Chapter 19 #2
And yet my mouth refuses to cooperate, as though it’s been disconnected from my brain, and the silence stretches on and on for what feels like forever, but is probably only a few seconds.
After waiting for a few more expectant moments, Cole’s face drops, and he holds up his hands, as though he’s defending himself from me.
“Look, forget I said anything,” he says, all in a rush.
“It was a silly thought, and I shouldn’t have put you on the spot like that. Just forget about it, and we can—”
The mixture of shame and regret I hear in his voice finally cuts through the invisible bonds keeping me from reacting, and without giving myself a chance to think about what I’m doing, I close the distance between us and kiss him on the lips.
It feels good—it feels incredible—but for a single heartbeat, he doesn’t move, and I start to wonder if I’ve made a huge mistake.
Then, to my eternal relief, he’s kissing me back, his lips warm and as soft as silk.
He pulls away just for a moment, gives me a wide, affectionate smile, then presses his mouth against mine once more.
I cup his face with one hand, his beard rough against my palm.
We kiss hungrily, like lovers who have just reunited after being apart for years, and I love every second of it.
I’ve wanted this for so long, and the reality is far better than I ever imagined in my wildest dreams.
Eventually, Cole pulls away again, just barely, his forehead less than an inch away from mine. “I’ve wanted to do that for a while now,” he whispers; I swear I can hear the grin in his voice, even if I can’t see it. “I’ve had a crush on you since we first met back on day one.”
I laugh, feeling as light as a feather, and kiss him again, just because I can. “I could say the same to you. You looked so damn handsome on that boat. I had to stop myself from throwing myself at you.”
“Wait, really?” He leans back a bit more, enough that I can see he has one eyebrow raised. “Then why did you avoid me for the first few days? I thought you hated me up until, like, day five.”
I gently stroke his cheek with my thumb.
“I’m so sorry, Cole,” I tell him, my voice low.
“I didn’t mean to hurt you. I think deep down I was afraid that if I let myself get too close to you, you’d distract me when I needed to focus on winning the game.
I thought I was doing a good job of hiding it, but I guess I was wrong. ”
“Well, I suppose I can forgive you, given the circumstances.” He leans in and kisses me again. “Seriously, though, I’m not upset. I’m just grateful you were willing to take a chance on me. I wouldn’t have wanted to go home thinking you hated me.”
I blink away a tear or two. “I never hated you,” I tell him, letting my forehead rest against his. “Not for a single second. You’re the sweetest, most incredible guy I’ve ever met. I just didn’t want to give you the chance to break my heart.”
He wraps his arms around me, and I gladly let him pull me close as I lay my head on his shoulder. “It’s okay,” he murmurs. “We’re both here now, and nobody’s heart is getting broken.”
“Mmm,” I reply, content to let him hold me for the moment. It feels so good just to know that he likes me back, as though I’ve won the lottery, that I can almost forget that I’m in a game.
Almost being the key word there. “Cole,” I say, lifting my head up and looking him in the eye. “Where do we go from here?”
Even in the low light, his blush is visible. “I was kinda hoping that we would be able to date once we get back home,” he says, rubbing the back of his neck. “I know we’d be long distance, but I’m willing to give it a shot if you are.”
“I’d like that very much.” I give him another kiss so he knows it’s the truth. “But I meant here and now, in the game.”
This time, he doesn’t hesitate. “I want to go to the end with you,” he says, conviction plain in his voice. “I’m not going to vote you out, no matter what happens.”
“I would love for us to be the final two.” Just hours before, that might have been a lie, but now that I have him, I’m not letting him go for anything.
I’m sure Rhonda will be upset if I don’t honor my deal with her, but I’ll have to figure out a way to work around that.
“I still intend to win, you know. But you’re certainly welcome to try to beat me. ”
“I would expect nothing less,” he says, laughing.
“I want to win, too. But if I lose to you, then so be it.” His grin fades slightly.
“By the way, I hate to ask you this, but … would it be okay if we just pretend like all this didn’t happen until the game is over?
I can’t imagine the others will just let us waltz to the end if they know we’re together. ”
“That’s fine with me.” He’s not wrong. In fact, if I were in the others’ shoes, I would gladly get rid of one or both of us as soon as I could. “In that case, should we get back before they notice we’re gone?”
“That’s probably a good idea,” he agrees. “But first, I need to do one more thing.”
Before I can ask what it is, he pulls me into a deep kiss, his tongue brushing against mine, and I immediately melt into his arms. I can’t say I’m excited about the idea of pretending that things haven’t changed between us.
But if this is what I have to look forward to, then I think I can handle it.