Chapter 27
TWENTY-SEVEN
I wake up on the morning of our choir performances with dread lying heavy in my gut.
The same amount of dread I imagine a person on death row would feel the morning of their execution.
Avery looks at me like she’s trying to figure out how much truth is in my words, but I’m certain she’s underestimating just how bad things are for me right now.
The flare up in my leg only gets worse, and I find myself walking gingerly to each of my classes. Harley watches me carefully and starts to snap at any other students walking around us if they get too close to me. It’s sweet and I find myself very glad he decided we’re friends.
I refuse to eat all day and instead drink eight cups of coffee until, finally, Harley notices the tremors in my hands and snitches on me. Avery hides the coffee and stalks me so I can’t even hunt some down. What a bunch of assholes.
The tremble is a full-body case of the shakes by the time I get to the chapel.
It’s rammed with students and various bored-looking teachers trying to corral them into some semblance of quiet and calm.
I spot Harley and Ash straight away because they’ve cleared the bench around them for us to join as we finish.
I must look miserable because Avery tucks her arm in mine and Blaise slings a casual arm over my shoulders.
I don’t even have the mental capacity to enjoy the feeling.
I could definitely vomit on my shoes right now and I wouldn’t even care, it would not bother me in the least.
Because Miss Umber hates me, truly despises me I’m sure of it, she saves me for last. Avery goes first and sounds great.
She’s got a decent range, clear tone, and hits the notes she needs to.
I clap with everyone else, even though we’re back stage behind the curtain and she won’t see.
Blaise is third, so he finds us a quiet spot to sit and then keeps me tucked under his arm until he has to move.
When Miss Umber calls him he gives me a little squeeze before heading out.
He’s amazing.
The girls behind the curtain swoon and pant after him, and I crawl out of my miserable fog for long enough to glare at them a bit, not that I blame them.
I hope Avery has taken a video of it for me to enjoy later because I’m too fucking nervous to function right now.
I breathe and center myself until all of my chaos is contained inside my head and not plastered over my face for everyone to see.
I watch as, one by one, the students all disappear until Miss Umber is calling my name.
If my scholarship didn’t ride on this assignment, I would leave.
Fuck.
I slip one of the earplugs into my ears as I walk up to the microphone on stage.
I don’t look at the crowd. I don’t even look at Avery.
I wait until they start the song, to count myself in, before I slip the other earplug in.
The silence is only broken by the thumping of my own heart.
I fix my eyes onto the rose-colored glass on the far wall and then I sing.
Weeks and weeks of practice.
So many sleepless nights stressing about this moment.
I fucking love it.
I lose myself in the mechanics of singing and I give it everything I’ve got. I pour seventeen years of anger, frustration, longing, and loneliness into my voice and when I feel tears prick at the back of my eyes, I don’t even care that I’m on a stage for the entire school to see.
I push my luck and reach up to loosen one earplug a fraction so I can hear just a little of my song. I’m fucking incredible. My hand shakes a little but I push through and finish the damn song, hearing every word I’m singing. I feel invincible.
I know in my broken and bent bones I’ll sing without fear someday.
I step away from the microphone and duck my head so I don’t have to look at anyone while I’m feeling so exposed. I feel raw, like my soul has been torn open and splayed out for all of Hannaford to see.
I faintly hear the applause as I move to the side of the stage and I pop out the earplugs.
Avery is yelling, “Yes, bitch!” at me like a lunatic and I let out a weak chuckle.
Stepping down from the stage, I walk over to sit beside her on jelly legs, adrenaline riding me hard.
She looks so elated that I managed to sing the whole song without shitting myself and I grin back at her.
All three boys gape at me, mirror images of shock.
“That was perfect. You should have seen how Blaise looked when you opened your mouth,” Avery whispers in my ear. I fight the blush that threatens to bloom over my entire body.
I exhale and settle into my chair to watch as the first of the band students walks out with a cello to set up. It's quiet for a second, then Blaise and Harley start bickering.
“Move,” says Blaise.
“Fuck off. You're only deciding to do something about it because she passed your little singing test?”
“Don't be a jealous dick and move . I need to tell her?—”
Harley cuts him off with a scathing snarl. “You'll have to climb over my dead fucking body and we both know I could take you. Now shut up before you get us in trouble.”
What the hell? Avery is grinning so hard her face might split open when I look past her to the others.
Ash has his arm linked with hers and he's staring ahead like he can't hear the war happening next to him, but I can see the nerve twitching in his cheek. Harley’s face is flushed with anger and he looks over at me.
I don't recognize the emotion in his eyes, but I'm worried he's pissed off at me again.
