Chapter 6
Maria
" U m...are you okay?"
I glanced up and glared at Linda for startling me. My mood didn't bother her as she leaned on the door jamb, her flat stomach and blue diamond belly ring out in full display. I didn't impose a dress code at work, and some of my more eccentric team members took full advantage. I didn't mind. Goodness knows I've turned up to work looking like I could double as an escort.
I'd been in my office for three hours, even choosing to blow through lunch. I had no appointments today, so decided to focus on clearing out my emails and socials before projecting the stock I needed for the upcoming months. I was finding it hard to concentrate—probably because all I had today was an iced coffee—so I wasn't thrilled at having my rhythm disturbed.
"Yeah. Why wouldn't I be?" My eyes returned to my screen as I resumed clicking the pen I was holding in rapid movements.
"Well, for starters, you've been swearing at your computer screen for the past half an hour, and you bit poor Tony's head off when he was ten minutes late with our case of conditioners." She folded her arms and arched her brow at me. "You're being more bitchy than usual."
I pressed my mouth into a hard line as I tossed my pen on the table. Linda's gaze followed its movement as it bounced off the edge before landing on the carpet. She fixed me with a pointed stare. Giving up the pretense, I sighed, rubbing at the spot between my eyes that was starting to throb. I knew I was being extra grumpy lately. It was the reason why I sequestered myself in my office. I didn't want my cantankerous attitude to bleed into my team's work environment. They were already giving me a wide berth.
"You got your period or something?"
My breath let out in another little huff. I grabbed the mouse and started to log out of my emails. There was no point continuing to work when my mood was so sour. "Why can women get away with asking that but not men?"
"Because men are insensitive idiots."
I rolled my eyes as I clicked on the shutdown icon. "Ain't that the truth," I grumbled.
"Uh oh. Trouble in love land?" Linda moved further into my office, taking liberties to sit across from me. She bent to grab the pen that had the misfortune of being in my line of fire, popping it back into my glass pen holder that doubled as a paperweight.
"I'd have to have a love life first for there to be trouble," I muttered. I took the pen back out of the holder and scribbled a reminder to confirm a bridal trial for Saturday.
"Ouch. I thought you had something going with Logan?"
My cheeks heated as I smoothed the reminder note onto my monitor. I'd stupidly confided in Linda that I was seeing Logan, determined to hold my head up high after the disaster that was Simon. Despite my dented heart, I wanted people to know I'd dusted myself off and got straight back on the horse.
When it became clear that Logan's intentions were purely sexual and he had no interest in me beyond the bedroom, I’d stopped mentioning him altogether. Too bad I hadn’t stopped sleeping with him.
"I broke it off." Ghosted him was more accurate, but I doubt he cared.
"Oh." Linda's pretty face pinched in sympathy, which annoyed me. I didn't need her pity. "Sorry."
I waved off her concern and shoved my keyboard away from me. "Don't be. He was actually kind of a dick, but what else is new,” I shrugged. “I seem to attract losers."
"Maybe it's your gentle personality."
I fixed her with a glare that she again ignored. Linda and I had gotten closer over the last few months. I would even go so far as to call her a friend. She was a straight shooter, like me, but she probably carried a bit more tact with her words.
"I'm serious. I'm trying to attract nice guys who want to date long term, but everywhere I turn, they're either fuck boys or…or married."
My mind drifted back to Brian as it inevitably did in moments of self-reflection. I was annoyed at how often he crossed my mind. Our interaction was brief, yet it had left a lasting mark on me.
When he'd first approached my table, I felt an instant spark of attraction. He was boyishly handsome, probably in his early to mid-thirties, with warm eyes and a dimple that caught my eye. I was secretly thrilled but also wary. I wasn't in the mood for cheesy pickup lines anymore, nor did I want to waste my time on meaningless sex, so I instantly had my guard up.
I shook my head, anger seeping into me as I relived our meeting. I recalled the thrill I felt at finally making a genuine connection with someone, only to plummet down from dizzying heights when I spied that photo.
