Chapter 3
CHAPTER THREE
IT’S ALL NEW
WESTON
The next twenty-four hours go by in a blur.
I’m a father.
I can’t believe it.
Caleb Sebastian Shaw arrived on December fifth at 10:50 p.m., a night when I thought the most important thing in my life was the game we’d just won at Clarity Field. I was completely clueless that my son was being born across town.
He is two months, two weeks, and three days old.
He’s perfect.
When he’s hungry, his face curls up and he howls like he’s facing the worst injustice. But Sadie picks him up and soothes him, and his tears stop.
He has a full head of dark hair and blue eyes that stare back at me, full lips that lift in a smile when I talk to him, and when he stretches and his mouth opens impossibly wide to yawn, I’ve never seen anything cuter.
I’ve stared at him for hours, captivated, and when Sadie falls asleep in the chair next to his bed, I cry.
I can’t believe I’ve missed this much time with him.
My parents are lawyers, but I didn’t want to bring them into this until I knew without a doubt that he’s mine. That’s not exactly right—I knew he was mine the moment I saw him, but I needed proof. So I asked the team’s legal team for help and they delivered. Once they arrived, Sadie retreated to her corner like she was already defeated.
I don’t know what to say to her. I feel awful for her even though I don’t understand what all her anger toward me is about. I should be the one angry for being kept in the dark, but I think none of this has sunk in yet. I’m more confused than anything and still in shock that I’m a dad.
Sadie’s lost her sister. No one should have to endure that.
And it’s obvious she loves this little guy with all her heart.
I’m not trying to take him away from her, but she’s going to have a fight on her hands if she tries to take him away from me.
So, I have a plan to present to her when she wakes up.
I still haven’t called my family. Maybe after I’ve talked with Sadie, that can be the next step.
The hospital has been generous. I’d like to think they are with everyone, but I’m not that foolish. They’re shaken up and doing everything they can to avoid a loud lawsuit from me. And I think everyone involved is grateful the paparazzi hasn’t gotten wind of this yet—my security team is here, keeping them out. After losing the mother of my child on the ER table and knowing there was a question of paternity, the hospital has bent over backwards to be helpful. They moved us into a nice room when my lawyers arrived, somewhere we could have more privacy.
Sadie seems disgusted by the whole thing, and honestly, I can’t blame her. I’m disgusted with myself for not remembering. After last year’s Super Bowl win, I got a little out of control. Too much alcohol, too many women. Both were just so easily accessible all the time. But this is my son we’re talking about. All of this could have been prevented if Sasha had been honest with me.
I’ve checked back through my phone log and texts, asked every lawyer, while looking them in the eye, whether Sasha Chapman ever contacted them. They swear she didn’t, and I believe them. I don’t know why she’d lie to her sister, but I didn’t know her beyond a hookup. Now I wish I did.
I will be Caleb’s father and protector, but holy fuck—how? I don’t have a clue about what it takes to be a dad.
It kills me that he won’t know his mother. And that, if not for a crazy set of circumstances, I might have never known him either.
My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull it out, silencing it. The guys have gone nuts in the group chat since I ran out on them yesterday. I haven’t told them about the test results, so they’re full of questions in the thread.
Rhodes
You don’t have to tell us what’s going on, but we’re here if you need us.
Bowie
I knew you wanted to be in the club, but this is going a little far, even for you.
Penn
Does he look like you?
Henley
Shit. This is crazy.
Rhodes
My God, Weston. Talk to us. Do you need us there? Should we come over?
Bowie
He’s got his hands full, man. We probably shouldn’t be blowing his phone up.
Rhodes
You’re right. My bad. But if you need us, say the word.
And then this morning…
Henley
How’s it going over there?
Bowie
Any news?
Rhodes
I was trying to be quiet and not blow up his phone anymore.
Penn
Need some coffee?
Henley
You’ll tell us if you’re a dad, right? We’re not breathing a word of this to anyone. I know that goes without saying, but…in case it needed to be said.
Rhodes
I love that new baby smell.
Bowie
And again, we’re blowing up his phone.
I swipe my hand down my face and try not to laugh out loud. Figures it would be these guys who could pull me out of the dark cloud I’m in, even if for just a second.
Morning. Thanks for not saying a word to anyone. I still haven’t told my parents. The team’s legal team has been with me all night. He’s mine. He’s incredible. He’s perfect. I wouldn’t say no to two coffees, but we’re not having visitors just yet. I’ll explain more later.
Within thirty seconds, the texts start rolling in.
Rhodes
What the fuck?! Who’s the mom? Do you remember her? Why the hell is she just showing up now with this news?
Bowie
That’s incredible, West. You’re making it weird, Rhodes.
Rhodes
I’m saying what we’re all thinking.
Penn
I’m shook.
Henley
Shut up, motherfuckers. Are you okay, Weston?
I honestly don’t know. I’ll explain everything later.
I stand up when Caleb starts fretting. I’m still hesitant to just pick him up anytime, so I leave him in the crib, but I know he likes his pacifier, so I put it in his mouth. He sucks it so hard it bobs up and down, but he quiets down. I stare at him and grin. My friends’ excitement was contagious. Maybe I will be able to handle this.
