Chapter 32 #2
She tightened her hands into fists and met my wary gaze.
“Any married woman with children who never thinks at one point in her life that she wishes she were single and free is lying to herself. I was a wife and a mother by the time I was eighteen. I had the bulk of the responsibilities in our marriage, and in raising you with a man who was only around part-time, and when he was around, he wanted no responsibilities. Just have a beer and sit in the damn recliner like he was the king of this broken castle.” She looked sharply at her husband, who grunted in protest. “You know it’s true, Al.
So, don’t try to argue me down. I had to beg and fight for you to help me with a screaming toddler, who didn’t want to go anywhere without me. ”
He protested, “That’s because you had to be so controlling. It had to be your way on how to raise her and how to take care of this house.”
Mama leaned forward to see his face. “Bull. I had to have a routine for a baby, and then you come home messing it all up, wanting to hang out late and do you, when we were a family.”
“Hey,” I yelled. “This is what I’m talking about.
You get to arguing, and I don’t exist anymore.
Why couldn’t we be this happy, small family of three, huh?
” I swung my head toward Daddy. “And Mama is right. You left everything about the household and parenting to her. I get it if Mama was only in the home, but she worked just as hard as you.”
Mama smiled triumphantly.
Daddy slunk back in his chair. “Always two against one. Y’all made it hard sometimes to come home too.”
I sighed. “This isn’t a competition, and I didn’t come home to fight or to start a fight. I want us to work on us as a family.”
“If that’s what you want, then you have to stop judging me . . . judging us, because we weren’t the parents or the couple you think we should’ve been.” Mama folded her arms.
“I don’t judge you.”
Mama said, “Yes, you do. Otherwise, you would’ve told us you were engaged.
Were we such bad parents that you didn’t want to tell us?
Do you know how many friends and family members called us, excited to know the details?
Can you imagine how hurtful it was that you didn’t even think we were important enough to tell us that you were getting married?
I had to pretend I knew about you and that man, even though I knew nothing.
I deserved more than a text to not worry about the sex video because you were engaged to the man. ”
My face instantly flushed with heat. “You did deserve more. And I’ll explain in a second. But please, please, please, say you didn’t see the video.”
“Hell no.” Daddy loudly replied before adding, “Your grandparents were probably rolling around in their graves. We didn’t raise you that way, Kensie.”
“I know. I know. I’m sorry. I should’ve realized you would be upset.” Saying I’m a grown woman and I shouldn’t have to explain myself right now would only seem disrespectful to my parents, who continued to be faithful members of the church my grandfather started.
Mama pointed at me. “See what I mean? What parents wouldn’t be upset to know that their grown child is in a sex video? Judging us like we don’t care. Your best way to handle what happened was to send a text and ignore our calls?”
“You called once, Mama.” I reminded her.
“One time too many when you didn’t have the decency to answer or call me back,” she snapped.
“Well, I’m here now.” I took a calming breath. “I hope you didn’t have any problems at the church or work because of the video.”
My father scoffed. “It would’ve been embarrassing if you didn’t announce your engagement that same week.
Instead of jokes at church and on the boat, my coworkers told me I was lucky that my daughter had landed a billionaire.
Like your mother, I faked like I knew what was going on in my daughter’s life when I knew nothing. ”
I closed my eyes tightly before looking at my father. “I made a mess of things, and I came here to hash it all out.”
He scratched his beard and didn’t quite meet my eyes.
“I never thought of how our arguing affected you. It’s how me and your mama communicate.
Always have since high school. Might not seem right, but it’s what we do.
She’s the only woman I’ve ever loved, and I wanted to lock her down from the first moment I saw her.
I know I love her more than she loves me, and that she didn’t want to get married.
” My father looked at me with a proud smile.
“It’s all right because I get to claim her as my wife for as long as she’ll allow me to be her husband. ”
My heart skipped a beat at my father’s confession, and the tension melted away from my mother as her expression softened toward her husband.
“I love you just as much, and I’m not going anywhere.
Just had a hard time adjusting to a life I never envisioned.
I don’t regret being married or having Kensie.
Sometimes, I just wish you would really hear me, so I don’t have to fuss.
That you get that I still need your help around the house, and that I still love to be taken out by my husband. ”
“I have gotten better at listening. I just surprised you with dinner the other night.”
Mama smiled. “You have, and you did.”
Daddy met her gaze, and the heat of their longtime love passed over and through me. Have I misjudged them and ignored their affection for each other?
She refocused on me. “Give us grace, Kensie. We met and fell in love when we were sixteen, and a year later, we were a family of three. We’ve made mistakes and will probably make more.
You’re an adult and know how complicated and nuanced life can be.
At twenty-nine, you’re still not sure about marriage when you expected us to understand it at seventeen. ”
“How do you know I’m unsure about marriage?”
“I assume you and that race car driver broke up if you’re here without him.” Then she tilted her head. “Or maybe you’re too embarrassed by us to introduce him.”
“No, Mama, not embarrassed.” My stomach suddenly churned, and the roast and potatoes may not have been a good idea. I stood up and paced back and forth, trying to settle my nerves. “I didn’t want to introduce you until I was sure that we were real.”
“Engagement seems pretty real,” Daddy argued.
“That’s another reason I’m here. I wanted to come clean about everything.” I started cracking my knuckles. “Um . . . I . . .” I closed my eyes. How do I tell my parents that I faked an engagement in front of the world for my career and to save face over a sex video?
Mama patted the space beside her. “No matter what it is, you can tell us. Stop all that worrying. There’s nothing you can do that’s going to stop how proud we are of you.”
I glanced around the walls of the family room, taking in the evidence of their love and pride.
Pictures of me throughout my life, along with my elementary school certificates and awards, are framed and on display.
The book I wrote sat on the coffee table along with the array of magazines my parents subscribed to.
They had loved me and wanted me. I chose not to see it because it didn’t come in the bright package I believed their love should’ve been wrapped in.
Maybe I’d done the same thing to Canaan and walked away when I should’ve fought harder.
Mama patted the cushion again. “Sit.”
“Only if Daddy sits next to me.” I pulled my father’s arm until he moved from his favorite chair to sit beside me on the sofa.
Leaning on his strong shoulder and holding my mother’s hand, I caught them up about my life.