28. Nash
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
NASH
“ D o you want to hold him?”
I stare down at the newborn baby in the bassinet, absolutely terrified to even touch him. The only baby I’ve had experience with was Posey and that was only because Nova wouldn’t let me be afraid. She insisted I learn how to hold her and feed her, so I know the basics… but this is different.
Completely different.
My eyes flash to the nurse and I quickly read her name tag before looking back at her. “Am I allowed to?”
“Well, yes,” Sabrina laughs softly, sliding one hand under his head and the other under his body. “We encourage the mom and dad to hold them as soon as they are able to. Skin to skin is best, but you can do that when you get back to the room.” She effortlessly lifts him from the bassinet, moving closer as she lifts him toward me. “Here you go, Dad.”
My eyes widen as I take him from her, not bothering to correct her. My heartbeat is turbulent in my chest. He stirs slightly in his sleep as I tuck him in closer to my body, his head resting along the inside of my elbow. I watch in amazement as his mouth pops open, his jaw stretching as he yawns.
“He’s amazing,” I muse quietly, not sure whether I’m talking to the nurse or myself. I cradle him in my arms and I feel Sabrina squeeze my shoulder before she walks back over to the nurses’ station.
I stand in place, half afraid to move as I stare down at his features. He has Riley’s nose. I push his hat back, just enough to see his almost black hair. I spent months wondering what he would look like and now here he is.
“You came a little earlier than expected, bud,” I tell him, my voice barely audible. “It’s okay, though. You’re safer out here now and so is your mom.” My heart lurches into my throat at the thought of her. “We need her to be good, buddy. We both need her here with us.”
The nurse walks back over to me. “They have a room ready for you guys. I can take you there to wait for your wife.”
“Is she okay?”
She nods, her expression giving nothing away. “She’s still waking up, but they should be bringing her in, in a little while.” She glances at the baby. “Do you guys have a name picked out for him?”
“Not yet,” I tell her, thinking back on the handful of names Riley was stuck on. “We didn’t expect him to be here already.”
“I’m sure you guys will pick the perfect name for the most handsome little man,” she says, her eyes dropping to his face on the last three words. She motions to the bassinet. “Let’s get him back in there and I’ll show you to your room.”
Following her command, I gently lay the baby down, careful to make sure he doesn’t wake up. When I held Posey, she was a few days old. This is the first time that I’ve ever held a baby within their first few hours of life.
Sabrina guides me down the hall, walking along beside me as I push the bassinet. It’s quiet in the postpartum unit, and we’re tucked away in a corner room. The lights are dim as we step inside, and my throat constricts as I see the empty space where a bed should be. I need to see her. I need to know she’s okay with my own two eyes.
“I recommend doing skin to skin, if you feel comfortable. If you take off your shirt and remove his blanket, just place him on your chest, but I would cover him with the blanket so he doesn’t get cold.” She pauses, pulling a drawer out from the bassinet. “Diapers and wipes are in here. He should be hungry in the next hour or so, so just press the call button when he wakes up and I will bring a bottle by and show you how to feed him.
I stare at her, the overload of information stacking up in my mind. “Wait. That’s it? You’re just going to leave him here with me?”
She laughs softly, a smile pulling on her lips. “Yes. Bonding is extremely important and the two of you need that time. You will be okay and if you need anything, just call.”
“Uh, okay,” I force out the words, feeling less than fucking confident as she disappears from the room, leaving the baby and I alone. I look down at him. “Guess it’s just you and me now, little buddy.”
Pulling my phone out from my pocket, I take a picture of him sleeping peacefully, sending it to my sister, along with a picture of the little card with his birth info.
Nova
Oh my gosh, look at him.
Nash
He’s perfect.
Nova
How is Riley?
Nash
She’s still in recovery but they should be bringing her to the room sometime soon.
I think it will be best if everyone just sees her another day.
Maybe even after we get home.
The last thing I want to do is bombard Riley with a group of people while she’s not feeling well. I know they are family and everyone means well, but she needs time to process. Time to spend with her little boy.
Nova
I agree. She needs some time to recover. I just didn’t want to leave until we knew what was going on.
Nash
I get it. I know she’ll appreciate knowing everyone was here because I certainly do.
Nova
You’re a good husband, Nash.
My stomach falls onto the floor. I completely forgot about the scene I made in the waiting room… never mind the fact that I was calling her my wife in front of everyone.
Nash
I can explain.
It was the easiest way to solve her insurance issues. We got married so she would have access to my medical care.
Nova
Do you love her?
My breath hitches.
Nash
What?
Nova
Don’t you dare play stupid with me, Nash Theodore Simmons. I’ve spent years watching the way you look at my best friend. You’ve been living in her house, taking care of her, marrying her to help her, and now you’re waiting for her in a hospital room with her baby.
DO. YOU. LOVE. HER?
