27. Lumi
Chapter 27
Lumi
A chill races through my body, jolting me awake. Wet, cold towels cover my entire body as I lie naked on a bed. Judging by the pink satin comforter, I know this isn’t Ambrose’s bed.
“Thank heavens,” Rowena says, and I turn my head to my right to see her fussing over me.
My head aches like I’ve just been run over by a truck. “What happened?”
“Drink.” She shoves a straw to my lips, and I take a long sip of ice-cold water, knowing I’m not going to get any answers until she’s satisfied that I’ve drunk enough, which turns out to be the entire thirty-two-ounce water bottle.
“What happened?” I ask again after draining it.
Rowena adjusts some towels on my body and looks me over, avoiding my gaze.
I grab her wrist, stopping her from adjusting another cool towel on my body. “What. Happened?”
She sighs. “You don’t remember?”
I start to shake my head no but then stop. “I remember being with Ambrose. I remember feeling really hot, like unnaturally hot. And then I remember you and Emeric…”
She nods. “You were trying to shift but couldn’t.”
I frown. “That’s what it feels like to shift? Like your body is being burned alive from the inside out?”
Her face pales. “It can be. It’s different for everyone.”
“Why did you stop me, then? Why didn’t you let me shift?”
She sits down on the edge of the bed I’m lying on. “Ambrose sent out an alpha call. He wasn’t in control anymore. And you—you weren’t going to survive much longer in your state. You were burning up but not actually shifting. Your human body wouldn’t have survived, and even if you did, Ambrose would have torn you to pieces. He was too out of control.”
“But he was in control enough to tell you that he needed help?”
“He didn’t consciously do it. It’s a pack thing. If the alpha is in trouble, the rest of us can sense it.”
“Why couldn’t I shift?”
Rowena strokes my hair. “I don’t know.”
I stare up at the ceiling, frustrated that, once again, I failed. “Does this mean I’m closer to being able to shift?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do you know?”
“I know that you are incredibly strong and caring and that you and Ambrose are perfect for each other. And you still have a couple of weeks before the next full moon. You’ll figure it out by then.”
“Why does it have to be the next full moon? Why the pressure to do it this time?”
“I don’t know. I can just sense it—time is running out. It has to be this full moon.”
I narrow my eyes at her, trying to sense if she’s lying or at least not revealing the entire truth to me.
“You really don’t know more?”
“I don’t. Ambrose keeps his secrets close to him. He doesn’t burden anyone he doesn’t have to burden. He carries the entire weight of the Moonlight wolves on his shoulders alone.” She pauses. “Until you.”
I scoff. “He hasn’t told me anything.”
“Maybe not yet, but he wants to.”
I open my mouth and then hesitate because I know she’s right. I know he wants to tell me. He wants to share everything with me. I just have to prove to him that he can trust me. That he can share his burden with me.
“I need to train. I need to learn to shift. I won’t let anyone else get injured or die because I can’t break the curse.”
Rowena nods. “I’ll get you some spare clothes.”
I’m a pile of sweat in Rowena’s backyard. We’ve been at this for hours, but I haven’t even made my claws reappear. And despite how hot and sweaty I am, nothing came close to how I felt last night with Ambrose. No earthy moving change in my body that rattles me to my core. Not even a flicker of anything supernatural happening in my body. If I didn’t know better, then I would think that wolf shifter DNA doesn’t run in my blood.
I heave a deep breath. “What now?”
Rowena runs her hand through her golden hair, her face unreadable. “Maybe if you watch me shift a few times, you’ll get some inspiration?”
I nod, sinking into one of her back patio chairs. I suspect she’s doing this to give me a break. But I’ll try anything at this point. I’ve tried concentrating, exercising hard, and letting my emotions overtake me—but nothing has worked.
Rowena takes a step off the deck, tossing her robe off, and shifts as easily as if she were breathing. One second she’s a human, the next a beautiful golden furred wolf with a feminine fierceness in her yellow-eyed stare. She winks at me and then she’s back in her human form and completely naked in front of me.
I gape at her, remembering how beautiful her body is and how perfect she would make as a mate for Ambrose. She should be his match. She should be alpha female. She’s strong enough, beautiful enough, and she can shift.
