Chapter 45
Dayyan
“Katharina, what are you doing here?” Philipp hugs the woman, who just rang our doorbell, tightly and I look questioningly at my boyfriend.
“Katharina was our guardian at Child Protective Services before we were adopted,” Jannis answers with his phone.
“I was, for all three Delfosse boys. My very own success story. But what are you doing here?”
Jannis puts his arm around my shoulder and kisses my forehead. “He’s my boyfriend. I’m Dayyan, Dayyan Saleh. You’re here for my brothers, aren’t you?” My voice is shaking and it takes all of my strength to keep myself together.
“First of all, my sincere condolences, Dayyan. May I call you Dayyan?” I nod quickly. “And, yes, I’m here for your brothers. My name is Katharina Schneider, I am the appointed guardian from Child Protective Services. With immediate effect, I have custody of your minor...”
My mouth is faster than my brain. “You can’t take them away. Don’t take my brothers away from me. We only have each other. Please, I’ll take care of them, they can stay with me. I can do it. I’ll make it work. Please.”
I hear my voice getting louder and shriller with every word until Philipp puts a hand on my shoulder. “Calm down, Dayyan. I’m sure Child Protective Services is interested in a minimally invasive and simple solution. And we can offer that. Let’s sit down.”
We can? What does he know that I don’t? “Of course you can. But you realize you can’t take them?” Katharina says.
Wait, what? That’s an option? I... what? “Why not? Dayyan is of age, so legally he can apply for and assume guardianship of his brothers if he can prove he has a stable home environment. Am I right?”
But I can’t, and this woman knows that.
“Correct. Continue.”
“If Dayyan and his brothers moved in with us, we could provide that framework until Dayyan finishes university.” Philipp explains his idea as if it were a detailed, well-thought-out plan, not an emergency solution he cobbled together in the last ten minutes.
I don’t want to leave the house, I don’t want to tear Firas and Nael away from their familiar surroundings, but I can’t stay here with them.
The realization hurts. It hits me like a blow to the head that in the last two hours I have lost not only my parents, but also my home.
I pull my knees up to my chest and rest my forehead on them.
“So you won’t function as a foster family in the legal sense.”
“No, but in the corresponding hearing, we’d pledge our support, both financially and in all other matters.”
So many words that will decide the twins’ future, and I don’t even understand half of them. I can’t take it anymore, my head is spinning, I feel sick.
The woman from Child Protective Services seems to consider his suggestion. “You want to take them with you today?”
“It depends on their condition. Maybe we’ll stay here for a few more days.” If that works out...
“How do I justify this to my supervisor? You’re not even registered as an emergency shelter.” All my hopes collapse like a Jenga tower when you pull out the crucial block, but Adrien just smiles wearily.
“I remember there was an exception made when we took in both Jannis and Luca.”
“Because you were the only option!”
“We could have said no, but we didn’t. We wanted to give them both a chance.”
“You love them, they’re perfect for you.”
“Of course they are. We had discussed getting a sibling for Louis, but we had no plans for a third child. Now would be a good time to return the favor, Katharina.”
Fuck me, Adrien is good. Shit.
“Do you even have a better option? We don’t need to be registered, the children will remain in care of the next of kin.
I repeat, we are simply providing the framework for Dayyan to get custody without having to give up his life and future completely.
It’s about keeping the family together.” Philipp’s voice vibrates.
My mother and he were close, and he too has lost people he loved today.
Why can’t the woman just say yes and leave us alone? Tomorrow, I have to tell my nine-year-old brothers that our parents aren’t coming back. Isn’t that bad enough?
Tears well up again. Damn, I can’t do this. How am I supposed to handle this? I have no recourse against Child Protective Services, the woman has everything in her hands.
“Okay. Until the hearing, I will remain the guardian. You will find spatial and organizational structures that allow for favorable development for everyone, including you, Dayyan. If your system is working, I’ll support the application in court.”
“What application?” Do I need to know? Does the question disqualify me?
“You have to file a petition for guardianship of your brothers, and a court will decide on it.”
“And for now?”
“I decide that the children should remain in their family environment. Philipp and Adrien have experience and are trained in dealing with traumatized children. I can take responsibility for this situation.” I feel more than just a weight lifted off my shoulders. “Keep me informed.”
“Dayyan, are you okay?” Philipp strokes my back in circles.
My head is resting in Jannis’s lap. Why can’t I just disappear into thin air?
Just float away and leave all this shit behind me.
Why? Why are my parents gone? “I can’t even begin to imagine how you’re feeling, but we need a plan.
Should we stay here for now? I suggest we decide how and where to go next when we can assess the twins’ condition. Is that okay with you?”
I nod silently. What else can I do? I don’t really have a choice.
I get up because I need to go to the bathroom, but my legs carry me up the stairs to my parents’ bedroom.
Everything looks the same as it always does, as if they’re going to come back any minute.
I fall onto my mother’s side and bury my face in her pillow.
Her scent is everywhere, as if I were leaning against her chest. Just like I always do when I feel bad.
“Mom?” She doesn’t answer. She’ll never answer again. Never again.
“Mom?”