Chapter 13
THIRTEEN
The sun had long ago settled, yet sleep was nowhere in my future. I observed the crystal blue water of the pool from the lounger that held me hostage. After nearly five days, Nelson had yet to resurface. Both Mercer and Malachi suggested he was somewhere healing from his wounds. In the back of my mind, he was somewhere plotting his next move. That possibility kept me up at night, feeling like my head was under the water I was peering at.
Both Ghost and Midnight’s ears perked up at once. They fled from my side and made their way to the gate at the edge of the backyard. Loud, thunderous barking followed, alerting me that the boys were unhappy with what they were seeing, hearing, and feeling.
I remained seated, sipping from the bottle of Hennessy in my hand. My cell phone was the best set of eyes I could manage at the moment. The cameras showed twenty-eight angles in and around my home. When I noticed Lawe’s whip at the gate, fondling with my keypad, I called out to Ghost and Midnight.
“Quiet.”
They settled immediately. I utilized the intercom to communicate with the uninvited guest.
“Don’t break my shit, nigga.”
“Then open this bitch up. I’m seconds away from shooting it up.”
“My neighbors gon’ have your ass in jail before you can tuck that motherfucker.”
“They won’t hear shit. They’re miles away.”
He had a point.
“Open the gate. It’s cold than a motherfucker out here.”
“Freeze, nigga.” Chuckling, I pressed the button to give him access.
His car sped through the gate, barely waiting for it to open completely.
If this nigga breaks my gate, I’m fucking him up .
Pissed that I had to get up from my seat, I sucked my teeth. The last thing I wanted was company, but with Lawe, I had no choice. He was a fucking thorn in my side, but he meant well. If I didn’t let his ass in, it would be a problem. Everything was a problem with this nigga.
On the way into the house, I remembered to grab more firewood to put in the pit that was keeping me warm. Paired with the large heaters that surrounded the four seating areas, the Berkeley winter didn’t stand a chance.
“What’s up?”
“Shit, you tell me,” he huffed, pushing past me to come inside.
“You a rude mo?—”
“So are you. Now, where the fuck is your gloves and shit, nigga? You in this big, cold ass crib in gray sweats and shit. You turning pussy on me or what?”
“Don’t put me and pussy in the same sentence unless you’re referring to the one between Glacier’s legs. You don’t know a better stepper than me, nigga. Don’t insult me.”
“I know a few,” Lawe challenged, drawing his head back and enlarging his eyes.
“And I can bet my last dollar they’re all connected to me by blood.”
He nodded, chuckling. “You’d keep every dollar, too.”
“Exactly. Don’t come in my shit playing with me. If I ain’t suited up, it’s for a reason, nigga.”
“Then what’s the reason?”
“Almost every breaking news story that’s interrupted Kleu’s shows this week, nigga, that’s why.”
“That’s you?”
“Who the fuck else is it? I’ve combed every corner of the city and haven’t dug that nigga out of one. Either he’s in the slums or already in hell.”
“Shit, then that’s where we’re going.”
“If I had a way down there to double-check, nigga, I would be on my way.”
“Momma’s crib?”
“Nothing.”
“Granny’s crib?”
“Nothing.”
“Aunts, uncles, cousins?”
“Damn near the whole family tree done got a knock from me.”
“So, this nigga hiding for real, for real.”
“Yeah, and as much comfort as that brings most, that shit has me uneasy. I like to hit my target dead in the center of their forehead within one to two business days. Shit, one to two business hours.”
“Minutes.”
“My point! I tried to pop that bitch’s top at county. Mercer’s big, buff ass jumped in front of a nigga and shit. I put Ghost and Midnight on him.”
“And you wonder where that nigga at? Probably nursing his fucking wounds. I hate them big motherfuckers. Fuck you be feeding them? Human?”
On cue, Midnight and Ghost appeared and they were less than happy to see Lawe standing in their home. Perked ears and defense stances displayed their discomfort and willingness to attack.
“Tell them niggas to chill. I ain’t dude. I’ma lay their big asses down, right beside one another.”
“Don’t fuck with my dogs!” I warned.
“Tell them not to fuck with me, and where the fuck you going? Leaving me in here with these niggas.”
“Watch ’em,” I demanded, heading down the hallway.
