Chapter 6
Dayyan
What? After telling me this crazy story, this is what he’s asking me? He can’t be serious.
Apparently, my bewilderment shows on my face, because Jannis shrugs his shoulders, not helplessly, more apologetically. Well, I’m no longer surprised he refers to his fathers as the best thing that could’ve happened to him.
I have so many questions right now. But somehow, I know it’s not the right time, and I come back to his.
“Not as well as I’d like. I understand a bit.
My father is from Syria, but he’s been in Germany for a long time.
He originally came for only one semester abroad during his medical studies.
Then he met my mother, they fell in love and he stayed.
My mother and he speak German with each other, and somehow Arabic has fallen by the wayside. ”
This story has an effect on Jannis. A gentle smile softens his often harsh features. “Are you religious then? Shit, that sounded weird. I just thought because of food and stuff…”
“My father was raised as a strict Muslim, but my brothers and I have no religious affiliation. It was important to my parents that we decide for ourselves what and whether we wanted to believe in anything at all.”
“And do you believe?” An interesting question.
I shake my head decisively. “I believe there are things between heaven and earth we cannot grasp. I don’t care what that’s called though.
My father was cut off by his family because he fell in love with a Catholic woman.
A Western woman who had been with other men before him.
My mother didn’t fare any better with her family.
I refuse to understand such actions. Isn’t it just awesome when two people who are so obviously meant for each other meet on this huge planet?
Why does it matter what you believe or where you come from? ”
“Or what gender you are...” Jannis’s interjection surprises me.
I’ve never thought that far, but I get why this is important for him and he’s absolutely right.
I look at him, his fine features, his milky pale skin, his full lips, and something happens in my stomach that I don’t understand. Not for the first time.
***
I have no idea where we are. On the day Jannis arrived late, we exchanged phone numbers, and today he texted me for the first time to say he wouldn’t be free until after dinner. At first, I was disappointed, but then I realized he hadn’t canceled, just postponed.
No, I’m not ready to seriously think about why it’s so important to me that he wants to meet up with me, that he... likes me too. As a friend. Of course. What else? I’m not into guys.
Now it’s dark and we’re walking through a residential area I’ve never been to before. Flocke’s at home, my parents’ decision.
“This way!” I don’t really understand what Jannis means, there’s no path, only dimly lit trees and bushes.
“Where...?” A hand grabs my wrist and I flinch.
“Come on!” Jannis pulls me onto a small footpath, and for the first time in my life, I realize that darkness is not my thing.
I sincerely hope he doesn’t let go of me, wonder why his hand feels so warm and soft, and at the same time scold myself for my irrational thoughts.
What’s wrong with me? A few weeks ago, my head wasn’t in such chaos.
“Where are we?”
“Wait, we’re almost there.”
After a few yards, a clearing opens up and in front of us lies a... “Is that a playground?”
“When was the last time you rode a ropeway?” It’s been a while.
“If you can’t remember right away, it’s definitely been too long. Come on!”
I don’t know what’s going on with Jannis today, but he’s different. More relaxed, more carefree, and his energy is contagious. “Are we even allowed to be here?”
He grins at me mischievously. “We shouldn’t get caught.”
And with that, he swings himself onto the ropeway and speeds off. He crashes into the rear spring, and I give us a maximum of fifteen minutes.
“Now you.” Demandingly he holds out the zip line. Screw it, I’m already here, I can at least try it. And with no further thinking, I climb to the starting point and whizz down. The wind blows around my nose and I have to admit, this is fun.
We take turns again and again, cheering louder and louder, and I’ve never seen Jannis like this before.
“Hello? This is the police. Who’s there?” A voice breaks the silence of the night, and the glow of two flashlights pierces the darkness through the bushes around us
“Fuck! That way!” Running on nothing more than instinct, Jannis breaks through the nearest bushes pulling me along with him.
He purposefully fights his way through branches and foliage, and as soon as we are back on a road, he starts running.
I can barely keep up, it’s uphill for fucks sake, but suddenly we’re back in the vineyards and he slows down.
Leaning forward, he gasps for air, and I’m no different.
Probably worse, but I’m not willing to admit that.
And then, out of nowhere, a sound breaks through the silence of the night, one I’ve never heard before, deep and warm.
Jannis is laughing. Really laughing. Loud and uninhibited, and I can’t remember ever hearing anything more beautiful.
I laugh along with him because I simply can’t help myself and because the whole thing was so much fun, even though we almost got caught by the police.
My heart tightens into a knot in my chest when I look at him. It’s a feeling I know, I’ve felt it before, but... never for a guy.
Jannis’s gaze lands on me and he falls silent. The fire in his eyes goes out and an almost overwhelming sadness washes over him. It’s a regular companion, I’ve gotten used to it by now, but to see him clearly for a brief moment, without that heavy veil, was... beautiful.
I wonder where it comes from. The logical assumption would be the thing with his mother, but his gaze was cold, almost indifferent, when he spoke of her.
There was no sign of the pain I feel when I try to look him in the eyes most of the time.
I’d like to ask him, but I don’t dare. He is trying to obviously to hide from me how badly he feels, and I don’t want to pressure him; that would go wrong quickly.
I want to make him shine, see his amber eyes light up, hear his deep laughter that vibrates in my stomach.
“That was fun.” I smile at him cautiously, not too exuberantly, not wanting to overwhelm him. “I’ve never been almost caught by the police before.”
“Really? Apparently your life was terribly boring before you met me.” The challenging grin freezes the second he realizes what he’s just said, but I pretend not to notice.
“Seems so. Have you done this before?” He nods thoughtfully and my chest tightens. “With Luca, my brother, a few times, and with...” He flinches and presses his lips together. “With someone else, but only once.”
As if someone had flipped a switch, Jannis’s voice breaks and I put two and two together. There is another person in his life. Or there was.