Chapter 36
ADRIANA
With a frustrated huff, I slap my hands against the mattress. It’s been hours and my eyes refuse to close without seeing Lochlan’s tormented expression staring back at me.
I throw off the covers and get out of bed. It’s nearly midnight, but since sleep just isn’t happening, I might as well put the restless energy crawling under my skin to good use.
Running. I’ll go for a run. Clear my head. Exhaust myself enough that I can finally pass out.
I change into leggings and a tank top, lace up my sneakers, and slip out of the house before anyone can stop me. I’ve been staying with Mom ever since I left Lochlan. I didn’t want to go back to my place just yet and face the life I had there without him.
Because deep down, I’m just not ready to let go.
Mom didn’t set the house alarm before she went to sleep, so I can leave without disturbing her. My security will be furious, but I don’t care. I need to get out of here. I need to move.
I need to stop thinking about him.
The summer night air is warm and humid, immediately clinging to my skin as I turn out of the driveway, my feet pounding against the pavement. I don’t know where I’m headed. I just let my feet carry me through the quiet streets.
My eyes dart left and right in the darkness, searching for moving shadows. I know it’s stupid, being out here alone at night, unprotected. But right now, I don’t care about danger. I just need to outrun the hollow ache in my chest.
I run harder and harder until my lungs burn and my legs shake. Time passes. Sweat pebbles on my skin, a thin trickle streaming into my right eye, making it burn. I swipe the back of my hand against my forehead, speeding up.
I love you.
Lochlan’s voice loops through my mind. Even in my memories, it still makes me shiver. I still remember the first time he said it, how my heart swelled at the look of adoration in his eyes. I don’t remember a time I felt so happy, so hopeful, and so excited for the future. With him by my side.
I love you.
Falling for him was the last thing I wanted to have happen.
I shot him down so many times and he never stopped trying to break through my cold shell, to make sure I knew how special he thought I was, how impressive, how strong.
He made me feel like I could do anything, be anything.
He gave me comfort and security I never knew I needed.
I love you.
I ball my hands into tight fists.
“No,” I pant. “It doesn’t freaking matter.”
But doesn’t it, if he’s all I think about?
If my heart shatters over and over again every time his face flashes in my mind because I know he’s no longer part of my life?
If I can’t sleep without him holding me?
If I can’t even look at a plate of bacon and eggs without remembering our kitchen breakfast dates with Reaper?
I’ve never been one to forgive easily. It’s part of the armor, I guess. Screw me once, and you’re pretty much dead to me. I don’t give second chances, and it’s served me well over the years. Business-wise, anyway.
But living like that is fucking lonely. It keeps me protected. Not necessarily happy.
The thought stops me cold.
And then I look up and realize where I am.
The bridge.
I swallow hard and stare at the spot where Lochlan kissed me for the first time. Where he pulled me against him in the middle of a run and kissed me like he’d been waiting his whole life to do it.
The city lights shimmer on the water below. It’s beautiful. Peaceful. The kind of view I used to love before everything fell apart.
I collapse against the railing, my breaths still a little ragged.
“You never learn, do you?”
I jump and spin around, heart slamming against my ribs.
Lochlan steps out of the shadows. He’s in jeans and a Black Sabbath t-shirt with a baseball cap pulled low over his eyes. God, he looks so hot in a cap. I didn’t think it was possible, but it is. And I melt against the railing, my knees wobbling.
I hate that I notice how gorgeous he is. I hate that my body still responds to him like nothing’s changed.
“What the hell are you doing here?” I ask.
“I could ask you the same thing.” He edges closer. “You can’t be out here by yourself. It’s too dangerous.”
I laugh, but it’s bitter and sharp. “You were the biggest danger to me, and I was too stupid to see it coming.”
He flinches. But he doesn’t stop moving toward me.
“Don’t.” I hold up a hand, my heart pounding so hard, it makes me dizzy. “Don’t come any closer.”
He stops, keeping a few feet between us. But he doesn’t back away.
“How did you find me? Did you follow me?”
“Wolfe.” He flashes a sheepish smile. “He’s been keeping tabs on your phone. Made me promise not to approach you unless—”
“Unless what? Unless I was alone and vulnerable in the middle of the night on a bridge?”
“Unless I had something real to say,” he says. “I’ve been driving around for hours. Couldn’t sleep. Couldn’t sit still. I ended up here without even realizing where I was going.”
“Here. At the bridge where you first kissed me.”
“Yeah.” He pulls off the cap and runs a hand through his dark hair.
I bite down on my lower lip, my fingers tingling with the urge to do the very same thing.
I press them against my sides. “I come here a lot, actually. When I can’t sleep.
When I miss you so much it feels like something’s broken inside me. ”
My throat tightens, knotted with unshed tears. I don’t say anything because if I open my mouth, it might be more than just words that come out.
“And then Wolfe texted me. He said you were out running, alone, heading toward the waterfront.” He meets my eyes. “I didn’t come here to ambush you. But I wasn’t going to let you wander around by yourself in the middle of the night either.”
“So you’re stalking me and calling it protection?”
