29. Riley
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
RILEY
T he faint sound of voices in the distance becomes a little louder, although I can’t make out any of the words they’re speaking. My eyelids feel lighter than they did the last time I tried to open them. Peeling them open, I quickly blink as my eyes adjust to the dim lighting while trying to draw my surroundings into focus.
The last thing I remembered after waking up from surgery was being told they were moving me to my room. I was exhausted and so tired that as soon as they wheeled my bed into the hallway, I fell back asleep. Somehow I slept until now—although I’m not entirely sure how much time has passed.
There’s a twinge of panic inside of me again as I realize that I’m alone. No Nash. No baby. Just me.
I blink a few more times, my eyes moving from the ceiling and along the walls. My hands slide off my stomach and I plant them at my sides, my entire body feeling weak as I try to scoot up farther in the bed. My legs don’t move, considering the fact that I still haven’t regained feeling in them and my feet.
A searing pain slices through my abdomen. “Fuck,” I mutter, wincing in pain as I suck in a breath. My face screws up and I move my hands back to my stomach, remembering I was cut open only a few short hours ago.
“Riley.”
His voice. Oh my god, his voice .
I lift my head, turning it to the side as I see him walking toward me without his shirt on. My eyes drift over his torso and I don’t even get the chance to ask him as tears immediately spring from my eyes. “Hi.”
“We’ve been waiting for you,” he says quietly, coming over to stroke the side of my face. His lips instantly find my forehead, warm and soft against my skin. “You gave us all quite the scare.”
“I know,” I tell him, my throat burning from the tube that was inserted during the surgery. Nash pulls away from my forehead, his eyes scanning my face as I lift my head farther, attempting to look around. “Where is he?”
The softest smile lifts Nash’s lips. “I just laid him down.” He moves away from the bed, pushing the small bassinet over to me before he lifts the baby up, bringing him to me. “Do you think you can hold him?”
The medications they have me on to prevent seizures are still making me feel groggy and the thought of dropping him has me nervous. “Can you help me? Just in case?”
“Of course,” he says softly, as he brings the baby down to me, setting him down in my arms. His hands linger, providing additional support for me, just in case I’m too weak.
For the first time since he was born, I see my baby’s face—and I crumble.
My chest constricts, my jaw hurting from the overwhelming emotion as I get choked up. He’s so perfect. His little nose, his soft cheeks. Tears stream down my cheeks and I trail my fingers over his face, memorizing every single inch of him.
“Oh, Nash,” I half sob, blowing out a breath as I continue to stare at the baby. “How is he so perfect?”
“Because he’s a piece of you.”
My eyes move to Nash’s and he stares back at me—the emotion in his expression damn near palpable. His throat bobs as he swallows hard, his hand reaching up to cup my cheek.
“I love you, Riley.”
My heart stumbles over itself in my chest, the air leaving my lungs in a rush. “What?”
“You’re my home,” he says, his voice a tender embrace. “You’re my safe space where I can just forget about everything else going on. My heart just knows you and it always has. There has always been something that felt like it was missing and I think it was you. My soul has just been waiting for you.”
Tears blur my vision once again as I’m completely overwhelmed with emotion. This entire birthing experience has been nothing like I expected, and I’m sure I’ll be dealing with the mental fuck after I am discharged. I’m exhausted and tired, yet happy, but also feeling like I was robbed of the first few hours of my baby’s life.
But somehow Nash’s words push all of those negative things to the back of my mind.
“Nash.” His name comes out like a broken whisper. “I’ve always loved you, I just never wanted to admit it. I was always so afraid you would never feel the same way about me. I love you so much.”
A smile lifts his lips. “I know this is probably terrible timing, all things considered.” He pauses, his smile falling. “But I needed you to know. I was so afraid when I talked to Nova after the game, and even more so when I got here.”
“I’m sorry about that,” I tell him, feeling a twinge of guilt for how everything played out. “I didn’t want you to worry about me, so I said I was fine. I knew I wasn’t, so I called the doctors and they told me I needed to come in. I thought it was going to be something simple and they would send me home.”
“Well, I think it looks more like them sending you home with a baby now.”
I stare down at his perfect little face before looking back at Nash. “What are your plans? You know, after we get out of here.”
He looks at me, his eyes burning holes into my soul. “You are my plan, Riley. You and this little guy,” he says, his hand reaching for the baby’s. “I want both of you.”
“Does that mean you’ll stay?”
“I’ll sell my fucking house if you want me to.” He slides his hand to mine. “When I said I love you, I meant that in a ‘I want you forever’ kind of way.” A soft smile drifts across his lips.
“Forever with you sounds nice.”
“Good,” he says with a smile as he gives my hand the gentlest squeeze. “Because we can’t get this marriage annulled since we’ve had sex.”
It never once occurred to me, the stipulations to getting a marriage annulled. Once a marriage is consummated, an annulment is no longer an option. No one would actually know that we’ve had sex, especially considering the fact that the baby isn’t Nash’s, but the thought of lying about something like that just feels wrong.
