20. Lumi
Chapter 20
Lumi
E very time he speaks to me in my mind, it overwhelms me. It feels like an invasion, a caress, and an intense look into his mind. But then I remember he has the same access to my mind, and I freak out. I still don’t know how it all works. What he can hear or feel, or how he blocks me out when he wants to—I don’t understand any of it. I don’t understand how the mating bond works, or the curse, for that matter. Not really.
But I do know that it’s real.
“Why block me before?” I finally speak back into his mind, opening myself up to him again, feeling incredibly vulnerable.
“Because you shouldn’t grow close to me. It’s not safe. Not until you can shift and have your full strength. I don’t trust myself around you.”
“And now?” I raise my eyebrows.
He stills. “I still don’t trust myself around you. I’m not sure I ever will. But I don’t have a choice; letting you in seems the only way you’ll listen to me so I can keep you safe.”
I growl at that, but before I can respond, fear overwhelms my mind. A bitter taste engulfs my tastebuds as my skin grows clammy, and my breath becomes shallow. My eyes are blinded by darkness despite my sharp eyesight.
“What’s happening?” I ask as dread turns my skin ice cold.
Before Ambrose can answer, my sight has returned, but instead of seeing Ambrose standing in front of me in the cell in the basement, I’m looking out a glass window at the back garden, looking at my side profile. I’m looking through Ambrose’s eyes and feeling everything he’s feeling. White-cold terror freezes me to the spot for a split second.
Less than a second—that’s how long it would take one of those vampires to sink their teeth into her neck. A witch could kill her even faster with the flick of their magic, breaking her neck. I have to move, I think. But should I jump out the window? Or do I have time to move to the door? How do I save her?
Suddenly, we’re walking inside the house. My body has turned from ice cold to flaming hot fire. The fear quickly turns to rage and an intense desire to keep her safe. My mind is a whirl, trying to figure out the best place to keep her safe. I consider sending her away, just locking her in my room, but it’s not enough to keep her safe. Not from me.
I only have one option. One that will keep me from claiming her in every way possible. One that will keep me from forcing her to shift, to become a member of my pack, of completing the marking ceremony, of fucking me over and over until she’s mine, completely mine.
Next, I’m locking the door to her cell, and shame floods my mind. It’s the only way. The only way to keep her safe from the alpha male that is overwhelming me, shouting at me that she’s mine, mine, mine. That I can’t let her go.
I snap back to reality as intense desire replaces every drop of fear. I’m no longer looking at the past through Ambrose’s eyes. I’m in the present in the cell with Ambrose staring at me, waiting for me to respond.
“How’d you do that?” I ask, my stomach curling and my head spinning like I just went on a wicked roller coaster ride. I search Ambrose’s eyes for the truth.
“The mating bond. It allows me to show you my deepest thoughts and memories. It allows us to connect on a level so deep that we are practically one soul. So when I say I care about you, that I find you as my equal, I mean it. I wouldn’t bond with just anyone, even if I felt the pull of the bond.”
“I haven’t done anything to be called your equal or you mine. Not yet.”
“Maybe.” His lips curl. “But the bond is still here between us. What are we going to do about it?”
I still. I’m not sure. I felt his intense fear. I understand why he did what he did, but…
Before I can answer him, his breath is hot on my neck for a second before his lips brush ever so slightly against my flesh.
I hold my breath, trying to keep my breathing steady and my heart from racing. I’m still determined that we must have gotten it wrong, that we can’t truly be mates. This alpha, this ruthless predator, this hot-as-sin man can’t be my equal.
His eyes meet mine in challenge, as if he knows exactly what I’m doing. He moves his head to the other side of my neck and breathes slowly while hovering his lips against the shell of my ear.
My toes curl in my shoes, but I keep my heartbeat steady.
That is until he moves his hands, starting at my shoulders and gliding down my body. He finds the outer curve of my breasts before gliding them across the curve of my ass.
I hold my breath as if waiting for something. He’s going to kiss me, and I’m not sure I’ll stop him. I stare at his lips, waiting for them to close the distance between us. They get closer and closer but stop an inch away. He’s close enough to feel the tingle of his breath against my lips but not close enough to actually be kissing.
