Chapter 7
Maria
M alley's was quiet tonight, thank goodness. I wasn't in the mood for a loud band and having to maneuver my way between drunk dancing folks. The girls walked straight to the large booth in the back corner—their usual drinking spot—and all piled in. They were clearly comfortable enough with each other to bump shoulders and practically sit on each other's laps. I chose to wait before sitting at the end, facing the bar; my body turned outward to avoid touching Rachel beside me. It was also handy if I needed to make a hasty Irish exit.
I tried to concentrate on the buzz of comfortable, excitable chatter around me, but I got lost in their conversation. I felt like an interloper as I sat awkwardly perched in my seat with a strained smile. Hoping to break the ice with a few of the girls who were still wary of me, I offered to buy a round of drinks and fries for the table.
There were seven of us out—Linda, Rachel, Charli, Vivi, Toni, Gail and myself. Toni and Gail didn't work Fridays but still liked joining the girls for drinks. They were clearly used to socializing together and wasted no time launching into the latest gossip and catching up on each other's personal lives. I had no choice but to quietly listen in.
Rachel was in a long-distance relationship with someone in Denver and was considering moving there within the following year. I made a mental note that I would probably need to replace her if that was the case. Linda and her husband were saving for IVF. I tuned out when she started going into detail about her fertility cycle. Charli had just come out of a long-term relationship and was dipping her toe into the dating pool. She asked me for advice, and I almost snorted my drink out. She'd have better luck asking a nun.
Vivi, Toni, and Gail were happily online dating and were attempting to talk Charli into signing up. I’d done online dating for a week before I realized that most of my matches were dudes I’d already fucked. Commitment-phobes, despite what lies they carefully curated on their profile. Or maybe they just weren't interested in a relationship with me.
The conversation thankfully shifted topics without the girls badgering me about my personal life. They spoke briefly about work and chatted about our clients. I didn't mind them confiding with each other in private about the various personalities we served in our chairs; but I was very clear that in a public setting, we had to treat our customers with respect and discretion.
Working a service job was physically and emotionally draining. There were certain clients who treated us as their personal therapists and disclosed some truly heavy shit. Since we were basically kept hostage for sometimes upwards of ninety minutes, we had no choice but to listen as they trauma-dumped, whether we wanted to hear it or not.
Thankfully, my girls kept things impersonal, sticking to treatment advice and sharing tips. By the sounds of it, they had all built a great rapport with their usual clients. It made my chest swirl with pride and a little protectiveness that they were happy at my salon.
For the first forty minutes we were there, I sat quietly and just listened to their loud chatter. Some of it bored me after a while, so I let my eyes wander around the familiar decor of Malley's. The last time I’d been here was the night I met up with Logan. As humiliating and degrading as that experience was, a part of me was glad it happened. I had finally hit rock bottom, and the only way out was up.
I knew by now that I equated sex with love. A habit that started young and followed me well into adulthood. I always thought that if I gave myself sexually and succumbed to a man's every whim, then they would eventually fall in love with me. I had no idea how to break a habit that was ingrained in me from a young age, but I seemed to be doing well. All I had to do was keep away from my usual vices—namely, men.
I did briefly look into therapy, but I wasn't sure if it was right for me. The thought of making myself vulnerable and confiding my issues with a stranger didn't quite sit right with me. I already self-realized my problem, so I was already on the right path. Sure, I got slightly off-center with that asshole, Brian, but I was confident that I was back on track.
A peal of laughter pulled me out of my thoughts, and I instinctively plastered a polite smile. My legs were itching to leave, but I forced myself not to be rude. I turned my body towards the group more in an effort to appear relaxed.
As I glanced around the table, all six girls were looking me with expectant expressions.
"Sorry, what was that?" I belatedly asked. "The music's kinda loud." They were too polite to call me out on my lie.
"Are you planning on taking any vacation leave soon?" Rachel patiently quizzed. "Gary and I are thinking of heading to Aspen for the long weekend. I don't remember the last time you took time off."
"Ah, no." I grabbed my drink and took a long sip, finishing the contents. I placed it back on the table and observed everyone's eager faces, waiting for me to expand.
My eyes bounced around the group. I wasn't exactly sure what they expected from me but it was clear by their fading smiles that my lack of answer wasn't it. Linda cleared her throat in the awkwardness, no doubt regretting inviting me out.
"Well, shall we -"
"Being a business owner doesn't allow me much free time," I jerkily started.
I shook off my discomfort as I played with my paper straw. If I wanted to feel included within my team, I knew I needed to make an effort with them.
