Chapter 32
Dayyan
“Hey, sleepyhead. Wake up.” Fingers gently comb through my hair, I hear the sound of the sea. Where am I? Who ...?
Soft lips touch my temple lightly and I remember where I am. “Sunshine.”
“Not for much longer.“ Jannis smiles, it’s impossible to miss in his voice. “We should go to the pitch, dinner will be ready soon and I’m pretty sure everyone is eagerly awaiting your arrival.”
“Who’s everyone?”
“I told you who’s coming. My family, Valérie with their fathers, and Nika and élias with their kids.
With the two of us, there are fourteen people.
” Oh. My. God. “The sooner we get the show over with, the better. And then we’ll put you to bed, you’ve had an exhausting day with the traveling and all. ”
I turn around in Jannis’s lap so I can look him straight in the eye. “You’re sweet, thank you. Where am I going to sleep, anyway?” I hadn’t given that any thought yet.
“We’ll discuss that over dinner. Come on, let’s go.” Jannis looks down at me uncertainly and bites his lower lip.
“You can kiss me if you want.”
“Yeah?” Just one word, but it feels as if all his tension has left his body with that one syllable.
“Definitely.” Grinning, I stretch my neck toward him and Jannis comes closer.
I was so nervous before our very first kiss, always wondering what it would feel like to kiss a man.
But when his lips are on mine, it doesn’t matter.
I’m kissing the person who makes my heart beat faster, who is responsible for the butterflies fluttering in my belly, and that feeling is incomparable and irreplaceable.
I’ve been with a few girls before and I’ve kissed them, but it never felt as special as it does with Jannis.
For a split second, his lips brush mine, then he looks at me again.
“More.”
“You sure?”
“Absolutely.”
Jannis’s uncertainty is almost palpable, swirling around us and between us like a sticky mass, and I can only speculate about what might have triggered it.
Danny is one possibility, but I think he’s just horribly inexperienced and, after years of rejection, it’s hard for him to believe anyone really wants him.
I sit up and look him straight in the eyes. “You can always take my hand, hold me in your arms, kiss me. Whenever you want.”
He looks at me once more before his eyes close and his lips find mine so gently I reach for his cheeks to make sure I’m not imagining the kiss.
Suddenly, Jannis pushes me away, and jumps up. I stare at him with my mouth open as he holds out his hand to me. “Let’s go. I want to introduce you to my family. Only if that’s okay with you. I...”
“Okay.” I don’t give him time to think about it. “I can’t wait.”
Flocke is the first to see me, closely followed by Luca, who plays with her and follows her barking.
Luca is the one I’m most afraid of. He protects Jannis with everything he has, and he’s made it very clear he doesn’t like me.
As we get closer Luca’s gaze is stern and unyielding.
Various scenarios play over and over in my head about what I might have done wrong again.
But a big grin spreads across his face when he sees our joined hands, and he’s running toward us with quick steps.
Luca pulls Jannis in close and I want to let go of his hand, but he won't let me. He grips it even tighter so my fingers don’t slip out of his. Jannis’s eyes are moist when Luca lets go of him and turns towards me.
“Finally! I’m happy for you, but if you hurt my brother...”
“No intention of doing that.”
I gently use my thumb to wipe the tears from Jannis’s cheeks, feel his body trembling under my touch, and kiss him. Without words, we don’t need to speak to understand each other. This here between us is special, and we’re holding on to it. No matter what happens.
“Hello, you two.” A warm voice pulls us out of our little bubble. “Jannis, honey, don’t you want to introduce us to your guest?”
When Jannis breaks the kiss but doesn’t respond immediately, I look at him in confusion.
“Too many people, too close,” he whispers in my ear.
Sometimes I don’t understand his logic. There were just as many people around us on the beach, but I don’t have to understand or question it. I just have to be there when he needs me, without compromise.
“I’m Philipp, this is my husband Adrien.” A tall, athletic man in his early forties holds out his hand to me. “We are Jannis’s fathers.”
Fascinated, I return the handshake. I’ve never seen such green eyes. “I’m Dayyan...”
“Oh, I’m so happy to finally meet you. I've heard so much about you.”
