Chapter 8 Gracen
GRACEN
Something pulls me from sleep. I float around in that dead place for a second, my subconscious trying to pull me under again, but knowing that something woke me up. Just as sleep is beginning to win the tug of war, I hear it again. My doorbell.
This time, I’m yanked from sleep, though I don’t move at first. I’m facing my phone on my nightstand, which always has the time on display. It’s minutes before midnight. My phone doesn’t show that I’ve missed any phone calls or text messages.
The doorbell rings two more times in rapid succession.
I push myself up and head downstairs, curious, concerned, and, yeah, a little annoyed. I flick the hall light on, but leave the living room light off as I pull the door open.
I’m shocked to find Malin standing there. There are motion sensor lights on the front porch, so he’s illuminated. He’s in sleep pants and a long-sleeved shirt, his hair ruffled. There are bags under his eyes.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, my mind racing a hundred miles a minute. “What happened?”
“I’m so tired,” he says and sways on his feet.
Okay, I’m not sure where to go with that. I might have come up with something to say if I were awake, but my brain isn’t fully online yet.
“I’m sorry,” Malin says. “I didn’t know where else to go.”
“Did something happen at home?”
His eyebrows knit together. “No.” He shakes his head, which proves too much, and he stumbles a little.
“Come in,” I say.
Malin closes the distance immediately and presses his face into my chest. My processing time is slow, so for a moment, I just stand there. Stunned.
He sighs, his body relaxing against me. It takes me a couple beats before I wrap my arms around him, but when I do, he snuggles right into my hold. He must feel the way my heart races.
“I’m so tired,” he whispers again.
The door is still open, so I’m staring into the darkness beyond my deck.
Nothing but trees. I chose this cabin because of the orientation of the doors and windows.
I don’t see the driveway from any of the places I might relax or be working in the kitchen.
It’s all trees and nature. Birds. Peaceful solitude while being just a short walk away from the next cabin.
I’m the only one residing in the cabins right now, so it’s truly just me on this part of the property.
A mile or so south will lead me to the intersection where Noaz’s house is tucked into the trees.
While the road to the cabins ends at the one just beyond mine, if it continued north, it would lead into the refuge that Jalon bought ten or so years ago, which now has the school on it.
But right now, I see nothing but shadows. The motion light clicks off, and the trees begin to make dark silhouettes.
I shut the door and then, once more, don’t move. “What do you need?”
This time, I’m anticipating his answer. “I’m tired,” he murmurs, already half asleep.
“The guest room—” My words cut off when his entire body tenses. Okay. “Want to come upstairs with me?”
Malin nods but makes no effort to walk further into the house.
“Want me to carry you?” I mean it teasingly, but he nods.
Well, okay then. I adjust him and scoop his legs up. Malin sighs, keeping his face pressed to my shoulder. He’s deceptively light. For another moment, I simply stand in the living room with Malin in my arms.
There’s a good chance I’m dreaming. This is a very strange turn of events that could only happen in my dreams. However, we’re both tired, even if I’m asleep. So I turn and head for the bedroom, flicking the light off in the hall with my elbow on the way by.
I carefully lay him on the bed and adjust the blankets around him.
“Where are you going?” Malin asks. His voice is upset.
“Just to the other side of the bed.”
He burrows further into the blankets until just his eyes peek out. He watches me. As soon as I’m lying down, Malin scoots toward me and cuddles into my chest. Once more, all the tension in his body melts away.
He’s asleep within seconds.
Sleep doesn’t take me for quite some time. I’m still perplexed about his sudden appearance in the night, with the only explanation being that he’s tired.
Worried about disturbing him, I remain perfectly still for a while. Between being woken up suddenly and this turn of events, my mind isn’t forming any coherent connections. My heart continues to race. It’s thudding in my chest with such force, I can almost feel it echoing throughout my body.
I don’t want the moment to end. If I’m dreaming, I want to remain in dreamland where Malin is in my arms. I’m unable to fight sleep for much longer, though.
When I wake, it’s because I have to piss. I almost forget that I’m not alone in bed. When I shift, I feel Malin’s body still pressed firmly to my chest. Once more, my heart speeds up. He’s really here. I didn’t dream it.
