Chapter 46
Jannis
Two years later
“Oh my God! What have you done?” Luca stares at me in disbelief, Valérie presses a hand over their mouth, eyes wide. “No kidding, without Dayyan I wouldn’t have recognized you.”
My boyfriend looks up at me with a grin and ruffles my short curls. “I was shocked too, but actually I think it’s pretty good. And the shaved sides feel fantastic.”
“Let me touch!” My brother and Val don’t wait for my consent, and I surrender to my fate.
I don’t know what came over me, but I went to the hairdresser this morning, just to get my ends trimmed, and when the hairdresser asked me what we were going to do, the words “Everything off” came out of my mouth.
Now I have shaved sides and a whole bunch of uncontrollable short curls on my head.
I can’t remember ever having short hair and had no idea my long waves would crunch into little curls once the weight of the length was gone.
They’re both right, I look completely different, but I like it, I feel good.
The party is in full swing. We dance exuberantly to the Best of the 90s mix blaring loudly from the speakers, a welcome distraction from our everyday lives between studying and two almost thirteen-year-olds at home.
My fathers always step in when we can’t, which is way more often than we thought during the week.
Without them, Dayyan would probably never have been granted custody, or at least not been able to keep it.
We hardly ever have any free time, which is why Val’s birthday is such a special occasion.
V is celebrating in a remote cabin in the middle of the forest, the perfect place to be loud.
Shaggy’s “Boombastic” is blaring from the speakers.
Completely over the top, but typical of my brother, Luca is rolling his hips as if he had a hot ass in front of him.
He doesn’t, his boyfriend isn’t here yet, so I selflessly step in.
I’ve become more spontaneous over the last few years, usually not having the time to question my decisions for long.
Our show is fantastic, and a small group is quickly gathering around us, shouting and cheering us on.
Luca pulls me in even closer, my back pressed against his chest, our hips rolling to the beat of the music.
Provocatively, he slides his index finger down my chest.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Dayyan clapping along to the beat and laughing. I’m not often this exuberant, but Luca always manages to carry me away, and I love my brother for that too.
It wasn’t easy to get back to the exuberance we have now. For a long time, I wasn’t sure if Dayyan would ever come out of that dark hole. He lay curled up on the sofa or in bed, staring into space, not responding when spoken to, not eating. At first he cried, but eventually he was just empty.
I took Firas and Nael to soccer, to their friends’ houses, and we visited their parents at the cemetery together. I laid down with them under the big magnolia tree in Gengenbach and we listened to the wind blowing through the blossoms. “Who do you think just said hello? Mom or Dad?”
We listened to the sea on Saint émile and watched the storm clouds in autumn, wondering what they wanted to tell us.
“I think Mom is scolding Firas for not loading the dishwasher yesterday,” or “You used up all the toilet paper and didn’t refill it, that was really annoying this morning,” were some of the suggestions.
We laughed together, we cried together, and we slowly found our way back to a new normal.
Dayyan didn’t. He sank deeper and deeper.
At some point, Paps made an appointment for him with his therapist. After three months, Dayyan went to the forest with us for the first time to try to translate the songs of the wind.
When a particularly sharp gust of wind whistled around our ears, Nael said dryly, “That was Mom. She’s asking what took you long. She missed you.”
Tears immediately welled up in Dayyan’s eyes, and I was sure he’d turn around and leave. But he swallowed hard and asked if he could reply. The boys nodded, I held him, and he looked up at the treetops. “I miss you too, Mom.” Things got better after that day bit by bit.
The crowd cries out as Luca swings our hips in time to the beat and nibbles and licks my earlobe. No one sees that the asshole ends up sticking his tongue in my ear.
About halfway through the song, Dayyan and Valérie join in, and I leave Val to have fun with Luca so I can give my boyfriend the hot kiss he deserves. I’m hard the moment his ass presses against my crotch, and when I turn him around to face me, I can feel more than clearly he’s as hard as I am.
“Upstairs?” There are rooms, and the fire in Dayyan’s eyes is enough for me to take his hand and pull him up the stairs. As soon as the door closes behind us, I’m on him, pressing him against the wood, and my lips find his. Our hard cocks rub against each other, and Dayyan moans into our kiss.
“Fuck, sunshine, we don’t have time for a quickie, do we?”
I shake my head, grinning. I’ve eaten too much today, and I’m pretty sure spontaneous anal isn’t in the cards for me today. Probably not for him either.
“But that doesn’t mean we can’t do something about this.” I reach for his crotch with a firm hand and Dayyan whimpers.
“Ah, come on then.” So impatient, but I love it.
Slowly, I unzip his pants and teasingly pull them down along with his boxers.
His cock springs free and I sink to my knees, taking his length into my mouth.
I lick and suck until he’s nice and wet, then I let him go.
An almost angry snort comes from above me and damn, I love him.
Love how hot he is for me, love the greed in his eyes.
After over four years, we could’ve grown tired of each other, but he can’t get enough of me, just as I can’t get enough of him.
I stand up, undo my belt, and drop my pants.
Dayyan makes short work of my underwear, and I close the distance between us, pressing my naked cock against his.
The song from earlier plays in my head as I roll my hips against his over and over again rubbing our cocks together almost painfully slowly.
Dayyan’s head falls against the door, we get faster.
Fuck the song, there’s only one rhythm on our minds now.
Coming. Urgently. Quickly. I moan loudly as my load shoots between us and again as Dayyan loses himself in his climax.
His soft moans tickle every nerve in me. There’s no hotter sound in the world.
We clean ourselves up with one of the sheets lying in the room, and I make a mental note to take that sheet with me to wash.
When we come downstairs, Luca is standing alone in a corner looking at his phone. “Isn’t Noah here yet?”
“No. He’s over an hour late.” That’s unusual, and somehow it makes me feel uneasy.
“Have you tried calling him?”
“Yes, but he’s not answering.” I can hear the tension in Luca’s voice, and I understand why. Suddenly, the phone in his hand rings. “Noah?”
In an instant, his expression changes to panic. His lower lip is trembling and he can barely speak.
“I need your car. Now. Now! Where are your keys?” Luca frantically searches my pockets.
“What happened?”
“Lou called. Noah had an accident. I don’t know. He says it looks bad. I have to get to him. I have to. Give me your keys.” Luca’s voice is breaking, he’s crying, screaming, shaking. He can’t possibly drive like this, and besides, he’s been drinking, I haven’t.
“I’ll drive.” Luca is already out the door before I’ve even finished my sentence.