“Fuck you mean, watch them?” Lawe yelled.
The sound of him loading his chamber stopped me in my tracks. I turned to find him aiming his Glock at Ghost.
“He the first one I’m hitting. He’s too fucking calm for me.”
“He’ll rip your airways from your throat. He’s the first motherfucker you should shoot.”
“Say less.”
“Chill,” I called out to the boys. Immediately, they relaxed. “That’s family. Though the nigga crazy with bad energy, that’s family.”
It wasn’t the first time they’d met Lawe. Every time, there was unspoken beef between them.
“You coming or what?”
Hesitantly, he followed me outside where I passed him the bottle of brown. Back and forth, we took swig after swig, keeping the blunts in rotation. As the night unfolded, my yearning for Glacier increased. I could taste her on the tip of my tongue. I could feel her in my arms. It had been a week since I’d laid eyes on her, seen her anywhere besides a cell phone screen.
“I’ma marry her,” I blurted mid-conversation.
“Nigga, how the fuck you jump from football to I’ma marry her?”
“Because I am.”
“Do that shit, then. After this shit, you should.”
“Why haven’t you married Kleu?” I puffed, preparing for some bullshit to come from his mouth.
“Because what will it change? Real shit. How will marriage benefit either of us more than our current arrangement? Honestly. Tell me. Think of one thing aside from ‘papers’ motherfuckers love to say they have on a person as if they’re an object or some shit?”
I paused, trying to think of something significant. I couldn’t.
“Ain’t shit gon’ come to mind, so you might as well stop straining your fried-ass brain to think. If I leave today, everything goes to Kleu. If I were to fall into a coma today, Kleu has the power of attorney. And that shit works both ways. It won’t make me love her ass any differently. Ya feel me?
“That girl got my whole fucking chest. Fuck my heart. What are we missing? She’s got a ring on her finger. She’s in a fat crib. Endless funds. A nigga that loves and worships the ground she walks on. What more is there to give her besides some paperwork? I think motherfuckers crazy for putting papers on a relationship and using it as a means to confirm a bond.
“Then, when that bullshit ass bond is broken because it wasn’t solid in the first place, they have to go ask a motherfucker for permission to leave a motherfucker, how to leave them, what they are entitled to after they leave them, and how long they stay in their pockets after they leave them. We good.
“If Kleu left me today, for one, I’m going to split somebody’s fucking wig, and second, she can have whatever the fuck she wants from me. I don’t need to pay for her a lawyer to tell me to be a decent human and make sure she’s straight when I asked her to quit her job. I asked her to take a chance on me… a chance on us.
“At the end of the day, it’s just papers and a high-ass ceremony most folk can’t even afford. Nigga, did you know that most of the wedding party pays to be part of the fucking wedding? What type of shit is that? I’m paying to be in your wedding that you asked me to be a part of? I’d cuss a motherfucker out.”
“We’ve never paid for any of the weddings we’ve been in.”
“Which is how it’s supposed to be.” He laughed. “That shit will never make sense to me. They pay for their hair, makeup, dresses, suits, shoes, everything. I’m good, man. I’ll go to my grave thinking that shit is all for nothing. People want weddings, not bonds these days. It’s always the most stressful day for brides and grooms. Ain’t shit okay about that.”
“I see where you’re coming from. Different strokes for different folks.”
“Which is why I’m at every one of them weddings, ready to get fucked up and watch the groom cry like a bitch.”
“I’m not going to cry.”
“Nigga, my napkin already ready. I love being a part of that shit because it’s beautiful, nonetheless, but in my opinion, it’s pointless.”
“You haven’t told a lie yet, so I feel ya.”
“But how long I got to get my shit together? I need to make sure I’m stacked standing by your side, wiping your tears. It’s the least I could do for you making me your best man.”
“I never said you were going to be my best man.”
“That shit understood, player. I’m the designated best man. Anybody that has a problem with that can get shot.”
“When they stop making guns, what you gon’ do?”
“Learn how to build my own. Fuck you mean?”
“You can’t shoot everything and everybody.”
“Why the fuck not?” He reared back.
Shaking my head, I decided against answering.
“When all this shit over, I’m going to ask her to marry me. Her birthday is February 14 th .”
“She looks like she was born on Valentine’s Day.”