I've just barely managed to negotiate a ceasefire with Ash, I don't want something else to start up in its place.
I fidget my way through the rest of the performances and when Mr. Trevelen finally dismisses us, I’m feeling the effects of skipping food all day.
When my stomach rumbles Avery sighs at me then turns to the guys.
“I’m making dinner, are you coming up to eat with us or are you hitting the dining hall? ”
They agree to come up and nervous flutters start deep in my stomach. My leg is still aching and when we all stand to leave, my knee buckles and gives way. I manage to catch myself on the chair and when I stand again, Avery wraps a hand under my elbow to support me.
“You know how I tell you not to buy me shit?
If a new leg is on the table, I'll take it,” I say through clenched teeth.
Avery rubs my back with a little smile and helps me to hobble out of the auditorium.
I must look pathetic because Ash wraps a strong arm around my waist and pulls me into his body tightly.
It takes me a second to remember exactly how to breathe when I feel the hard lines of his body against mine.
I hear Harley begin to grumble behind us.
“What happened?” Ash murmurs.
“My leg just likes to remind me that violence is never the answer.”
Ash chuckles under his breath and my legs start to wobble for an entirely different reason. He looks down at me and the concern is easy to see. I’m so fucking confused.
“I’ll be fine, I just need to get off my feet for a few days.”
He nods and Harley pries Avery off my elbow so he can support the other side of my body until I’m pretty much being carried by the two of them.
Avery stares at each of the guys, one by one, like she’s going to stage an intervention.
When she opens her mouth, Blaise tucks her under his arm and pulls her to lead the way. What the sweet fresh hell is going on?
When we get to the girls’ dorm I feel every single set of eyes in the hallway follow me from where I’m wedged between Ash and Harley.
Annabelle takes two steps toward us before Ash shuts her down with a single look.
She hovers just outside her room and watches Harley pass with devastated eyes.
He doesn’t spare her so much as a glance.
Mentally, I flip her the bird like a smug-ass bitch.
How much does his lack of trust fund matter now, you gold-digging bitch?
Avery unlocks the door and I get deposited gently on my bed.
I’m too busy easing my shoes and socks off my aching leg, wincing and trying not to whimper pathetically, to realize an argument is starting around me.
I only take notice when Harley’s temper erupts and he yells, “Fuck you, Morrison! You and Ash are as bad as each other.”
My head snaps up to see Avery standing in the middle of all three guys. Harley has his back to me, but Blaise is flushed and glaring, while Ash’s face looks blank, with his fists clenched and his shoulders rigid.
Avery glares at Harley and then pokes him on his heaving chest with a finger. “Calm the hell down. I'm not having you break my room because you're in a mood.”
Harley doesn't register her words, he just widens his stance and stares down his two best friends like they’re going to start brawling in under a minute.
Jesus fuck.
Clearly, I've missed something vital.
Avery thinks so, too.
“One of you idiots had better start explaining what the fuck is going on. Now . I've never seen you fight like this before!”
No one moves or says a word. Then, the three guys all turn and look at me.
Oh. They don't want an audience for this and clearly, they still don't trust me.
It stings, it fucking stings a whole lot because I think I've proven myself to each of them a hundred times over, but I try not to show it.
I slide off my bed and mumble something about having a shower to give them some privacy.
When Blaise takes a step toward me to help as I hobble past them pathetically, Harley honest-to-fucking-God growls at him and Avery steps up to take my arm.
“I need a fucking drink after this,” she murmurs as she ferries me into the bathroom.
I take as long as I possibly can to shower, dress, and dry my hair. I brush my teeth. Floss them meticulously. I even pluck a few stray eyebrow hairs just to ensure they've finished their little chat.
I take a deep breath and exit the bathroom.
Harley and Ash are already eating the Seafood Carbonara Avery made.
Blaise is doing dishes, and Avery is standing in the kitchen grinning at me like a maniac.
Like the Joker and the Cheshire Cat had a secret love child and named her Avery fucking Beaumont.
“Why are you so happy? Did Annabelle choke on a dick or something?” I ask, and she gives me her best witchy cackle.
“Better. So much better. We’ll talk tomorrow, just eat some dinner and rest your leg for now.”
“We could talk about it now,“ Harley grumbles into his plate, but Avery’s crazy grin shifts into a glare.
“Eat your damn pasta, Arbour.”
I give her a puzzled look and grab a plate. Avery helps me sit on the couch and then tries to talk me into taking some of the other pain pills her private and, I believe, shady doctor gave her. I refuse and try to focus on the TV instead of the tension in the room.
It's a weird night.