt the guilt at having loved Nate too much, or at least in a way that hadn’t worked out for the two of them.
Clutching one of her throw pillows, Lottie sobbed into it, looking around her deserted house, wondering if it would be that way forever.
Eventually her sobs died off and her body stopped trembling, but she couldn’t bring herself to move which is how Willa came to find her the next morning.
The door swung open and her friend that was like a literal ray of sunshine stepped into the house, but Lottie still felt as if she was mired in the center of a thunderstorm, adrift at sea among tumultuous waves of sadness that threatened to drown her.
“Hey, you weren’t answering your phone and...Oh my God, what happened?”
Willa rushed over to Lottie who sat as still as she had since the evening prior, half-dressed and make-up streaking down her face.
If she had fallen asleep during that time, she was either unaware of it or it had been as miserable an occurrence as the fight that preceded it.
Lottie finally turned to her best friend who took one gaze at Lottie’s tear stained face and wrapped her up in a hug.
Lottie felt more moisture descend from her eyes, dampening Willa’s gauzy maternity dress.
“I don’t think he’s coming back this time, Will.” Her voice felt shredded from the crying jags she experienced off and on during the night, and it sounded even worse.
Willa leaned back and wiped the tears off her face.
“Then it’s his loss. Figuratively and literally because I am going to have Beckett take at least one of his limbs, maybe two.
” Lottie’s watery chuckle dissolved into more tears as she clung to her best friend.
Willa made soft shushing noises next to her ear and smoothed her hand down Lottie’s back in soothing circles.
“I take it that he found out about the money?”
Lottie nodded and wiped the back of her hand under her nose, too upset to think about rooting around for one of her embroidered handkerchiefs.
After telling Willa about the windfall Mrs. G had left for her, Lottie also divulged the largest expenditure she’d made.
Willa thought it was sweet, but clearly Nate did not agree with her.
“Yeah, he found out.” She peered at the front door that remained closed, unlike her feelings for the last man to walk out of it.
“I thought that helping him reach his goal was something good, but he sees it as me not having enough faith that he would have found a way to make it work on his own. The worst part about it is, we’re both right. ”
Willa shook her head. “I don’t think you lacked faith in him. If anything, you just wanted to save him some trouble.”
Smiling sadly at her friend, Lottie shrugged.
“Seems like it’s the same thing.” She peered around the room, seeing the home that had been left to her because she’d never really had one.
Nate had always had a home, one filled with love and people around him that helped him see that he held the tenacity and fortitude to do anything.
Maybe she’d wanted to be a part of that too, only he’d never invited her to do so.
“He made it clear a long time ago that we were never going to happen. It’s the one thing I never wanted to believe coming from him, but maybe I should have.
” Willa opened her mouth to talk, but Lottie shook her head to cut her off.
“Come on. Let me change and then we’ll go shopping like we were supposed to. ”
Willa followed her back to her room, smiling sadly. “We don’t have to go baby shopping today.” She picked up the piece of paper Nate had dropped hours ago and placed it on Lottie’s dresser. “We can stay here and watch movies. Maybe one of your old favorites?”
Lottie emerged from her closet in a pair of yoga pants and a baggy sweatshirt, her limp hair pulled up into a sloppy bun.
Was she a cliché? Yes. Did she care? Not one iota.
“No way.” She patted Willa’s baby bump and smiled.
“This little peanut deserves to be celebrated, their room adorned with all the latest in baby gear, and their wardrobe filled with the most adorable clothes that I can get my hands on. Besides, I could use the distraction.” It may also be the only opportunity she had to shop for a baby, but Lottie kept that depressing thought to herself.
Willa nodded and the two walked hand in hand out the front door. “Should we go over to Brookdale to shop?”
Lottie smiled at the one other person who knew her best. She wasn’t sure Nate would be out around the town, but the thought of seeing him at all felt like a hot knife dragging through her chest, emptying the already hollow cavity of anything good she had left. “Absolutely.”
As Willa drove the two of them a couple of towns over, Lottie gazed out the window and thought back on the question she’d posed to herself a few weeks prior. Was there such a thing as too much love? Apparently the answer to that question was yes.