5. Mine
5 MINE
Lanie
There was no way of containing the amusement in my voice when I peered over my shoulder and announced, “Welcome home.” The look of absolute panic plastered across Noah’s face told me everything I needed to know. My normally composed federal agent was so far outside of his comfort zone, he’d landed on a distant planet yet to be discovered.
I knew this place would rock his foundation and—truth be told—I was excited to watch it happen. Noah needed someone to push his buttons, to blur the boundaries of his meticulously put together existence. And that someone was going to be me.
A week ago, I’d given in quickly when Noah demanded to come with me. Partly because I wasn’t arrogant enough to think I could hide from the Bratva without backup. My other reasons, well, they were a tad more complicated.
While working undercover, I discovered two very important things. First, Noah’s caveman routine pissed me the hell off. He stomped around the warehouse where our base of operations was located, grunting and shouting demands as if I didn’t have a clue how to do my job. Secondly, Noah’s caveman routine was hot-as-fuck, which in turn, pissed me the hell off. They were confusing times.
It was why he’d gotten the cold shoulder from me for six months after the arrests were made. In my mind, I had to be sure his behavior wasn’t strictly due to the level of danger I was in. He had to be all in, or I wasn’t letting him anywhere near my bruised heart.
“Is this a joke?” He dug his feet in, refusing to move as I tried to pull him up the rickety set of stairs.
“Think of it as an adventure,” I offered.
“Am I going to get malaria on this adventure?”
“Lighten up, Agent Anderson,” I teased. This time when I tugged on his hand, he took one tentative step. Progress. “It’s perfectly safe. Trust me.”
“Oh, I trust you, Lanie. Implicitly. But that”—he flung his arm out, pointing to the yurt—“is where I draw the line. A strong breeze will knock it over.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. I lived here for a year before I left.”
Giving up, I dropped his hand and walked up the three steps leading to the entryway. He could either follow or sleep in the SUV. The choice was his to make. When I heard the first stomp of his heavy boots against the wood behind me, I knew he’d made his decision. But it wasn’t until he took my hand again and muttered, “I swear to God if you lied about the indoor plumbing, I will spank your ass,” that I smiled.
Unlocking the door, a musty smell whacked me in the face; the stale, acrid scent of something that hadn’t been cleaned in quite a while. Once I spun around the space, I found the source. Dust, a half an inch thick, covered almost every surface which hadn’t been blanketed by sheets or tarps.
“On the bright side?—”
“There is no bright side,” Noah grumped as I flicked the light switch on, thankful when it worked. At least my parents had kept it connected to the community's solar grid, though from the looks of it, that was the only thing they’d done.
“The dust bunnies may kill us before the Russians ever get the chance.”
“Not funny.” He wiped a hand down his face. “This is a fucking disaster.”
The next few seconds happened so fast I didn’t have time to react. When an angry female voice called out, “This is what happens when you run away from home. You should’ve stayed gone,” Noah took us both to the floor, his body covering the entirety of mine with his Glock aimed at the doorway.
“Jesus Christ, Jill. You should’ve made some noise.”
“Mr. Benson?” I tried to wiggle my way out from underneath Noah.
“Yeah, Pip,” he responded. “How’s about you tell that man of yours to stand down. There’s a bunch of us out here who want to give you some love.”
“Pip?” Noah chuckled.
“Shut up and get off me.”
He started to lift up then stopped as soon as his wide eyes met mine. “It’s too cold outside for them to be naked, right?”
“Guess we’re about to find out. ”
“Fuck.”
Of the half a dozen or so residents who showed up to welcome me home, it was Dave and Jill Benson who I worried the most about facing. Beth’s parents had been as close to family as my own back then, yet grief drove us apart.
The memory of Jill’s anguished voice, when she found me at Beth’s grave site, still haunted me.
“You could’ve stopped her,” she seethed, tears mixing with raindrops as they streamed down her face; a face almost identical to the one we’d finally laid to rest the day before.
“I wish that were true. God, I wish that were true.”
“If you’d said something ? —”
“She would’ve found another way,” I interrupted.
Beth had always been a free spirit, who did what she wanted and to hell with the consequences. Her antics weren’t usually dangerous, more mischievous in nature, so most people had given up on trying to tame her wild side, including myself. When she decided to meet up with someone she’d met online though, we fought. I accused her of being reckless and she laughed in my face. Then right before she stormed from the room, I uttered three words which changed my life forever .
“Hey. You okay?” Noah’s voice penetrated my stroll down memory lane, snapping me back to the present.
“I’m good.”
He frowned, but didn’t call me out on the obvious lie. Instead, he burrowed a little deeper into my heart as his hand caressed my lower back and he said much louder than I expected, “I can make them all go away.”
