Chapter 56
Emilia
Iwas a little nervous when Giorgio started to lose his temper with the security guard.
He was always so happy and kind with me, that it startled me when I saw his dark side come out – even just a glimpse of it.
I reminded myself that his dark side was what had saved me from Maurizio –
But there was still a little voice in the back of my mind whispering, His entire JOB is on the dark side.
I cringed as I remembered my earlier questions – the stuff about the car and Don’t you know who I work for?
I wanted not to be bothered by what he did for a living –
But it was hard.
And I wondered if I was ignoring reality just because I liked him.
To be honest…
…I didn’t just ‘like’ him.
I was falling for him.
Hard.
It was scary to admit that.
And I sure as hell wasn’t about to admit it to him. Not until he said it first.
But Giorgio was by far the kindest man I’d ever been with…
The most cheerful…
The funniest…
And the most handsome. My god was he hot.
Not to mention incredible in bed – better than anyone else by far.
But…
I didn’t want the man I was falling for to be a bad guy.
Yes… okay… I’ll admit, there was something about the danger that I kind of liked a little.
A feeling of safety… that nobody, not even another mafia asshole like Maurizio, could touch me as long as I was with Giorgio.
But I was afraid that one day the darkness might turn on me…
And it scared me.
Even more terrifying was that his job might take him away from me forever.
I couldn’t see myself married with two kids, praying every day as their daddy walked out the door that he would come back alive that night.
Then I snapped back to reality.
Two kids?! I thought in disbelief. Their DADDY?!
Stop it!
You’re just having fun!
Relax and stop trying to plan the wedding.
It was easier to relax and stop caring about his job when he said things like, “I’m just a guy on a date with the girl he’s crazy about. That’s it.”
All my fears melted away and were replaced with this feeling of Awwwww!
I smiled up at him. “…you’re crazy about me?”
He pulled me up against him. “Isn’t it obvious?”
Yes, actually.
When I wasn’t so afraid, it was abundantly clear how much he adored me. He’d shown it from the very first few weeks, when I’d been cold and distant, and he’d done everything he could to break down my walls.
But I wasn’t going to give in that easily.
“Maybe you should show me,” I teased.
That’s when he kissed me.
Ohhhhhh…
Add that to the list of reasons I was falling for him:
He was an incredible kisser.
When our lips met, he had a way of making me feel like I was floating on a cloud.
After he pulled away, I stood there in a daze for a few seconds until I opened my eyes.
“…okay. I’m convinced.”
He grinned. “Good. Let’s just enjoy our date. Cool?”
“Cool,” I said, and stood on my tiptoes for another kiss.
Add another reason to the ‘falling for him’ list:
He was really tall.
I liked that a lot.
I’d agreed to enjoy our date while we were on the street waiting –
But once we were inside, it became abundantly clear that Giorgio didn’t have the faintest idea about anything in the Boboli Gardens.
The scenery was quite pretty, even though there wasn’t much to see yet. A wide, gravel walkway stretched between huge sculpted bushes 15 feet tall.
Occasionally, smaller paths appeared off to the side, with arching tree branches forming shady canopies.
But Giorgio seemed a bit… I guess ‘uncomfortable’ is the word.
He fumbled with the map for a second, frowned at it like he was confused, then pointed straight ahead. “This way.”
As we strolled along, I asked, “So… have you been here before?”
“Oh, all the time. The Boboli Gardens are the best.”
“Uh-huh,” I said with a half-smile. “So… where did this all come from?”
“The Medicis,” he said with a confident smile.
“The Medicis?”
“Yes.”
“Who were the Medicis?”
“Old rich guys who paid for a lot of art. Like this,” he said as he pointed at a bronze statue along the walkway.
It seemed to be fairly modern – and it wasn’t just the metal it was made of. The style didn’t look like ancient Roman statues or Michelangelo’s David.
The statue depicted two young men in medieval clothing.
They were blindfolded, and they both had their hands on a block on the ground.
The block was a foot wide, six inches long, and six inches tall.
They were posed in a moment of action, like they would have beaten each other up, except they had to keep a hand on the block.
