Chapter 44
Maria
W hat were the chances that the girl who bullied me and the girl who I tortured with my newfound popularity was Brian's sister-in-law? The universe was clearly not on my side because it all seemed like such a cruel joke.
There were many things in life I felt terrible about, things I'd done that I regretted. The men I let use me; yes. Allowing Simon to be in my life for so long, being a snippy bitch at Eden and Barron's engagement party, trusting Lissa when she'd shown her true colors to me multiple times, keeping Linda at arm's length for so long instead of leaning into the friendship she had offered me numerous times. Not seeking therapy sooner.
But the one thing I struggled to feel bad about was the retaliation I dished out on Sarah all those years ago. I'd tried really hard to scrounge up some sort of sympathy, even following Dr. Anna's advice by putting myself in her shoes. How would I feel if my peers had excluded me during the formative years of my life? How would I feel if I'd walked in on my boyfriend with my bully? I'd spent no more than an hour really marinating those questions.
But all I could think was one thing: That girl had made me feel lower than dirt when I was already there to start with. I'd been on the poverty line, I had an abusive mom and no dad, and I was surrounded by a constant stream of grown men who thought they could touch on me when my mom passed out. School was supposed to be my safe space, but the dread I felt every morning when I reached those school gates used to give me anxiety attacks. I stressed and worried about what Sarah would do to me that day, what she would say. It affected me emotionally and physically that I used to wake up with an ache in my stomach that had nothing to do with it being empty.
So when Lissa welcomed me into her exclusive circle, Sarah lost her spot as Queen Bee. She was on the outskirts for once, begging to be let in. Oh, she'd tried to play nice with me without acknowledging the shit she put me through. But to be honest, even if she'd given me a genuine apology, the way I felt at that stage—filled with so much rage—I probably would've scoffed at her attempt to make amends.
I’d made it my mission to pay her back in kind. A rumor spread here, a cackle over her clothing of choice there. Yeah, I was a complete bitch to her, and I'd reveled in the change of power. Fooling around with Sarah's boyfriend was the worst thing I'd done to her, and it was also the moment I decided to back off. The whole thing had felt icky, not at all victorious like I'd thought I'd feel. Daniel's unconcerned behavior and Lissa bringing those boys to watch had brought the guillotine down on any fun I thought I'd feel. I may have even felt a smidgen of sympathy for her. Barely an inch. It was kind of embarrassing that it took virtually no effort from my end for Daniel to cave.
It hadn't mattered anyway because Sarah ended up changing schools. I remembered, at the time, thinking how nice it was to have the luxury of moving schools at the slightest inconvenience. I would've loved to have a mom who cared enough to move me to a safe space. But that meant my mom had to be sober enough to agree to the change, plus there was the added time to get myself across town to the closest school.
After high school, I rarely encountered Sarah in public. In fact, I couldn't recall the last time we'd crossed paths. I'd put her and the whole sorry mess to the back of my mind. That is, until I started seeing Dr. Anna, who forced me to confront the painful threads of my youth.
I thought something was wrong with me that I didn't feel guilty about what happened with Sarah. I was slightly relieved when Dr. Anna assured me that it didn't make me a bad person—just human.
I felt terrible about it now, knowing her connection to Brian. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt him, especially after what he'd been through. I knew how much it hurt him to be estranged from his family, so knowing that his girlfriend had done something truly terrible to one of them must've been an enormous shock.
When I'd left Brian's place, a part of me wished he'd stopped me. I could see the torment in his eyes. He'd been caught off guard—-we all had—-but I knew he was stuck in a tough position, caught between two people he cared about. Sarah's line about Hannah disapproving of me hit the raw nerve she'd hoped for. I'd seen it when his face paled, and he unwittingly stepped back.
That was it, I'd thought; that was the first nail in the coffin of our relationship.
My reasonable side knew that the best way to diffuse the situation was to take myself out of it. Sarah had been ranting and raving outside Brian's house, and I'd spied a neighbor across the street twitching their curtain to watch. I couldn't do more than place my trust in Brian; trust that he would remember the promises we'd made to each other when we decided to be exclusive.
Communicate.
I checked my phone, hoping to see another message from Brian. That had been his saving grace in all of this.
Communication.