"Who was married?" Linda quizzed.
"No one." I dropped my gaze from her shrewd stare and started tidying around my desk.
"Oh, c'mon!" she scoffed, planting her hands on my desk and leaning forward. "Who was married? You know me, I won't say a word."
A sound of annoyance bubbled out of me at her pushy insistence. "Actually, I don't know you." The frustration, anger, and embarrassment I held over my situation removed my filter as I bluntly shot her down.
Linda's mouth dropped open a fraction before it snapped shut. Red tinged her face as she sat back in stunned silence. A stab of remorse hit me almost instantly, and I cursed myself for lashing out. Linda didn't deserve my attitude, especially since she was the only one who'd been nice to me lately.
Awkwardness seeped into the air. I knew she deserved an apology, but the words were caught in my throat. As the silence lingered and it became clear that I wasn't going to make the first gesture, Linda tightened her hands on the arms of her chair and rose. "I'll just -"
"I'm sorry," I finally blurted out.
Linda paused, half risen from her seat. "I'm sorry," I repeated. My face heated as the unfamiliar feeling of guilt and shame hit me. "I'm just having a bad day."
Linda sent me an unconvinced look, which had me rolling my eyes. "Week, month—whatever!" I threw my hands in the air at my confession.
My shoulders relaxed when Linda's lips tilted up and she sat back down. As much as I projected myself as an island, I was starting to enjoy Linda's friendship; I didn't want to lose it.
"I met someone," I slowly confessed. "Well, I thought I met someone. We had what I guess you would call a "meet cute.""
Linda leaned forward in her seat again, silently prodding me to continue.
I quickly described how Brian approached my table. I could visualize the uncertainty in his gaze when I met him unflinching, letting him know through my body language and words that I wasn't interested.
No matter how hot I thought he was.
I relayed how he confessed to needing to meet me and how that honest admission helped soften my attitude. I’d been long overdue at the salon, but I decided to take advantage of my position as boss and extend my break. Over a short period, we chatted nonstop, bonding over inane topics.
It wasn't long before I started picturing what it would be like to sit across from him on an actual date. Maybe he'd take me to a fancy restaurant. He'd hold out my chair and order a bottle of wine for the table. Perhaps we'd take a walk if the night wasn't too chilly. He'd wrap his jacket around my shoulders. Our hands would brush before they clasped together. He'd give me a searing kiss at my door before sending me a goodnight text.
When I knew that I absolutely needed to go back to work, I hesitated enough to make sure that our lunch would end with my number saved into his phone. And vice versa.
It just all felt so comfortable with Brian.
Real.
"Wow." Linda finally commented after I finished. "He was certainly bold with his approach. So, wait, how did you find out that he was married?"
I picked at an invisible spot on my desk. "He got a phone call, so stepped away from the table to take it. He was in the process of paying for lunch, so he left his wallet lying open on the table while he took the call. There was a photo in there of him on his wedding day. Fucking smiling like a douche next to his bride."
It was probably his wife on the phone, asking him to pick up some milk on the way home from work. Oblivious to the fact that her hubby was flirting and sharing his fries with another woman.
Linda's eyes widened in shock before clouding over in anger. "Wow! What an asshole. So, did you confront him?"
I shook my head. My stomach had deflated like a lead balloon when I saw that picture. "I left money on the table for my lunch and hightailed out before he finished his call." I didn't tell her how embarrassed and stupid I felt.
The real me would have no problems dressing a man down or throwing a drink at him over something like this. But I’d foolishly built our interaction into something that could potentially lead somewhere. So when, of course , he turned out to be fucking married, I didn't have the energy to unleash hell on him.
"Hmm,' Linda mused. "You weren't curious about his explanation?"
I gave an outraged snort. "My interaction with him lasted less than an hour. I didn't care enough about him to ask questions."
Linda gave me a long look laced with gentle understanding. I wheeled away from her to grab my bag.
