Chapter 47 #2
“That's why I'm not asking you to believe me, Atem.”
He gave her a dull look, making her laugh.
“I'm really not. Just like I wouldn't trust my hypothetical girlfriend telling me that she was pregnant with my child. I won't ask you to do that.” She took in a steadying breath as she held his hand up between them. “But what I will ask you, Atem, is just to give me the benefit of the doubt.”
He frowned. Not at the request, but the strange wording.
“The benefit of the doubt?”
She nodded eagerly.
“What is that?”
“It's what I asked for when we were voting on whether or not to let you out of your cage.
It's a human phrase. Basically, when someone asks for the benefit of the doubt, what they mean is, 'I have absolutely no proof that what I'm saying is true and you are well within your rights not to believe it, so all I'm asking for is the chance for you to be wrong'.”
His head cocked curiously.
“Benefit of the doubt doesn't require you to believe me or trust me,” she pressed, her hands squeezing his with heated desperation. “All it takes from you is the willingness to possibly be wrong. All it requires is that you be willing to listen.”
“I am listening to you, Peony,” he assured her, reaching up to cup her cheek with his other hand.
“I did not listen before, but I listen now.
You're right, I cannot believe you. What you say, I know to be impossible.
I know that you believe what you're saying though. So, of course, you will be upset when I call you a liar.”
“But?” She prompted softly.
He lowered his forehead to hers. “But I will grant you this request. A beneficial doubt. I am very willing to be wrong, vi Peony. I don't want you to be lying to me. And if, somehow, it became possible that you-... that you-...”
His voice broke. He didn't want to say it. He didn't want to hope for something so amazing. If he had somehow, even in the impossibility of it, seeded his female through sheer force of will, then the gift she would be giving him...
His entire body shivered with yearning. He didn't want to hope for that but opening himself up to doubt opened himself up to the glimmering possibility. Too good to be true. Glorious in its imagining, and impossible in its beauty.
But by the ancestors, how he longed for it to be true.
Peony smiled, jumping forward and embracing him deeply. Seeing the victory she had gained in his beneficial doubt.
He didn't believe her. He couldn't. But...
“I'm not asking you to doubt blindly forever,” she promised. “First thing in the morning, I'm going back to the healing center and I'm going to get the full, complete scan. Donivi will be able to see the baby's genetics. Then, you'll see. You'll both see that I'm right.”
“You would willingly be scanned for this?” He asked, surprised.
She squeezed him a bit tighter. “I didn't say I'd like it, but it's what's necessary to prove this, and it's for the baby's health...”
“It is impossible, Peony,” he said, more as a reminder to himself than her. But he gathered her close, “I will be there, though. I will see this scan myself.”
She nodded, leaning into him. “Thank you, Atem. And thank you for listening. I know that it sounds like crazy talk to you, so I appreciate you hearing me out.”
He kissed the top of her head, holding her in place for a moment as he relished in the joy of just having her close, before pushing her back.
“Have you finished, vi Peony?”
She smiled weakly. “Yeah, I think that's about it.”
“Then, allow me to offer my apology next.”
“Oh, no, Atem, that's not necessary. I understand why you did what you did. Really.”
He gestured no. “I should not have yelled at you. I shouldn't have let my anger and hurt run away with my temper. At the very least, I should have been willing to listen to you speak to the end before making my accusations.”
She smiled at him gratefully. “Well, apology accepted then.”
“That is not the only reason I apologize.”
Her head tilted curiously.
“I must beg your forgiveness, vi Seerin Siria, for leaving you. I know very well that whelping females cannot be without their males for long periods. I knew that even before Donivi came by to remind me of it earlier.”
“It's okay.”
“It is not,” he insisted, voice firm. “I had already been gone from you for marks and I was not around nearly long enough to calm what anxiety you already had. I did not even hold you and let you take in my scent. I simply yelled and allowed you to become more anxious. I know better. I should never have done this thing.”
“I forgive you, Atem.”
“You should not,” he pressed, pushing her hair back from her face.
“What I did was unforgivable. If I must leave you, then, at the very least, I should leave you with an article of clothing or something.