On the short drive home, I'd gone through a myriad of scenarios. The way Sarah was behaving, and from what I knew of her as Brian's sister-in-law, she was still a manipulative bitch. I pictured Brian promising his sister-in-law that he'd never see me again. His mother-in-law would get involved, and the whole thing would blow up in my face without me being able to tell him my side.
But when I arrived home, there was a message waiting for me from Brian.
Brian: Hey, baby. Are you okay? I'm so sorry about all this. As you can imagine, this has all come as a complete shock. I'm coming over tonight, but I need to see Diane first. See you soon xo
I was so relieved I almost burst into tears. Even if Brian was coming over here to end things, I was at least grateful he communicated with me and hadn't given me complete radio silence.
Why did he need to see Diane so badly? Maybe the three of them needed to discuss what happened and whether Brian should keep seeing me.
I was sure Sarah's mom remembered me. It wasn't often you got called into your child's school because someone had kicked and shoved your kid into the mud. Even if she deserved it. I could still recall Diane's glare as she tucked her daughter protectively under her arm. I'd sat there with a straight back, and my head held high. It was so long ago, but I could still recall the defiance I felt. The red-hot fury that, out of all the shit Sarah pulled on me, I was the one getting called out for the one time I fought back. I refused to apologize.
Yeah, that was now coming back to bite me in the ass.
It was now close to 8 PM, and I was about to hyperventilate from the stress of it all. I still held out hope that Brian would come by, but as the minutes ticked away, that hope started to dwindle.
The knock came at half past, and I rushed to answer, my anxiety now at an elevated level. Brian's hair was disheveled, and my breath caught at the sadness etched in his features. His eyes were red-rimmed.
"Have you been crying?" I refrained from touching him, even though I ached to have him hold me. But I wasn't sure what he was here for: to stay or end things and leave. My self-protection mode kicked in, and I steeled myself for whatever may happen.
"Yeah." I noticed he held a piece of paper tightly in his hand.
I swallowed hard as my hope started to plummet. Still, I held my head high, reminding myself that there was more to the story; that what Sarah had accused me of was not black and white.
"I'm sorry about what happened." My eyes searched his face as he stared back with eyes that held a lot of pain. Yet, there was also a tenderness in the way his gaze raked my features. That subtle emotion still kept the flame of hope alive inside me. "Can I explain about Sarah?"
He shook his head. "No need."
My stomach dropped.
When he saw my crushed face, he immediately rushed forward, hands outstretched. He clasped my tense shoulders and stroked my arms with a gentle caress. I was numb to his touch.
"Sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I meant it's okay; I know everything. Diane filled me in."
My body stayed frigid. "What do you mean?"
His smile was soft as his large hands attempted to loosen my muscles. "Can I come in?"
Woodenly, I stepped aside and held my breath as he brushed past me. I didn't want to breathe in his addictive scent. At least, not until I knew for sure where our future lay.
"How is Sarah anyway?"
He leaned against my kitchen island, his gaze intensely focused on me. He placed the letter he brought with him on the table between us. "I don't care," he bluntly said, surprising me. He lifted a shoulder in an indifferent shrug. "She doesn't deserve any sympathy."
Eyes wide, I shuffled closer to him until I stood opposite; the kitchen island between us. "What do you mean?"
His mouth twisted, and the pain I spied earlier was replaced with a flash of anger. "Sarah was the girl who bullied you, wasn't she? When you were a kid?"
I dropped my gaze from his. He continued to surprise me. "How did you know?"
"You told me."
My eyes flew back to his, brow furrowed.
"When we were chatting outside my old high school, you told me about a girl who was cruel to you. You told me that when you became popular, you were only a bitch to people who deserved it. You said this particular girl deserved it. You were talking about Sarah, weren't you?"
I rolled my lips in. The silence stretched between us as I recalled that conversation we had in New York. We’d laid ourselves bare to each other, laying another brick of trust onto our foundation. That was the moment I truly began to fall for him. He made me feel safe enough to offload all my past worries and mistakes without fear of being judged. I gave a jerky nod.
His eyes closed before he strolled around the island. He wrapped me in his arms and pulled me close. His warmth and scent overwhelmed me, and I finally allowed myself to breathe him in. I could feel his heart beating against his chest. No doubt he could feel mine. His lips pressed a hard kiss on my head before his chin rested there. We held each other fiercely before the tension inside of me slowly melted away.