"Was he an out-of-towner?"
"No," I snapped as I started to rummage around my handbag, taking things out and rearranging pockets. Anything to avoid seeing the look of pity on Linda's face. It was the same expression people gave me after Simon started dating Sofia. Never mind the fact that I was the one who had ended things with him. "He moved to the area a few years ago. Lives out in Dellwood," I woodenly told her.
Linda watched me as I started fiddling with my phone, pretending to check my messages. The silence thickened, and I could sense her wanting to say something but not wanting to risk my wrath again.
I threw my phone on the table and raked a hand through my short locks. "I'm just sick of men like him," I hissed as Linda observed me patiently. "Fucking assholes who see my tits and legs and think they can just pick me up and play with me whenever they feel like it." I waved my hands. "And then they toss me aside like a piece of trash."
"Wait." Linda leaned forward, her expression earnest. "Is that why you chopped your hair off and started dressing like a nun?"
My cheeks reddened as I ran a self-conscious hand through my hair again. I’d cut it into a long bob, sometimes styling it straight or in fun, beachy waves if I had time. I thought it suited me, although it did take a while to get used to not having long hair, something that had been part of my identity for so long. "You said you liked my hair."
"I do," she agreed, "But you'd look like a goddess even with your head shaved." She gestured toward my body. "And the clothes?"
I looked down at my tight black jeans and long-sleeved green blouse with the ruffled collar. I thought I still looked sophisticated yet sexy. My jeans still cupped my high ass, and my blouse had a dip which showcased a subtle hint of cleavage. It was still me; just toned down a little.
"It was time to stop dressing like a teenage raver."
Linda's eyes turned soft, and if I weren't worried that she would actually get up and leave, I would've snapped at her to quit pitying me. "Truth is, Ria, you could be wearing a potato sack, and men would still approach you. You exude sensuality."
I threw my hands up in frustration. "That's fucking great, but how do I exude it towards single, commitment-ready men around my age?"
She shrugged a bare shoulder. "Sometimes you gotta kiss a few frogs before you find your prince."
"Well, I could fill a fucking pond, let me tell you! I've done my dues."
After that night with Logan, I decided I wasn’t going to sleep with a guy until I was one hundred percent certain that he verbally confirmed to me we were exclusive. I'd already been burned by Simon. He wanted to keep it casual yet visited me constantly when he lived forty minutes away, and even invited me to his cousin's engagement party. I took them as markers to indicate he was finally taking our relationship seriously. Only to find out that he had slept with Lissa a few months prior and only ever saw me as a casual fuck.
"Honestly, Ria, I thought you liked being single and keeping your interactions casual." She shook her head. "I had no idea that you were looking for something serious."
"Yeah, well...," I shrugged. I looked away again as I cursed myself for sharing so much.
Linda had a way of dragging out the tiniest tidbits and acting like she genuinely cared. Like she wanted to listen to your problems. My friendship with Lissa hadn't been like that. Our friendship had been shallow based on drunken nights out, bitchiness and gossip. Our conversations held no depth. Even when I discussed Simon with her, she would listen half-heartedly while giving me terrible advice. She flirted with him outrageously, which used to annoy me, but since her whole personality was about being the center of attention, I dismissed it as Lissa being Lissa.
Yes, she stole other women's boyfriends and that one husband she played around with for a month before he realized how crazy she was and tried slinking back home to his wife. But I never once thought she would do that to me. More fool me. I couldn't pick men or friends to save my life.
Linda stood, smoothing her skirt down. "Listen, why don't you come out with us later? We're heading to Malley's for a drink." She wiggled her brows at me. "Hey, you may meet the love of your life."
I snorted. Fat chance of that happening. I didn't have the will nor energy to talk to any man tonight. They were the devil as far as I was concerned.
But a fun night out with a bunch of non-toxic people sounded like something I needed. Linda, bless her heart, still asked me to come out with them every Friday night, and I still always turned her down. What the hell!
"You know what? Sure, I'm down."