30. Friendsmas
Friendsmas
Sam
The music for the end of Love Actually played, and Morgan sighed with happiness.
“I love this movie.” Her voice was dreamy, as though she was imagining being in the movie—or, at least, being one of the happy couples in the movie.
It amazed Sam how Morgan could stay so optimistic despite everything she’d been through.
She still wanted to find love. She gracefully accepted help.
She’d been ground down into the dirt, yet she was willing to put herself out there again.
Whereas Sam hadn’t even texted Q back because she was too wrapped up in trying to figure out if there was any hidden subtext to his message.
“I think I need to be more like you.” The words popped out of her mouth before she really thought about them.
Sitting on the floor between Kincaid’s knees, Morgan twisted around to give Sam a surprised look.
“Like me?” There was real shock in her voice.
Amy and Kincaid, who were on either side of her, were also looking at her, though without Morgan’s surprise.
She avoided meeting their gazes as heat filled her cheeks, almost wishing she hadn’t said anything…
except she knew her words would mean a lot to Morgan.
“Yeah, like you. I wish I was better at accepting help and at looking at the positive side of things. I don’t mean to be a Debbie downer, but it keeps happening anyway.
” She rubbed her hands on her thighs. She didn’t felt like a Debbie downer or that she was negative most of the time.
She thought she was being realistic, but hanging out with Morgan made her look that way in contrast.
Morgan reached out to take Sam’s hand.
“You have a choice, though. I didn’t. Not really. I either had to accept help or end up out on the street. I had no idea how to function in the real world. You do. I want to be more like you.”
Staring back at her, Sam shook her head.
“What, bitter at the world and scared of being in a real relationship?” She tried to make it into a joke, but the same bitterness she was referencing had worked its way into her voice. Amy shifted on the other side of her, wrapping her arm around Sam’s shoulders.
“Oh, honey. You’re just very down to earth, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.” Amy grinned. “Q has his head in the clouds, so he needs someone to bring him back down to earth, while you’ve got your feet firmly on the ground and need someone to lift you up. You two balance each other.”
He hadn’t been very head-in-the-clouds during their argument, but Sam understood what Amy was saying, and she wasn’t wrong.
Sam hadn’t really thought about it that way.
Q did have a tendency to jump straight into things.
Always had. Sam had always taken more time and been more deliberate about her decisions.
She’d envied his fearlessness, but at the same time she’d seen how leaping before one looked could be a detriment.
Maybe that was why she’d needed to do the job interview and hadn’t told them no yet. She’d needed to know that all her options were open. She’d needed to know what all her options were. How could she consider something if she didn’t know if it was actually on the table?
“That doesn’t sound so bad,” she admitted. Now that she knew the ‘why,’ she’d be able to explain it to him. Hopefully.
“It would also probably help to let him help you,” Kincaid finally spoke up. “Tell him what you can accept help with. It sucks when your partner is floundering and you feel helpless, especially if you can see ways to help them, and they won’t let you.”
Amy made a small noise of sympathy, staring at Kincaid from Sam’s other side. She had the urge to scrunch herself smaller and get out of their way. There were some serious vibes going back and forth between the two of them.
Sam didn’t know what to make of their dynamic. Talk about complicated. Amy playing platonically with Zach, who was Kincaid’s boyfriend, while she was engaged to a totally vanilla guy, but they didn’t actually have a relationship together…
Yeah, things with Q didn’t seem so difficult by comparison.
“He’ll come around,” Amy said sympathetically after a moment. “It’s just hard for him.”
Kincaid gave her a tight smile that did absolutely nothing to relieve the growing tension in the room.
“I hope so.”
“So, who wants dessert?” Morgan asked, bouncing to her feet. The movement, along with her cheery question, did break the tension, which Sam was pretty sure had been her intention. “I’ve got a chocolate yule log and candy cane ice cream.”
“That sounds amazing.” Kincaid stood up as well, obviously to help her serve. He glanced down at Sam and Amy on the couch. “Ladies?”
“Yes, please.”
“None for me.” Amy shook her head, patting her stomach.
“I’ve already eaten too much—don’t look at me like that, Kincaid.
