Chapter 20 #2
I nod, because he feels good too, and I let myself get lost in a steady rhythm and his hands roaming over every inch of me.
He traces the paths my stretch marks make, then cups my breasts, running his thumbs over the stiff peaks of my nipples.
His hands feel like paradise, like every incredible vacation or perfect sunny afternoon.
It’s euphoric, and exactly what I needed.
But it’s when he presses against my clit that I truly come undone. I shudder around him, riding him through every wave that crashes into me, and Callum follows right behind me, bucking up into me like a wild animal.
Once the high wears off, I climb off him, curling into my favorite spot next to him, and he pulls me even closer. There’s so much I want to say to him, so many words sitting on the tip of my tongue, and the urge to lay it all out there right this instant overwhelms me.
“Callum?”
He doesn’t answer, and I look up to find him fast asleep. I sigh, then press a soft kiss to his lips. He doesn’t even budge.
“I love you, too,” I whisper to his sleeping form, and I follow him into slumber.
The call comes on a Monday in the second week of March.
I chickened out the next morning after Callum came back from his last road trip. I had been so ready to tell him everything the night before, but he was in a good mood the next morning, so I thought it best not to ruin it.
If only I had known the good mood wouldn’t last. He’s been sulking around the apartment since then, and this time I can’t even blame hockey for the sour mood he’s in.
Once they got back on home ice, the Serpents returned to their dominating play and have gotten eight of their last ten possible points.
They’re right back where they were before, and they’re officially the top team in the Pacific by a cushiony five points.
They’ve still got work to do, but they can breathe a little easier now.
I just wish someone would give my husband the memo.
“Uh, I’m going to take this outside.”
I don’t know why I bother saying it. Callum doesn’t even look up from the TV he’s been sitting in front of since he got home from practice. He’s playing some video game where he runs through what looks like hell on earth with a chainsaw shield.
I hit save on the article I’m working on, then step out onto the balcony, shielding my eyes against the bright midday sun.
“Hello?” I say, holding the phone up to my ear.
“Chloe!” Avery’s cheerful voice comes over the line. “I’m so glad I was able to catch you.”
“Avery, hi. How are you?”
“Doing well. Gosh, that was a fun wedding, huh?”
“Yeah, it was great.” I glance inside to see where Callum is, but he hasn’t moved. I step farther away from the door, keeping my voice low as I say, “I assume you’re calling about the editor position?”
“You assume correctly.” She imitates a drumroll before announcing, “Welcome to Sports Action News, Chloe!” She laughs.
“Well, not technically. It’s more like welcome to Seattle Life & Leisure, a subsidiary of Sports Action News, spearheaded by yours truly and—hopefully—our new editor-in-chief, you. ”
I smile, loving the sound of it. Chloe Keller, Editor-in-Chief.
It’s everything I’ve been working toward, and the title sounds just as amazing as I always thought it would.
Even so, I can’t help but feel like something about it isn’t right, and I have a suspicion it has to do with the man sitting roughly thirty feet away.
“Chloe? Did I lose you?”
I give myself a shake. “No, sorry. I’m still here. I’m just…I guess I’m just trying to wrap my head around it.”
“I know! It’s amazing, isn’t it? My husband and I are excited about this new venture.
And we’re both very excited to have you on board.
I mean, I know I gave you a heads-up about it”—she laughs, remembering her drunkenness at the wedding—“but this is the official offer. All you need to do is say yes, and we’ll take care of the rest.”
Yes! I want to shout, but the word doesn’t come as easily as I hoped it would, and I know it’s because of the tension I feel with the person on the other side of the glass.
The one who has been cranky the last few weeks but is still somehow so good to me.
The one who has been patient for far too long and the one who has loved me since I was eighteen. The one I love too.
“Chloe? You are still interested, right?”
“Sorry,” I say again. “Yes, I’m interested. I just… Would it be too much trouble if I asked for some time to think about it?”
“Oh.” She sounds just as surprised as I expect, especially given that I’ve had a month to think this over. “Um, yes. I can do that. I mean…are you sure you’re still interested?”
“Yes, I swear I am, Avery. I, uh, I just need to discuss it a bit more with my husband.”
“Ah, right. I completely understand. It’s a big decision. I was never truly a hockey wife since we were only together for a short time while Emmett was playing, but I’m sure it’s a lot to try to manage a career and the NHL schedule.”
