48. Theá
Chapter forty-eight
Theá
“T heá, are you almost ready? Our reservation is for 7:00 p.m.” Noelle knocks on my door before she opens it. “Why are you still not dressed?” Her face morphs to concern.
“Sorry, I’ll be done in a few minutes. I’m just finishing up my makeup.” I plaster on a smile, and it’s just fake enough that she buys it and nods before turning to leave.
“It’s a fancy place, so dress up!” she yells over her shoulder.
I stare at my reflection again. The woman looking back doesn’t look anything like me. She’s lost weight, her hair is in braids for the first time in a decade, and she looks so unhappy.
She looks like the younger me. And the younger me is a me I never thought I would have to see again. A version of myself where I was everything but myself. Where I would put on a show and perform to meet everyone’s standards, too ashamed to wear my natural hair out, so concerned with my weight that I wouldn’t eat out of fear of gaining weight. But this time, none if it was intentional.
All it does is make me realise just how deep my father’s claws are still ingrained in me. I’m here, in this exact position for the first time in years, because of him.
I stand up to retrieve the yellow, ankle-length dress with one shoulder strap.
It’s morbid that Kaia happened to pick a dress in this exact colour without knowing how it would affect me. Even a stupid colour is ruined forever because of him. I’ll never be able to look at yellow, or even purple, the same.
The dress is baggier now than it was when Kaia and I did the fitting for it last week, and worry settles in my stomach. I have to get a grip on myself, not for my own sake, but for my sister. She’s just about started coming to terms with this change. If I even give her the slightest reason to think I’m not okay, I know things will just spiral back to the way they were when we first arrived.
I sit down in front of the mirror again, and my mood drops even further when I realise the last time I tried to look good was in France. It was for him.
I know I should want to look good for myself, but I can’t bring myself to want to look good. Because deep down, I know I don’t feel good. But I do my best anyway. Not for myself, but for my sister. To make sure she doesn't doubt that everything is okay.
I look down at the ring, and for the second time, I consider taking it off. It’s over. There’s no point in holding onto this stupid, physical memory of the time when I know I’ll never be able to live that reality again. It was a lie then, but it feels so real now; it feels like a lie to pretend it didn’t happen. To just wake up every day and pretend I’m not still in love with him.
I’ve tried to hate him for what he did, but I know deep down that’s just who Antonio is. His mamá’s words ring in my head.
“He cares so much about other people, that he’s often harder on himself if it means protecting someone else.”
Maybe none of this would’ve happened if he just chose me that night.
I force my mood to shift to a more joyful one as we arrive at the restaurant. It really is as fancy as my sister made it out to seem, and I’m glad that Kaia’s idea of allowing her to pick our activities has helped lift the mood lately. “Oh shit, I forgot my bag in the car,” Noelle says.
“Okay, let’s go get it.” I stop just before the door.
“No, we’ll miss the reservation. You head in, I can go back and get it.”
I hesitate, worrying about security, but she grabs the one guard’s arm and pulls him with her. “Okay.” I smile, but as soon as they turn and leave, my mood sours. “We have a reservation under Kaia Abrahams.”
“Of course, right this way.” The host smiles politely and starts leading me through the restaurant. It has a moody atmosphere, the darkness almost matching just how I feel.
As we reach the back of the restaurant, my heart starts pounding as the waiter points to the table that’s supposedly ours in a secluded section, except someone is sitting at the table already.
Someone who definitely shouldn’t be here right now.
He’s staring at the menu, brows furrowed with an annoyed look running across his face. His curls are short and even completely shaven in some areas. He lost weight, and his entire frame seems smaller. He’s dressed in the world’s sleekest black suit, and I’m convinced there’s no way that it’s him. Every fibre in me is telling me I’m hallucinating, that there’s no way the man in front of me is Antonio.
Then my eyes catch the glint of silver on his left hand, and as it all starts to register. His piercing green eyes finally meet mine, and there’s no longer any doubt.
It is Antonio.
He’s on his feet not even a second later, and his eyes widen to the size of saucers as he seems to piece it together, as well.
“Theá?” His voice is rough and deep, and my God, have I missed it.
I open my mouth, but no words come out, so all I can do is nod.
With two long strides, he’s in front of me, grabbing onto my shoulders. It’s so firm yet gentle, as if he’s worried he’ll break me, but at the same time, like if he doesn’t hold tight enough, I’ll disappear.
“Is it really you?” he whispers, eyes searching mine.
“Is it really you?” I return the question.
A laugh slips past his lips, and he pulls me into his chest, no longer concerned about breaking me. Instead, it switches to borderline suffocating as if he’s trying to mould my body to his in an attempt to make me a part of him forever. “Fuck, I’ve missed you so much.”
“Sorry, here are your menus.” The server’s voice cuts the moment, and I jump back. I thank them, but watch as Antonio glares at them.
“We should probably have a seat,” I say.
I don’t know why, but I feel so awkward in his presence all of a sudden. He must sense it, too, because he just nods and takes a seat opposite of me at the table. My stomach flips as I look at him. He’s really here. Joy floods through me, but anger simmers deep down, thinking about why he left in the first place.
Silence settles around us as I pick up the menu and scan it. I’m merely staring absent-mindedly, because all my brain can focus on is the way I can see Antonio staring at me from my peripheral vision. “Are you going to look at the menu or just keep staring at me all night?”