“I’m calling it not being able to stay away.” He takes a breath and looks around before his eyes land back on me. “You have five minutes to tell me to leave. If you want me gone, I’ll go. But I need you to hear me out first.”
I should tell him to leave now, turn around and run back to my mother’s house, and bury myself under the covers in my room.
But I don’t move. Because I can’t just forget and shut down. Not anymore.
I grip the railing tight. “Talk.”
He moves closer still, slowly, like I might bolt at any second.
“I know ‘I’m sorry’ isn’t enough,” he says. “I know words don’t fix what I did. But I need you to understand what happened.”
“I understand plenty. You chose your family over mine.”
“Yes.” No hesitation. “That’s exactly what I did. And I was wrong.”
I wasn’t expecting him to just admit it. Again.
“Eamon told me something was going to happen at the gala,” he continues.
“He didn’t give me details, just said there would be some kind of attack.
He wanted me there because of my security background.
I didn’t even want to go, but he used my brothers as leverage.
Like he fucking always did when he wanted something from me. ”
He lets out a shuddering sigh. “It was wrong of me to keep what I knew from you, and I’m sorry for breaking your trust. But I still saved you. When the attack happened, when I saw what was going on, I made a choice. I could have stayed out of it. Instead, I chose to get you out.”
“How heroic.”
“Look, I’m not asking for credit. I’m just trying to explain.” He runs a hand over his face. “I made a shitty call. I was trying to protect my family, but I didn’t realize—”
He stops. Swallows hard.
“I didn’t realize you were going to become my family.”
Oh, there’s that fucking ache again. I don’t say anything.
“I didn’t plan this.” He gestures between us. “I didn’t plan on falling in love with you. I didn’t plan on you being the first thing I think about when I wake up, and the last thing I think about before I fall asleep.”
“Lochlan—”
“I’m not done.” He takes another step. Now he’s close enough to touch, but still, he keeps his hands at his sides.
“I love our kitchen breakfast dates. I love that you talk to Reaper like he understands every word. I love that you’re smarter than everyone in any room and you don’t apologize for it. ”
My eyes are burning. Dammit, I will not cry.
“I love that you’re stubborn and fierce and you don’t take shit from anyone, including me.
I love that you let me see the parts of you no one else gets to see.
The soft parts. The scared parts.” His voice drops.
“The parts that curl up against me in the middle of the night like you finally feel safe.”
A tear slips down my cheek. Shit. Here we go.
“My life is empty without you,” he says. “The penthouse is a tomb. Reaper misses you. I miss you. Every minute of every day.”
“What do you want from me?” My voice comes out cracked and broken, just like the rest of me has been feeling.
“I want you to give me another chance. I want to spend the rest of my life proving I’m worthy of your trust.” He sucks in a breath. “I want to be your family. For real this time.”
He drops to one knee.
My heart stutters.
He pulls a small box from his pocket and flips the top open. “I’ve been carrying this around with me, hoping that I might run into you somewhere. Sometime.” A simple, elegant diamond ring glitters in the center of the velvet cushion, the facets sparkling under the streetlights.
“The first ring was part of a contract. A business deal.” His lips curl into a smile. “This one is just me. No families, no alliances, no obligations. Just me, asking you to be my wife. Because I love you. Because I can’t imagine my life without you. I can’t live it without you, Adriana.”
My lips fall open as I stare from him to the ring and back to him.
This man who broke my heart. This man who came for me when I’d been taken. This man who’s been falling apart because I walked away.
This man I love, despite everything.
“You hurt me,” I whisper.
“I know.”
“If you ever lie to me again—”
“I won’t.”
“If you ever keep something from me—”
“I won’t. I swear.” He reaches for my hand. “You’ll know everything. Always. Even the things you don’t want to hear.”
I trace my finger over the diamond. I’ve been disappointed by so many people lately. So much betrayal. So much deception.
But then there’s Lochlan. He fought through a warehouse full of Russians to save my life, even after I shut him out.
He’s made mistakes. He’s not perfect.
But he’s perfect for me.
And I can’t imagine living a life without him in it, either.
So for the first time since I left him, a real smile stretches across my face and I push through the wall I’ve been hiding behind.
“Yes,” I say, my voice choked with tears.
His eyes light up, eyebrows flying up. “Yes?”
“Yes, you idiot.” I’m crying now, really crying, and I don’t even care. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
His smile could rival the brightness of the sun if it wasn’t the middle of the night. He fumbles with the ring in his haste to get it out of the box and onto my empty ring finger since I no longer wear the original one. It fits perfectly.
He jumps up and cups my face before crushing his lips to mine in a kiss so deep and so soulful, I almost swoon. My hands fist in his shirt to keep him close, tears still streaming down my face.
“I love you,” he says against my mouth.
“I love you, too.” I pull back far enough to look at him. “But I swear to God, Lochlan, if you make me regret this—”
“I won’t.” He kisses me again, silencing my next thought. “I’ll spend the rest of my life making sure you never regret this.”
We stand there on the bridge, holding each other, and for the first time in weeks, I feel like I can breathe.
It’s not going to be easy. We still have enemies. My father is still recovering. Eamon is still out there somewhere.
But we’ll face it together. As partners. As family.
For real this time.