She has no idea.
“Yeah, it’s definitely a lot,” I say. “Could I let you know soon?”
“How soon? We’re hoping to launch the new paper this summer, and there’s still so much to do to get ready for it. We wanted to get the ball rolling sooner rather than later.”
“A week?”
She pauses, and I can tell she doesn’t love the request, but she grants it anyway.
“Thank you,” I tell her. “I appreciate it. One week, and I’ll have your answer for you.”
“Good. And, Chloe?”
“Yes, Avery?”
“I hope it’s a yes because I’d really love to work with you. You’re very talented, and I can’t believe another paper hasn’t snapped you up already. I want to be the one to do it. So, get back to me soon, even if you don’t need the full week. Heck, especially if you don’t.”
“I will,” I promise her.
We end the call, and I clutch the phone in my hand like it’s a lifeline. Right now, it feels like one.
Chloe Keller, Editor-in-Chief.
I smile again, but it fades almost instantly, and I look back into the apartment.
The game is paused, and a heavy knot settles into my gut.
With a long inhale and an equally long exhale, I walk back inside.
Callum is sitting up, and as I pad closer to him, I can see that his head is tilted down, his shoulders damn near his ears. I don’t have to question why.
“You know.”
He closes his eyes, then nods. “I know.”
I drop onto the couch next to him, trying hard not to be offended when he scoots away.
“When?” I ask.
“The wedding. I guess congratulations are in order.”
Ah. That explains why things have felt so off between us since then, why he changes the subject whenever I mention work, even if it’s his work. He’s been avoiding this just as much as I have.
He turns to me, and the hurt in his eyes is evident. I wish more than anything I could wipe it away.
“I think the better question might be why.”
“Why? What do you mean?”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He explodes off the couch, and Percy goes running into the spare bedroom.
I don’t blame him. I wish I could run too, but I don’t. It’s time I face this.
You can’t run from a hard conversation forever, you know.
Talia’s words ring loud in my head, and I already know she’s going to be so mad when she finds out I’ve been hiding this from her too, but I had to.
I had to make this decision on my own. For too long, I’ve let others dictate so much, and I wanted as little outside influence on this as possible because this is for me, not anyone else.
“I found the card.”
He tips his head to the side. “What card?”
“The one in the drawer. For the…” I swallow, not wanting to say the word but knowing I need to. “For the divorce lawyer.”
He doesn’t move. Doesn’t even blink. And it tells me all I need to know—he kept it on purpose. I close my eyes, all my worst fears slamming into me at once.
This is it, I say to myself. We’re over.
“I wasn’t going to use it.”
I pry my eyes open and look up at him. “What?”
He crosses back toward me and sits on the coffee table. His long legs barely fit between us, his knees pressed firmly against mine, but I don’t care. I’m still reeling from what he just said.
He…wasn’t going to use it? Relief rushes through me, but it doesn’t quell all the chaos still happening inside me.
“I wasn’t going to use it, Clover. I swear I wasn’t.”
“Then why did you keep it?”
“Why did you leave?” He counters my question so effortlessly, and it makes sense. I’m sure those words have been sitting on the edge of his lips for years, begging to be set free.
They’re free now.
“You said before that it wasn’t my fault you left.” He scratches at the stubble lining his face. “Then why did you leave?”
“Because I needed to.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t get it. You’re going to have to spell it out for me a little more than that.”
I sigh, trying to sort out where to even begin. For the millionth time, I wish there were an easy answer to what led to the decision, but there isn’t. It’s as complicated as all the feelings I have swirling within me.
“What happened to us?” he says, his voice breaking on the last word, and I can feel my eyes begin to sting. I blink it away, refusing to cry. “Where did everything go wrong?”
“I don’t know. I think it might have been broken from the start. I think I was broken.”
His jaw slackens, like he can’t believe what he’s hearing, then he shakes his head. “But you’re not. Don’t you get that? You’re not broken. You’re just…” He sighs. “Fuck, Clover, you’re just mine.”
I smile softly, picking at an invisible piece of lint on my leggings. “You never could pick out any of my faults.”
“That’s because to me, you don’t have any.”
“But how is that healthy, Callum?” I ask, looking at him. “How can you say there isn’t anything about me that you don’t like?”