Chapter 18
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
CALEB
Mia is silent as she waits for me by the front door. Avoiding her gaze, I walk past, marching into the house where I kick my shoes off and head directly up to Tella’s room. My blood is hot in my veins as it circulates through my body, carrying too many fucking conflicting emotions.
I get Tella settled in bed, pulling off her shoes before tucking her beneath the covers. Mia must have had a change of pajamas at the arena, because somehow Tella was already dressed for sleep when I found them waiting in the hallway.
Leaning down, I pull the covers up to her chin and press my lips to her temple. “I love you, T.”
She stirs in her sleep, a gentle smile cresting her lips as she rubs her head against her pillow.
I watch her for a moment, my eyes lingering on her perfect little face before I let myself out of her room.
Leaving the door ajar, I head down the hallway and back downstairs.
My heart pounds erratically, my stomach quickening when I don’t see Mia in the foyer. Did she leave?
My strides are long, the anxiety creeping up my spine as I make my way into the kitchen. I pause to search for her. Movement through the glass door that leads out back catches my attention. She’s standing on the pool deck, her head tilted back to stare up at the moon.
My breath catches in my throat as I take a moment to drink her in. The ends of her hair dance along her lower back. I memorize her curves, the way she looks right now as my feet begin to slowly move on their own, carrying me closer, like a man caught in a trance.
I reach for the door and slide it open, taking a step and then another onto the back deck.
I try to slide the door shut without making a sound, but the plunk when it connects with the frame is audible.
Mia doesn’t turn to look at me, but I don’t miss the way her back straightens a little.
The way her chest rises and falls with shallow breaths.
I walk up beside her, letting the silence surround us as I, too, tilt my head back to look up at the moon shining brightly in the sky.
“Are you going to tell me why you were mad?”
My chest deflates as I blow out a breath through my nose in a huff, my eyes momentarily closing. “I’m still mad.”
Mia turns her body to face me, her head no longer tilted up to the sky. “Why?”
I swallow roughly, my eyelids lifting as I move to her, my chin dipping down to meet her gaze. “Are you seeing him?” I chew on the inside of my cheek. “The guy that was with you at the game.”
Mia’s eyebrows pinch together. “What? No.”
“You kissed him.”
She cocks her head to the side, confusion pulling her eyebrows together. “Because of the kiss cam . . .”
I lift my hand, dragging it through my hair, pausing to grab the back of my neck as my eyes search hers. “I thought you were on a date . . .”
She stares back at me, her eyes round with her eyebrows still furrowed. “No, Steven is just a friend. It’s never been like that between us.”
I draw in a deep breath, my eyes falling shut again as I feel my chest expand.
I hold it for a second, rolling my lips between my teeth before I open my eyes once more.
My lungs began to expel the air, soft and slow as my gaze crashes into hers.
“I saw you kiss him . . .” I pause, a ragged breath slipping from my lips as my hand falls away from the back of my neck.
I take a step closer, closing the distance between us. “And all I could see was red.”
Coach Landry is going to fucking kill me.
Mia closes the last two inches, stepping into my space. Her eyes slowly move between mine as she lifts her hand. She drags her fingertips just above the cut on my eyebrow. My gaze doesn’t leave hers and I don’t dare blink as she inspects my face.
She trails her fingers down the side of my cheek, drifting along the corner of my mouth before grazing my swollen bottom lip. “Is that why you got into a fight?” she whispers, lifting her eyes back to mine.
I swallow hard over the lump in my throat, bobbing my head up and down. Mia moves her fingers back to the side of my face, flattening her palm along my jawbone. My eyelids flutter shut, a deep sigh leaving me as I relax into her touch. “It was the only thing I could do.”
“Caleb,” she murmurs, her voice soft and tender. I lift my hand to cover hers, feeling the warmth of her skin beneath my palm “But why?” she asks. “Why would it matter if someone else kissed me?”
I drop my hand from hers, sliding it up her arm and along the base of her neck, curling my fingers around her spine. “Because it should have been me.”
Mia’s lips part, a soft breath escaping her as her eyes widen slightly, the moonlight catching the shimmering hues of her irises.
My face drops down to hers, my nose brushing the tip of hers. “Tell me to stop and I will.”