“You have?” Philipp looks confused at his husband, who is no less interesting. Both arms are completely tattooed in geometric patterns and shapes that interlock perfectly, forming a work of art in shades of black and gray.
“Bien sur. You’re not the only one our children confide in.” Adrien’s German is very good, but he’ll probably never lose his typical French accent.
Philipp rolls his eyes and shakes his head, but he laughs.
“Sit down, boys, dinner will be ready soon.”
I’ve never seen Jannis like this before. He communicates exclusively with his phone, but he is loud and a full member of the conversation. Seeing him like this is wonderful. Another side of him I didn’t know before.
“Valérie, you planning genius, where did you imagine Dayyan sleeping?”
Val grins smugly. “Ah, sweetie, you underestimate me. Everything is taken care of.”
“Then spill, Dayyan is almost falling asleep at the table.” True, but I didn’t want to be difficult. It’s nice here, everyone is open and warm, with no weird questions. It feels like I’ve always been a part of this big family.
“You’re rooming with us. We packed our luggage on the sofa in the living room, but we don’t really need it anyway with the lounge outside on the terrace.
The two single beds pushed together will be a nice playground for you two.
Catch.” Louis throws a key across the table, which Jannis grabs out of the air just in time before it hits Chrissi next to him.
“Are you serious? Wow, that’s awesome. Thank you so much.”
“It’s yours, we got a second one at the reception. Now get lost.”
The room in the mobile home is tiny, but it has a bed and Jannis, and that’s all I need right now.
I strip down to my boxers and collapse onto the mattress. Fuck, I’m beat. No matter how hard I try, my eyes keep closing.
“Where are you?” When I turn around, Jannis is still standing in the small passageway to our bed. “What’s wrong?”
“You’re sleeping in only underwear.”
“Yeah, why? Oh, does that bother you?” Shit, I didn’t think of that.
“No, I... I sleep like that too.”
“Then come here.”
But Jannis doesn’t move. Not an inch. I sit up and slide to the edge of the bed, so he is standing between my legs. “What’s the problem then? Talk to me.”
“I don’t have any... what does that mean? What am I supposed to do when we’re lying naked in bed? Do we have...? I’ve never had...” Staring at the ceiling, Jannis stutters incoherent fragments of sentences, but I understand him anyway.
I pull him toward me by his waistband, unbutton his pants and slide them down, then pull him in, so he’s straddling my lap. Jannis is trembling all over, and definitely not in a good way.
“You know this, right? That’s not new. We’ve done this before. May I?” I tug at the hem of his T-shirt and he nods quickly, but we both know this is a big deal for him right now. Nevertheless, I continue.
“I’m going to pull you close to me, then I’ll take you in my arms and hold you tight. If you want, you can kiss me. If not, I’ll let myself fall back, we’ll roll onto our sides and sleep.”
“Are you cuddling me? Or am I cuddling you?” Jannis’s gaze meets mine, uncertain but hopeful.
“Whichever way you wish, sunshine.”
“Okay. Let’s do it.”
Grinning, I pull him in really, really close. I’m immediately hard, and I’m sure he can feel it, but he doesn’t react.
In this position, Jannis is even taller, and as long as he’s sitting upright, I can’t possibly kiss him. My fingers dance along his bare spine, lower and lower, down to the waistband of his boxer shorts, until he holds his breath, then I slowly slide back up.
“Don’t worry. I’m not going any further or doing anything new. I’ve touched you like this before. At the lake, when I was putting sunscreen on your back.”
“But we weren’t together then, you had no expectations of me.”
“Jannis, look at me. Tell me what you want, and I promise you nothing else will happen.”
Hesitantly, he leans back, his gaze lifts, and I can see that he’s constructing an answer in his head. “Can we... can you kiss me? And then I’m spooning you and... because I’m the taller one.”
“Then come down to me.”
With one hand on the back of his neck, I gently pull him toward me until our lips touch. “Like this?”
“More?”
The tip of my tongue nudges his lower lip, and he immediately opens up for me.
Our tongues find each other, playing together in their own unique rhythm.
Jannis’s tension eases, he’s becoming bolder, wilder, losing himself more and more, and when he pulls me toward him, he is just as hard as I am. “Thank you for coming.”
“Anything for you, sunshine.”
“Sleep well, ma lune.”
“Sleep well.”