Chapter 2 #2
“I believe they are both members of White’s,” she finally said when she was certain this was correct. Saying the wrong thing would only make her look stupid, and that was not the impression she wanted to give a gentleman she was about to marry.
“My father spends a good deal of time at White’s. Does yours?”
She nodded, but the rest of the conversation came to an abrupt end when the music started.
She didn’t mind that at all. In fact, it came as a relief.
She knew nothing about White’s. There was nothing she could contribute to that specific topic, except to ask him the most obvious question there could possibly be.
And since he didn’t say anything as the dance began, she figured she’d better ask it or risk boring him.
“Are you a member of White’s?” she asked.
He shook his head. “No. They had a vote, but it didn’t go in my favor.”
All right. That was something to go on. “How many votes did you need?”
“I’m not sure. I wasn’t privy to the details.”
“I’m sorry you didn’t get into the club.”
He shrugged. “I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be in it or not. There are a lot of gentlemen there, and I doubt I have many things in common with them. I spend too much time with my nose in a book.”
“Oh.”
Did that mean he liked to stay holed up in a room reading all the time?
In that case, he would likely have little interaction with the world, wouldn’t he?
That was, of course, when he wasn’t conducting his duties as headmaster.
Or was he letting her know that he wouldn’t be engaging very much with her after they married?
Perhaps he was warning her that this marriage was simply for the sake of having children.
Maybe he didn’t desire a companionship with her.
She wasn’t na?ve enough to think that all husbands and wives were friends.
This was why she fretted so much over her own fate as a married lady.
She tried to think of something she could say or ask.
She dare not ask him what his intentions for the marriage were.
She might not want to hear the answer. As she contemplated an assortment of other, much safer, topics, she stepped on his boot.
Her face warmed from embarrassment. That’s what she got for taking her mind off of her steps!
“I’m sorry,” she hurried to apologize.
“It’s all right. This isn’t the easiest dance to do.” He laughed.
Was he laughing because she was clumsy? Or was he laughing to help ease her mind?
More bile rose up in her throat, and she had to force it down. Focus. She needed to focus on the dance. She knew the steps. She knew the steps to every dance. All she had to do was concentrate.
She made an attempt to do the next step correctly, but she caught the smile—or was it a smirk?
—on his face and stepped on his boot again.
She couldn’t fight back the humiliation that rose up within her.
Despite her father’s many lessons, she was so clumsy.
As a result, she was making a terrible impression.
If only she could have the same grace as Lady Diane.
Lady Diane never stepped on anyone’s feet.
It was no wonder everyone wanted to dance with her.
The room started to spin a bit.
Edward put his hand under her elbow. “Do you want to stop? We can take a seat. I don’t mind.”
Was he concerned for her sake, or was he afraid she was going to embarrass him? He seemed genuinely concerned for her, but it was impossible to tell. Even so, she might be better off taking a seat.
She opened her mouth to speak, but she ended up having to swallow the bout of nausea that rose up in her throat instead. She teetered again, and he had to steady her. This time others noticed. A couple of them even laughed.
She shouldn’t have agreed to the dance. She should have asked to just sit and talk.
But talk about what? She had nothing of interest to say.
She never had anything of interest to say.
She supposed she could have gotten her father to do most of the talking for her.
If she had done that, however, Edward would have realized how boring she was.
Then what? Would he try to get out of the marriage?
Could he get out of it? Was it too late for him to change his mind?
She couldn’t sit now. She had to continue with the dance. If she didn’t finish it, all of the chuckling around them would get worse.
“I’m all right,” she insisted. Then she put enough distance between them to ensure she would not step on his foot again. “I’m just a bit nervous. I really can do better.”
“This is the first time we’re meeting. I’m nervous, too.”
Was he? He certainly didn’t seem like he was nervous. He was holding himself very well. He was smiling and dancing like everyone else around them.
“Do you want to go to Lord Edon’s ball on All Hallows’ Eve?” he asked as they continued dancing.
The mention of the future ball startled her. But it also told her something important. He was going to go through with the marriage. He was not going to try to get out of it. But why? Certainly, it couldn’t be because of her. She was saying and doing all of the wrong things.
“Um, yes. I-I suppose. A masquerade ball is nice,” she managed to get out.
When she wore a mask, no one knew it was her when she did something stupid.
She could fully relax when she was in disguise.
But she couldn’t tell him this. He would think she was daft.
Or worse, pathetic. Who else struggled the way she did in social situations?
No one. It was just her. She was the only one in London who was awkward.
She missed the next step and bumped into him.
This time, she not only saw others laughing but she heard them, too.
This whole evening was turning into a nightmare.
She had only dreamt of things like this happening.
To have this be real only meant that the only ball she could go to in the future was a masquerade one because she’d never live down this humiliation.
The room tilted around her. She should have accepted Edward’s help to the chair.
Mr. Anderson had been right to force her off the dance floor.
She tried to gather her bearings. She managed to suppress the bile in her throat, but she couldn’t do that and remain steady at the same time.
So, in the end, she gave in to the swirling sensation, and the world around her went black.
Then, she was blissfully unaware of the commotion that transpired next.