Chapter 26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
EARLY THAT MORNING
Istartle awake at the sound of what appears to be the fridge door closing.
Abruptly sitting up in bed, I clutch my hand to my chest, staring around the room wide eyed to see the spot beside me empty.
I blow out the breath I had been holding before tossing off the covers and walking over to the door, but I stop before I open it completely, hearing Levi’s voice.
“It was one thing when I thought no one actually got hurt,” I hear him whisper, frustration seeping into his tone. “You lied to me, man.”
My brows furrow as I pull the door open a bit more and see him pacing in the kitchen. “I don’t care. You used me, and I let you. I have no one to blame but myself for that. But now that I know the truth? I’m done. I can’t protect you anymore. I’m sorry, Cole.”
He hangs up the phone and tosses it on the island before bracing his hands on the countertop. I grab my robe off the back of the door and tie it around myself before I exit the bedroom and make my way down the hallway, stopping a few feet away from him with my arms folded over my chest.
“What are you doing up?” I ask, some unspoken gut feeling telling me to see if he’ll tell me the truth right away.
“I’m sorry, Lowe,” he tells me, pushing himself upright and walking up to me, cupping my cheek. “I couldn’t sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
Reaching up, I gently remove his hand from my face and my heart involuntarily clenches at the look of hurt that flashes in his eyes. Shaking my head, I say, “You really aren’t that great at whispering.”
His eyes close as he takes a step away from me, turning to walk back into the kitchen.
I stay where I am, watching him as he runs his hands through his hair and tugs at the roots in what I can only assume is frustration.
Levi tilts his head back to look at the ceiling before finally turning around to face me.
“What all did you hear?”
I narrow my eyes. “I won’t stand here and allow you to decide what you hide from me based on what I already heard. Tell me the truth, Levi. The whole truth.”
“I just,” he pauses, releasing a heavy sigh as he looks at me with sadness and desperation. “I just don’t want you looking at me differently.”
Rather than respond, I stay quiet and spin on my heel, heading into the living room. I sit down on the couch and look up at him, gesturing with my hand to the seat beside me, but he shakes his head, leaning against the wall instead.
“Earlier this year, Cole found himself in a bit of a pinch and he called me to help him,” he tells me, wringing his hands together as he speaks. “I didn’t want him getting in trouble for such a minor accident, so I helped him act like it had never happened.”
I tilt my head at him slightly. “Levi, quit talking in vague terms to try to protect yourself. I want to know what happened.”
Even though I already feared the worst, already had a feeling where this was going after the turn of events over the last few hours, I needed to hear him say it.
“Okay,” he whispers, sliding down the wall so he’s sitting on the floor with his elbows resting on his knees.
“Earlier this year, Cole had relapsed. He was almost a year sober at the time, but unforeseen circumstances caused him to start drinking again. One night, I was caught up at work and couldn’t make it to his place for dinner like I had planned, so he had gone out to the bar by himself instead.
I got a call from the hospital around three in the morning informing me he had been in a car accident. ”
A knot instantly forms in my stomach as my heart seems to bottom out. Tears immediately well in my eyes and I squeeze them shut, willing them not to fall. I place a hand on my chest in an attempt to slow my breathing as he continues his story.
“I rushed to the hospital and went straight to his room, wanting to make sure he was okay. He had some severe bruising, but nothing was broken. Once he woke up, he told me what happened. He had too much to drink but thought he could make it home, and while he was driving, his phone had gone off. I guess he thought it was me, so he looked down to answer it and ran a red light. He said he ended up hitting someone and was terrified of what might happen.”
He runs his hands through his hair again. “One of my old buddies from college works at the police station, so I had gone down there after Cole went back to sleep and asked about the person he hit. He couldn’t tell me much, but I had this… this pull, this desperation, to protect him.”
Levi finally looks at me as he says, “So, I paid off the chief to do everything in his power to protect Cole.”
The first tear falls, slipping down my cheek, soon followed by another. A mixture of a scoff and a laugh of disbelief escapes me as I look everywhere but at him. I bite my lip and close my eyes, trying to be as calm as I possibly can, for my own sake.
“Please tell me I’m not hearing you correctly,” I whisper, slowly peeling my eyes open to look at him. He’s crying, too, struggling to keep his eyes on mine.
“I messed up, I know that,” he tells me, a note of desperation now entering his voice.
“I took Cole at his word and never bothered to look into it. I didn’t even know until tonight that someone had died, and the second I found out, I went and talked to the chief to reopen the investigation. I had no idea, Marlowe, I swear.”
Swallowing the lump in my throat, I inform him, “Three people.”
“What?”
“Three people,” I repeat, a horrible wave of grief and anger washing over me. “Three people died that night.”
“How do you—”
I leap off the couch and begin pacing, cutting him off. “You seriously mean to tell me you just went ahead and paid off the fucking chief of police to stall and close an investigation without looking into the details first?”
“I didn’t think—” but I cut him off again.
“Damn right you didn’t think,” I practically yell before lowering my voice to whisper to myself, “How the hell am I supposed to tell Claire?”