There were a variety of responses from the lookie-loos who’d gathered outside, ranging from huffs of outrage to snickers of amusement.
“Try it, young man,” Annie McDoogle barked, crossing her arms over her chest, “and you’ll be shoveling pig shit until the cows come home.”
“That’s the second time I’ve been threatened with that particular task since we’ve been here. I think I’ll pass,” Noah mused.
“Smart boy.” She grinned, her lopsided dentures on full display.
I’d once tried to explain the purpose of using an adhesive to keep her false teeth in place. The only thing it earned me was a swat on the behind and a lecture about respecting my elders. From that moment on, I decided if she wanted to let them fall out of her head, it was her prerogative to do so.
“Let’s do this,” I resigned.
Leaving the comfort of Noah’s touch behind, I was overwhelmed by a different sense of peace when I reached the bottom of the steps. Years of resentment had clouded my memories, but as I was passed around from person to person, I recalled with heartbreaking awareness why it had been so difficult to leave.
Each resident of Juniper Springs had one thing in common, besides the desire to break away from mainstream society. Their capacity to love knew no bounds. It didn’t matter if the blood running through our veins carried the same DNA or not. We were family. End of story.
“You look good.” Dave pulled me in for a hug. He’d never once tossed an ounce of blame in my direction, even after he found out I knew where Beth was going that night. The same could not be said for his wife, who’d backed away from the crowd and stood scowling in the distance. “Missed you, girl.”
“I missed you too.”
“Did you find what you were looking for?”
His question threw me off. Had I been looking for something? Eight years ago, I was an angry, restless teenager who was itching to crawl out of my own skin. But what I perceived as an act of betrayal by my parents, may have actually been the ultimate gift. By forcing my hand, they provided me the opportunity to cultivate a life filled with purpose and direction. They’d taught me the true meaning of family, which allowed me to form an unbreakable bond with my team and friends. Essentially, they’d led me straight to Noah in a backward sort of way.
“Yeah. I think I did.”
So much of who I was as an agent was shaped by the people living in Juniper Springs. Well, maybe not Stanley Archer. That man used to threaten to sic his pet black snake, Benny, on us for running through the marijuana fields. But someone like Grace Benedict, the town veterinarian; her compassion for life in all its forms influenced me daily. In some way, they’d all played a role in who I’d become.
Stepping back, Noah’s strong arms circled my waist from behind as I wiped an errant tear from my cheek. Being home had never felt so good, yet so wrong at the same time. I hadn’t taken the time to consider the potential danger coming back would put them in.
“What have I done?” I gave voice to my fear.
“Lanie?” Concern was evident in Noah’s tone.
“We shouldn’t have come here,” I stated, twisting in his hold to meet his worry-filled gaze.
“What’s going on in that pretty head of yours?”
“What if Brandon told the Russians about this place before they killed him? They could get hurt, Noah, or worse. It was selfish of me to bring this to their doorstep.”
“Then we’ll leave…disappear.” His lips brushed my forehead. “I’ll follow your lead.”
“You’re not taking my daughter anywhere.” Dad’s aggravated words sliced through the air as he and my brother stalked across the small clearing until they stood two feet away. I’d been so preoccupied with the mini reunion; I hadn’t noticed them watching the scene from the edge of the crowd.
Noah tried to push me behind him, but when I sidestepped his attempt, he settled for tossing an arm over my shoulders and drawing me into his side.
“With all due respect, Percy. It’s not your decision to make.”
“That’s where you’re wrong, city boy.” The corner of his mouth twitched, like he was amused by the challenge. “Driving on three wheels is damn-near impossible, don’t you think, Lee?”
“Ten out of ten do not recommend.”
Noah rocked back on his heels. “You fucked with our car?”
“Do you two think this is a joke?” I gritted through my teeth, clenching my fists at my sides.
“Look at me, baby girl.” Dad took one step forward. He towered over me, forcing me to crane my neck in order to meet his steely gaze. “Does it look like we’re playing around?”
“It’s not safe,” I spat.
“Wrong answer.” He shook his head, his eyes softened as he asked, “When the hounds of hell took chase, where did you run?”
The argument died on my tongue. There was no denying what we both already knew. I couldn’t even if I tried .
“Home, Alaina Lyn. You came home. This farm, these buildings…they’re just a physical place. It’s the people standing right here”—he circled his hand through the air—“and the memories we’ve shared together. It’s the family your mother and I built out of love. We may not always agree on the little things, but we always protect each other.”