“Fuck that supposed to mean?” I took offense. The look of disgust was written all over his face.
“’Cause y’all niggas know how to pick ’em. All y’all niggas got the same girl, just different faces. Aeir – definitely could’ve been born on Valentine’s Day. Nature, though she has a little heart to go with her shit, still… Valentine’s Day. Glacier, if you blow too hard, she gon’ fall the fuck over.”
I tossed my head back, completely amused. He was speaking facts tonight, but he had Mommas fucked up.
“Twice, nigga. You’d have to blow twice.”
“Yeah, aight. A good one, two, three, pweeeeeeh and her ass on the flo’, dog.”
He demonstrated, filling his jaws with air and releasing it on three.
“Exaggerating ass nigga.”
“Point the wildest, finest, curviest one out and that girl gon’ belong to me.”
“Because you need somebody as crazy as you to deal with your shit.”
“Whatever. I can be a bit toxic sometimes. I don’t mean no harm. I just need somebody that can get with my shit when I’m getting with the shit. I can’t take a motherfucker that’s gon’ run cry. Nah, come punch me in my eye. Black that motherfucker so I know not to play with you no more.”
“That’s concerning. Kleu be beating your ass? Blink once. I can set you up with R?—”
“Nah.” He tittered. “Do I think she will if it came to it? Yes. But she don’t be thinking about my ass. She ignore me half the time. I like that shit, too. Kleu ain’t with no drama. But she doesn’t avoid it when confronted, either. She gets down.”
“Shit, I saw that shit firsthand at Milo’s wedding.”
“And I wish she could drag that nutty ass bitch again. She was dead wrong.”
“Yeah. She was tripping with that shit.”
“Kleu is every one of them at heart. That’s why they get along so well. She’s the sweetest, nigga. She won’t admit it, but she is a natural protector. That’s her role in their friendship. She’ll shut some shit down for the women she loves. Crazily, all of them are the same fucking type.
“Ever, Lyric, Baisleigh, Halo, Aeir, Nature, Glacier. All of ’em. And she can’t get enough of them. Cold-blooded and soft as the rest of them at the end of the day. That’s why I love her ass and ain’t ever giving that motherfucker up. Never. Anybody waiting can retire that shit.
“So, February?”
“Not a wedding, a proposal.”
“Bet. I’m trying to put you down that aisle quick, huh?”
“Too quick.”
We both toyed with the silence before Lawe spoke again.
“I’d pay any kind of money to see ya mom’s face hearing this shit. To hear your pops try to guide you and shit, tell you what a successful marriage takes. They were the happiest couple I’d ever laid eyes on until I met my pops and the rest of my people.
“Again, that shit beautiful, man, and I don’t see it any differently from what I have. Being happy and in love ain’t no easy shit. Especially when it’s shit that’s always trying to tear a motherfucker down.”
“Like this bullshit.”
“Exactly.”
“I’d give a fucking lung to see either of them long enough to tell them about, Glacier. Shit, about Aeir and Nature and Kleu and Halo. They’d love each and every one of them.”
“Call them more than Pops. You think he be trying to fuck our bi—women on the low? I got to start watching that nigga. He ain’t slick.”
“Shut the fuck up, crazy-ass boy. Where’d that come from?”
“Man, that nigga ain’t getting no pussy. He always calling and texting our people.”
“Because that nigga is lonely and most times just want to see who will come keep him company. You see how much he got them kids.”
“Probably trying to make some of his own, too.”
“Please, Lawe, just shut that fucking mouth of yours. And you’re dead ass.”
The look on his face said it all.
“I’m not fucking joking. I’ll have to lay Pops’ ass down for fucking behind me. I’m not playing that with Kleu. Y’all niggas might not be hipped but I see it.”
“I want you out of my house, dog. Real shit.”
“Nah. This weed too good, and it ain’t mine, so you’re stuck with me.”
Again, he was stating facts. Aside from believing Pops might have ill intentions with our women, I hadn’t disagreed with him yet. The weed was potent. My eyes grew tighter with every blunt we sparked. I didn’t need a mirror to see how red they were.
The blaring television woke me from my sleep. I wasn’t certain how or when we’d made it to the couch in the living room but it appeared we’d brought the party inside. Lawe was stretched out on the other couch with the throw Glacier added to the fall and winter decor draped over his body.