I’m not talking badly about myself. I’ve just been dieting and exercising and still gaining weight, and I have a wedding dress to fit into in the spring.
” She sighed. “I don’t know what to do, but I know eating extra dessert isn’t going to help if I’m gaining weight on salad while working out five days a week.
I’ve already splurged enough on my calories today. ”
Now Kincaid was really frowning, and so was Sam.
“Have you been to see a doctor?” she asked before Kincaid could say anything. “If you’re doing all that and gaining weight, you should be checked out. It could be your thyroid or any number of things.”
Amy had started to wrinkle her nose, but her eyes widened at Sam’s last sentence.
“Wait, really? I haven’t been because I figured they’d just tell me more diet and exercise, but I’m already doing that.”
“You should get checked out,” Sam said firmly. “Request bloodwork. If they tell you no or say you need to diet and exercise, even though you already have been, tell them to write down in your file that you requested tests and were refused and require them to write it in front of you.”
Unfortunately, Sam had all too much experience with needing to take such measures.
Her doctor now was great, but some of the ones in the past had seen her size and her weight and discounted literally everything else about her.
Didn’t matter what the actual problem was, they thought ‘lose weight’ was the solution.
“I can give you my doctor’s information if you want. She’ll take you seriously.” Just in case Amy’s usual doctor didn’t.
“I might take you up on that.” Amy’s smile was a little tremulous. She looked up at Morgan and Kincaid. “I’ll take a tiny piece of yule log and a half scoop of ice cream. They do sound good.”
As Morgan and Kincaid moved to the kitchen, chatting about their favorite parts of the movie, Sam pulled her phone out of her pocket.
“Are you going to text him back?” Amy asked in a low voice. “I think you’ll regret it if you don’t.”
“Yeah, I am.” She stared at her phone screen for a long moment.
Sam: Merry Christmas Q. I hope you’re having a good one.
Less than thirty seconds later, her phone buzzed again, and when Sam saw the attached picture, she burst out laughing.
Which, of course made Amy want to look and had Morgan and Kincaid hustling back.
Turning the phone screen, she showed them the picture of Q on all fours, reindeer antlers on his head, with a little kid wearing a Santa hat on his back.
Maybe they would be alright.
Q
Marquis was still beautiful decorated for Christmas when Q walked in, even though it was a few days after.
Making his way to the bar, Q almost stumbled when he saw Law there, talking with Shane and Freddy.
He’d come because he hadn’t been ready to call Sam yet, despite the texts they’d exchanged the past couple days, but his empty house had felt way too cold and lonely after coming home from his grandmother’s.
He hadn’t wanted to go to Stronghold where so many of their friends would be.
Possibly even Sam herself. Marquis had seemed like the safest option for somewhere he felt like he was home but wouldn’t have to talk to anyone.
So much for that.
He wanted to know what Law was doing down at the bar. It had been years since Law had touched a drink, but he was a recovering alcoholic. While he sometimes hung out around the tables at Stronghold that were near the bar because his friends were, Q had never seen him at an actual bar before.
From the dark frown on his face, he appeared to be upset about something. For the first time all week, concern for something other than his own situation pierced Q.
“Everything okay?” he asked, coming up to the bar table where Freddy and Law were talking fiercely in low tones.
Freddy was wearing a flashy green suit decorated with reindeer wearing Santa hats. Like the rest of the restaurant, he didn’t appear to be done with the holiday season just yet. Sitting up straight, he ran a hand through his blond hair, rolling his eyes.
“Mr. Paranoid doesn’t think so.”
“I am not being paranoid, Julie is actually receiving gifts, and we don’t know from who,” Law retorted, his scowl deepening.
“I think that’s kind of the point of a secret admirer.” Q slid onto one of the barstools between them, amused. For some reason Law had a stick up his ass about Mistress Julie’s secret admirer and that he couldn’t quite figure it out.
The biggest problem seemed to be that a few of the gifts had arrived at times when Julie wasn’t scheduled to be working, which Law felt was stalker-y.
Considering how everyone knew everyone else’s business at the clubs, Q thought it was possible that information was just getting around.