"I didn't know they were the same person," I said against his chest. "I hadn't thought of Sarah in years until recently. I didn't mention her name to you because your sister-in-law was called Sarah, and I thought it was weird. Not weird as in, they could be the same person weird, but –"
"Sssh," he murmured as he placed another kiss on my head. "I believe you."
He pulled back but kept his arms firmly around my waist. He was so close I could see the burst of golden swirls within his eyes. "I believe you, and I don't blame you. Yes, what you did was cruel, but knowing the backstory of what you went through…you were just a kid lashing out. You're not that person anymore. You're beautiful, kind, a complete badass." He paused, and I felt the warmth of his stare stroke over me. "And I couldn't love you more."
My mouth dropped just as my heart jumped. He said it so softly, but he might as well have screamed it into my ear. I stared at him in stunned silence. Did he..? Did he just say…
"You love me?"
His puff of laughter drifted over my cheeks. "I thought it was pretty obvious when I kept pursuing you even when you told me to fuck off. Truth is, I think I started falling for you when you begrudgingly let me share your table."
I grunted in amusement as I buried my face in his shoulder. His arms tightened around me again, and another kiss was placed on my head. A slew of emotions hit me, and, for once, I was completely speechless—shocked into silence. I needed a moment to process what he was telling me.
We held each other for a few minutes, content to just be in each other's arms again after an emotional few hours. I pulled back to look at him.
"Why were you crying? Did Diane say something to upset you?"
He shook his head and pulled away. I instantly missed his warmth. He picked up the letter that he'd placed on the table and stared down at the words. Lines of strain were written around his mouth. "Remember when I told you that Hannah had left me a letter that Sarah kept from me?"
I nodded, eyeing the document. Was that the letter?
His mouth tightened, and that flash of anger appeared again. I didn't need a reason to be pissed at Sarah, but if I hadn't known her from Eve, I would really despise the bitch right now for the unnecessary hurt she put Brian through.
"There were two letters."
My brow pulled down. "Huh?"
Briefly, he explained what happened. How he went over to Diane's to get answers about the past, and coincidentally, the letters were brought up. Hannah had written him one final letter to be given to him six months after her funeral. And Sarah had kept it from him. Just when I thought she couldn't be more evil, she did something that affected not only Brian but her sister as well. Her sister's final wishes were ignored. And for what? So she could keep everyone wallowing in misery with her, unable to deal with their grief in a healthy way? Unable to form healthy relationships?
I stepped back when Brian's hand extended out to me. With the letter.
"Brian…"
His eyes were soft as he glanced down at the letter and back at me. "I want you to read it," he said.
With a shaky hand, I reached out to take it from him. I didn't bother asking if he was sure. Brian was handing me a gift. A gift from his late wife. One he wanted to share with me, and I'd be a fool to turn him down.
I barely read the first line before I felt the sting of tears press against the back of my eyes. Her words were so beautifully sad. I could feel them come alive from the page, touching a dark part of my soul with a light that could only come from the spirit of someone so beautiful and generous. By the end, I was crying so much that I had to hold the paper away from me so that my tears didn't stain such a precious document.
Hannah was a better person than all of us combined. She was more than kind. She had a huge heart, and even in death, she thought of others. I wiped my tears away as I handed the letter back to Brian.
"Thank you for sharing that with me. It sounds like she was a beautiful person, inside and out."
He gently folded the letter before placing it back on the bench. He cupped my cheek, rubbing the wetness away. "She was. I'm eternally grateful to have been her husband. And I'm even more grateful that she brought you to me."
I gave him a wan smile. "Brian, I don't think I'm what Hannah would've envisioned you with. I'm sure she heard all about the slut who hooked up with her sister's boyfriend."
My eyes narrowed on Brian's face. It was only a small tell—a shift of his eyes to the side—but I knew an evasive look when I saw one. "What?"
"Huh?"
"You made a face." I poked his side.