My hands were tucked inside of my joggers. I still wore the hoodie I’d had on while outside.
I need that fucking blanket, I thought, releasing a yawn.
I stood and quietly tiptoed toward Lawe. When I snatched the blanket from over him, he stirred slightly but didn’t wake. I felt victorious after successfully obtaining the blanket. I draped it over my body and regretted it immediately. It smelled just like her.
1:11 a.m.
The time on my phone was big and blinding. As I adjusted to the light, I noticed the notification at the bottom of my screen. As if she had been thinking of me, too, Glacier had sent a text an hour ago. If she wasn’t working, she was usually sleeping around this time.
Instead of texting her back, I tossed the cover off and stretched my body until my bones popped. I debated waking Lawe up, but the idea of Kleu popping his ass in the eye like he claimed he loved, I decided to leave him asleep.
I wanted to test her limits, see if she’d fall through for us all. It was time someone blacked that nigga’s shit. Considering how spooked that nigga would be when he woke up and realized he was alone with Ghost and Midnight, I snickered on the way to the coupe, covering my mouth so that he wouldn’t hear me.
Anxiously, I cruised the city, taking in everything at once. Though my situation gave me little room to breathe, making me feel suffocated, knowing that I was on my way home to her provided me with an unrestricted oxygen supply. I gripped the wheel of my ride with Glacier heavy on my heart.
She’d been designed for me. Perfectly, she fit. It wasn’t until she walked into my life that I came to the conclusion that I’d been lonely before. Shielding my heart from women after the world had already broken it was my coping mechanism.
I didn’t want to cope anymore. I wanted to live. That was what Glacier did for a nigga. She gave me life. She gave me purpose. She gave me hope, some shit I hadn’t had since the day my momma killed herself and my pops.
A smile caressed my face after a week of expressionless features. Imagining her coming toward me dressed in white from head to toe… Imagining her walking around the crib with a belly so swollen, she couldn’t see her feet… Imagining her carrying something we created together… Imagining us decorating trees and opening gifts on Christmas.
It didn’t feel so farfetched now. In fact, it felt like it was at the tips of my fingers. The quicker I handled the situation at hand, the faster I could ice her out and give her an endless budget to plan the wedding of her dreams. How I’d break it to Lawe that Trent would be the nigga standing beside me, I wasn’t sure. I just hoped Trent had enough bullets because that nigga would surely be gunning for his head.
Trent . I recalled the last conversation we’d had. He, too, was ready to sit down and put a ring on Ava’s finger. Growth was a beautiful fucking thing and it was so fucking rewarding.
“Hi, Mr. Domino. In for the remainder of the night?”
Valet was at my door, ready to take my whip upstairs for me if I was ending my night.
“Yeah. I’m in for the night, my guy. Keys inside.”
“Good. Thank you. See you later.”
The elevator ride gave me more time to think about her, about us. A few months was all I needed to know what I wanted for the rest of my life. It had everything to do with Glacier. Yet, I couldn’t shake the apprehension that revolved around my occupation. Niggas needed one reason to bring me to my knees and I had given it to them that night at dinner.
I’d be kicking myself for the next five years for that slip-up. Among my associates was not the place for Glacier to be. I’d placed a target on her back. That was why it was important that I handled Nelson. He’d be the lesson for any nigga who considered fucking with Mommas.
Curled up in a ball, Glacier laid in bed. Sleep had taken over, leaving her no choice but to rest her heart, her mind, and her body. Emotions swelled in my chest. Seeing her was like seeing my most vital organ outside of my body. I rubbed my chest to ease the pain my love for her caused.
I undressed, stripping down to my briefs. It was me, this time, who needed to feel her skin against mine, to feel the pressure of our bodies as they collided in a nonsexual manner, to hear every breath she took, and to have something to hold on to. To have her to hold on to.
I pulled the cover back slightly to climb into bed behind her. My heart stopped at the sight of my belongings. The large white tee was a few sizes too big for her, but she wore it anyway to signify the intense yearning for my presence. The briefs she wore hugged her frame so wonderfully. They didn’t belong to her but seemed as if every thread had been tailored for her existence.
The contorting of my face helped display my true feelings. A mess, I tucked my face near her neck and brought her closer.