"But, there's a seminar I was thinking of attending in New York. It's run by the Sassoon Academy, and I was hoping to take Charli and Gail with me since they're our newest recruits."
A working vacation was right up my alley, and brushing up on the latest trends didn't hurt.
The two girls bounced in their seats, and I hid a wince as they both squealed. "Oh, my god, I've always wanted to attend one!" Gail gushed. "Please tell me you'll make it happen."
Charli reached across the table to grasp my hand, and it took everything in me not to jerk back at the touch. Instead, I worked at returning her infectious smile. Their enthusiasm was endearing, I had to admit.
"I'll make it happen," I promised. It wasn't for another eight months, but it sold out fast. I made a note to purchase tickets when I got home tonight.
Charli and Gail grasped hands and did another ear-piercing squeal as they jiggled in their seats. My bored mood lifted as Linda waxed on at them about how informative and fun the seminars were. I'd paid for her to attend one over a year ago. I echoed Linda's sentiment and started an in-depth conversation about the latest hair and makeup trend we discovered last season.
The girls were glued to me as they soaked in every technical detail I shared about my time at the academy. The conversation shifted to our social pages and I chatted a bit about how I applied marketing ploys on our social media page. I was a novice when it came to TikTok but I found my rhythm with casual tutorials that were gaining popularity. Gail, the crew's youngest and apparently a social media aficionado, volunteered her services to me which I readily took her up on.
While I was showing Vivi and Toni a YouTube tutorial on an up-and-coming eyebrow trend, I felt a shiver go down the group. I glanced up and tensed when I spied a blonde woman glaring at me.
"Lissa." I paused the video and placed my phone down as I cooly observed my former friend—and former employee.
Her blue eyes were dull and glassy as she glowered at me with such trained hatred it caused a trickle of dread to snake down my spine. She was swaying slightly on her feet, clearly drunk. Jesus, it was barely 8 PM.
"Maria," she snickered. She glanced at everyone before letting out a bark of conceited laughter. "Well, isn't this just fucking precious! Lost all your real friends, so you're left with this boring bunch of losers."
Rachel flinched next to me, and my temper soared in their defense. "Watch it, Lissa," I warned.
"You're such a bitter bitch, Maria," she continued to slur. "After all our years of friendship, this is how you treat me?"
I folded my arms and sighed. I was used to her theatrics, although they were usually aimed at others.
"What did I do, Lissa? Give you a job when you've been fired from every other one? Give you countless chances after all the times you called in sick, hungover, or simply couldn't be fucked coming into work?"
She sneered at me as she steadied herself against the booth. "My firing has nothing to do with that. You're pissed over a fucking guy who was never yours."
The color drained from my face as she carried on. "He couldn't get enough of me that night. Told me he doesn't give a shit about you and that you were nothing more than an easy fuck. And now he's engaged!" She cackled and swayed. My heart shuttered at her words. "He was fucking you for years, and then five minutes later he's engaged. That just proves you're nothing more than a –"
"Alright, that's enough out of you." Linda slammed her drink down and pointed at the exit. "Take your drunk, unemployed ass home before I get Theo to throw you out." The rest of the girls watched on, their faces a mix of pity and shock.
Before she could open her mouth to retort, Theo's voice boomed across the floor.
"Lissa! I told you to get outta here. I can't serve you if you're already drunk."
Lissa's face turned beetroot as she scanned the bar. More people had crawled in after work, but it was still relatively quiet. Unfortunately for me, all their attention was zeroed in on Lissa. And our table. My gut clenched as I wondered just how much of Lissa's words they heard. Wisely, Lissa tipped her head back and staggered towards the door.
The table remained silent in her wake, and I fought back the sickening feeling of embarrassment her words left me with. It was bad enough that the town had witnessed my supposed heartbreak with Simon, but to hear my worst insecurities spelled out for me in public—and in front of my employees, no less—had me wishing the floor would open and swallow me whole. My usual cool demeanor deserted me, and the need to escape became overwhelming.
"I need a drink."
Without waiting for a response, I stood and walked woodenly towards the bar. I was careful to keep my gait casual to not betray the absolute mortification I felt. My cheeks were heated with shame, and although I didn't feel like a drink, I still picked up Theo's abysmal cocktail menu and pretended to peruse the three options. The words blurred and bounced around the page.
A breeze from the front door opening shifted through my hair, and I welcomed the cooler temperature against my warm flesh. A group of laughing male voices pierced through the quiet lull of the bar, but I kept my attention focused on the piece of laminated paper in front of me until the humiliating lump in my throat faded.
