Chapter 27
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
A TUESDAY IN JANUARY
Levi
I’m trying to be patient but I can’t stand the silence.
Me
I need more time.
Claire loved the presents.
Levi
I wish I could’ve been there to see her open them.
I’m sorry, that’s not fair.
Me
For what it’s worth, I wish you could’ve, too.
I probably shouldn’t ask you this, but please be patient with me.
Levi
I said it once and I’ll say it again:
I’m not going anywhere.
“So wait,” Blue says with a shake of her head, her brows furrowing in confusion. “Cole turned himself in?”
I nod. “He claimed responsibility for the accident so they arrested him. They’re still undergoing an investigation, but he’s being detained until further notice.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I’m the last person who can make sense of it.
” I run my hands through my hair. “I’ve been a mess and can barely keep everything straight.
I mean, Cole was involved in the crash that killed my father and sister, Levi helped cover it up, and I found out late last week that it was Travis who broke into Levi’s place. It’s like I’m in a fever dream.”
“Wait, are you serious?” Blue stares at me with wide eyes, her mouth hanging open slightly as we sit together on my living room couch. “I knew Travis was trouble, but I never thought he’d do something like this.”
“I’m still struggling to wrap my head around it,” I tell her honestly, staring at my hands that are intertwined in my lap. “I never really knew him, did I?”
Blue scoots closer, resting a hand on my thigh as she sits cross-legged beside me. “Honey, don’t do that. You can’t blame yourself for holding onto hope. I know I gave you a hard time, but your optimism is something I’ve always admired, even if it drove me nuts sometimes.”
“And my optimism is what got us into this mess in the first place.” I sigh, falling back against the cushions, and stare up at the ceiling. “I just… if I had called the cops the first time he broke that restraining order, he wouldn’t have broken into Levi’s place.”
“Or he would’ve found someone else to do it for him,” Blue counters, reaching for my hand and giving it a squeeze. I lift my head, looking at my best friend. “Don’t blame yourself for his decisions.”
I swallow the lump in my throat and close my eyes briefly, nodding my head. “Levi has bent over backwards and been such a godsend to Claire and I. He deserved better from me, honestly. It should’ve never come to this.”
“If it makes you feel any better, you can consider yourselves even.” I give her a disbelieving stare to which she shrugs. “I’m just saying. You both made decisions with your hearts instead of your heads that unknowingly hurt one another. Seems like you’re square to me.”
“That’s not funny.” Blue bites her lip to try to stop her smile.
“Okay, fine.” She shakes her head, all humor vanishing. “How are you going to tell Claire?”
Cupping my face in my hands, I groan loudly. “I don’t know. I guess I’ll just be honest with her.”
“Well, I’m here for you both.” Blue rubs her hand on my back. “That’s why I came, after all.”
On cue, as if summoned by the mere mention of her name, Claire comes running down the hallway out of her room with Winston chasing after her.
She jumps into Blue’s lap, giving her a hug before she turns to look at me.
The expression on my face must give me away because her brows furrow as she glances between the two of us.
“What’s going on?”
Blue lifts Claire off her lap and stands, placing her where she had been sitting. Giving me a weak smile, she nods before she slips into the kitchen. I take a deep breath and turn to my daughter, crossing my legs and tucking a piece of hair behind her ear.
“Do you remember a while ago when I asked you to trust me, and that I’d tell you everything I thought you needed to know?” Claire nods. “Your father isn’t going to be around for a long time, sweetheart.”
“Why?” There’s a deep crease between her brows that I reach a finger out and soothe away.
“Well, baby—” I hesitate, taking a deep breath. “Some things happened, some things I don’t think you’re old enough to know yet, but he… he got in trouble.”
She bites her lip, deep in thought. “Did he get arrested?” I nod. “So, he’s in jail?”
“Yeah, baby,” I breathe, smoothing down her hair as I fight to keep the tears at bay. “And I don’t know when we’ll be seeing him again.”
Instead of responding, she throws her arms around my neck, hugging me tightly.
I wrap one arm around her waist, the other cupping the back of her head as she buries her face into the crook of my neck.
We sit there like that for a minute or so before she pulls back, but she doesn’t release her hold on me.
