Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Eighteen
Ryan and Anisha’s apartment was already crowded with revelers when Allie arrived. There was no use knocking; she could hear a Dua Lipa song blasting and the loud chatter of people trying to talk over it. A hand lettered sign taped to the door warned partygoers to take their shoes off, or else.
She stepped into the apartment cautiously, seeing only strangers. After bending to untie her boots, she placed them with the sea of other footwear, all crammed in the corner of the entryway. When she stood up again, she was relieved to see Ryan weaving through the crowd toward her.
“Allllllllie!” His cheeks were red, and his smile was wide. “I’m so glad you made it! Here, I’ll take your coat and put it in my room with the others.”
She handed the coat to him and followed him through the crowd of people until they were at the door of his room. He pushed it open, and she followed, watching him place her coat carefully on his pillows, separate from the mound of other people’s winter wear that was heaped in the middle of the bed. He stood up and looked at her. They were alone in the room, his large, comfortable bed between them.
“Uh…hi.” She chewed on her bottom lip, suddenly feeling weird. She saw his eyes flick quickly up and down her body before settling on hers.
“Wow! You look great .”
“Thank you.” Her voice came out more breathy than intended. She cleared her throat and made an effort to smile. “I mean, Anisha did threaten me.”
“Oh yeah, I was there. No coveralls. No clogs. You understood the assignment.” Ryan nodded. They stared at each other in silence. The thrum of the music and voices outside the door seemed to recede for a moment. Finally, Ryan laughed awkwardly. “Well, you didn’t come to this party to stand around in my room.” He walked to the foot of the bed and offered his elbow to her. She stepped closer to him and looped her arm through his, chastely, like a character from a Jane Austen novel preparing to take a turn around the room. Allie wondered whether Jane Austen’s demure female characters were always struggling to keep a lid on their lustful thoughts the way she was.
Ryan led her out into the apartment’s main space. Anisha was behind the kitchen counter, wearing a dress that was essentially a giant red triangle constructed of ruffles that somehow looked amazingly cool and sexy on her. She wore black lace fingerless gloves with it, and her long hair was wound up on top of her head in a gravity-defying beehive.
“Wow.” Allie spoke involuntarily, catching sight of her.
“I know.” Ryan laughed. “I told her the outfit was a lot, and she said a lot was exactly what she was going for, so here we are.”
Allie was wondering how long was too long to hold on to Ryan’s arm when a thin woman in a sequined dress and fishnets crashed into them. Ryan yelped and jumped, letting go of Allie’s arm in the process.
“Sorry! Sorry!” The woman’s wild bleached curls temporarily covered her eyes as she righted herself and raked her hand through her hair to tame it. “I was looking for Deepak, and you all came out of nowhere!”
“Allie, this is Patti. She works on This Ain’t No Podcast . Which, somewhat ironically, is our most popular Solidarity podcast.” Ryan and Patti laughed, and Allie smiled at them both.
She’d listened to a few episodes of that podcast but didn’t like it as much as Mixtape Universe . The long-form interviews were sometimes interesting, but without music being a part of them, she found her mind wandering.
“Hi, Allie, good to meet you!”
“Is Jonah here, too?” Ryan asked. Jonah was the host of This Ain’t No Podcast . From what Allie knew, he was a bit of a big deal around the studio. Everyone seemed to think he was poised for whatever the highest level of fame was that podcasters aspired to. She immediately began searching her memory for anything she’d heard on the few episodes of the show she’d listened to. Something that would allow her to have a conversation without looking like a weirdo.
“Yep! He and Flora are over there in the kitchen.”
“Oh, cool.” Ryan clapped Patti on her shoulder. “We’ll go say hi.”
He held out his hand to Allie. “Want me to pull you through the crowd?” She nodded, already overwhelmed by the crush of humans in the apartment. Ryan took Allie’s hand in his and moved them both through the crowd until they reached the kitchen. Allie willed herself not to sweat. She concentrated on releasing his hand as soon as they’d stopped moving, resisting the urge to hold on tight.
A dark-haired man, who Allie guessed was Jonah, saw them and smiled. He had one arm around the shoulders of a beaming blond woman with short hair and friendly eyes. He reached out his free hand to shake Ryan’s.
“Ryan! Thanks so much for having us.”
Jonah shot his partner an admiring gaze that caused a twinge of irrational envy to shoot through Allie’s core. She wanted what they had.
“This is Ryan. He’s the tech on Mixtape Universe that I’ve been telling you about.”