Anything that has my scent fresh upon it.
As your mate, coming home to you desperately cradling my pillow is a failing on me.
It doesn't matter how angry we were, I should not have left like that without making sure you were all right first.”
Peony smiled weakly. He could practically see the understanding, polite side of her wanting to assure him that she could handle it. But she couldn't bring herself to do it. The separation anxiety was a powerful force, and it was affecting her greatly.
“I am sorry for treating you so carelessly. I will make it up to you and I will not be so short sighted again. Will you give me this chance?”
She nodded quickly, stepping forward to embrace him.
But he held her back, his face serious.
“There is one other thing, vi Seerin,” he said, caressing her cheek. “I listened to you without interruption. Will you do the same now for me?”
She looked curious but nodded – which he knew meant yes for her people.
“I hear what you insist, that I... I somehow sired this pup...” he rushed the impossible words out, almost hoping that saying them quickly would make them hurt less, but it did not.
“If the reason you insist this is because you are afraid I will reject you or the pup, then believe me when I promise you that I cannot.”
“Yeah,” she smiled sadly. “Alanna told me that you're emotionally locked onto me now with the whole mating thing.”
“No. Not just that. What I mean is, regardless of who sired this pup, it is mine.”
Her head tilted curiously so he continued, trying to explain himself.
“I told you that my females don't reproduce very often.
For most females, they attempt to have pups before they ever find their mate.
The latter can take a long time, even most of a female's life, and she might want her pups earlier.
Males do the same. When a mating happens, regardless of who sired those pups, they became that male's.”
She frowned. “Like, step-children?”
It was his turn to look at her confusion. “Step... children? Peony, please tell me that your males do not step on your young.”
She started laughing. “No. Of course, not. That's not... It's a way of referring to children that you help raise but aren't yours by blood, only by mating.”
“Ah. I see. No. There are no qualifiers on the title.
If I found you and you already had a pair of pups at your breast, regardless of if their sire was still at your side, it wouldn't matter. The moment we mated, he would no longer be their father. I would. The same is true if I had sired any pups on another female. The moment she mated, my obligation to the pups as their sire ended and he would become their father in my stead.”
She looked startled. “And you're just... okay with that?”
“Why would I not be?”
“Well, I mean, fathers on Earth don't give up their paternal rights to their children even if the mom hooks up with someone else. He would still be their father.”
“Ah. I see what you mean. I would still be welcome to love and care for them. I just would not be their father. I would be something closer to an uncle.”
Peony had a consternated look on her face as she tried to accept his words and he was glad he had taken the time to explain this to her. Though it was a basic concept to him, clearly it was not to her, and she had to understand.
The pup she carried was his. Whether it shared his blood or not, regardless of who sired it, he was the pup's father and that was simply the end of the conversation. The fact that, during a pregnancy, females would crave their mate and not the sire was proof of that.
“Peony,” he took her chin in hand and turned her puzzled gaze back up to him. “I tell you this to stress to you that I cannot turn from you. Regardless of what your males would do-”
“They're really not all that bad.”
“-your pup is my pup. If you lie to me because you are afraid that I would ever reject a pup from your body, then put aside that worry. It is mine, as much as you are.”
Understanding dawned on her face and her befuddlement faded into a soft, happy smile. “Thank you, Atem. That means a lot to me.”
“Enough to change your mind about your story?”
She laughed, pushing him playfully. He pretended to fall back before recoiling and gathering her up in his arms. Finally gathering his mate close. She squeezed her arms around his neck, her feet clear off the floor as he held her up against his chest.
“My story remains what it is,” she said, nuzzling her face into his throat, muffling her voice, but he didn't rightfully care at that moment. “I know I'm not wrong, and I'm going to prove it to you tomorrow, mark my words.”
“And I will love you and our pup regardless of if it was another human, myself, or even the ratchi that put it in your womb.”
She shuddered. “That is a nasty mental image. Let's never bring that up again.”
“Agreed,” he said, kissing along her shoulder even as he shuddered at the accidental disgust he had imparted on himself. “Instead, I say we celebrate the end of this battle between us in the only appropriate way.”