“I miss him,” she whispers, and my heart clenches as a lone tear falls.
“I know, baby.” I give her a sad smile, tucking more of her hair behind her ear. “But I want you to know that I will always, always be here for you. I can never replace your dad, but I will do everything in my power to make you the happiest little girl in the world, okay?”
Claire shakes her head, frowning. “I mean Levi.”
“Oh, honey.” My breath catches in my throat.
“He’s not going away too, is he?”
I pull her back against me, my eyes growing misty as I blink rapidly.
She sniffles into my shoulder and my heart constricts.
Blue peeks around the corner, her hand on her chest as she watches the two of us.
Before I can think of something to say, my phone rings on the coffee table.
Claire peels herself away from me but stays close as Blue walks into the living room and sits on the other side of her, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
“This is Marlowe,” I answer, not recognizing the number of the caller ID.
“This is a collect call from—”
“Travis Monroe.”
My heart skips a beat as his deep voice comes on before the automated message continues. “Press one if you accept the charges.”
I press one before I can stop myself, pushing myself off the couch and heading down the hall to my bedroom to take the call in private. Closing the door behind me, I sit on the bed just as he starts to speak.
“I didn’t think you’d answer, let alone accept.”
“I may be mad, but I’m not cruel.” Glancing out the window, I watch the snowflakes fall gently onto the city below. “What do you want, Travis?”
He sighs, and I can imagine him running his fingers through his long blonde hair. “Can I see you?”
“Travis—”
“I just… I really don’t want to do this over the phone. Please?”
Biting my lip, I know there’s no other answer but yes. It’s time for me to finally say goodbye. “When?”
“In an hour?”
“Okay.”
I don’t say anything else, hanging up the phone and falling back onto my mattress.
The knot in my stomach seems to grow, and my heart hurts in ways I never thought possible.
Too much has happened in the last week, and it feels like I haven’t truly been able to cope with any of it.
But it appears as if I’ll finally be able to—whether I was ready or not.
I stand outside the corrections facility, hugging my coat tightly around my midsection.
Blue stayed back at the apartment with Claire.
Unable to tell her where I was going, I lied and said I got a call from Kirstin and that I would be home in a couple of hours.
Claire’s earlier words about Levi haven’t stopped running through my mind, and they don’t stop until I’m sitting at a small table in what almost looks like a cafeteria, watching a guard bring Travis into the room.
His hands are cuffed together in front of him, the orange jumpsuit a stark contrast to his pale skin and the hollowed-out sockets of his eyes.
His left cheek and jaw are still badly bruised from the punches Levi landed, and the cut on his eyebrow looks like it’ll scar.
The normally bright streaks in his hair are dark, and it appears as if he cut it, or they did for him.
Travis turns to the guard once they reach the table, holding out his hands.
The man pulls out a key, unlocking the cuffs before roughly placing a hand on his shoulder, forcing him into the chair at the table.
Travis huffs as he readjusts to get comfortable, and the guard gives me a stiff nod before he spins on his heel and walks about twenty feet away to lean against a wall, his eyes never leaving Travis.
“It’s good to see you,” Travis says, bringing my attention back to him. He rests his hands on the table, folding them together. “I’m glad you came.”
“Why am I here?” I wonder, trying my best to keep my expression as blank as possible.
Travis sighs, glancing down at his hands before looking back up at me. “I wanted to apologize.”
“For what, exactly?”
“Everything.” My eyes soften on their own accord as he leaves everything out on the table.
“I’m sorry that I wasn’t strong enough to support you and Claire, and that I turned away from you when you needed me most. I let my fear cloud my judgement, and I was too weak to turn down the drugs when they were offered to me.
I’m even more sorry that I never put you both first and made it through rehab.
I have let you down in more ways than one, and yet you stayed by me for so long.
I didn’t deserve you. I’ve never deserved you. ”
I blink rapidly, folding my hands in my lap. “I’m not sure what to say.”
“I don’t expect you to say anything.” He looks like he wants to reach for me, but a sidelong glance at the hardened gaze from the guard stops him.
“I’m also sorry about not respecting your wishes.