She’s my coach’s daughter. I need to stop this somehow.
She drags her top teeth across her bottom lip as she shakes her head. “What if I don’t want you to stop?”
Goddamn.
Any logical thought slips from my mind as my lips graze hers. I pause and the world around us slows down. Time is suspended between us and I feel the gentle exhale of her breath as it warms my lips. My heart beats faster, my left hand snaking around her hip as I pull her body flush against mine.
Mia circles her arms around my back, her fingers fisting the material of my shirt as my mouth sweeps across hers again.
A groan rumbles in my chest as I sigh against her.
Her lips move with mine, hesitant at first, but as the flames between us crackle, it’s like her reservations disappear into the air around us, like smoke from a fire.
Mia’s body melts into mine, the warmth of her slender frame pressing against me. My tongue slides along the seam of her lips, requesting permission, needing more. She parts them without hesitation, granting me the access I desire. My tongue moves against hers, touching and tasting her.
She tastes like red cherries and a bad decision.
My grip tightens on the back of her neck as she kisses me back with a tenderness that seeps into my soul. I can’t stop the groan that I hum against her lips. She has been the most unexpected force to enter my life.
I breathe her in, the faint smell of lavender and vanilla infiltrating my senses, while I kiss her with a growing need. A warmth washes over me, blood rushing between my legs, the ache intensifying as I resist the urge to press my pelvis against her.
A breeze drifts through the air, shifting around us. One of the umbrellas by the pool creaks from the air as it puts pressure against the material splayed outward. It’s an unwelcome distraction, however, it’s the pull back to reality that I desperately need.
What am I doing?
I’m kissing Mia Landry.
My new nanny.
My coach’s daughter.
My lips slow against hers, until we’re breaking apart, both of us coming up for air.
I open my eyes, searching her face as she carefully lifts her own eyelids.
Her gaze collides with mine, the moonlight shimmering on her glassy eyes once more.
I untangle my fingers from her hair, releasing the back of her neck as her hands fall away from the back of my shirt.
My left hand lingers on her hip, my eyes traveling to her mouth and back to her eyes. I crossed a line by kissing her, but there isn’t a part of me that wants to take it back. “Mia,” I whisper, my voice breathless and hoarse, throat bobbing as I swallow hard.
As much as I don’t want to take it back, it doesn’t extinguish the guilt that suddenly compounds inside my chest. I can’t help but feel like I just betrayed the memory of my wife.
“It’s late,” she tells me, her voice soft. Her tongue darts out to wet her swollen lips. “I should probably head home.”
“Are you okay to drive home?”
I saw her with a drink during the game, although she doesn’t seem drunk or even like she’s under the influence. Then again, I don’t know. It’s a difficult thing for me—to keep my mind from flashing back to the accident.
The corners of her mouth twitch. “I am.”
Anything can happen in the blink of an eye.
“You’ll let me know that you get there safely?”
Her expression softens, emotion engulfing her eyes as she bobs her head up and down. “Yeah, of course.” She takes a step back and my hand falls away from her hip. Conflict mingles in her gaze as she stares at me for a moment. “Goodnight, Caleb.”
The muscles in my chest tighten. “Goodnight, Mia.”
She lingers for another second, her gaze still on me, her steps faltering before she quietly turns around, heading back into the house. There’s a part of me that wants to call to her, to tell her to stay. To do anything other than watch her walk away.
But I know I can’t.
Regret washes over me, but it’s not the kind I expected to feel. I regret the conflict in her eyes, as if I’m the one who put it there. The last thing I want is for her to feel bad about that kiss, because it was anything but a mistake.
She’s not the first woman I’ve kissed since my wife passed away, but she’s the first I didn’t pretend was her.
She’s the first person I’ve kissed without a single thought of Amelia and the guilt begins to creep in along the edges of my heart.
Guilt because not once did she cross my mind and in a way, it feels like I’m letting go of the memory of her.
I run a ragged hand through my hair, blowing out a breath as I tilt my head to look up at the sky. I have to let go of the guilt. I can’t betray someone who isn’t here. Kissing Mia wasn’t betraying Amelia’s memory, even if it feels like it is.
A commitment to someone else will never be on the table, but maybe exploring whatever these feelings are isn’t.
Even if it is with the one woman who should be off-limits.