Noah’s hand slid down my back, curling around my hip to steady me as emotion clogged my throat and stung my eyes. Even when I wasn’t certain how my return would be received, there was never a doubt in my mind. I was coming home. It was the only other place on earth where I felt whole, secure, besides when I was with Noah.
With a resigned exhale, Dad cupped my cheeks in his large palms. “Don’t you dare think for one second you chose wrong because you’re scared. Fear is a wicked illusion. It can either trigger the courage to battle your demons or snuff out your fight altogether. Which one will you choose?”
Noah
Lanie was eerily quiet. Even after everyone left, when it was just the two of us inside the godforsaken yurt, she seemed off-balance in a way I’d never witnessed before. Going against my first instinct, which was to shoulder my way through the shadows she’d cloaked herself in, I gave her space. While I used a bucket of warm, soapy water and an old cloth to wipe away the years of neglect, Lanie stared out the small front window into the dark. It didn’t take long before she started to open up.
“Pipsqueak and Peanut. Dave, Beth’s dad, gave us those nicknames when he caught us sneaking a piglet out of the barn. She was tiny, the runt of the litter, and the sow had essentially given up on her. ”
She turned, propping her hands on the window sill and leaning her ass against the ledge. A wistful expression crossed her features as the memory took hold.
“What happened?” Tossing the cloth in the water, I sat the bucket on the floor. Despite the overwhelming desire to haul her close, my feet stayed rooted where they were.
“Our parents decided she and I would share full responsibility for Gertrude.”
“You named your pig, Gertrude?”
“Gertie for short.”
We moved to the blanket-covered sofa, sitting on opposite sides but facing each other, and for the next hour, the rest of the world didn’t exist. Her grin was infectious as she launched into the trials and tribulations of pig parenthood. It was just me and her, laughing until our stomachs ached at the mounds of trouble the two girls—plus Leland—got into during their teenage years. Lanie was relaxed and carefree, reliving her youth until the mood shifted abruptly.
“Beth met this guy in an online chat room. She was so excited.”
Knowing how this particular part of her story ended, I slid along the covered cushions, unable to maintain the distance between us any longer.
“Come here, Darlin’.”
I stretched my arm out along the top of the couch; an invitation Lanie didn’t hesitate to accept. She burrowed into my side, her head resting on my pecs while her right hand grasped the front of my T-shirt. My fingers stroked through her long sandy locks, over and over again, trying to ease away the tension dripping from her pores. Eventually, her body relaxed.
Feeling helpless was not something I was accustomed to. I was a goddamn federal agent for Christ’s sake, yet for the second time in my life, that’s exactly what I was. Completely and utterly helpless. The first time was when I sat in the hospital at Juliette’s bedside. She lay there bruised and broken while the weight of not being able to take away her agony crushed my soul. The difference was my sister never fully recovered from her pain, whereas Lanie flipped the script on hers, turning it into a weapon. She just needed a little reminder how to wield it.
“Tell me, Lanie.”
“I tried to talk her out of going, but once Beth had an idea in her head, there was nothing anyone could say to change her mind. We even fought about it that night.” A shiver ran through her body. “Looking back, I should’ve told someone. At the time though, I thought she was meeting him at the diner in town. Somewhere public…safe. Turns out, that wasn’t what happened at all. She never made it to the diner. The police found her car two miles away in the parking lot of an abandoned warehouse. Her purse was still on the passenger’s seat.”
“How old were you?” I asked softly.
“We were both sixteen.” She lifted her head, her hazel eyes snagging my blues. “I know what you’re going to say.”
“Which means you also know I’m right.”
“It took them two years to find her body, Noah. Two. Years. Do you know the kind of hell she must have gone through during that time?”
Years later, Lanie continued to shoulder the responsibility for a tragedy which was out of her control. She still felt the loss deeply and the scars were etched permanently into her soul. It pissed me off that she’d been dealing with all of this on her own for so long, but not anymore. She had me and I wasn’t about to let her wallow in guilt .
“The fault starts and ends with the sick fuckers who took her. No one blames you, Lanie.”
“Jill does.”
“Who?”
“Jill.” I lost her eyes when her head drifted to the left, focusing on a space over my shoulder. “Her mom.”
The pieces fell into place. Beth’s mom was the woman with the snippy attitude from earlier. It hadn’t slipped my attention the way she’d stared daggers at Lanie the whole night, or how she’d kept to the back of the crowd after the first interaction.
Grasping her chin with two fingers, I turned her focus back on me. “Grief does different things to different people. I’m sure she didn’t mean it.”
“Trust me, she did and does.”
“Regardless, I want you to steer clear of her until I can be certain she won’t be an issue.”
Lanie rolled her eyes to the ceiling. “You do know I can fend for myself, right?”