I had no issues returning someone's snark. I could eviscerate someone so deeply with just a quirk of my brow and a few carefully aimed jibes. But for some reason, Lissa had always unnerved me.
I’d looked up to her growing up, and that admiration followed me for the rest of our toxic friendship. I owed her a lot. She’d taken a bullied, emotionally damaged twelve-year-old under her wing and declared me her best friend. She was gorgeous, confident, and otherworldly at times. When she rose through the ranks of popularity at school, I was right by her side. My confidence grew, and my hierarchy among my peers climbed until no one remembered the insecure, welfare, food-stamped kid I had been...or still was at that point.
I hero-worshiped her, although the sheen wore off a bit after we left school. While I had the motivation to better my situation so that I would never have to rely on anyone again; Lissa, in contrast, leaned into her reputation and looks to coast through life. She still retained her nasty, mean-girl persona and had burned a lot of bridges in our small town.
A presence beside me jolted me out of my morbid trip down memory lane. I had stalled long enough. When Theo appeared, I ordered a margarita without thinking. Although, I had second thoughts when I caught Theo's wince. Cocktails weren't something the gruff owner liked to make, but my goal was to get tipsy enough to forget that Lissa had just verbally annihilated me. Publicly.
"Hi."
I startled at that simple greeting, which pierced my mind's loudness. My heart lurched when I recognized the owner of that voice. That deep voice that haunted me for the past few weeks.
"Remember me?"
Brian's mouth curved in a slight smile. The corners of his brown eyes crinkled as he leaned against the bar. His hair was a tad windswept, and I cursed myself for finding it adorably rumpled. That was probably how he looked when he woke up in the morning. Next to his wife.
My eyes turned steely. First, Lissa spreading her ray of sunshine and now I had to deal with Brian. I couldn't catch a fucking break.
I dismissed him without a word and stared ahead as Theo sniffed a bottle of lime juice before pouring a little too much of it into the mixer.
Brian straightened, turning his body further toward me. "Look, I think we had a misunderstanding at lunch the other week. Can we grab a table and talk?"
"I'm here with friends. I'm a little busy." Just leave me alone, please , I silently begged.
"Oh. Sure. Maybe we can –"
Theo chose that moment to place my margarita in front of me, and I could've kissed him for his impeccable timing. Even though it looked way too watery, and there wasn't any sugar on the rim, I didn't care. I grabbed my drink and returned to the table without waiting for Brian to finish. I didn't have time to stand there and listen to bullshit.
Maria, a year ago, would've made excuses and ignored red flags. I would've stood there like a simpering idiot and let Brian convince me that I had the wrong end of the stick. I probably would've taken him back to mine for a fuck before I woke up to him inevitably making a quiet escape.
But I wasn't that girl anymore.
Vivi and Toni glanced up as I approached and immediately ceased their whispered chat. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who their topic was. But I didn't care. The embarrassment I felt after Lissa's words was overtaken by searing anger at seeing Brian again. I could feel his gaze scorching my face before he turned back to the bar to order his drink.
I took a sip of my margarita, and my eyes watered at the overpowering taste of tequila, burning its way down my throat. Damn, Theo really needed to YouTube a how-to on those cocktails he offered. Or remove them from the menu altogether.
I grabbed my half-drunk water and scooped the ice cubes out, dunking them in my glass to make it a tad more palatable.
The silence around the table was starting to annoy me. I glanced up at the girls as they watched me back. Shit, was I supposed to buy everyone another round again?
"What?" I snapped.
"Umm…who was the hottie?" Charli asked, ignoring my sharp tone.
I bristled as I dumped more ice cubes in my drink, sloshing a few contents on the table.
"That was Brian," I reluctantly confessed. I risked another sip of my drink, hoping the girls would drop the subject.
" That's the married guy?" Linda incredulously asked.
"Who's married?" Rachel piped in.
I tilted my head to Brian, who had taken a seat at a far table with a group of guys.
"Wait!" Vivi gasped. "I thought he looked familiar. I know him. Well, I don't know him, know him. But I knew Hannah. She was his wife."
Even though I knew he was married, hearing it confirmed still hurt. "Ha! I knew it!" I took a bigger gulp of my drink. It was starting to go down a lot smoother.
" Was his wife," Vivi gently emphasized. "Hannah died a few years ago."
My head shot up at her words, and I almost choked on my drink. "Wait, what?" With a shaky hand, I placed my glass back down. I suddenly felt very sober.