This marriage isn’t what it was originally supposed to be. We were never supposed to fall in love, but here we are.
“It’s okay,” he tells me with a wink as he leans toward me, his lips pressing against my temple. “No one has to know about it at our real wedding.”
“Real wedding?” Tears blur my vision yet again.
“This isn’t my official proposal. I have better plans for that,” he explains, pressing his forehead to mine. “I want all of you. I want all of him. I want all of us,” he says with a soft breath. “Will you be mine?”
“Can I tell you a secret?” I ask him, my eyes searching his.
He pulls back slightly, a touch of worry flashing in his irises. “Of course.”
“I’ve always been yours.”
“Thank God,” he murmurs, letting out a breath as a smile breaks out across his lips before he presses them to mine. He kisses me with a tenderness that has my soul melting inside of my body. It’s a closed-mouth kiss, but there’s still such an intensity that rocks me to my core.
My god, I love this man.
Nash pulls away from me, his fingers dancing across the baby’s face as he looks down at his features. “Have you decided on a name for him?” he asks me, his voice quiet before his eyes meet mine again.
“I think I have,” I tell him, my voice equally quiet. “I think he looks like a Theodore.” My eyes search his, looking for any type of aversion from him. The past few weeks, I’ve been thinking about using his middle name as the baby’s name, but I wasn’t sure how to approach the subject. Now that we’ve met the little guy, I think it just fits. “Don’t you think so too?”
The softest smile dances across his lips, his eyes shining brightly back at me. “I think it’s a perfect name for him,” he concurs, the emotion thick in his voice as he looks back down at the baby. “Little Theo.” The smile doesn’t leave his lips as he looks back at me. “I love you, Riley.”
“I love you.”
***
The next week flies by in a rush. Between broken sleep, probably a thousand diapers, and countless bottles, I don’t even know what day it is when I’m finally discharged from the hospital. My blood pressure ended up stabilizing within two days after my surgery and my kidneys rebounded relatively quickly.
They’ll still be monitoring me closely to make sure that everything continues to get better, but as of now, my health is stable enough for me to go home. There’s no need for Theo or me to be here any longer, and I am honestly so fucking thrilled.
This entire experience has been a roller coaster and I’ve already set up therapy appointments, so I can try and work through the trauma before it ends up compounding. All things considered, I feel like I’ve been managing it pretty well so far.
Then again, I have very little time to actually stop and think about everything that happened.
“Are you ready to go, mama?” Nash asks me as he pokes his head back through the door. He left fifteen minutes ago so he could pull up out front and the nurse could check the car seat.
As I finish adjusting the hat on Theo’s head, I look up at him, a smile pulling on my lips. “Let’s go home.”
The nurse wheels me out to the car and helps us in, me sitting in the back with the baby before they send us on our way. Nash drives probably ten miles per hour under the speed limit the entire way back to my house. As we pull into the driveway, I see a string of blue balloons creating an archway around the front door.
Nova has been dying to come see us and thankfully Nash kept everyone out of the hospital for my sake. I ended up FaceTiming her while we were in there, but it was nice to just have it be the three of us, except for when Nash had to leave for work. He’ll be leaving tomorrow night for another away game, but he’s already asked Nonna to come stay with me while he’s not here.
Nash helps me out of the car before going over to lift the baby out and we begin our walk up to the house. He stands to the side, letting me in, and relief wraps around me as I step into the comfort of my own home. It feels like it’s been an eternity since I’ve been here. I can’t wait to get a real shower, change into fresh clothes, and snuggle up on the couch with my boys.
Instead, I just walk directly to the sofa and slowly sit down, careful to support my midsection. It still feels like my insides are going to tumble out of my stomach, but it’s more bearable than it was at first. The first time they had me get out of bed was absolute torture. They like to have patients up and moving within six to eight hours after surgery to promote blood flow, but I had to wait two days thanks to my body betraying me.
“It’s kind of weird that they just send you on your way with a tiny-ass person like you know what you’re doing.”
I look over at Nash as he gets a sleeping Theo out of his car seat and holds him against his chest as he walks over to the couch. “You’d think they would give you some instructions or something.”
“Right?” he says, raising his eyebrows as he lowers himself down beside me. "Like what do we do now?”
Handing the baby to me, he makes sure he’s secure in my arms before he wraps his around the tops of my shoulders. He scoots closer until I’m tucked in against his side. I move my head, resting it against his shoulder as I breathe in the scent of him. “I think we’re just supposed to enjoy it.”
“I think you might be right.” He presses his lips to the top of my head. “I’ll spend the rest of my days enjoying my time with the two of you… and however many other babies you let me put in you.”
Laughter bubbles in my chest. “You’re absolutely insane, you know that, right?”
“Insane about you, mama,” he says, his voice tangling around my soul. “Always you.”