Chapter 20
CHLOE
Something changed after Hutch and Auden’s wedding.
I’m not sure what, but the days leading up to him leaving for the road trip felt like they did before I left.
We talked, but not about anything significant.
We had sex, but it wasn’t as passionate as before.
It’s like a switch got flipped, and we’re back to where we were three years ago.
I hate it, and I really hate that it’s the only thing I can focus on as we watch the guys play their last road game.
“Come on! Get it together!”
Lilah and Rory nod at Auden’s words, and I share their sentiments. The Serpents have been playing like trash since they left. Every game is a nail-biter, and not in a fun way. They’ve given up multiple leads, and not a single sports network can figure out what’s happened with this sharp drop-off.
I’ve tried asking Callum about it a few times, but each time I do, he shuts the conversation down or tries to distract me. I let him have it because I have no business prying when I’m hiding such a big secret from him.
Avery’s drunken words at the wedding haven’t left me.
I’ve tried not to put too much stock in them with her being inebriated, but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t hoping they’re true.
A job in Seattle would mean being with Callum again, this time for real.
It wouldn’t be what we’re currently doing, which is just pretending everything is okay.
A part of me wishes we could do that forever, because man, does it feel good, but I want to get back to who we were.
Before the NHL. Before I got so in my head I didn’t know who I was anymore.
I can’t do that until Callum knows about the offer…
and until I tell him I know about the card.
I’ve opened the drawer every day he’s been gone, have stared at that little rectangle so many times I have the phone number memorized.
And yet, I still can’t figure out what he’s doing with it if he doesn’t intend to use it.
Yes, he’s told me he loves me and it’s forever, but people say those things all the time. Meaning them is a whole different story. I once told him I’d stand by him until my dying day, and look how that turned out—I left when I couldn’t handle it anymore.
It’s why I haven’t mentioned the job and why I still haven’t uttered those three big words to him. I’m too scared if I do, it’ll all get ripped away when he wakes up and realizes everyone else was right all along—I’m not good enough for him.
“Fox, what the hell are you doing?!” Auden screeches at the TV, drawing my attention, and though the sound is loud, it’s just what I need to get out of my head. She looks at her best friend. “Sorry, but please text your man and tell him to keep his ass in the net during the third.”
“He’s great at playing the puck, and he knows what he’s doing. Chill, mama.”
“Don’t you mama me, Lilah Jane.”
I look at Rory, who is completely unbothered by their exchange, and she shrugs.
Auden continues yelling at the TV, and Lilah keeps trying to get her to relax.
Vanessa interjects every now and then whenever someone says something about Whitlocke slowing down and his age, but it’s pretty much how the rest of the period goes.
“I’m going to check on the baby. I can’t watch this anymore,” Auden announces when they give up another goal after they were up 3–0 at one point. As she leaves the room, I swear she mutters, “Why can’t I be a smoker? I could use a cigarette right about now.”
“How are you handling all of this, Chloe?” Quinn asks. “You’re a seasoned WAG, right? You’ve been with Keller since before he was pro.”
“Since college, but as cheesy as it sounds, it doesn’t get any easier to watch. My stomach is in knots right now.”
“Mine too,” Rory agrees, then she shakes the bowl of chips she’s been snacking on. “Hence the stress eating.” She holds the dish out to me. “Want one?”
“I’m good, but thank you. I’ll settle for my emotional support Diet Coke.”
“Cheers.”
She taps her water bottle to my can, and we settle in for the third period.
Yet again, the Serpents give up their lead and end the game with a shootout win.
It’s a big positive getting the two points, especially since they dropped so many during this trip, but you can tell just by looking at the guys that they aren’t happy with their performance.
“Well, that was…a night,” Vanessa says dejectedly.
“Even I could use a hug after watching that,” Rory comments.
Lilah nods. “Same. I’m ready for them to be home. Ten days is too long.”
Even though things are a little rocky with Callum right now, I’m ready too. I forgot how much I missed him when he was on the road. Even when things don’t feel right between us, I still want him there.
We bid each other good night, and I climb into the car with Vanessa, who is giving me a ride home since we’re going to the same building.