He closes the distance between our hips, and I jolt at the hardness I feel pressed against my lower stomach. Liquid desire pools between my legs at the thought of his hard cock filling me.
“So you want me. It means nothing. It doesn’t mean we are mates. It just means there’s an attraction between us,” I find my words, even though every word is thick with desire.
“You’re right; the attraction between us doesn’t mean we are mates.”
My breath heaves heavily in my chest, and my nipples brush against his bare chest, causing them to pebble in my tank top. He says the words so casually, like he doesn’t care if we are mates or not. But the way he’s looking at me like I’m the only person who exists in the world tells me otherwise.
“Deny our attraction. Deny that we are mates. Save yourself, Lumi. Save yourself from me,” his voice drops low.
I close my eyes, trying to do what he says. To forget how attracted I am to him. I was attracted to Emeric earlier, too. It means nothing that I’m attracted to Ambrose. He’s a killing machine. He’s nothing like me. He can’t be my mate. We must have gotten it all wrong. Mates wouldn’t treat each other like this.
Warmth swirls in my belly, slowly growing all the way to my fingertips. My heartbeat is erratic. Butterflies flutter in my chest. And there is an ache between my legs I’ve never felt when thinking of a man before.
I’ve only ever kissed Kael. I’ve never had the chance to experiment with teenage boys or young men. Never made out on a basement couch or in the backseat of a car. Never made it to second base. Never felt anything like this.
How do I know this is normal desire or something more? There is only one way to find out.
“Kiss me. Please, fucking kiss me. I’ll die if you don’t.” I didn’t realize I sent the words through the link we share until I feel his lips against mine.
A spark races through my body the second our lips touch. My eyes fly open, and I find Ambrose’s eyes glowing back in my direction as if shocked by the spark, too. But then his tongue licks at the seam of my lips, and I open to allow him into my mouth.
My eyelids fall closed as I lose myself to his kiss. His hand curves behind my neck as he angles my head to deepen the kiss.
I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me as my fingers tangle in his waves of long hair. I forget the pain he caused me by locking me in this basement. I forget that a monster dwells in the man I’m kissing. I’m overcome with the intense sensation that this is the thing I’ve been searching for all my life. This feeling. This man.
And I know, despite my limited experience with kissing other men, that this isn’t what kissing other men is like. That can only mean one thing.
Before I can speak my thoughts out loud or even loud enough in my mind for Ambrose to hear, an intoxicatingly sweet, musky smell invades my nostrils. I open my eyes in confusion at the strong, overwhelming smell. Ambrose’s eyes are still closed as he continues to kiss me.
The smell races through my nostrils like a zap of electricity.
Am I…am I getting more of my wolf instincts?
I don’t know if I send the thought to Ambrose or not, but a low groan trembles through his body and across my lips. And all my thoughts dissipate.
I’m hungry, so hungry for more. But Ambrose is slowing his kisses and barely touching me instead of increasing the intensity of our pleasure.
I need more, so much more from him. I know I’ll spend every second of every day aching for him now that I’ve kissed him until he’s fully claimed me in every way possible and I him.
“Touch me,” I purr in his mind in my most forceful demand.
His eyes flash open at my command, and the gold glow is swirling, mixing with the dark of his pupils as he stares back at me.
Fear should be my response. I know that, but my belly coils as heat spreads through my body as his dark stare.
He grabs my hand, plunging our joined hands between the band of my shorts and panties until I can feel how drenched they are.
“How wet are you?”
“Soaked.”
He growls his approval.
“You should see for yourself,” I say seductively, needing his touch more than I need air.
He stiffens and looks at me with such longing that I know we are going to tackle all of my firsts in one night, but I don’t care. I need this man. I don’t care about his past. I don’t care who he’s killed. I don’t care that he locked me up or why. I need him. The rest we can figure out later.
I reach out to pull him back into an aggressive kiss, but before I can brush my fingers against his locks of hair, he’s gone. Vanished, as if he wasn’t even here in the first place. In his place, his two lingering words echo in my head.
“I can’t.”