Chapter 4
CHAPTER FOUR
MEET IN THE MIDDLE
SADIE
I back up, holding my hand out for him to take the baby, and he steps closer and carefully picks him up. He holds him awkwardly, still tentative with him, and Caleb looks tiny in Weston’s large hands. Caleb’s face is red now and I don’t want him to be miserable.
“Hurry.” I point to the bottle and Weston is still trying to get him situated in his arms. “Here, put this arm underneath so he feels secure. And make sure to watch his head.”
Weston shoots me a grateful look and then grabs the bottle, shaking it a little like he’s seen me do. He sits down and gives Caleb the bottle and Caleb stops crying for a second and then turns his head, crying harder than before.
“What am I doing wrong?” he asks.
“I don’t know. Sasha only nurses him…nursed.” I swallow the lump in my throat. “Maybe just try putting the nipple near his lips and see if he’ll latch onto it.”
Weston’s cheeks turn pink and the more he tries, the harder Caleb cries. He stands and holds him out for me to take. I motion for him to put him on my left side and when I have him in my arms, he hands me the bottle. Caleb fusses for me too, but I just keep teasing his lips with the nipple and he’s hungry, so he eventually drinks a little.
He’s cried so hard though, he gets the hiccups and I put him on my shoulder, trying to burp him. He cries and cries and a nurse comes in with a sympathetic smile.
“I’m Dana. My shift just started and I’ll be checking on Caleb until he’s discharged. Anything I can do to help?”
“He took the bottles from me before, but he’s used to nursing by now,” I tell her.
“Would you like me to try?” Dana asks.
I nod, reluctantly handing him to her. She sits down on the couch and gets him bundled up before trying the bottle again. He settles in her arms as soon as he’s bundled and starts drinking the bottle when she lifts it to his lips.
“Some babies love to be swaddled,” Dana says.
I curse under my breath. I knew Caleb liked that—Sasha always swaddled him—but I was so nervous around Weston, I didn’t even think about it.
“You made that look easy,” Weston says.
Dana laughs, her pretty eyes locked on Weston.
“I’ll show you how to do it when he’s done eating. It’s easy,” she says.
She stares at Weston for a long time and then sees me noticing and looks down at Caleb. Weston watches Caleb eat, his expression wistful.
When Weston feels my eyes on him, he clears his throat and besides the sound of Caleb drinking his bottle, the room gets quiet. After Caleb’s fed, Dana changes his diaper and wraps him back up. Weston studies her technique so intently, Dana flushes with the attention and her hands are shaking by the time she finishes.
I roll my eyes, and Weston happens to catch that and his eyes narrow on me, his jaw clenching.
“Let me know if you need anything else. The doctor will be in shortly, I think, to discuss Caleb’s discharge, but just press that button if you need me.” She smiles at Weston and I’m not sure she even still remembers I’m in the room.
Pretty boy over here just breathes and women fall all over themselves. It’s quite sickening really.
When she leaves the room, we look at Caleb for a few minutes and his eyes are already closing to take another nap.
“He sleeps a lot,” Weston whispers. “Well, not as much at two this morning.”
“Right. Sasha was trying to get him on more of a schedule, but it hasn’t worked very well yet.”
The truth is, I ’ ve been trying to get Sasha to work on his schedule. She’s always been a night owl and since she isn’t working, she stays up all night with him and then they want to sleep all day.
She’s gone hits me all over again.
My phone buzzes and I’m both relieved and devastated to see that it’s my parents. I hold up my phone. “My parents. I need to take this.”
He nods and I leave the room, bracing myself for this conversation.
“Hello?” I answer.
“Sorry, honey, we’ve been camping and haven’t had cell service. Is everything all right?” my mom asks.
I hear my aunt and uncle laughing in the background and hate that I’m about to turn my mom’s life upside down.
“No, Mom. There was an accident.”
She gasps and I talk over her.
“Caleb is okay, but Sasha…” My voice breaks and I start sobbing. “Mom, Mom, Sasha…she didn’t make it.”
It’s quiet for a second and then I hear her cries. My dad takes the phone.
I go to some kind of numb place as I tell him the details I know. Sasha slid on ice and hit another car. Caleb’s not hurt and neither was the other driver. Sasha’s gone.
My dad’s voice is hollow when he finally says they’ll start driving back right away. It’ll be a little over twelve hours, but they’ll drive straight through.
I’m not sure how long I stand there after we hang up, and when I go back into the room, Weston looks at me pensively but doesn’t say anything. I realize then that I didn’t tell my parents about Weston.
