Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
VIKTOR
A huff of air leaves me as I turn in the chair for the fifth time since Avelina’s nightmare woke her up.
I’m restless. And for once, it’s not because of my thoughts or being unable to turn them off as they speed past one another again and again. It’s because Avelina has consumed them. And the feeling isn’t as uncomfortable as I’d expect.
I tug the blanket over my arm a little more as if that’ll help. It’s fruitless. Sleep is a thing of the past now. The haunted way she looked flashes in my mind, and my heart squeezes again. And the way she was curled up in a ball, making herself even smaller…
I don’t want to see that look on her face again.
But I don’t understand why.
Liar.
I know why. Matvey even saw it.
She does something to me. And maybe I do like her.
But…it could never happen. Right? That can only ever be a pipe dream.
With a weary exhale, I sit up a little more. No sense in pretending I’m going to get any more sleep. Once more my gaze drifts toward the bedroom. I stand from the chair and nudge the door open. And I sigh.
Because I shouldn’t be doing this.
It’s wrong. It’s fucking creepy.
But I can’t help myself.
It’s just to make sure she’s okay still. That she got back to sleep.
One step then another. And then I’m standing at the edge of the bed, watching over her.
Her expression is peaceful, nothing like the terror and fear that lingered on it after that nightmare.
A part of me wanted to press her about it.
To ask what would cause such a reaction in her.
But it’s not my place. Still, I’m curious.
Because if I know, then I can fix it…maybe.
She sighs softly, turning in her sleep to her back. Her auburn hair tumbles across her forehead. Her eyes flutter behind her lids as she dreams.
My fingers twitch at my side.
Don’t do it, Viktor.
My hand moves regardless of my brain, and my fingers hover over her forehead. Then it drops down to my side as I fist it, clenching my hand tightly.
Once more my mind races. Back to the garden, when her hand braced against my bare forearm. The current that zapped through me instead of repulsion. The softness of her fingers against the ink along my arms.
What if…? But that little voice in the back of my head whispers I shouldn’t be here. I really fucking shouldn’t.
I continue to stare at her. Her cheeks are flushed, one hand curled up against her chest, the other tangled in the blankets.
Her chest rises and falls steadily, slowly.
Unlike mine. Because my chest thunders. I don’t know what I expected.
That maybe watching her sleep would make this…
thing inside me go quiet. That the tension inside me would ease if I knew she was still okay.
But all seeing her does is fan the flames of the fire that’s already burning fiercely under my skin.
She’s sunshine in a person. Always smiling, always positive, and always bringing light into places when all I’ve ever known are shadows. She touches my life in a way I’m not sure how to handle, but I can’t help being curious. And worse yet, I want to let her keep doing it.
My fingers twitch again. And I reach out to brush the hair off her cheek. Trace the curve of her jaw. Touch. That forbidden thing that for so long felt like agony, but now, with her, it feels like temptation and salvation all rolled into one.
I’ve never kissed anyone and wanted to still remember it the next day.
But I want that with her.
A taste.
Just one kiss.
One soft, fleeting thing to calm the storm in my mind…
I lower myself beside the bed, cautious not to disturb her. My hand braces against the edge of the mattress. I lean in slowly, holding my breath. My chest tightens so hard it burns.
God, this is a mistake.
What if I’m wrong? What if it repulses me?
I shake my head slightly. That touch from the garden lingers beneath my skin still. The bolt of electricity that followed—undeniable.
Then I brave it.
And my lips brush hers.
The smallest touch of my mouth against hers. Warm and yet so fleeting.
It’s not a bolt of electricity, not a spark that sets my body aflame. It’s something different. Something stronger. But I can’t name the emotion.
And then she stirs.
I jerk back, nearly tripping over my feet as I stumble away from the bed.
My heart is a damn drum against my ribs—wild and panicked. I stand, frozen in the darkness like I’ve committed a crime.
She doesn’t wake. But I know I can’t stay. The lump that’s formed in my throat is hard to swallow, and I watch her for a brief moment longer, letting the feeling of her lips against mine linger. Like a soft hum of heat. Unforgettable.
I slip from the room, guilt dragging behind me like a chain. The hallway feels colder than before, the dim lights too bright. I close the door gently behind me and lean my forehead against it.
Fuck!
What the fuck was that?
I scrub my hand over my face, trying to calm the war inside my head. That was stupid. It was wrong.
Yet…it didn’t feel wrong.
I back away from the door with a sharp inhale when Grigory’s voice cuts through the noise in my head.
“You fucking her now?”
I freeze. My spine snaps straight.
He’s leaning against the wall, arms crossed, expression unreadable in the dim light. But I see a glint there too.
“No,” I say too quickly.
Grigory raises a dark brow.
“I was just…I just checked on her.” A flush rushes up my face. “She was shaken after the attack. And she had a nightmare earlier. I wanted to make sure she was okay.”
He pushes from the wall and steps closer. “You always kiss people to check on them?” he clips.
My heart stops. He saw that? Fuck. “I didn’t—”
He gives me a look. One I’ve seen a thousand times. One that knows more than he says and sees more than I want him to. Fuck him for being so damn perceptive. “I walked past a few moments ago and saw you. And we’ve all seen the way you look at her, Viktor. We’re not stupid.”
“I didn’t touch her…not like that,” I mutter, my jaw tight. Christ, he’s going to think that I’m some sort of weirdo now.
“Didn’t say you did.” He snorts. “But you want to, don’t you?”
I don’t answer. Because I don’t like lying to him. I’ve never cared like this about any woman. Flings were just that—fleeting and out the door in the morning.
Grigory stares at me for a few seconds longer.
“You’re sleeping in a chair—and what looks like a fucking uncomfortable one—out here every night.
You’re doing all these things for her and the children.
You’re even threatening our men if they say something you don’t like about her.
” He huffs and shakes his head. “You should figure out what you want, Viktor. Because something tells me Avelina isn’t the kind of girl you can just keep on the side. ”
My eyes are wide as he walks off. Finally, I sink back onto the chair I’ve been calling my bed while Avelina has been staying with us.
My eyes close, and I let out a deep exhale.
The taste of her lips lingers against mine.
My heart still races. And head falling back against the backrest of the chair, I sigh.
I’m starting to wonder if I want more than I thought I did.
More than I thought I was ready for.