Especially since the secret admirer seemed to know things like her favorite flower, her favorite kind of candy, her favorite brand for spanking implements…
“I don’t like that they keep showing up here at the club.”
“Because you’re a control freak.” Freddy shook his head. “I don’t know how Iris puts up with you. Even Patrick isn’t freaking out like you are, and I always thought he was the biggest control freak.”
“That’s because Patrick’s main concern is Stronghold, not Marquis. He trusts Marquis to those of us who spend our time here.”
“Olivia’s not worried,” Freddy pointed out. He turned to Q. “Anyway, what’s going on with you and Sam?”
Law sat up straight, his expression clearing immediately as he focused in on Q.
“Something’s wrong with you and Sam? How come Freddy knew, and I didn’t?”
“Because Sam had Christmas with Morgan, and I hung out with Morgan yesterday, so I got to hear all about it.”
Now it was Q’s turn to straighten. That sounded like information he could use.
“Oh, you did, did you? What did she say?”
“Hmm… this is a conundrum,” Freddy said, tilting his head and putting his finger on his chin. “Normally, I would never betray a fellow sub, but with you and Sam the lines are a little blurry. Are you approaching me as a fellow sub right now or are you asking as Master Q?”
“Sub. Definitely sub. I want to know how to fix this.” He gave Freddy his most pleading look.
“I don’t know what I did to make her feel like she couldn’t talk to me or trust me.
I missed her this week, and I know we need to talk, but Sam, I mean Mistress Samantha, plays her cards pretty close to the vest. She always has. ”
“Well, that’s something to think about. It sounds to me that what happened was she didn’t tell you everything about her job search, you got angry when you found out, then you stopped talking to her because she didn’t talk to you.
” Freddy raised his eyebrows at Q, as if asking if he wanted to challenge the summary of events.
Q opened his mouth and closed it.
Shit. When he put it like that…
“I needed some space to think,” he replied defensively.
“Oh, you’re not the asshole here. I don’t think there are any assholes here, just a rough situation.
Though I’d love to hear your side of it.
” Freddy beamed at him, and Law was now staring expectantly at Q, so he sighed and went over it again.
At least one of the servers came by to get his drink order while he was doing so.
As he wrapped up, including the fact that they’d been texting since Christmas day, but he still didn’t know what he wanted to say to her once they saw her in person, both Law and Freddy were looking thoughtful.
“I’m going to agree with Freddy—no assholes here. You were both upset and taking a step back isn’t the worst thing in the world.”
“Right, but what do I say to her now?” Q scrubbed his hand over his head, the bristles of his curls soft against his palm.
“Tell her that you were hurt she didn’t talk to you, that you wish she had felt she could, and that you don’t want her to go anywhere, but you’ll support whatever decision she makes.” Law shrugged his shoulders when both Freddy and Q stared at him. “What?”
“Iris has done good work with you,” Freddy said, and then turned back to Q, jerking his thumb at Law. “What he said. You two are crazy about each other. I can tell. But you said it yourself, she’s always kept her cards close to her chest. The real question is, can you accept her as she is?”
That was a hard question.
“I don’t know if I can accept being kept out of the loop on something so important,” he admitted.
“That’s fair, but you should talk that through with her. Maybe she’ll be willing to bend a bit, but you’re also going to have to compromise.” Freddy grinned.
“Have you ever thought about being a couple’s counselor instead of a divorce lawyer?” Law asked, amused. “I think you’d be good at it.”
“Of course, I would, but that’s partly from years of watching people go through divorces.
Half the time, the biggest problems stem from a failure to communicate, whether it’s failure to listen or failure to truly try to see the other’s point of view.
” He pointed a finger at Q. “You have to decide. What’s a deal breaker?
And what’s an argument that you two can work through and come out stronger on the other side? ”
It was not a deal breaker. Q didn’t want things with Sam to end. He just didn’t know where they went from here, which meant that Freddy was 100% correct.
They needed to talk.
He looked at Freddy and Law.
“It’s not a deal breaker. I still want to be with her. I just want her to tell me when something important is going on in her life. I want her to let me in. Do either of you have any advice on how to make that happen?”
As it turned out, they did.