My heart aches and I stare down at the baby before looking back at my phone.
Nash
Yes.
Nova
Good.
You need to tell her, Nash.
Nash
I know.
Nova
And then you need to give her a proper wedding.
Nash
What makes you think she would want that with me?
Nova
Just trust me. I know my best friend.
Give that sweet baby a kiss for me and keep me updated.
Nash
Of course. Love you, sis.
Nova
Love you, big brother.
I lock the screen of my phone, tucking it back into my pocket before looking back at the baby. His eyelids slowly peel open and his eyes instantly meet mine. He stares right through me, wonderment filling me as I watch him studying my face. I don’t think babies can see that well, but he doesn’t look away from me.
“Hey, bud,” I murmur as I lean closer to him. “I don’t know if you remember me from when you were in your mom’s belly, but I’m Nash and I’m hopelessly in love with your mother.”
He blinks, his lips parting as he stares back at me with his sleepy eyes.
“I know you don’t know what the hell I’m saying, but that’s okay.” I slide my hands under him, slowly lifting him into my arms as I tuck him close to my body again. “I’m going to be honest and tell you that I don’t really know what I’m doing here, so we’re just going to have to figure all this out together.”
He makes a soft sound and lets out what sounds like a sigh. I watch his face, his lips turning downward as his expression cracks and he lets out a wail.
“Oh shit.”
I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do now.
I glance around the room, attempting to slowly rock him in my arms, shushing him. The call bell is on the remote attached to the wall. My footsteps are slow as I walk to it, bending my knees to pick it up as I press the button.
His cries begin to subside as his eyes begin to search my face again. The door opens behind me and I turn around to find the nurse walking in with a bottle.
“Someone sounds like he’s hungry.” She smiles, walking over to the two of us. “Come sit and I’ll show you what to do,” she tells me, motioning to the rocking chair. I walk over, slowly sitting down as I prop him up in my arms. She hands me the bottle, showing me what to do, and takes a step back as she watches me feed him.
He sucks on the nipple, drinking some of the milk, but it doesn’t last long before he drinks the amount she wanted him to have and he falls back asleep again. She takes the bottle from me, setting it down on the table. “Good job.” She grabs a burp cloth, throwing it over her shoulder. “I’ll show you how to burp him and you can do it next time.”
I hand him off to her, watching her as she does it, gently bouncing him up and down as she pats his back until he finally burps. “How do I do skin to skin with him?”
Sabrina looks at me, a smile growing on her lips. “Grab that blanket,” she says, pointing at the back of the chair. “Take off your shirt and we’ll get him on your chest.”
She turns away, giving me privacy that I don’t care about as I remove my shirt and cover back up with the blanket. She waits until I’m ready, turning back around as she starts to unwrap the cloth around him. I move the blanket from me as she strips him down to his diaper. She holds on to him, positioning his chest and stomach against mine before taking the blanket to cover both of us.
His little body is so warm against me, and I hold him against my chest, making sure he’s protected and secure as he sleeps on me. I watch Sabrina as she grabs the remote, stretching the cord so it’s sitting on the arm of the chair. She leaves the two of us with the promise of only being a call away.
I slowly begin to rock, my heart growing inside my rib cage as I cradle the baby boy. I don’t know how long we stay like that, but an hour easily passes as I stare down at him in wonderment. He truly is amazing. Riley really fucking did it. She grew a whole-ass person in her belly and now here he is.
There’s a soft knock on the door. I continue to rock, my head turning to the side as I watch the door open and a bed is wheeled in, with a handful of medical professionals following. I sit up straighter, holding the baby firmly against my chest as they push Riley into the room, setting her bed up in the empty space.
“She woke up in recovery and we waited until she was stable enough to be moved, but she seems to have fallen back asleep,” the one nurse explains to me as she smiles at Riley and then me. “She’s pretty exhausted from everything that happened today.”
I slowly rise to my feet, keeping the blanket secured around the baby so he isn’t exposed to the cool air in the room. My stomach sinks when I see Riley lying in the bed. Her long dark hair is pulled away from her face in a braid and she looks so incredibly pale and fragile.
“Is she okay?”
The nurse nods as she connects her IV tubing to a bag hanging on the pole beside the bed. “Her blood pressure has already started to come down, but we still have to keep her on medication to prevent seizures for at least another day. Her kidney function has begun to improve, so it appears that the injury was acute.”
Relief floods me. “So, she’s going to be okay.”
“Yes.” She smiles, the warmth radiating from her expression. She looks over everything once more, making sure Riley is connected to the different monitors and fluids. “I will be back in a little bit to check on her again.”
I stare down at Riley as the nurse disappears from the room. Her son stirs against my chest and I hold him close as I lower myself down onto the edge of her bed.
“We’re here waiting for you, mama. Whenever you’re ready to wake up, we’ll be here.”
I’ll always be here.