“I’m well aware, but here’s the thing. Being mine means your safety will always be my number one priority.”
“Yours, huh?” She hiked a brow.
“Mine.” I punctuated the statement with a quick, soft kiss.
“And what else does being yours entail?”
“More than you’re probably ready to hear.” Swiping a palm down my face, I scooted to the edge of the couch, bracing my elbows on my knees for a beat before pushing to my feet. “There are certain aspects of my life you should know before we go any further, Lanie.”
“Bring it on.” She shrugged. “Unless you’re about to tell me you’re secretly working for the Bratva and only insisted on coming with me so you could collect the bounty on my head, there’s not much you could say to shock me.”
“I’m a Dom,” I blurted.
Her body jolted.
“I stand corrected.” She flopped back against the cushions and threw her hands over her face.
Reading people—their behavior, emotions, and motives—was like second nature to me. It’s what made me an exceptional agent and why I’d been trying my hand at profiling cases within our office. None of it mattered right then though. My degree in psychology? Useless. No amount of skill was going to help me decipher what was going through her mind.
“You’re starting to freak me out. Talk to me, Lanie.”
“I’m not sure what you want me to say.” She peeked through her fingers before slapping her hands against her thighs. “A Dom, Noah? What in the actual fuck?”
Crossing the room, I sank onto the couch, tentatively placing my hand on her knee. When she didn’t flinch away, or worse, take a swing at me, I saw it as a good sign.
“I’ve been in exactly two long-term relationships. The first lasted a year and a half in high school, the other was just over seven months long after I graduated from Quantico. Both women were great, don’t get me wrong. The sex?—”
“Noah,” she snapped. “Unless turnabout's fair play, I really don’t want to hear the finer details of your past sexual encounters.”
“Point taken,” I grunted. The thought of anyone besides me touching Lanie’s body had the green-eyed monster rearing his ugly head. “Let’s just say there was something missing. Then one night a buddy from the academy took me to a club he belonged to. ”
“Whoa, hold up.” Her head spun so fast her hair smacked against her face. “You went to a sex club?”
“A BDSM club, yes. Most of what went on there wasn’t for me, but I did meet a couple who introduced me to dominance and submission. What I learned from them blew my idea of a perfect relationship to dust. Only then did I realize I hadn’t been comfortable enough in my own skin to be who I was meant to be. I’d been holding myself back based on other peoples’ versions of right and wrong.”
“And you don’t want to hold back with me.”
Her warm hand covered mine on her knee, giving me a sliver of hope that I hadn’t completely fucked everything up.
“Essentially, though it’s much more complicated. I’m not really doing a bang-up job of explaining myself here.”
“Then do better.”
Nodding, I stood, sending up a silent prayer because there was only one way I could think of to make her understand. I had to show her.
“Come with me.”
She rose, slipping her hand in mine as I maneuvered us around the circular tent-like structure. To my surprise, the inside of our temporary abode was substantially larger than I’d first realized. Large, intricately hand-crafted latticework panels were used to separate the space into different sections, much like the walls of an actual home.
Once we reached what appeared to be the bedroom, my heart raced and my palms began to sweat. Gulping in a lungful of air, I held it deep until my chest burned with the effort, then blew it out. Whether I was ready or not, I had to put myself out there. Yes, it scared the holy shit out of me that she could go running from the room screaming, but it was time to go big or go home .
Moving Lanie in front of me, I slid her hair over one shoulder before stepping up against her back. Goosebumps broke out along her skin as I traced a finger down her arm.
“In here, I’m in control. Your body…your pleasure belongs to me. But know this, it’s you who holds all the power. You say stop, everything stops. Do you understand?”
She nodded.
“Words, Lanie.” Sucking her earlobe between my teeth, I bit lightly until she gasped. “Say the words.”
“I understand,” she moaned.
My cock went from semi to painfully hard in an instant, and I was sure she could feel it pressing up against her ass. The urge to bend her over the bed and take her hard and fast was strong, but I resisted…barely. This was all new to her. We’d have forever to explore our boundaries because Lanie Biggs was everything I’d ever dreamed of in a partner and more. I didn’t want a wilting flower. I needed someone who matched me evenly in wit, integrity, and loyalty.
“Let me show you how good it could be.” My hands folded over her shoulders, massaging the flesh between my fingers. “Close your eyes. Take all the stress you’ve been under the last week and picture yourself locking it inside a box. Do you see it?”
“Yeah.”
“Good. Now picture yourself handing me the box. The weight of the worry is mine for the time being. Your only job is to feel.” Lowering my tone into what I called my Dom voice, I instructed, “Bra and panties stay on, but take everything else off. Then lie on the bed, arms at your sides. Say stop or do it now.”