It’s probably another hour before he tries to talk to me again and I’m grateful for the reprieve. I need the time to process…I think I’ll need a lot of time.
“Did Sasha and Caleb live with you?” he finally asks.
I nod.
“Do you rent or own a place?” he asks.
“What does that have to do with anything?” I frown.
He takes a deep breath and runs his hand through his hair. It falls perfectly into place again. When he looks up and his eyes lock with mine, I freeze, my heart taking a dive into the ground.
I just know I’m not going to like what he’s about to say.
“I’d like the two of you to come stay with me for a few weeks.”
My mouth drops and then I’m shaking my head. “Absolutely not.”
“Hear me out,” he says, holding up his hand. “I don’t know how to take care of a baby yet. You do, and Caleb is used to you. I have a big place. Six bedrooms. You could pick out which one you want—I’m not picky. It’s on a few acres. A swimming pool, pool house, a lake beyond that with a bridge crossing over the water. The place is big enough that you wouldn’t have to see me all the time. We’d be sharing a kitchen, but I’d respect your space and we could figure out times to have it to ourselves if you don’t want to see me. And we’d both be able to see Caleb whenever we want.”
“I want to see him all the time,” I seethe.
“So do I.” He scowls at me, and it’s the first time he’s really shown his temper to this extent.
“I want to see him without you around ,” I reiterate.
“Look, I’m not thrilled about seeing you either, but it’s either that or I take him home with me when he’s discharged, and at the most, you get periodic supervised visits.” He puts his hands on his hips and sighs, his hands dropping in exhaustion. “That’s not what I want, Sadie. But I will if you force me. I don’t know why Caleb was kept a fucking secret from me, but you’re not getting rid of me, so either learn to deal with it,” he says between his teeth, “or get yourself a good lawyer.”
I step back like I’ve been hit, feeling like all the air has just been let out of me. The backs of my knees hit the couch and I fall onto it, suddenly cold and shaky.
He might not have wanted Caleb before, but he wants him now, and if he decided to take me to court over this, I wouldn’t stand a chance in hell against the great Weston Shaw. He’s Caleb’s biological dad, he has more money than God, and all he has to do is smile that supermodel smile and flash those arm muscles and he’ll get whatever he wants.
I’ve seen him practically charm the pants off of everyone who’s talked to him so far.
“I want it in writing that I’ll always be a part of his life.” My voice is so soft I clear my throat and say louder, “Before I’ll agree to anything.”
“You don’t get to make the rules here, Sadie.”
His tone is so much sweeter than his words that it lulls me into a false sense of security at first…until I digest what he’s said.
“I can’t stay with you. It’s too far to go back and forth from here to Silver Hills. I’m a waitress and take double shifts all the time?—”
“I’m giving you my word that I want you to be part of Caleb’s life,” he says. “I’m giving you my word that I’ll take care of both of you. We can talk about specifics once we get to the house.”
He holds up his hand and taps his fingers one by one with his next words.
First finger: “But your sister kept my child from me.”
Second finger: “You are not his mother.”
Third finger: “And I’m not playing any more fucking games here.”
He licks his lips and I watch the movement, suddenly so tired I can’t think straight.
“These are your choices.” Again, his tone is so deceptively kind. “We can take this to court, or you can stay with me and we’ll come up with a peaceful way to get along, for Caleb’s sake.”
The room is silent for a few long moments.
“I love him so much,” I say, my voice breaking. I lean my head back, staring at the ceiling and trying not to cry. “I’d do anything for him. Anything .” My lips tremble and I press them together. “The night I found out my sister was pregnant, I told her to tell you right then. I never thought it was right to not tell you. And I don’t know if you’re lying to me and you really didn’t know.” I turn to look at him now. “Or if she lied to me when she said she tried again and again to reach you.” I angrily swipe away the tears that keep falling. “But I know I can’t win against you.” My voice breaks and I lower my head, my shoulders shaking as I cry.
God, this is so humiliating, but I can’t seem to get it together. When I look up at him, he’s studying me with an unreadable expression.
“And I can’t lose him.” I wipe my nose and shake my head. “Losing my sister is…it’s the worst thing I’ve ever known, but losing him…it would kill me.”
Something flashes across his face. Compassion? Annoyance? Guilt? I don’t know him, so I don’t know what it is, but I take a deep breath and this time my chest fills with air…like it finally worked.
“I’ll stay with you,” I finally say.
He looks up at the ceiling, his shoulders lifting with his deep breath, and when he looks at me again, he’s sober and intense.
“Thank you,” he says.