Chapter 22
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
MIND-BLOWING
SADIE
Oh God. What did we just do?
I can’t even focus on one of my favorite movies because…that kiss …the way he made me feel. We didn’t even have sex, but it was the most intense experience I’ve ever had.
I’m not sure how I keep sitting here next to him because my whole body is feverish and I want nothing more than to rewind and jump back on his lap and get more of that. But I laugh quietly at the appropriate parts and absentmindedly grab things from the charcuterie board in a desperate attempt to pretend that this is normal.
I can do this. I can pretend like that was just a flash of hormones going haywire and not because I want Weston Shaw more than my next breath.
I’m sure it really was just hormones for him. He’s said it himself—it’s been a while for him. That’s all this is.
We both know it can never happen again.
I try not to wallow in my sadness that this was a one-time thing.
Don’t be so pathetic , I tell myself. It was a mind-blowing make-out session, but that’s all it was.
And we will act like it never happened.
We clear off the tray and Weston refills our wine glasses. When the movie is over, my head feels muddled and I wish I hadn’t eaten so much. I jump up and grab our glasses.
“I can take care of this,” he says.
“I don’t mind.”
We carry everything upstairs and I wash the glasses and board while Weston dries.
“I think we should talk about it,” Weston says softly.
“Mmm. I don’t think so.” I shake my head.
“What if I want to?”
“I think it’s awkward now, but it’ll be different in the morning. I say we just forget it ever happened and?—”
“Sadie, I don’t think I can forget it. And I don’t want to.”
I turn to look at him and he’s staring down at me with what I can only describe as hunger.
“There’s too much at stake for us to mess around with this,” I whisper.
He runs his hand through his hair and looks away.
“What are you afraid of?” he asks, when his eyes meet mine again.
“I’m afraid of losing what we have…and I also feel like I am betraying my sister.”
“Even if you put aside what we’re building here together, what just happened between us is so much bigger, so much more than anything that happened with Sasha.”
When I don’t say anything, he nods.
“Okay, we won’t do anything,” he says. His head tilts when he looks at me again. “But it won’t change the way I’m feeling. And that was…incredible.”
My breath hitches and he stares at my mouth.
“Yes,” I whisper.
I move past him and take the stairs two at a time.
After a restless night, I wake up early and get ready. No big plans today really—my mom is coming over in a while, that’s it—but I’ve noticed it helps me feel better if I get dressed as if I’m going to work. I love sweats and leggings, but if I keep doing that every day, I won’t have any idea when I’m unable to fit into my jeans anymore. I don’t put as much makeup on as I would for work, but enough that I feel put together.
Not that I’m getting dressed for Weston’s sake, but…
Okay, maybe a little bit.
All of this thought about clothes reminds me that I didn’t make it to the apartment yesterday. Maybe I’ll order a few things. I was right there too. It would’ve been good to knock that out while I was close.
Weston doesn’t think he’s paying me much, but it’s more than I ever made at my waitressing job and I got decent tips there. Maybe I can order a few new things to wear, and I can worry about going through the stuff at the apartment another time.
My mom texts when I’m about to leave the room.
Mom
Does it still work for me to come later this morning?
Yes. Can’t wait to see you.
Mom
Do you need anything?
I pause before texting her back.
I’d wanted to go by the apartment yesterday but didn’t make it. Would you want to bring some of the boxes you took home with you? I could go through it here. I’m wanting to save anything meaningful for Caleb…
Mom
That’s a great idea, sweetie. Sure, I’ll bring them. I haven’t had the heart to go through anything yet.
I don’t mind doing it if you’re not up to it.
Mom
It helps every time I see your face and Caleb’s.
Love you, Mom.
Mom
I love you. I’ll see you soon.
I step out of the room and nearly run into Weston. He’s shirtless and sweaty and I want to lick his salty skin and?—
I shake my head and force myself to focus on his eyes and not his body.
“Good morning,” he says. He points toward Caleb’s room. “I still haven’t heard a peep out of him. Have you?”
“No. I’ve looked at the monitor every five minutes for the past hour and still nothing.”
He laughs and pauses when his phone buzzes. He makes a face. “I’ve gotta take this.”
I nod and he answers, moving down the hall. He leaves his door open though, so I can hear him curse. I turn and look back and see him pacing.
“I’ve needed time,” he says. “I know. But it’s a complicated situation.”
He curses again and I’m relieved when I hear Caleb cooing so I can duck into his room and not keep eavesdropping.
I get Caleb cleaned up and take him downstairs in his jammies to get his bottle ready. He’s happy this morning, all smiles and jabbering up a storm. Weston comes into the kitchen, still in his workout shorts but wearing a shirt now, and Caleb bounces and practically jumps toward Weston when he comes close.
“He sure does like you,” I tease.
When he doesn’t laugh like he normally would, I look at him. He kisses Caleb’s forehead, but he looks distracted.
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
He looks at me and my heart drops. He hasn’t looked this serious since those first days in the hospital.
“Photographers were apparently snap-happy yesterday. There are pictures all over the place, some of us with Caleb and some of just you and me. My agent and publicist have been after me to make an announcement about Caleb long before now so we could control the narrative.” He sighs and kisses Caleb’s head again. “But I wanted time to get to know him myself before inviting the whole world into it.” His eyes are pained when he looks at me. “It’s important to me that I speak kindly about Sasha, and I was so angry at first, I was worried some of that might seep through. I’ve seen too many times how things turn on women, and I will do everything in my power to keep that from happening.” He gives me a pointed look. “Okay?”
I nod. “Okay.”
He lets out a relieved sigh. “Now that the news is out, I need to do damage control. Today.”
“What can I do to help?”
His eyes are still full of concern, but his smile zeroes in on me. It warms me and I smile back, hoping he gets the same warmth in return.
“Thank you for even offering to help deal with my mess.” He scoffs. “You’ve done more than that—I have a massive list of things to thank you for. I’m going to owe you forever, you know that, right?”
I laugh and his shoulders relax.
“You don’t owe me anything,” I tell him. “Get ready. I’ve got Caleb. My mom’s coming over today, so we’ll be busy.”
“Okay. The press conference won’t last long. Amy will be coming today to clean. And shit…I wanted to be here when the crib arrived. I’ll call and see if they can come when I’m back this afternoon. Let me know if you need anything while I’m out.”
“Will do.”
“I’ll go get my shower and then bolt.”
“All right.” I move to take Caleb from him, and Weston leans in closer than I expected, so our mouths are within an inch of each other.
My eyes lift to his and he’s staring at my lips. I’m not sure how long we stand there staring at each other, but my limbs feel weighed down when he takes a step away from me. He clears his throat and tousles Caleb’s hair.
“I’ll see you two in a little while,” he says.
He walks away and it’s only then that I can take a deep breath. My phone buzzes and it’s Kim.
Kim
You didn’t tell me you were dating WESTON SHAW! When did this happen?!
I’m not. Don’t believe everything you read! Laughing emoji
Kim
Pictures are worth a thousand words and the pictures of you and Weston are worth WAY more than that. Fire emoji
I don’t know what to say to that so I go quiet, and after I’ve fed Caleb his bottle and laid him down for a nap, I google Weston Shaw to see what photos come up. After seeing him with a steady barrage of models and celebrities in the past, it’s unsettling to see myself next to him. I don’t look bad, but I don’t look anything like the women he dates…or hooks up with, I guess, since he doesn’t really date.
When I stop critiquing myself and study Weston’s face, I draw in a deep breath.
He looks really, really happy.