“Baby,” she whispered, still asleep.
“Y-yes, Mommas.” I felt my voice slip.
Choking off my words led me to silence. I had nothing to say. Yet, I was feeling everything.
“Y’all dead fucking wrong,” I scoffed, sucking the skin of my teeth.
The snow that fell and wind that blew relentlessly made it seem so much colder than it actually was. The hoodie I’d worn over the last week and a half simply didn’t mount to much in the brutal cold of the day now. I added a thick, black Moncler piece that didn’t let a single gust of wind cut through its fabric.
I stared at my parents’ grave with malice in my heart. I hated them both, but not for any reason other than leaving my brothers and me far too soon. While there was only one reason to despise them, there were a hundred more reasons to love them. And I loved them deeply.
“But shit, y’all already know that. We’re here to discuss something else… someone else.”
Sighing, I proceeded to shake my head. It didn’t matter how many years passed or how much their absence taught me, I still found it hard to believe they weren’t here with me.
“So, I met this girl, man,” I said, turning toward my father’s side of the headstone where his body rested. “She’s special.”
I turned toward my mother. “You’d love her. She reminds me of you in some ways, many ways, really. According to Lawe, we’ve all surrounded ourselves with women just like you. He didn’t say it out of his mouth, but I knew that’s what he meant.
“And honestly, I ain’t mad about it. You were in possession of such a beautiful spirit. You were the purest of people who ever entered Dad’s life. Things just got in the way, things that you couldn’t control or you would’ve. I know you would’ve.”
I paused, realizing I was making this about my parents when I simply wanted to tell them about the girl who meant the most to me.
“But this visit ain’t about that. It’s about Glacier. Her name is an exact contrast to who she is. She’s not cold. She’s not hard. She’s not made of ice. Mommas is warm. A whole hug. A shelter from the cold. Soft inside and out. She’s magic. And believe it or not, she’s mine.”
It was a privilege loving her.
“I never thought much about the day I’d tell you about a girl as a kid, ya know? But shit, I never expected to be telling you about her standing over your grave. I feel robbed. I feel shunned. I feel like I’ve been punched in the fucking gut.”
I shoved my hands in my pocket, blowing out air. It was so cold that I could see the breaths I took.
“But what can I do, right? It’s life. You’re birthed and then fucked over until you die. Right, Pops?”
A gust of wind blew past me as I felt Malachi’s arm on my shoulder.
“He gon’ smack the shit out of you again if you don’t watch your mouth when you’re talking to them, nigga.”
He was visiting his late wife, Anna. I decided to stop by the grave that I avoided until I was led back every few years. Not physically, but mentally and spiritually, when nothing would settle me except a visit.
“I’m mad enough to beat his ass after all these years. Nigga just gon’ leave us like that. Type of time they was on?”
“When you find the answer, please tell me. You ready to head back?”
“Yeah.”
He was referring to the spot we’d met and I’d hopped in the car with him.
“Bet. Milo said they’ll be pulling up soon.”
“Right on time.”
We piled into his whip with his right-hand man at the wheel. The warmth kissed me like it missed me and I wasn’t mad at that at all. Standing outside for even a few minutes had my nose feeling like it was about to fall the fuck off.
“Where you at with this situation?” Malachi asked, breathing into his hands to warm them.
“Ready to blow a gasket. Had the drop on the nigga, finally, but he disappeared inside an apartment complex and ain’t come up out of that bitch since.”
“Then go in after his ass.”
“Went in every unit until they started calling the people. I’m at the point now where I don’t give a fuck about them, either.”
“I do. We’ve got way too much on the line for you to get jammed for murder, Makai.”
“You got another solution, nigga?”
“Patience.”
“Yeah. That’s never suited me.”
“Well, make it, nigga.”
“Next subject,” I encouraged, uninterested in whatever he was saying.
Had it been Aeir in the same situation, patience wouldn’t have been a word he’d want to hear coming from anyone’s mouth. He was only weaponizing it because it wasn’t him staring at Glacier’s pictures every day, wondering if the world was a safe enough place for her now and how he could make certain that it was soon.
“Mercer doesn’t accept handouts. We must make sure he understands that this is not what this is.”