Placing a gentle kiss on the top of his head, I back away slowly, carefully untangling myself from him. When I’m finally out of bed, I look down at him. He’s so peaceful. So beautiful. He almost looks small.
Be right back, I tell him silently and turn for the bathroom. When I’m finished with my business, I brush my teeth and wash my face, scrubbing into my beard to make sure it’s clean and soft. I didn’t anticipate being this close to anyone tonight, never mind Malin.
When I return, I find Malin sitting up in bed with his knees to his chest, head bent, and hands covering his ears. It’s such a startling scene that I freeze. He flinches, almost as if someone hits him, and his attention snaps up to my eyes.
The only word that comes to mind is miserable. He looks absolutely miserable.
“Where did you go?” he asks, voice strained.
“Bathroom. Are you okay?”
He looks around my room, eyes flickering to the end of the bed, and then back at me. He nods. “Are you coming back to bed?”
“Yes.” I grab my phone off the nightstand and climb back onto the bed. Malin watches me, his shoulders stiff. He’s barely breathing as he watches me. I lie on my back. Once he’s convinced that I’m settled, he lies at my side, pressing his face into my shoulder.
As he did last night, he sighs. His body relaxes. He snuggles closer. I roll onto my side again so I can take him in my arms.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call first,” Malin says. “I didn’t have your number.”
“I’ll give you my number, but you don’t need to call. It’s okay.”
“I haven’t slept in weeks.”
“Do you need to talk to Mark?”
“No, he can’t help me. Not with this.”
I’m about to point out that there are sleep studies and clinics and stuff, but there’s something in his words that makes me pause. He settles in, and for a while, we don’t move. Don’t talk.
After a while, he begins getting fidgety. Adjusting just a little. I can feel his frustration as the minutes tick by.
“What’s wrong?”
“I have to pee,” he mutters.
I grin. “There’s a bathroom right there.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t want to leave the bed.” His face presses into my chest, and he inhales deeply. My smile continues to climb.
“I’m not going anywhere. I’ll be here when you get back.”
Malin doesn’t respond. He spends the next twenty minutes trying to ignore his bladder, but eventually, he rolls away. I almost laugh at the grumpy expression on his face. It’s fucking cute.
He meets my eyes, and warmth fills my chest when I see the hint of a smile touch his lips. It vanishes a second later, and he looks away. His entire expression changes, and that same misery that I walked in on earlier begins creeping in.
Sighing, Malin sits. His face scrunches, jaw sets. He pushes the blankets off him and swings his legs over the bed. Before he gets up, he grabs my shirt from where it’s hanging off the chair beside the end table and wraps it around his head like a scarf.
His shoulders drop, and he gets to his feet. I watch, perplexed, as he disappears into the bathroom. Okay, then.
While he’s in the bathroom, I text Ellory.
Me
Malin is here. He showed up in the middle of the night, saying he’s tired.
Ellory
Uh…
Me
Yep. I was just as confused. He hasn’t offered any other explanation, but he’s still here. Just wanted you to know.
Ellory
Thanks for letting me know. I’m worried about him. Something has been hanging heavier over his head lately.
I nod. Only because I’ve been watching him like a stalker since I arrived at the Estate am I able to see that too. Malin is always a quiet man. He takes up as little space as he can, rarely talking to anyone.
As Ellory said, there’s something sitting heavily on his shoulders recently. I can almost see it weighing him down. The only times I’ve seen it fall are the few times I’ve had him close.
Maybe he needs more hugs.
Malin comes out of the bathroom and climbs back into bed. He tucks the shirt he’d taken under the blankets and returns to my arms, where I can hug him.
“I let Ellory know you’re here.”
He nods. “Thanks. I didn’t think to leave a note.”
“No problem.”
“Do you mind that I showed up unannounced?”
I imagine the question he’s asking is if I’m mad about it. “Not at all. A little bewildered, but I’m not upset. I’m glad you know you can come to me if you need to.”
“It’s just… everything is quiet with you. It’s so loud otherwise, and I can’t sleep.”
I’m not going to pretend I understand what he means. Yes, there are twin one-year-olds in his house, so I imagine it could be a little chaotic. Ellory is a little chaotic all on his own. Something tells me that’s not the case, though.