He grimaced, rubbing the back of his neck. "When all that shit with Sarah and her boyfriend went down, Hannah and I were together. I…I was with her when she got the call from Sarah. I heard everything –"
I stepped back from him, horror seeping into my lungs. "Oh, my god!" I covered my face, unable to contain the mortification. Sarah had been pissed—rightly so—-so I could just imagine what names she'd called me on the phone to her sister. And for Brian to have been there…
"This is so embarrassing! I can't - wait, are you laughing ?"
Brian shook his head and waved his hands, his mouth pinched as he attempted to hold in his amusement. "Sorry, it's just only hit me now. I was so pissed off at you on Sarah's behalf. Who knew that girl would turn out to be the love of my life?"
My eyes widened at his words and swallowed down a lump. "Someone up there has a dark sense of humor," I whispered.
All traces of amusement vanished when he spied my ashen face. He stalked forward a step and cupped my cheek before bending to cover my lips with his. My body was pliant, my arms loosely at my sides as Brian ravaged my mouth. His hands tightened around my head, and my mouth opened helplessly beneath his. It had only been a few hours ago that we were making out like a bunch of teenagers on his couch before my past caught up with me. I couldn't envision that this would be the outcome.
He ended the kiss just as my hands grabbed his waist. His nose rubbed against mine, and his lips touched my forehead. His sigh fluttered over me.
"You don't love me yet."
I tensed and went to jerk back from him, but he held me tight. "I don't expect you to after how I'd treated you over the last few months." He drew back from me, his smile soft. I could see a small light of disappointment behind his eyes, but he still held me against him. His fingers stroked gently over my cheek, pushing back thick strands of my hair behind my ear.
"I am falling for you. I am," I insisted.
Did I love Brian? I was heading that way fast. I knew a part of me held back…just in case. Just in case he had a flash of guilt and pulled away. Just in case he got bored of small-town living and decided to up sticks and end things. Just in case he realized my emotional baggage was too much to handle, and after losing his wife he just wanted…easy. No stress. No one who'd slept with half the single guys in town.
"I know." Still, his smile didn't reach his eyes. "But I also know that you don't need me. I've slotted myself into your life, hoping you'll realize I'm indispensable to you. You're it for me, Maria. All your perfects, your flaws, your desires, your dreams…I want them all."
His thumb stroked away tears that I hadn't realized had fallen. My hand came up to cover his. "I want all yours, too." My eyes fell on the folded letter. "But your family –"
"You're my family now. I'll always love them—even Sarah—and I'll always make room for them if they want it. But you'll always come first." He bent to brush a soft kiss on my lips. "Say you'll be mine, too."
Was there a better view than watching your woman ride you? The way her body rose and fell, her small hands scraping against my chest. Or grasping her breasts, pinching her nipples as her little brow furrowed in concentration. The way her breathy moans floated freely from her pouty lips, growing deeper and louder the closer she got to her release. The sight of her pretty pussy lips as they encased my hard cock. The way I could see her juices coating my dick as she moved like a graceful wanton siren on top of me.
No view in the world could rival what I was seeing.
I grunted as I grabbed her waist, squeezing my fingers against her flesh. She liked it when I left bruises. It made my little nympho even more horny to discover just how desperately I wanted her. And I did. Forever. If she'd let me.
My hands cupped her ass, and I jerked her body up and down, pistoning my hips up. Her hands flew to my shoulders as she bent over me. She wasn't the only one that liked to be squeezed. Whether it was her soft thighs tightening over my head as I ate her out or her mouth sucking me like a vacuum. Or pushing my shoulders against the bed as she rode herself to orgasm.
I watched her tits bounce as I grunted towards my own release. "Come for me, baby," I groaned. "Let me feel your cum."
Her face crumbled as she threw her head back. Pleasure washed over her as she moaned loud and long, her face pinkening further. A tingle started throbbing at the base of my spine. I was close, but I continued to watch my girl come all over my dick. When I felt her wetness drip down my cock, it was that feeling that triggered my own release.
My toes curled as I groaned harshly, calling her name out as my cum coated her. Fucking without a condom felt incredible, even more so because it was Maria's sweet pussy I was feeling. I'd never gone bare with any woman who'd shared my bed the past few years. Never wanted to. Until Maria.
She collapsed on top of me, her breath sawing in and out, matching the rhythm of my harsh breaths. I kissed her sweat-lined forehead before closing my eyes and holding her tighter.