"I forgot her married name but I think she was a few years ahead of you. She moved away for college then moved back with Brian," she indicated to his table and I chanced a look at him. His eyes were on his beer as he fiddled with the label. "Like, less than two years later, she passed away. Think it was cancer."
Well, fuck. That made me feel like ten shades of shit.
The name sounded familiar, and I vaguely remembered hearing something in the grapevine about a past pupil who died. But since I didn't know Hannah that well, I didn't look into it. Or cared about it, admittedly.
I tried to remember who her family were, but I drew a blank. I conjured the brief snapshot I saw of Hannah in her wedding dress, and I slumped in my chair in guilt.
A widower.
Huh.
Well, that changed things, but it also didn't. I’d jumped to conclusions, yes, but I also barely knew Brian. When I saw that photo he still carried around, it had floored me. I'd never been with a widower. Or a single father. Shit, did he have kids? I wasn't a kid person.
He hadn’t been wearing a ring, but he still kept a photo of his late wife in his wallet. He obviously missed her. I mean, as he should, of course. I wasn't sure what the etiquette was for these sorts of things. Was he still in mourning? Not to be a bitch, but I wasn't sure I had the emotional capacity to deal with a grieving man. I had my own issues I needed to focus on.
But then again, Brian had been flirting with me at the coffee shop, and he did ask me to wait for him before I bailed. Surely a man who was still grieving his wife wouldn't be cruising a coffee shop for dates? Also, the fact that he’d previously been married meant he probably wasn't afraid of commitment.
"He can't take his eyes off you," Linda murmured across the table.
My chest warmed when my eyes clashed with his. Considering I had iced him out twice now, I knew the ball was in my court. I gave him a small smile, not knowing if it was welcome. His eyes widened, and a smile of relief washed over his handsome features. He lifted his hand from the rim of his beer briefly. The warmth in my chest spread, and I hid my smile behind another sip of margarita.
I didn't want to be rude and leave the table to talk with him. I also didn't want to disrupt him on what I could see was after-work drinks with his workers. I also needed to play it a tad cool, so I forced myself to relax and joined in the conversation around me.
With Lissa forgotten and the thrill of a possible meeting with Brian on the horizon, I started to enjoy myself. I nursed my margarita, not wanting to get too tipsy before I spoke with him. Even though I was an active participant in the conversation around me, my body was alive in awareness of Brian sitting close by. Every time he got up to use the bathroom or buy a drink, our eyes met and held. I squirmed in my seat, indulging in the heightened thrill of our eye fucking.
It wasn't until later, when I got up to use the bathroom, that we were able to speak. I wasn’t surprised when I exited the ladies to find him waiting.
"I think we left off on the wrong foot," he started. His eyes raked my body, and I wondered if he would still find me dateable if I had worn my usual short skirts and cleavage-baring tops.
I gave him a slight grin. I went to twirl a piece of my hair before remembering that I had cut off my locks.
"Seems like it." My hands smoothed my top down instead. His eyes followed my movements with keen interest. The hallway suddenly felt too small.
"You thought I was married."
I nodded solemnly. "I saw that photo in your wallet and jumped to conclusions. I'm sorry."
He grimaced. "No, it's not your fault. I would've thought the same thing if the roles were reversed. I'm guessing your friends filled you in?"
"Just that you're a widower." I watched him carefully.
"Yeah."
A cloud came over his face before it cleared. It was quick, and I might have missed it if I hadn't been so tuned in to his reactions.
But I didn't miss it.
And that fleeting display of emotion told me everything I needed to know.
He was still mourning his wife. Which I couldn't be mad about. Unfortunately, that meant it was the end of the start for us. He had too much baggage for me to delicately handle in my current state.
"Look, you're a nice guy –"
"Would you like to go out sometime?"
We stopped and stared at each other, absorbing what the other person said.
"Uh oh, am I being friend-zoned already?" He moved closer and grasped my hand. Delighted tingles shot up my arm. "At least let me buy you dinner first before you decide," he pressed.
I hesitated as I gazed into his handsome, eager face. I was taken by how attractive I found him, and his insistence that he take me out was winning major brownie points. Our lunch a few weeks ago swirled through my head, and the feelings I had during that hour we spent together came rushing back.
Dinner.
I could count on one hand how many men had taken me out to dinner. It was usually a drink at a bar followed by sex. Still, I hesitated. A million and one reservations floated through my mind.
I felt his hand pull at my arm gently. "Please?" he prodded.
I felt my resolve weaken as I got lost in his warm brown eyes. Despite my gut feeling, my heart knew there was only one answer I could give.