“So,” she starts once we’re halfway there, “how are things going with Keller? Are you settling in okay?”
“Seattle has been great. And you ladies have really welcomed me into your group, which I appreciate.”
She twists her lips, then slides her eyes my way before looking back at the road. “And with Keller?”
Shit. I was hoping she wouldn’t catch on to the fact that I didn’t answer that part of the question.
“Uh, they’re good.”
“Yes, because you sound so sure about that,” she deadpans.
She’s right. I didn’t sound sincere at all, and that’s mostly because I’m not. Things aren’t okay, but I don’t know why, which makes it hard to explain. How familiar does that sound? I had no idea three years ago what was making me so unhappy, but once I had space, I could pick out what it was—me.
Now, I feel like I’m right back at square one, and I don’t want space this time.
I want to stay. I want to work it out with my husband.
That starts with being honest—with myself and Callum.
I need to tell him about the second interview and the conversation I had with Avery at the wedding.
Unlike with London, I want him to be involved in the decision-making process this time.
He’s my husband, and he has a right to know.
“You don’t have to tell me,” Vanessa says when we pull into the garage.
“But just so you know, I’m here if you need an ear.
We’re all here. I might be new to the group, but we’ve all been through some rough times, some more than others, so there won’t be any judgment if that’s what you’re worried about.
Or if you’re still trying to figure it all out yourself, that’s okay too.
But you’re not alone. Just remember that. ”
I tell her I appreciate it and will let her know if I want to talk, and I’m surprised by how much I mean it. I try not to think about the fact that if I lose Callum for real this time, I’ll lose these new friendships too, or how I really don’t want that to happen.
I wave goodbye to Vanessa as I exit the elevator, and as I push into the apartment, exhaustion takes over.
All I want to do is take a long bath and lie down, so that’s exactly what I do.
I fill Callum’s big tub—one I highly doubt he’s ever used since he thinks baths are like swimming in your own filth—then climb inside.
I don’t get back out until I’m wrinkled like a raisin.
After, I take my time applying lotion and moisturizing all the places that need it. Then I put on the coziest pajamas I can find and head toward the bed. But the second I look at it, I know it’s not what I want right now. I want familiar. I want comfort. I want our old bed.
I pad into the spare room, where Percy is already curled up on my destination. “Hey, little man,” I say to him as I approach. “Mind if I get in there too?”
Meow.
I take his answer as a yes and settle in next to him. He gets up and lies back down against my neck, a place I’ve seen him sleep several times now on Callum. I’m not sure how long I stay there like that, but it’s long enough that I fall asleep, only to be awoken by two strong arms lifting me up.
“Callum?” I ask, trying to blink my eyes open.
“Yep, just me. Not a stranger trying to touch your butt.”
I smile, then snuggle against him, loving how warm he is and how good he smells—like home.
“I miss you,” I say, the words slipping out easily.
He chuckles lightly. “I missed you, too, Clover.” I want to correct him, but I’m too tired to do so. “What are you doing sleeping in there?”
“I don’t know. I just wanted to feel close to you again.”
He doesn’t say anything, but I still get the sense he understands exactly what I mean.
He sets me on the bed, then shuffles me around until I’m tucked tightly under the blankets.
I protest when he moves away from me, but he promises he’ll be back, and I take him at his word as he shuts the door to the bathroom.
Five minutes later, he returns and slips beneath the blankets beside me. His hand lands on my hip, and his touch is completely innocent, but I don’t want innocent. I want him. I scoot back, rubbing against him until I feel his cock stir to life and hear his unsteady breaths in my ear.
He squeezes my waist. “Clover…it’s late.”
“Please?” I ask, rolling toward him, suddenly frantic for his touch. “Please, Callum. I want to feel you inside me.”
He stares at me—hard—and I worry he’s going to tell me no, or worse, break up with me in this moment. But he doesn’t.
“Fuck it,” he mutters, then he kisses me, and I sigh because everything feels right again.
I don’t know exactly how we get undressed or how we end up with me straddling him, but it’s happening, and I groan when I slide onto his hard length.
“Fucking Christ,” he grates out. “Fuck, you feel so good.”