“I already know what I want. It’s not on the menu,” he says plainly. I stare up at him flabbergasted while he sits there, completely unfazed.
“So, what can I get you two?” the serve returns, completely oblivious to everything going on right now.
I freeze, not having looked at anything on the menu yet.
“She’ll have an Aperol Spritz, and I’ll take a double whiskey, single block of ice,” Antonio orders without missing a beat, and the server leaves again.
“How is this possible?” I finally ask when they’re gone.
“I should be asking you that,” he fires back, and I can’t tell if he’s upset with me or not. Guilt leeches into me and briefly covers the anger I’m feeling, and I want the floor to open up and swallow me.
“Pierre came to get me in Paris, and then brought Noelle and I here to stay with his friend.”
“Which friend?” Antonio asks, his brows furrowed.
“Her name’s Kaia.”
His eyes shut, and he laughs. “Of course.”
“What?”
“Kaia is Ambrose’s ex-girlfriend and a family friend,” he says, and a broad smile spreads on his face. “I really owe Mattia my life.”
“What are you talking about?” I ask as confusion takes over me. Everything I thought I knew is starting to feel more and more like a lie.
“I don’t know exactly what happened, but all I know is I think my brothers had a hand in all of this. Much like yours did.”
“That’s just the thing,” I start. “If both of them had this plan, how did you end up with Kylian and my father capturing you? How did they know we left? Pierre said something about the receptionist of the building, but I don’t buy it,” I say as the drinks arrive.
His eyes meet mine, and he runs a hand through his curls before he grabs one of my hands on the table. “They texted me from Valerie’s number, pretending to be her and claiming someone had kidnapped Ambrose, that they were coming for her next. Then they called me from her number, too, and told me I needed to pay for constantly disobeying them.”
“I swear I didn’t know what they had planned. I know it probably looks like I did, but I swear I would never—”
“I know, tesoro. It was Eleanor,” he says.
I freeze before I burst out laughing. “What? No? Eleanor would never she…” I trail off as realisation sets in. “That fucking bitch ,” I whisper the end.
“I swear when she was calling, I just thought she was a concerned friend, not a rat for my dad.” I pull my hand back and drop my head into my hands.
“You don’t have to say it. I know,” he reassures me.
“Were they…you know…together?” I can’t bring myself to say it, too repulsed by the thought of it.
When I peek out from behind my hands, Antonio is offering me a sad smile.
Pieces start falling into place so quickly. Pieces I didn’t even realise were out of place. Every single time I got into trouble for something, it had been something I also told Eleanor about.
“It doesn’t matter, all that matters is you're alive. We’re alive and together,” he says.
I can’t bring myself to agree. The only emotion I feel right now is overwhelming guilt. This is all my fault; everything is my fault.
“What did they do to you?” I ask.
“That doesn’t matter, Theá.” He sighs.
“Yes it does. Tell me.”
“No,” he says firmly. “You’ll just think it’s your fault. I’m fine. I’m the one who owes you an apology for leaving you. I need you to understand that I might’ve left for her, but every single second after I left, I regretted leaving you. I’ve spent the last couple of months praying for a chance to see you again.”
My mouth falls open, stunned by his apology. The anger slowly dissipates as I stare into his pale eyes, noticing just how tired he looks. “I accept your apology, Antonio, but please tell me what they did to you,” I beg. He shut his eyes quickly before staring at his hands.
“Two broken ribs, four more fractured. One punctured my lung, and if I was with him any longer, I would’ve died. My nose was broken to the point they had to reconstruct it, a fracture in my cheek, and I was in an induced coma for a week.”
A gasp leaves my lips as tears fill my eyes, hearing how much of a beating he took all because of me. Every single ounce of pain he felt was because of me. I did this.
“Theá, listen to me. This is not your fault. It’s mine. I could’ve handled the entire situation better. I will live with this regret for the rest of my life, because I know I made you feel exactly how he made you feel all those years. It’s not your fault.”
“Yes it is. I don’t deserve this, I don’t deserve you. Or any of this. I especially don’t deserve your forgiveness and trust after what I did. I’m so sorry.”
“Theá, please stop apologising. We both made mistakes, okay?”
“I just need you to know I’m sorry for it. I never meant for you to get caught in the crossfire of it all.”
“Why can’t you see that none of this was your fault? I knew what I was getting myself into when I booked that trip. There was always a chance that they would find out. I can’t blame you for what your friend or brother did. I’m the one who should've known better. You didn’t deserve to wake up to an empty bed when I left in the middle of the night for another woman, after I promised I’d always put you first.”
“She’s one of your best friends, and you thought they had your brother, too. I’ve had more than enough time to realise that’s where the concern stemmed from. You would’ve done it for any of them.”
“All of this back and forth is irrelevant. Just answer this question. Do you want this? Do you want me?”
“Antonio…” I start.
“Answer me, Theresa,” he says. His green eyes are cloudy, and it almost looks like he’s begging me.
“Fuck. Yes, I do. I want this and you more than anything else.”
“That’s all I care about. If you want this as much as I do, I’ll forgive you a million times over for one shot to make this work…for real this time. I just hope you can do the same for me.”
“I already have, but…” I trail off as my voice shakes. “After everything, you would still want to date me?”
“Because of everything, Theá. Because of everything we’ve been through. That’s why. And I don’t just want to date you. I want to marry you. I want you to be Theá Vitale for the rest of your life.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“Just say yes, tesoro.”
“Yes.”