Rowena picks up the robe and puts it on, eyeing me suspiciously. “What are you thinking about?”
“How beautiful you are and how effortlessly you shift.”
“Ambrose told you?” She sits down in the chair across from me.
“Yes.”
She nods. “Good, I wanted to tell you but thought he deserved to get to tell you first.”
“Are you sure you two aren’t mates?”
She chuckles and stands. “We’re going to need some wine for this.” She returns a few minutes later with two glasses and a bottle of red wine. She pours us both a glass and hands one to me.
“No, thanks.”
“Alcohol can help you get out of your head. It can sometimes make it easier to shift.”
I sigh. “Give me.”
She smiles, and we both take a long drink. “Ambrose and I make perfect sense on paper. We are both the strongest in our pack. Both determined and fearless. Both care deeply about the pack and breaking the curse. We are both beautiful people. I will admit there was an attraction between us that we explored.”
I hold my breath. She got to explore him—fully. It’s clear in her eyes. She’s not holding back when she speaks. She got to have him in every way before she made her decision, while I had to be rescued from him because I’m too weak.
“The attraction between us was strong. Strong enough that we didn’t leave the bedroom for weeks. But that lust quickly faded. That wouldn’t have happened if we were mates. There was nothing like love between us. And we both knew, deep down, that we weren’t compatible. Not really. He was focused on being alpha. On taking care of the pack. And I’ve never wanted anything more than my independence. I was never born to be an alpha.”
She looks at me over her wine glass. “You are.”
I frown. “Why does everyone keep telling me that?”
“Because it’s a wolf thing. We can sense when someone is born to be an alpha. There is a different scent and aura to them,” Emeric says as he walks through the back patio door.
“How is he?” I ask, knowing that Emeric will know exactly who I’m talking about. Ambrose could tell me himself, but he hasn’t reached out through our mental bond, and neither have I.
Emeric sinks into a chair next to Rowena, wincing in pain as he does. “He’s angry with himself for putting you at risk.”
I frown. “And otherwise?”
“Perfectly fine.”
“What about you?”
“What about me?” Emeric says with a wide grin, trying to hide whatever pain he’s in.
“Don’t think I didn’t notice that little wince. Did Ambrose hurt you?”
Emeric shakes his head. “No, nothing like that.” He pauses and then snatches the bottle of wine from the table and takes a drink straight from the bottle. “How much do you know about the curse?”
“Not enough,” I say, downing the rest of my wine.
Emeric and Rowena share a knowing glance, and then Emeric says, “The curse affects each of us differently. Some it weakens their powers, others it shortens their lifespans, and others suffer in pain.”
“How does it affect you?” I stare intently at Emeric.
He sighs. “As Ambrose’s second, I’m in pain when he’s in pain. I take on all of his hardships through physical pain. All of his worry and fears become pain for me.”
I look him over, confused as to why he’s always smiling and happy if he’s always suffering. Because from what little I know about Ambrose, he’s constantly worrying.
“That’s not fair.”
“The curse isn’t fair,” Emeric shrugs and then smiles.
Rowena places her hand gently on his shoulder as if she’s trying to comfort him.
“What about you?” I ask Rowena.
She sighs. “Mine is far less annoying than Emeric’s. I can’t be intimate with a man without intense pain afterward.”
I frown, especially after the story she just told me about being with Ambrose.
With a twinkle in her eye, she says, “Don’t worry, I can still enjoy intimacy with women.”
We share a smile, but it’s forced. I know it’s not Emeric’s constant pain, but it still affects her. I know her beauty causes every male from every pack to lust after her. Her curse affects her as strongly as Emeric’s affects him.
My guess is that the curse plays to each person’s unique personality. It seems to find a way to hurt that person in the cruelest way possible.
It hits me like a freight train, and I sink back in my chair.
“Lumi, what is it?” Rowena asks with fear in her voice.
“What if my curse is that I’ll find my mate but never be able to complete the marking ceremony by not allowing me to ever shift.”
Silence stretches between Rowena and Emeric. Their mouths gape open as they process my words. It could be true.
The gods who cast the curse care about one thing and one thing only—ensuring that it continues forever.
This would ensure that.
“I don’t accept that, and neither do you, Lumi. Even if that is your curse, we will find a way to break it together,” Ambrose says from the doorway.