Levi pushes himself up off the floor and looks like he wants to approach me, but he stays where he is. “Tell Claire what?”
“April seventh,” I utter, closing my eyes.
“Blue and I had gone out the night before and I woke up extremely hung over. We went for breakfast and Blue saw an article about a three-car pileup, but it wasn’t the heading that caught her eye—it was the photo.
And when we got home, I was greeted by two police officers waiting for me outside my door to tell me that my father and my sister had been killed in said car accident. ”
I open my eyes just in time to see the recognition dawn on him, and his entire posture changes.
Levi looks like he has just been punched in the gut as he bends slightly, resting a hand on his stomach before he straightens and begins to pace.
He roughly runs a hand through his hair before turning back to me with tears in his eyes once more.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Really?” I scoff, shaking my head. “That’s what you’re going to focus on right now?”
Levi frantically shakes his head, holding his hands out in front of him as he takes a small step towards me, but I step back. “I just… no, you’re right. That doesn’t matter. I’m so sorry, Lowe.”
“Don’t,” I tell him as I hold a hand up. “Don’t you dare try to show me sympathy right now.”
“I didn’t know, Marlowe,” he reminds me, that same desperation leaking into his voice again. “I swear to god if I had, I wouldn’t have ever done what I did.”
“It shouldn’t matter whether you knew or not,” I whisper sadly, having to force myself to continue to look at him. “You were messing with someone’s life and the life of their family.”
Levi closes the gap between us but still doesn’t reach out for me.
“Marlowe, if I had known then that someone had died, I wouldn’t have done what I did.
I thought it was just a standard car accident, and I didn’t want him going to jail for drinking and driving.
I had no idea anyone had gotten hurt. You have to believe me. ”
“I do,” I whisper, my bottom lip trembling. “But you still made the conscious decision to not get all the details before you did what you did.”
“He had never lied to me before,” he informs me, his arms stick straight at his sides. “I didn’t think I needed to.”
“I know from experience that you should never trust the word of an alcoholic.”
Levi’s face falls entirely before he moves to sit on the couch. His elbows rest on his knees and he covers his face with his hands. I watch him for a moment, trying to decide what the best course of action is. But my mouth decides to start moving before my brain can fully catch up.
“You know, for a moment there, I was starting to believe what you have been trying to sell me about fate being real. But if fate is one of my friends causing the accident that killed two of the most important people in my life, and the man I fell in love with being the reason I have waited almost a year for closure… then I don’t want to believe in fate at all. ”
I notice his shoulders shudder, but I continue.
“And do you want to know the most messed up part? I can understand why you did what you did. I mean, if Blue had found herself in a similar situation, my first instinct would be to protect her. But the difference is I would’ve dug for the truth because I would rather be safe than sorry.
Yet I can also understand acting with your heart instead of your head. ”
Turning, I pace the living room again, marking a path into my fluffy rug as I try to process the racing thoughts and feelings that are running through me. A hand on my arm stops me, and I glance down to see Levi looking up at me again with tear-filled eyes.
“How am I supposed to correlate and come to terms with the two?” I whisper the question, more to myself than to him. “With the side of me that understands, and the other side of me that can’t because your actions directly impacted me, whether you knew it or not?”
His grip on me tightens. “If I could go back in time and change it, I would. And it’s not fair for me to sit here and continue to give you my reasoning or my excuses. All I can say is that I’m sorry and ask for you to try to forgive me.”
“And what if I can’t?”
Levi leaps to his feet, gripping my shoulders before he gently cups my cheek in his hand, using his thumb to brush away the tears that have fallen down them. He then bends and kisses the wetness before resting his forehead against mine.
“Then I’ll have to learn to let you go.”
That thought alone brings a fresh round of tears cascading down my cheeks.
I didn’t want to lose Levi. He had brought me out of a haze I hadn’t even realized I had been in.
He showed me I was worthy of being loved, not just giving it to others.
The love he has shown not only me but Claire as well is a love most people can only dream of having.
But more than my fear of losing him was my fear of being unable to move on from this and ruining our relationship slowly.
Of Claire watching her mother fold into herself again and drift away because she was too afraid to walk away sooner.
With that thought, I open my eyes and stare into Levi’s, and my eyes must give me away, because he releases a heavy sigh and loops his hand around the back of my neck, holding me in place.
“I know I have no right to ask anything of you, especially not now,” he begins, his voice tight. “But please don’t decide right now. Give it a week. I can’t bear this decision being made with both of our emotions running high like they are.”
I nod and whisper, “Okay.”
“I love you, Lowe. And I’m so sorry.”
Levi places a gentle kiss to my forehead before stepping back, spinning on his heel.
He walks toward the front door, grabbing his coat off the hook before turning to look at me again, as if for the last time.
He gives me a small, sad smile, tears slipping down his cheeks, and then turns around and leaves my apartment.
The second the door latches shut behind him, my knees give out from under me and I collapse to the floor, only the sound of my sobs to keep me company.