“What’s this?” I asked.
“Two guys with their hands on a block.”
I looked at Giorgio sideways. “I can see that. Why do they have their hands on a block?”
“It’s like one of those contests when people have their hands on a car, and the last person to take their hand off gets the car.”
“What’s the prize?”
Giorgio pointed. “That block.”
“What?!” I exclaimed.
“That’s a great block,” Giorgio said admiringly.
I burst out laughing, it was so ridiculous.
Giorgio managed to keep a straight face – just barely. “Besides, there wasn’t a whole lot to do 600 years ago.”
“So they fought for a block for fun,” I said facetiously.
“The best block ever,” Giorgio said, then led me further down the path.
We came to a big pool with potted plants around it.
One of the statues by the pool was very weird. It looked like the upper half of a man, but he was stooped over, and his lips were pursed. It wasn’t a realistic face at all – it was very grotesque.
“He looks like he’s blowing out really hard,” I suggested. Then I added impishly, “…or he’s getting ready to blow somebody.”
“No,” Giorgio said seriously, “he’s getting a proctology exam.”
I turned to look at him. “WHAT?!”
“That’s why he’s making that face. That’s the exact moment the finger went in. ‘OhhhhHHHHH!’” Giorgio wailed in a loud voice.
A couple of tourists looked over in alarm.
I burst out laughing. “He doesn’t even have an ass! And there’s no finger back there!”
“Great art leaves things to the imagination,” Giorgio said seriously.
“RIGHT. So how do you know he’s getting a proctology exam?”
“There’s this American comic I like named John Mulaney who accidentally got a proctology exam.”
“How do you ACCIDENTALLY get a proctology exam?!”
“That’s not important right now. What is important is that when the doctor stuck his finger up John Mulaney’s ass, John Mulaney made that face. And that sound. ‘OhhhhHHHHH!’ And that’s how I know what this moment is: a proctology exam.” Giorgio nodded very seriously. “It’s great art.”
I was hunched over and about to pee myself, I was laughing hard.
When I finally stood up and wiped the tears from my face, Giorgio said casually, “Or, you know, he’s getting fucked in the ass.”
“WHAT?!”
“Yeah, it was a surprise when the other guy put it in. Same face and sound as the proctology exam, though. ‘OhhhhHHHHH!’”
I almost peed myself again from laughter.
I finally stopped laughing and shook my head like I can’t believe this.
“Too much?” Giorgio asked.
“No, it’s giving me ideas,” I joked.
“Oh really,” he said with a seductive smile. “So… you want me to fuck you in the ass?”
“No, I want to fuck you in the ass.”
His expression of horror was priceless. “NO.”
“Oh, come on – ”
“NO,” he said, walking away.
“Come on, it could be fun – ”
“NEXT STATUE.”
We reached a crossroads and took a left turn. The gravel path widened and stretched hundreds of feet into the distance, with massive hedges on either side.
Every 20 feet or so, a stone statue on a tall pedestal loomed above us.
There was a definite recurring theme.
“Guy in toga,” Giorgio pointed out.
“Yes, I see.”
“Half-naked woman,” Giorgio said about a statue on the other side of the walk, where an ancient statue stood with bare breasts.
“Mm-hm.”
“Guy in toga,” Giorgio said as he pointed at the next statue.
“Right.”
“Half-naked woman.”
This one had her hands over her breasts.
“She’s modest,” I suggested.
“No, it’s cold out here,” Giorgio said seriously. “She’s just trying to keep her nipples warm.”
I snorted with laughter again.
“Aha – naked man statue!” Giorgio said, pointing to a completely nude man. “Something for the ladies.”
“I don’t know,” I said dubiously. “He’s rather effeminate looking.”
“Okay, something for the gay guys, then.”
“There’s something for everybody, huh.”
“Exactly. They didn’t have porn back in those days, so if they wanted to rub one out, they would go for a walk in the gardens.”
I looked at him.
He managed to keep a straight face as he stared ahead.
“So you’re saying the Boboli Gardens is the medieval equivalent of Pornhub?” I asked.
“EXACTLY,” Giorgio said. “Great art and great porn.”