Chapter 47
Dayyan
An accident. A car accident. My chest tightens. Memories of my parents’ accident flash my mind. Photos of the accident site. The completely destroyed wreck of their Audi. My parents were killed on impact they said.
Dead.
No.
That can’t be. Not Noah. Not... My legs give way.
“Dayyan?!” Valérie falls to their knees in front of me, both hands on my shoulders. “Hey, look at me!”
I can see V, but I can’t answer. My lungs won’t fill with air. I’m suffocating. Fuck, I’m suffocating. In a panic, I grab Val. What’s happening to me?
“Shit. Hey, I need a plastic bag, as small as possible.” What the hell does V want with a plastic bag? I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating. I’m dying. Dead. Dead.
“Look at me. Hey!” A firm hand slaps my cheek. “Stay with me.”
I try to breathe in, but no air fills my lungs. “Breathe in here.”
I shake my head frantically. I can’t breathe, damn it. “Sweetheart, do me a favor, okay. Breathe into the plastic bag, it’ll get better. I know what I’m doing.”
I have no other options, everything around me is foggy, and I follow V’s instructions. Slowly, my breathing regulates and V takes the bag away. My lungs fill with air and the fog clears. “Thanks, how did you...?”
“Nika. She’s been stable for a long time now, but when I was younger, it happened every now and then. Nika has an anxiety disorder. Didn’t you know that?” No, that information never reached me.
“Where’s Jannis?”
Val looks at me blankly. “He left with Luca. They’re driving to...” V swallows. “They only left fifteen minutes ago.”
Oh, it felt longer than that. “Do you have any news?” Val silently shakes their head. “Is he... what if he’s dead?”
Again, the images of my parents’ accident are back and tears well up in my eyes. Fuck.
“No.” Valérie shakes their head again decisively. “No. As long as we don’t know what happened, we assume everything will be fine again. We’re definitely not giving up hope for good news.”
But we don’t hear anything from Jannis or Luca.
No message, no call, nothing, and it’s getting harder and harder for me to stay optimistic.
The party continues around us, but Valérie and I sit in the kitchen staring holes in the wall, or in our phones, or at each other.
No one says a word. Fuck hope, this is not a good sign.
My thoughts wander to Mom and Dad, how they left the house laughing that night, and it stings.
I can’t do this again. Tears run quietly down my cheeks.
When the kitchen door opens, Val and I jump up expectantly, but are met only by the concerned looks of Jannis’s fathers. Philipp’s eyes are red, he’s been crying, Adrien’s hair is tousled from running his hand through it so often.
“What happened? Is Noah okay?” For two seconds, I’m grateful Val is able to ask the question, then Adrien shakes his head holding his husband tightly, who is fighting back tears again.
Then everything goes black.
When I come to myself, I’m lying in our bed. Philipp is sitting on the edge of the mattress.
“Where’s Jannis?”
“With Luca, David and Louis at the hospital.” Hospital. That’s a good sign, right?
“Is Noah alive?”
Philipp nods. “He’s seriously injured, it’s too early to say anything about his prognosis, but as of now he’s alive and he was conscious.” Noah is alive.
Relief wells up my eyes. “How did I get here?”
“You had a severe panic attack, then you fell asleep. Adrien and I took you home.”
“Where’s Valérie?”
“In the living room. V didn’t want to stay alone.”
“Firas and Nael?”
“In bed. They’re fine. They don’t know why we had to leave last night.” And that’s a good thing. Nael wouldn’t get in a car for almost six months after the accident, and Firas had nightmares and cried for Mom and Dad almost every night.
Jannis is pale as a ghost when he comes back.
I immediately wrap my arms around him and he breaks down crying.
Not good, not good, not good. “Everything was covered in blood. So much blood. Like in a horror movie. And suddenly he screamed.” Oh no.
I feel the panic rising inside me again.
“He’s still in surgery, but Luca wanted to be alone. ”
“Is there anything I can do for you?” I don’t know why I ask this question, I’m paralyzed and completely useless myself.
“Distract me. Make the images go away. Please.”
“Come with me.” I have no idea what I’m doing when I push Jannis into the bathroom and undress us both.
As soon as the water is warm, I take him by the hand and pull him with me.
He slumps limply against the tile wall, and I find my place between his legs, resting my head against his chest. In a blink of an eye he wraps his arms around me, holding me tight, and resting his forehead against mine.
My cock twitches, not because I want it to, or because I’m particularly horny, but simply because it’s right next to his and because it has ideas my head dismisses as utterly inappropriate. But Jannis reacts. A soft moan, a slight roll of his hips. “Don’t stop.”
We move slowly, rubbing against each other, forgetting reality more and more, and when we come, for a very brief moment, there is nothing but emptiness in my head.
The state doesn’t last long, reality too threatening for us to forget, but we are both too exhausted and eventually fall asleep.