14. Izael
IZAEL
Sometimes, it seemed like when it rained, it poured. Talia and I had made up, and she told me the day after the cookout fiasco that Tahj called her the next morning. He told her that he loved her, but he didn’t have shit to say to me.
I let her know as long as they were cool, I was cool. I didn’t need his ass to speak to me. I had gone to her parents’ house with her that evening for Sunday dinner and to speak with them about our relationship. I was pleasantly surprised to find out that her mom and dad both supported it. They believed I would never hurt her, and her father reinforced that belief in me during a one-on-one chat after dinner.
But on Tuesday, she was down again because a job she had applied for hadn’t come through. She stated that it was for a cooking magazine, and I encouraged her to try it with another one.
Meanwhile, we had noticed a decrease in our reservations at River it was my baby I had been angry with. Damn her! Why’d she have to be the T in T’s Tasty Temptations ? She had written several articles about that restaurant, and all of them were negative, and she had written one about Cozy Fusions a couple of years ago. To my knowledge, she hadn’t been back. And if she had, she hadn’t written another review.
This was one of those that I would have to sleep on if I got any sleep at all. I showered and climbed into bed. By the time Talia finished her phone call, showered, and climbed into my bed, I was half asleep.
She nuzzled up to me, kissed my neck, and whispered, “I love you.”
I wondered if she would feel the same way if she knew the truth.
* * *
“I’m happy for you.”
“Are you?”
“I really am, Cee-Cee. You’re a good girl, and you deserve the best. I’m sorry that I couldn’t give you what you wanted and deserved.”
My ex-girlfriend, Chantel Collins, who we affectionately called Cee-Cee, admired her engagement ring again. Her fiancé had put a pretty decent sized rock on her hand.
“How long have you been with him?”
“A little over a year. We started dating a few months after you and I broke up.”
“You mean after you broke up with me.”
Cee-Cee smiled that beautiful smile of hers. “It was mutual.”
“No. It wasn’t. You came home one day after work, cooked a nice meal for the two of us, and after dinner over a glass of wine and dessert, you said it wasn’t going to work.”
“And you looked relieved. And when you asked why, I told you that Talia had your heart, and you never denied it.”
“I did too.”
“No, you didn’t.”
“I said that she was my best friend’s little sister.”
“Which wasn’t a denial. That was you trying to justify the closeness you had with her.”
I sighed and dragged my hand down my face as I stirred my beef broccoli soup. Cee-Cee and I were having lunch. I met with her this morning to resume my house hunt. She notified me that a house I had previously been looking at was still on the market for a much lower asking price.
I had originally been in negotiations on that house but pulled back when Talia asked me to stay with her. I loved the house but didn’t mind backing out to build something with my woman.
Cee-Cee made a phone call this morning while I was in her office, and she immediately got an acceptance on the offer I put in on the house. The sellers were motivated and ready to get the property off their hands so they wouldn’t continue carrying two mortgages.
I hadn’t told Talia that I had started my house search again. Neither had I told her that Cee-Cee was my realtor. I had toyed with her about inviting Cee-Cee to go house hunting with me initially because I wanted to see if she was feeling a brother. I just never got around to telling her the truth about Cee-Cee being my realtor.
I knew that I needed to move out after discovering what I had about who she was. When she found out I was responsible for her not getting that job at the Bold Beautiful Black Girl magazine, she would kick my ass out. So, I needed a place to go. And I would have to tell her because there was no way I could continue lying up under her each night and holding her in my arms without telling her the truth. It was killing a nigga.
That lying shit wasn’t in my DNA. I wasn’t that nigga. I never had a reason not to be one hunnid with the folks I loved, and I loved the hell out of that girl.
I felt like an ass for fucking up that job opportunity for her, even though I hadn’t known it was her at the time.
Asante Dillard was the owner of the magazine and someone I had a great business relationship and friendship with. She was the wife of one of my boys from back in the day when I ran the streets.
Kenny Dillard and I stayed in touch long after I got my shit together. He’d been one of the main ones rooting for me to come out the streets and do something with my life. He’d been the first one to do it, then Tahj, and finally me. Three other friends didn’t get it together. One ended up dead, another in prison, and the final one was hooked on drugs himself now.
“I need your opinion on something,” I told Cee-Cee as she wiped her mouth with her napkin.
“What’s that?”
“I inadvertently discovered some information last night that I didn’t need to know. But the information that I discovered has impacted me in the past, and I have some information that directly impacts Talia.”
“And let me guess... You want to tell her because the guilt of not being truthful with her is eating at you.”
“Exactly.”
“What’s the problem with you telling her?”
“She’s going to be angry with me. She’ll probably end the relationship.”
“Damn. It’s that serious?”
“Yeah,” I stated, setting my spoon aside. “I mean, I’ve put a strain on her and Tahj’s relationship. That nigga ain’t even speaking to me because he didn’t want me fucking with her. He was mad at both of us for not telling him upfront.”
“And he has a right to be. We all know how Tahj feels about Talia.”
“Yeah, I know.”
“Is he not speaking to her anymore?”
“They made up, but she says there’s still some tension in their relationship.”
“Did you cheat on her?”
“Hell no.”
“Steal from her or lie to her?”
“I didn’t steal from her. But I did lie by omission…once I learned the shit.”
“Then tell her. Run the risk that you might lose her. But trust and have faith that if you two are meant to be, and I believe that you are, it will work itself out.”
I sighed and dragged my hand down my face. Cee-Cee reached across the table and asked, “May I pray with you?”
That was the one thing I adored about her. She was a woman of great faith and believed in the power of prayer. She had prayed for me through several issues through the years.
“Yeah. You always got that, sweetheart,” I replied and clasped hands with her.
We bowed our heads, and she prayed.
“Holy Father, we come to You in the mighty name of Jesus Christ. Your son is at a crossroads in his life, and he needs Your guidance. There is none greater than You, oh Holy One, who counsels us and leads us in righteous paths. You see Zae’s heart, and you know his future. You have thoughts of peace and not of evil and to give him an expected end.
“Help Zae to find his peace, trusting his relationship and his life in Your holy hands as he follows You, Father. Guide him in righteous paths and grant him wisdom and great counsel to make the right decisions for his life as he trusts in the power of Your Holy Spirit. We praise You in advance for leading him and giving him the answers that he needs. We pray this prayer in Jesus’ name. Amen.”
“Amen,” I agreed.
“I say that you should trust Almighty God and tell her what you need to tell her. Don’t keep it from her, because if she finds out some other way, that will be more devastating, Zae.”
“I know you’re right.”
“I hope you really know it. You’re going to be angry with yourself for ignoring the truth that was right in front of you if you lose that girl. Not to mention that if you hurt her, you’ve got to deal with Tahj even more than you already have to do.”
“I ain’t worried about T’s ass. But I don’t want to hurt or lose my girl.”
“Then make it right, Zae. Holding things in isn’t like you.”
“I will, and I know. Thanks, Cee-Cee, for everything.”
“Anytime.”
I signaled for the waiter and paid the bill. When we got up to leave, I walked her to her car and hugged her.
“Tell ole boy he’s a lucky ass nigga. Tell him don’t fuck up like I did.”
“Oh, he knows how lucky he is. He’s got himself a good thing,” she replied with a bright smile.
She leaned up and kissed me on the cheek before she climbed into her car. I waved goodbye to her, and then I climbed into my car.
As I drove back to the office, my mind raced with ways to ease the news to Talia with minimal damage.