I went crazy when I got that restraining order and saw those custody papers.
That’s not an excuse, but I was just so terrified of losing you both that it never even crossed my mind how better off you were without me.
It didn’t dawn on me until I saw you that last time and saw him with Claire through the window.
That’s the kind of man you deserve. That you both deserve. ”
He sighs, hanging his head slightly. “I should’ve never broken into his place.
The men I owe money to told me all about him and how rich he was and I just…
I don’t know. I thought that was my last chance.
I didn’t expect you both to be there. I thought you’d be at home with Claire.
Not that it makes it okay—” he groans, cupping his face in his hands.
“I fucked everything up, and I’m so sorry. ”
I study him for a moment; the slumped shoulders, the shaky hands, the fingers digging roughly into his hair.
My mind and my heart seem to be on two different pages, but knowing that this is goodbye, knowing that when I walk out of here that I won’t ever speak to him again, I take a deep breath before speaking.
“There are a lot of things that we as parents are supposed to teach our children. Whether it be through actions or words, it is our responsibility to help guide them down the right path.” Travis looks up at me, his eyes glassy and red as he tries to fight back tears.
“One thing that I promised myself I would teach Claire is forgiveness. How to move forward and not hold grudges, because they can gravely impact your life. I want to teach her to forgive and let go.”
I fold my hands on the table in front of me, not bothering to stop my own tears from spilling slowly from my eyes.
“A part of me will always love you. You were my first love, and you gave me the greatest gift in the world. Claire is honestly the best thing to ever happen to me. And I don’t regret a single thing. ”
Travis’s eyes widen. “I don’t. I know that sounds crazy, and for the longest time, I was so mad at myself for not walking away sooner and for giving you so many chances.
But I don’t think I’d be where I am today if I had made different choices.
I think everything that happened between us was meant to happen exactly the way it did.
Did it hurt? Oh, absolutely. But I am the strongest I have ever been because of it, and for once, I’m optimistic and no longer fearful of what’s to come. "
“I never used to believe that phrase, ‘everything happens for a reason’. Never really believed in fate or destiny. But I think I do now.” A small smile comes to my face at the words.
“You were meant to come into my life, give me a child, and teach me so many lessons. Your path crossed with mine to help me grow, learn to love, and learn to fall out of it. And even though I wish things had turned out differently for you, I’m grateful for everything that happened. ”
He wipes at his eyes, choking back a sob as he forces himself to look at me.
I reach across the table and grab his hands, causing his eyes to widen.
Travis looks over at the guard, but I keep my eyes on him, squeezing his fingers to get his attention back on me.
We stare at one another, all the memories between the two of us running through my mind as my tears match his own.
“I’ll never stop believing in you, Travis.
One day, you’ll overcome the addiction and live the life you were supposed to.
You’ll be happy and carefree, and find someone who makes you feel all the things you were missing with me.
And someday, when you’re happy and healthy, I will be there with a hug and a smile, and Claire will be, too.
” His sob breaks free, and I squeeze his hands harder.
“We’ll be okay, Travis. And I know you will be, too. ”
He nods, and I give him a sad smile. I pull my hands away but don’t bother wiping my tears, pushing back my chair.
Travis lifts his eyes to mine as I slip back into my coat, and I hesitate as the image of him from the first time we met comes to the surface.
Him, sitting down at the table across from me with a half-finished plate of food when my date stood me up, and me, leaping to my feet and hastily putting on my coat so I could avoid the embarrassment.
“Can you promise me one thing?” Travis asks as I walk past him. I stop and turn, nodding. “Promise me you’ll walk away from anything and anyone that doesn’t make you happy. Don’t let anyone treat you the way I did.”
“I promise,” I respond easily. We stare at one another for a second longer before I whisper, “Goodbye, Travis.”
I walk past the guard and through the hallway, making my way out of the building.
As I step out into the cold winter air, the snow falling steadily and sticking to my hair and lashes, I close my eyes and release a shaky breath.
My shoulders suddenly feel lighter, and my heart is no longer heavy.
The white flakes falling around me feel like a blanket, like a hug of solidarity, and tomorrow, when the sun melts it away, it’ll be the clean slate I am ready for.