“Oh yeah! I’ve heard a lot about your great work!” Flora extended her hand to Ryan.
“All one hundred percent true.” Ryan grinned. “And it certainly wasn’t me who shattered the best mic we had, a week into my triumphant employment.”
Allie felt her cheeks redden at that memory. The first time they’d met.
I should have been nicer.
“And this is Allie.” Ryan put his hand on her back for a too-brief moment. “It was her fault I dropped the microphone.”
Allie turned her horrified gaze toward him, and he raised his eyebrows. She knew he was asking whether he could tell the story, whether she was cool with being outed as a member of a now-irrelevant punk band. She nodded.
“She surprised me.” Ryan winked at her. “Because I recognized her from this band she used to be in.”
“He’s a total weirdo,” Allie cut in. “The band was not well known at all.”
“What were you called?” Flora asked, seeming legitimately interested.
“The Jetskis!” Ryan now sounded giddy. Allie couldn’t help but laugh at him. “I’ve got their record right h—”
“Wait, the Jetskis? My friend Ayla was in the Jetskis.” Flora’s smile widened as a look of delighted surprise crossed her face.
Allie felt like something had sucked all the air out of her lungs. “ Ayla ?” she croaked. “Ayla Darwish?”
“Yes!” Flora rocked back and forth on her heels.
Jonah tilted his head to one side and frowned. “Your ex-girlfriend Ayla? She was in a band?”
“Yeah!” Flora nodded enthusiastically. “I mean, it was years ago. She doesn’t talk about it much now. You were all pretty young, right?”
Allie was still stunned. Ryan put his hand on her shoulder. The solid heaviness of his touch kept her grounded as the memories swirled.
“Yeah, we were. Wow. I mean, what a weird coincidence.”
“Hey, you don’t happen to have her number, do you? We’re trying to track down another one of their bandmates.” Ryan sounded so happy and casual. Allie’s heart was hammering.
Maybe this is it …
She wasn’t sure how to feel. She concentrated on remaining upright with a neutral facial expression while Flora scrolled through her phone for Ayla’s number. Watching Ryan type it into his own phone and then immediately text it to Allie made her even more appreciative of his steady, calm presence within the chaos of this so far very weird evening.
George’s words from earlier, about how not doing something can sometimes be a greater risk than doing it, echoed in her head, along with Mindy’s advice to Scrooge herself.
Do I really want to be standing here across from Ryan at next year’s Christmas party, as his friend, watching him chat with other people? Hoping he’ll touch my arm again? Hoping no one else flirts with him?
She did not.
She snuck a look at Ryan as he listened to Flora and Jonah talk about a documentary they’d just seen. His hair was combed neatly, and his button-down was gray, not denim, but still paired with his usual tapered black jeans. He looked good. She couldn’t help imagining what it would be like to touch his soft hair and undo those buttons on his shirt. Her mental “just friends” dam had burst, and now she couldn’t stop her brain from supplying her with an IV drip of lust.
Fuck.
She was saved from her own thoughts by the arrival of Anisha, who had a tray of bubbling champagne in a variety of glasses and was offering it to everyone she passed. Allie took one and drank it quickly.
“Hey!” Ryan said, looking over Allie’s head. “Ren’s here!”
Anisha looked up and scanned the room, her face breaking into a wide smile when she caught sight of Ren, in a very cool black velvet suit, making their way through the crowd. Anisha placed her tray of champagne down on the kitchen counter and started weaving toward them, unable to wait for Ren to reach her. When she and Ren found each other, they immediately started slow dancing, unperturbed by the throngs around them.
“I’ve never seen her like this.” Ryan had shuffled over toward Allie and was leaning over to speak into her ear. “It’s a whole new thing.”
“Yeah.” Allie considered her experiences with Ren over the past few weeks. “Ren is acting weird, too. Different, I mean. Usually, by now, they’re asking me to answer their phone and tell whoever is calling they have a migraine and can’t hang out.”
“Ren does not look like they have a migraine.”
The couple was now making out, their bodies still poised for dancing, but their feet unmoving.
“Nope.” Allie grinned. “Ren seems just fine.”
“Do you want to join them?” Ryan asked.
Allie felt as if the floor had suddenly dropped away beneath her. “What?”
“Dancing, I mean.” Ryan’s cheeks turned red.
“Oh yeah!” Allie exhaled, steadying herself. “Absolutely.”
One song faded out, and the opening strains of the next one began. “She’s a Rainbow” by the Stones. Ryan and Anisha had been fighting over the party playlist for weeks.