Caleb will be released later this morning and Sadie and I have a lot to work out before then.
It’s as if she can hear me thinking about her because she stretches and then jolts, sitting straight up, her face panicked.
I can see it the second she remembers everything. She flinches, and a cloud covers her face, her eyes filling before she straightens and rushes to Caleb’s crib. By the time she’s composed herself and looks at me, I’ve seen a thousand expressions cross her face, all of them devastating.
“Sadie,” I say softly. “Can we talk?”
She nods.
“One of my friends is bringing coffee over. I asked him to bring one for you too. Are you a coffee drinker?”
She glances at the clock on the wall. Nine o’clock.
“I’ve usually had at least two cups by now,” she says.
I smile tentatively and her eyes narrow.
Clearing my throat, I look at Caleb for courage and get distracted by how cute he looks when he sleeps.
“Is he always this fucking adorable?” I ask.
“Every second of every day,” she whispers.
“You’ve spent a lot of time with him.”
It’s not even a question at this point. It’s obvious, the way she anticipates his needs. She’s known when he’s hungry, when he’s gassy, when he needs his diaper changed, the way he likes to be held. I’ve watched her handle him throughout the night, feeling helpless and completely overwhelmed.
I glance at Sadie and she’s avoiding eye contact now. I guess that moment of sharing is over.
“Can I have coffee before we talk?” she asks.
“Sure.”
She gives one brisk nod and runs her fingers through her long, dark brown hair. The light from the window casts reds and golds through it and it’s thick and shiny. Her head dips, but her eyes tilt up, watchful and somewhat accusing, as she catches me staring.
I turn away quickly.
There are two knocks on the door and I move toward it, opening cautiously. So far the hospital has been good about keeping this quiet, but I don’t trust it to stay that way. The sooner we get out of here, the better.
Penn’s eyes meet mine under the dark bill of his baseball cap. He’s got sunglasses resting on top of his cap and clothes he would usually not be caught wearing.
I snort. “You think people can’t tell it’s you?”
He lifts a shoulder and hands me the drink holder with four coffees instead of the two I asked for. I instantly feel bad for giving him a hard time.
“You’re saving me right now,” I groan. “Thank you.”
“Not a problem. I stayed at a friend’s near here last night, so I was close. Let me know if you need anything later.”
I nod. “I will. Really, man. Thank you.”
He grins and lowers his sunglasses, walking away. His massive frame makes the hospital hallway look cramped. I turn around and take the coffee to Sadie.
“He brought extra,” I tell her.
She takes a cup and a few creamers and pauses when she opens the lid and sees how creamy it already is. I make a face.
“Sorry, he might’ve just ordered flat whites—that’s what I usually get. Let me see what these are.”
I check the rest and they’re all the same.
“If it’s coffee, I’ll like it,” she says.
She takes a long sip and lets out a ragged sigh afterward.
We’re both quiet as we drink our coffee, and she’s on her second one when she meets my eyes.
“Okay,” she says.
That’s it.
I sit for another few seconds waiting, but when I realize she’s not going to say anything else, I finish my coffee and set the cup down. I’m leaning against the wall facing Caleb’s bed and she sits on the small couch next to him. I move to the chair she was in earlier, so I don’t tower over her.
But then she opens her mouth and the words gush out, knocking me sideways.
“I’ve been with him every step of the way,” she says softly. She takes a deep breath and her voice comes back stronger. “I felt his kicks, I read him books while my sister was pregnant, I was there when he took his first breath. I was the first face he saw.” Her face crumbles as she cries. “I’ve worked nonstop to make sure he had a roof over his head. I just lost my sister and now you want to take Caleb from me too?”
“I understand, Sadie, but he’s my son and I’ve already missed out on so much. I never felt those kicks. I missed reading books to him, missed hearing his first breath…my face should’ve been one of the first he saw…”
Her face has already turned thunderous and I lift my hand, hoping to stop whatever she thinks I’m about to say.
“I don’t want to keep you from seeing him.” The words rush out.
Her mouth opens and closes, and her vivid blue eyes suddenly look violet in the bright light of the morning. Or maybe that’s the tears in them that make them so startling.
“I don’t know anything about him…or you…or Sasha. But I want to. I think we could work together to give him the best life possible?—”
She wipes her face when a tear drips down her cheek. “How do you see that working?”
It sounds more like an accusation than a question, and I pause, trying not to go into defense mode.
“Well, where do you live?” I ask.
“I don’t see how that’s relevant.”
An edge of frustration creeps into my tone. “I live in Silver Hills. I’m trying to figure out how far you are from me, if your job is by your house…what it would look like to do this.”
“Do what?” she snaps.
“Raise Caleb!” I curse under my breath when Caleb wakes up and starts crying.
I try to put his pacifier in, but this time, he spits it out and wails.
Sadie stands up and starts mixing a bottle. When it’s ready, she moves to pick him up.
“Can I give him the bottle?” I ask.
She takes a deep breath like I’m trying her very last nerve and I take a deep breath of my own because she’s starting to try mine too.