“He has no other choice. If he tries to march them broad ass shoulders out of the door then he?—”
“Nothing. Then we wait for him to see things our way. He’s still getting acclimated to his new norm. Forcing him to accept something that we want for him isn’t the solution. We wait.”
“You can wait, Malachi. With all due respect, I’m tired of him sleeping on himself. It’s time to turn that nigga into the mogul we know he is—the legit way. The quicker, the more money we can clean.”
“It’s not even about that.”
“Never about that when it comes to us, but it is a bonus.”
“Yes. Yes, it is.”
We made it to our destination twenty-five minutes after leaving the cemetery. Milo and Mercer were exiting Milo’s whip as we climbed out of Malachi’s.
“What’s up?” I greeted Mercer, pulling him in for a quick embrace.
“What’s up?” I asked Milo.
He tilted his head, looking at me as if I’d lost my fucking marbles, rejecting my hand with a slap on the wrist.
“Fruity-ass nigga. Tight-ass jeans. I bet Niagara be pegging you, don’t it? You can tell us.”
“Nah, but Galactic probably let you sit on her finger every now and again.”
“Awwww, he thought of a new word.”
“New? Nigga, who you think I am, you? Learned that shit by second grade.”
“Ion know, you was kind of slow back then. I’m surprised you made it out of elementary.”
“You got me fucked up, Makai. Mixed up with you. Did you forget I graduated t?—”
“Blah, blah, nigga. Let’s handle business,” I joked, pushing him forward, knowing that it would push his buttons.
Within less than a second, he’d circled me and placed me in a headlock. Unable to defend myself, I resorted to laughing because he was breathing down my neck like he’d just run four miles nonstop.
“Out-of-shape ass nigga, in my ear sounding like your name Albert.”
He loosened his grip before deciding to let me go completely. “I really don’t like this nigga.”
Mercer and Malachi said nothing, both standing beside each other as if they didn’t recognize either of us. I took a look around me, discovering home. Mercer had always said that it was a person and never a place. In the presence of the men that I’d grown from a boy into a man, I felt at home, at peace.
It was the reason I could laugh after over a week of feeling absolutely nothing but the ice over my heart. The moments I’d shared with Glacier and Lawe were the only exception.
“Here,” Malachi urged Mercer to take the key in his hand.
“What’s this?”
Malachi nodded toward the building we were standing in front of.
“That’s yours,” I clarified.
“Mine? For what?” His brows creased as he looked from one of us to the other.
“Don’t you think it’s time to let the world taste the same food we’ve had the pleasure of having?”
Puzzled, Mercer flipped the key in his hand, staring down at it before looking back up at us.
“I can’t take this,” he said, trying to hand the key back.
Malachi shook his head.
“I’ve got paper. You niggas know that, right?”
“We have no doubt about it,” Milo assured him.
“But that’s beside the point,” I added.
“Use your money to build it out if you just have to use your shit. But we’ve all put some money in a pot to get this place off the ground.”
“You niggas can?—”
“Watch you do what you love to do on a much grander scale. Whatever it takes to turn this spot into the five-star restaurant we know it can be, we’re willing to do,” I interrupted.
“Hmph,” he scoffed.
“We’re not taking that key back, so take your wide-back ass in and check it out.”
“If you weren’t my little brother, I’d be done bust you in your mouth.” He chuckled, still following orders.
We filed into the building, the three of us allowing Mercer to lead the way so that we were able to see his pure reaction. The two-story building was massive. Turning toward us with a smile on his face, he nodded in appreciation.
“I’ma need to go dig up that mil.” He laughed. “This motherfucker gon’ take every dime.”
“Or you could use the quarter that’s left in the account after purchasing this space to get started.”
“That’s your idea? Budget?”
“Yeah. If I can cut some costs, seven-fifty or eight might do it.”
“You have two-fifty. We can make sure you get to four and you match it. That’ll give you the eight you need to get it to where it needs to be,” Malachi explained.
“You don’t have to. I have the?—”
“We don’t want to hear that shit, Mercer. Just deck this bitch out. That’s our only request.” I hushed him.
“And agree to the name we’ve already decided on.”
“What’s that?”
“The M.”
Nodding, he agreed in an instant. We wasted little time shaking on it.
“The M,” he repeated. “It’s a done deal.”