“Was this one of your choices?” Allie asked as Ryan took her into his arms.
“Actually, we both liked this one. But I liked it especially because it made me think of you.”
“Of me?” Allie looked up at him.
“Yeah.” He smiled down at her. “All those jumpsuits you wear and the dresses in bright colors. Your work clothes. Ren and Mindy are always wearing black. The café is all white and gray and brown. So I can always see you right away when I come in.”
Allie wasn’t sure whether being told that she stood out at work was the level of romantic she was hoping for, but at least he hadn’t said the song reminded him of another lady.
“Oh shit. Sheila .”
Ryan’s grip tightened on her hand as he stared over her head toward the door.
“Sheila?”
“Yeah, remember I dated that girl? Well, she’s here.”
Allie turned slightly so she could look. It was useless. She was shorter than 90 percent of the people at the party.
“She worked at Solidarity, right? Everyone else from the studio is here. You can’t be that surprised.”
Ryan still hadn’t met her eyes. He was staring over her, looking across the room. After a moment, he shook his head slightly, as if to dislodge whatever had overtaken him. “You’re right. Of course she’s here. Everyone is here. I just am not super excited about having to talk to her, that’s all.”
“I thought it ended fine?” Allie was working hard to sound cool. The climbing piano riff of “She’s a Rainbow” made her heartbeat accelerate again.
“Oh, it did.” Ryan finally turned his face back to her. “I just don’t really have anything to say to her.” He shrugged and spun them around so he was no longer facing the door. “And now I have to come up with some small talk, just to be polite.”
Before Allie could decide what to say in response, Anisha and Ren danced up beside them. Anisha pushed Ren toward Allie and grabbed Ryan’s hand. “Let’s switch for a moment! Ryan and I have to discuss whether we need to move the couch now that everyone is dancing.”
Allie accepted the hand that Ren held out to her and allowed herself to be twirled. Anisha was right, the mobs of people in the room were starting to pair off, turning the wide space into a dance floor. Allie had never seen anything like it. She temporarily forgot her angst over Ryan as the Stones song ended and a Talking Heads song began. She and Ren released each other but stayed close, dancing and laughing as the crowd moved around them.
Allie could hear multiple voices singing along even over the loud, exuberant music, which had just been turned up. The crowd parted as Ryan and Anisha pushed their couch and coffee table to one side. She felt the music filling the room and adding an extra level of magic to the whole scene. It was wild to be here, in a place with people she cared about, raising her arms above her head as the chorus of “Life During Wartime” escalated. It was perfect. How had she gone so long without this feeling?
Ren grabbed for her hand and pulled her into another twirl, ending with them close enough to hear each other over the music.
“Allie.” Ren spoke urgently. “I think Anisha is the one .”
Allie stopped dancing. “You…what?”
Ren nudged her. “Keep dancing, you look weird. I think she’s the one. The one for me. I mean, as much as anyone can be the one for anyone…”
“I understand the concept of the one .” Allie struggled to keep her feet moving while her thoughts churned. “I’m just…surprised to hear you say it.”
Ren recoiled slightly but then seemed resigned. “Ouch. But yeah, okay, I see where you’re coming from. But you know Anisha. How could anyone not love her?”
“You love her?” Allie stopped moving again. Ren did, too. They stared at each other.
Ren gulped and nodded. “I love her.”
“Holy shit.” Allie stared for a moment longer and then noticed people around them starting to look over, curious. She grabbed Ren’s hand and prompted them to start dancing again.
“Yeah, I wasn’t counting on it, either. But sometimes life gives you weird surprises.”
The song ended, and Allie grabbed Ren in a tight hug, feeling nervous for them.
“Congratulations?”
“Thanks.”
“Have you told her yet?”
Ren shook their head. “Not yet. Probably tonight. It’s just sitting there in my head, you know? Once you think it, it’s really hard to stop thinking it. And now I’m worried that whenever I open my mouth, I’m going to shout it.”
“Well, probably don’t shout it.” Allie smirked. “That would be weird.”
“Thanks for the hot romance tip.” Ren rolled their eyes. “I hear you’re an expert.”
“Okay, uncalled for.” Allie swatted them. “Leave me out of this.”
Anisha and Ryan, finished with the furniture moving, appeared again beside them, and Allie watched Ren and Anisha move back through the crowded room, with eyes only for each other.
“They’re goners!” Ryan shouted over the music. “Good for them.”
“Yep.” The butterflies in Allie’s stomach were returning. It was going to be a long night. “ Good for them. ”